Titan Network
Graveyard => Save Paragon Retirees => Save Paragon City! => Topic started by: Victoria Victrix on September 10, 2012, 05:17:58 AM
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I know that some of you do not feel confident about your letter-writing ability to write to NCSoft--or you feel leery about "exploiting" your problem or a child's.
Here's your outlet. Post your story about how the game has helped you or those around you here. The stories will be anonymous. Go ahead, be emotional, this is the place to do it. Make me cry. You are anonymous here. No one is getting exploited.
Then I will need a volunteer(s) to aggregate the stories and pop them off to NCSoft and the media outlets that have been sympathetic (like Massively). Aggregate about 10 at a time, call off when you have done so, so that we don't send multiples of the same story.
Also, if you find a great story elsewhere, post it here, with the link where you got it from.
You can be storytellers. You ARE heroes. Go!
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This is the story of my eldest son, and how City of Heroes, both the game and the community, helped him rediscover his voice.
In late 2004, a friend introduced me to a new game called City of Heroes. He was having a blast with it, playing a Fire/Fire Blaster, in a supergroup with some of my other close friends. My husband started playing about a month before I did. It took experimenting with the costume creator after watching him play, and then I was hooked. This was May of 2005.
We had a toddler at that time. As first-time parents, we were slow to recognize that he wasn't speaking quite the way he should be. His few words were complex ones, and he couldn't say them properly. When he was about 18 months old, he told us that he couldn't say the words right. And then he stopped speaking. Faced with an uncooperative early intervention program in the state we lived in, we were unable to get speech therapy for him that was covered by our insurance. About six months later, we were still struggling with a nearly non-verbal two year old and a new baby.
He was, however, absolutely fascinated by watching Mommy and Daddy play superheroes. The little boy who wouldn't sit still to be read to, and who wouldn't talk, who sometimes wouldn't meet our eyes and acted like he didn't hear us, would happily sit and watch City of Heroes. He even insisted on "helping" to play by pushing movement buttons and moving the mouse. He pointed at things on the screen, and showed a deep interest in the character creator. We started having him sit on our laps while we talked to him about what our characters were doing and the areas they were flying through.
Slowly, the words started to come. "Tree" "Rock" "House" "Door" "Book". He started counting groups of Skulls and Hellions. I let him take my Scrapper and run around through the city and he started telling us what he saw. My husband and I started DJing on The Cape Radio, and our son was fascinated by hearing us speak to other people through the computer. He said "hello" to people he had never met, who responded with encouragement and praise. He saw them on the screen as brightly colored heroes, and they gave him more reasons to speak. He could talk to real heroes and they talked back to him!
In 2007, he was finally able to count aloud from 1 to 10, with a notable exception. When he counted to ten, he said "One, two, three, four, five, six, Superman, eight, nine, ten." He laughed when he said it, and met our eyes with gleeful happiness. We recorded him counting so he could hear what he sounded like, and he was thrilled. We played it on the Cape, and he heard himself speaking to heroes. A door opened for him. For his heroes, the words came. "Mommy, play Heroes!" "Mommy, play Heroes with me."
He was four years old. Two years later, he was diagnosed with severe ADHD and a speech/language processing disorder. A year after that, he was diagnosed with autism. He will turn nine the month City of Heroes goes dark. He still plays his heroes, with Mommy and Daddy, but less frequently. He's in school now, progressing with his class, at the appropriate grade for his age. He now qualifies for speech therapy, after we moved to a new state.
Without his heroes, he would not have had a reason to start talking again. Without the community City of Heroes has, he would not have been able to hear his own voice speaking to the heroes on the screen, and heard those heroes answering him back. In the City of Heroes, the heroes and the players, helped find a little boy's voice. He has never lost his love for his heroes...and he does not yet know that the City of Heroes will be lost to him forever soon after his birthday.
I don't know how to tell him this. I hope, with NCSoft's support and understanding, that the City of Heroes will remain open to players past November 30th. I ask that NCSoft hear a little boy's voice and find it a reason to keep City of Heroes an active game. I ask that if they cannot do that, that they make the game available to the community in some form, that we may ourselves find means to keep the City of Heroes an active, functioning game and community.
Please, don't silence my son's heroes. They helped him learn to tell his mother that he loves her. They gave him back his voice.
(Edited - If you need to use a name, use Mrs. K. Lees. That should be fairly anonymous for general use, while sufficient to connect it with the name the paper letter will be signed with. Of course, first we have to fix the printer.)
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(would post some pictures, but I don't know how.)
My son, lets call him Deekia (His coh toon), is nine years old. Very intelligent with a reading level of 19 year old ( yes, we had him tested.)
His favorite TV show, The Big Bang Theory, I call him Shelly jr., you can guess why.
He loves space and everything to do with it.
He can tell you every greek god in mythology and their roman counterpart.
He is the most empathetic little boy I know.
He and his sister ( age 3) ( which makes them rare in themselves) have a rare genetic condition called Distalarthrogryposis. (told you it was long)(survival rate 1 in 3000 LIVE Births) . (http://www.amcsupport.org/)( They say genetic but no one in either my or my husbands family have it.)
We found out about Deekia's condition the day he was born. Imagine our shock. Here was our first child, with special needs and we had no clue what to do.
He had his first surgery at 2 (7 more since, with more to come).
Shriners Hospital St. Louis, Mo ( Oh I can't tell you how much I love them) doctor told me after meeting Deekia that he would walk! With the many surgeries and pure will, that little boy walked one month after his second birthday!
He spent years in Physical therapy and occupational therapy, learning how to do the things we take for granted.
We made a deal, he and I. He would work on walking and I work on becoming a writer. He got better at walking.
To keep his mind off pain and other things when he was a year old, I had him on my lap watching me play City of Heroes. Many times he would hit the R ( auto run) key and cause many a team wipe out. Some at very crucial times :) ( Luckily, I played with a great bunch of people) I was told many time I could move auto run to another key, but I never could. He would giggle and clap as he watch the team wipe out.
Around 3, he would take control in the hollows and went to Go. Kil. Skulls. (He was reading by then) Telling me all the while he was "arresting" them. He loved it.
He would fly around randomly buffing and healing Heroes, so they knew they weren't alone.
At 6, he had his own account. He was brokenhearted when he found out about The Lost. He couldn't wait to get to the Rikti War Zone. He wanted to get the aliens!
And his allergies ( life threatening carry epi- pen type)..To ALL dairy ( ice cream), eggs, ALL nuts, cats, dogs. So when his classmates ( he really doesn't have friends his age.) went to the friendly pizza place ( ya know the one with the mouse) or had birthday parties, it's to dangerous for him to go. SO he made friends with other players who didn't care what he looks like on the other side of his Hero.
Why is this game so important that I am doing everything in my power to help #SaveCOH? He is.
He will never ride a bike, never play sports, never play tag, but in City of Heroes he can FLY!
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This is the story of my eldest son, and how City of Heroes, both the game and the community, helped him rediscover his voice.
In late 2004, a friend introduced me to a new game called City of Heroes. He was having a blast with it, playing a Fire/Fire Blaster, in a supergroup with some of my other close friends. My husband started playing about a month before I did. It took experimenting with the costume creator after watching him play, and then I was hooked. This was May of 2005.
We had a toddler at that time. As first-time parents, we were slow to recognize that he wasn't speaking quite the way he should be. His few words were complex ones, and he couldn't say them properly. When he was about 18 months old, he told us that he couldn't say the words right. And then he stopped speaking. Faced with an uncooperative early intervention program in the state we lived in, we were unable to get speech therapy for him that was covered by our insurance. About six months later, we were still struggling with a nearly non-verbal two year old and a new baby.
He was, however, absolutely fascinated by watching Mommy and Daddy play superheroes. The little boy who wouldn't sit still to be read to, and who wouldn't talk, who sometimes wouldn't meet our eyes and acted like he didn't hear us, would happily sit and watch City of Heroes. He even insisted on "helping" to play by pushing movement buttons and moving the mouse. He pointed at things on the screen, and showed a deep interest in the character creator. We started having him sit on our laps while we talked to him about what our characters were doing and the areas they were flying through.
Slowly, the words started to come. "Tree" "Rock" "House" "Door" "Book". He started counting groups of Skulls and Hellions. I let him take my Scrapper and run around through the city and he started telling us what he saw. My husband and I started DJing on The Cape Radio, and our son was fascinated by hearing us speak to other people through the computer. He said "hello" to people he had never met, who responded with encouragement and praise. He saw them on the screen as brightly colored heroes, and they gave him more reasons to speak. He could talk to real heroes and they talked back to him!
In 2007, he was finally able to count aloud from 1 to 10, with a notable exception. When he counted to ten, he said "One, two, three, four, five, six, Superman, eight, nine, ten." He laughed when he said it, and met our eyes with gleeful happiness. We recorded him counting so he could hear what he sounded like, and he was thrilled. We played it on the Cape, and he heard himself speaking to heroes. A door opened for him. For his heroes, the words came. "Mommy, play Heroes!" "Mommy, play Heroes with me."
He was four years old. Two years later, he was diagnosed with severe ADHD and a speech/language processing disorder. A year after that, he was diagnosed with autism. He will turn nine the month City of Heroes goes dark. He still plays his heroes, with Mommy and Daddy, but less frequently. He's in school now, progressing with his class, at the appropriate grade for his age. He now qualifies for speech therapy, after we moved to a new state.
Without his heroes, he would not have had a reason to start talking again. Without the community City of Heroes has, he would not have been able to hear his own voice speaking to the heroes on the screen, and heard those heroes answering him back. In the City of Heroes, the heroes and the players, helped find a little boy's voice. He has never lost his love for his heroes...and he does not yet know that the City of Heroes will be lost to him forever soon after his birthday.
I don't know how to tell him this. I hope, with NCSoft's support and understanding, that the City of Heroes will remain open to players past November 30th. I ask that NCSoft hear a little boy's voice and find it a reason to keep City of Heroes an active game. I ask that if they cannot do that, that they make the game available to the community in some form, that we may ourselves find means to keep the City of Heroes an active, functioning game and community.
Please, don't silence my son's heroes. They helped him learn to tell his mother that he loves her. They gave him back his voice.
What a way to start a Monday...with tears.
A beautiful story, needless to say. Thank you for sharing it.
As an elementary school teacher, I know first-hand how challenging it is to get some students to speak. We've even had students with selective mutism.
I'm hoping you wrote a letter and sent it in, conveying how NCSoft's game was a blessing to your son... if they have hearts, they'll be moved.
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When I was 17 years old and at college, I met a guy. Friend of a friend. He had feelings for me. I didn't have any for him. We never even dated, let alone anything else.
No big deal.
Except that he's been stalking me. Has been for the last 12 years. I've got a restraining order against him. He's been to jail. He's had some sort of court ordered therapy. The latest breach of the restraining order has been going through the courts since January 2010. I got a conviction in May this year, but now he's appealing that. We're back in court on Friday for the appeal. After that, well, whatever happens, I'm pretty sure we'll be off to the high court. Then the court of European Human Rights, or something. He won't stop. He's never stopped. The only way it will stop is if one or the other of us is dead.
Whether it's threats to kill my family in front of me and rape me, or taking overdoses on my doorstep, or turning up with a tattoo of my name and the words 'hatred and vengeance forever', I've been scared for the last 12 years. I can't go out, it makes me nervous. I can't make new friends, because I'm paranoid they might know him, or he might've set them up to it. And even if I /do/ somehow meet people that I get along with, I end up feeling isolated because there's no way they can ever understand what it's like to try and live your life in someone else's shadow. There's not a day that goes past that I'm not scared he's going to do something terrible, to me, to my family.. god, I'm even worried about my stupid cat in case he does something to him.
An online friend bought me CoX as a birthday present. He was an RPer, so he talked me into rolling a character and joining his SG. The first time I saw people RPing I was embarrassed for the people doing it. But.. I stuck it out. I like writing, and it was like writing, except I didn't have to do all the work. Nearly 8 years later, I'm still here, still RPing. I've made more friends than I ever have in the real world, and I haven't had to put myself at risk by leaving work, or my home - the safe environments - to get them.
City of Heroes is the only place I'm not afraid. It's the only part of my life that I feel like I have control over. Whatever happens to my character is up to me. She can live a miserable, terrible existence of angst and misery, or she can be happy, have a billionaire boyfriend and an island all of her own. I'm nice to my characters, so she has a good life. My villain does pretty well for herself, too.
There's no court cases, whenever someone threatens my main, they usually get a bone spike or a blade in an unfortunate place. They don't have panic buttons and rape alarms, they have bonespikes and a healing factor, or blades and ninja reflexes. When I'm playing CoX, when I'm RPing with my friends, all I think about is whatever is happening right at that moment. I don't think about him, I don't think about court cases, I don't feel paranoid or isolated or frightened. It's like reading a book, and losing yourself in the storyline, except the story never ends.
CoX is a safe place for me. My friends there have been like my family, my SG are some of the nicest, kindest people I've ever met. The last couple of weeks, I've come to realise that it's not JUST my SG. That the wider community are just as special, too. Its helped me realise that there /are/ good people out there. That means a hell of a lot for me. I can't see that being replicated anywhere else. Not like this.
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I have been wanting to write this information in a letter to NCSoft, but I stumble terribly over the words and wind up rambling or getting lost in tears. This also happens on these forums, especially when I read the stories parents write of their children, and more especially those with disabilities and other issues, and how the game has helped them. I know I will get lost in tears again here. I am sure I will stumble over words. But I am sure the thread of my meaning can be pulled from it, and you may use it as you see fit.
Unlike many stories I have read, where parents speak of what this game has meant to their children, this is instead the story of 'me'.
I am a 39 year old woman. I suffer various 'invisible disabilities', mostly of the autoimmune-related variety, and primarily Multiple Sclerosis. I am not truly handicapped at this time, but my issues cause me to be primarily housebound. I fight against it, and always will, but the fight often takes a lot out of me. I might go days- weeks, even- living a semblance of 'normality', but it always comes crashing down.
And then I find myself without the strength to do more than sit in my computer chair, wasted, drained, and feeling trapped.
But even in my chair, I can still win battles. I can fight against evil. I can save the day. I can be a hero. AND I CAN FLY.
In City of Heroes, no one has to know that I might be having difficulty seeing. No one has to know that I might be having difficulty speaking. No one has to know that I might be having difficulty walking. No one has to know any of this, or that I am trapped in my house, fighting at least one disease that I will never win against.
City of Heroes is a game I began playing when it was in Beta. It is a game I had once moved on from, but when I was going through the testing that would lead to my original diagnosis, and words were being thrown around such as 'tumor' and 'cancer' and 'MS', I dove back into it. I needed the strength of a hero, and CoH let me be one. CoH gave me the strength to face my problems while also giving me the ability to leave my problems behind for a time. It might sound melodramatic, but I honestly feel like CoH saved my life. I am afraid of what I would have lost myself to without the strength and the release the game gave me, and continues to give me.
I have found no other place where I can feel as free as I do in the skies of Paragon City. Believe me, I have looked, because it would be nice to also find, elsewhere, the strength and freedom I find in CoH, and I do know that nothing lasts forever, and I know that my disabilities -and handicaps- will only get worse over time. But it didn't even feel like 'the end' was anywhere close. It didn't feel like there was any possibility I would lose the freedom this game gives me anytime soon.
Please, NCSoft, don't shut the doors on me. Don't leave me trapped here. Please.
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Wow, I have to see that after reading these wonderful, heart-wrenching stories, I am more convinced than ever that our City must be saved. I believe it is a great idea collecting these testimonials in this thread and then sending them several at a time so that the actual authors can be sure that their identities remain protected.
Maybe each author should put the name they want this submitted as on top of the text - at least if they are not happy for their forum name to be used
Zos
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Dear Mr (NCSoft CEO)
Hi, my name is Jeff and I wanted to take the time to tell you about my experience playing City of Heroes. I am married with 2 kids. I used to play this game day and night. I work 3rd shift, a strict 4 on 4 off. On my days off my wife would pick up shifts where she works. She works late 2nd shift as a bartender. Now I'll admit there were nights I didn't read 2 books to my 3 year old at night instead of 1 so I could hurry up and join a team on CoH. About a year ago, I let my VIP account expire for the first time since the Freedom launch. I found myself glued to my TV watching ESPN and following the NFL season. My wife (rightfully so) would give me a hard time that I was spending more time in front of the TV instead of spending time with my son. At some point while glued to the TV, my wife introduced my son to www.disneychannel.com where little kids can log on and play video games with a disney theme. As the NFL season ended, I found myself competing with the computer for my son's attention. Now, you have got to understand my son. He is named Parker after Spiderman. He has superhero stickers on his wall, hero bedsheets, and hero action figures. One day I plan to share my comic book collection with him. After a depressing season put on by my team, the Indianapolis Colts, and a major upset by my and my dad's other favorite team, the Green Bay Packers, I decided football wasn't worth the gap between my son and I. One day I sat down in front of the computer and said to my son, "Do you wanna see something neat?" I logged into my City of Heroes account and started showing him my heroes. He loved it! Pretty soon, I upgraded my account back to VIP and started getting back into the game with my son watching on. I would return home from work often to find my son at the door saying, "Dad, wanna pway heewoes?" The past few months have been the highlight of my life so far, playing games with my son. He is 3 and I have thought about the day I might get to play on a team with him. Enclosed are pictures of my son and I playing City of Heroes. Please don't discard them. Enjoy them as much as I have.
Sincerely,
Jeff
Enclosures
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Wow, I have to see that after reading these wonderful, heart-wrenching stories, I am more convinced than ever that our City must be saved. I believe it is a great idea collecting these testimonials in this thread and then sending them several at a time so that the actual authors can be sure that their identities remain protected.
Maybe each author should put the name they want this submitted as on top of the text - at least if they are not happy for their forum name to be used
Zos
I feel the same way. Thanks everyone, I know this can be difficult to 'use' sometimes.
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Wow, I have to see that after reading these wonderful, heart-wrenching stories, I am more convinced than ever that our City must be saved. I believe it is a great idea collecting these testimonials in this thread and then sending them several at a time so that the actual authors can be sure that their identities remain protected.
Maybe each author should put the name they want this submitted as on top of the text - at least if they are not happy for their forum name to be used
Zos
if you do choose to use mine, please don't use my forum or any of my character names. Other than that, you can call me Susan, for all I care :)
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Hiya. We had a thread started in the Projects subforum for these kinds of stories, so I split everyone's stories off and merged them with the original thread: http://www.cohtitan.com/forum/index.php/topic,4907.new.html
Keep bringing your stories forward! Just use that thread for it. ;)
Edit: Since that thread isn't visible to most people, I've moved most of the posts back to this thread. - Eabrace
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I don't seem to have access to that thread? Might just be newbie me, though.
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FYI, I've also got a "An error has occured !" when trying to follow your link Aggel.
Main screen turn on ?
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Hiya. We had a thread started in the Projects subforum for these kinds of stories, so I split everyone's stories off and merged them with the original thread: http://www.cohtitan.com/forum/index.php/topic,4907.new.html
Keep bringing your stories forward! Just use that thread for it. ;)
*cough* I don't think everyone has access to that subforum, Agge. *cough*
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My post is lost and scared in a forum! Poor thing.
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Will be stepping into the operating room to begin surgery in a moment. Wish me luck!
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Will be stepping into the operating room to begin surgery in a moment. Wish me luck!
just pull the post back in here, in a public area, maybe ? Or did the host post house more sensitive subjects ?
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just pull the post back in here, in a public area, maybe ? Or did the host post house more sensitive subjects ?
I don't know that I'd call any of it sensitive, but it was more of a discussion between coordinators about coordination, not so much submitting personal stories.
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OK, I think we've got that all straightened out now - except that any existing links to the thread will be off since the thread's numeric ID appears to have been changed.
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Since that thread isn't available to me, I'll post here.
I've been playing CoH for 6 years. I used to work at NASA, and was involved in gaming and in crafting hobbies. I was sharp enough that I was co-guild leader for a very prolific RP guild for several of those years (I compiled the stories one year and in one year we wrote more words than Harry Potter : Goblet of Fire), and I continue to write with my best friend since high school. We're up to thousands of pages of story, (none of which we can publish since it's in CoH's world).
Why does this matter?
Because I developed chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. I can't work. I can't RP. I can at least write in email, but it's a very slow process (but one my doctor supports wholeheartedly to keep my brain from degrading faster). I can't do even a fraction of the things that used to define my life.
What I can do? At least, sometimes?
I can fly. I can nuke. I can function.
I can feel like my disability disappears for a while.
I have made friends in CoH that have been nothing but supportive of me.
Most people with Chronic Fatigue have a fairly poor support group. Very few understand when you were doing fine then 5 minutes later you have to go lie down, or quit all of a sudden. Or why you can no longer get together with your friends for a fun dinner and a movie. Most people with chronic fatigue count themselves lucky to have two people who understand.
I have two SGs worth.
At almost any time of day, I can find *someone* who can help me through the emotional crash of "I can't do what I used to do". I have five or six friends who remind me to take the shots that I have to take weekly -- which hurt and leave bruises. It took me a year of their support and cheering on in order to get to where it doesn't take me over an hour to psyche up to take them any more. I don't think I would have kept up with my medication if it hadn't been for their support.
Even if I can't play CoH nearly as much as I used to, *wanting* to play, to continue to be a part of that community, helps me to keep pushing and not give up on myself and on life. In fact, playing and roleplaying the hero mentality has developed a mental precedent that helps me deal with the stress involved with going from being a computer programmer at NASA to barely being able to figure out how to do keybinds.
Has CoH changed my life?
Definitely.
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(Bump. Break my heart.)
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Anyone who is not moved by the stories our heroes (and villains) can tell here. What I like most is that they are stories of triumph of the human spirit. Not all the heroes in the world are in bright colored suits in a virtual world, some of them sit at the keyboards.
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First Post but here it goes
CoH saved my life a couple of time.
The first time was in 2005. I had quit my job to become self employed. My friend at the time was running his own company and need some help. Well 6 months goes by making good money. Come in one day to find out he had hired his bother in law. I did not think much of it. I was happy becasue that meant he was expanding his business. Then one day he just tells me I was no longer need and was not right for the job. Well I pretty much sat around for 6 months unable to find a job. I had not told anyone but I was in a deep depression. Money was almost gone that I had saved, did not know how I was going to make it.
During the enitre time I was unemployed I still played City Of Heroes. It kept the worse thoughts away. Starting teaming more and that made all the difference. People were friendly and helpful. Hell they made me laugh which is something I really had not done for 6 months.
The second time was in 2007. My best friend and me are advid gamers every saturday was (still is) game day. Normally we are playing pen and paper roleplaying games. He was not into mmorpgs. Then out of the blue he dies. This sent me once again into a deep depression. I almost stop playing all games after that. City of Heroes once again brought me back to gaming in general.
The reason City of Heroes bought me back was the community. The game helped me laugh again get out of my depression and move one. I still miss my friend but I know he would have wanted me to continue to play.
So once again thank you City of Heores, you saved my life more then once.
Viking
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As the girlfriend of a gamer-geek, I found that the best way to keep my boyfriend's attention was to join him online. I am video game handicapped, & almost every alt he made to team with me had to have teleport in order to get me unstuck from behind that potted plant, or up those blasted stairs in Steel Canyon...
I realised a long time ago. I SUCK at games. Except, I found that I could actually play CoH.
I found a niche for myself. I am a squishie specialist!
I can Hold, Heal, Bubble & Faceplant with the best of them!
WOOT!
I HAVE A TALENT!
& WE HAVE A GAME WE CAN PLAY TOGETHER!!!
I have had 2 children since, a 3 yr old boy & a 1 yr old girl.
My laptop died a horrible death & I've been busy with the babies.
Finally I am able to log in for a few hours a week.
Interestingly enough, my son saw his father playing 3 weeks ago & now asks: "Can I watch City of Heroes, Daddy?"
My husband finally was able to get another laptop to run the game so we can team again.
Then the bomb was dropped on us about a week later about the close-down.
I will miss CoH if it is closed, but this isn't about me wanting CoH to continue for me & my family.
My real reason for wanting CoH to continue?
Many years go, my husband & I joined supergroups, but most of them would fade out in time.
Then we found the RP Congress on Pinnacle.
If it weren't for them, we might have stopped playing a long time before.
This group isn't just about playing, getting loot or XP, or being the biggest SG with a fancy base.
They are about role playing in team as if they were their characters.
We would meet once a week at the Pinnacle Pocket D & chat at the bar.
A bunch of friends, Heroes & Villains alike, in character, just chatting away.
Many of them took it to another level & wrote not just detailed backgrounds, but full stories about their alts. Some of these have been published & podcasted. (The Secret World Chronicles came from the RP Congress,)
http://secretworldchronicle.com/ (http://secretworldchronicle.com/)
I have never been a great writer, there are many in the RPC who are VERY talented.
They have put much love, effort & plot into their alts.
-It is for them that I pray that the game continues on.
-Closing down COH would be like killing their muse.
& I am sure that the RPC is not the only place in COH to find players who find creative inspiration through the game. There are many here who live vicariously through their alts.
As I've said before. CoH is cheaper than therapy!
A sense of pride, success, & the chance to look GOOD in spandex!
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I was persuaded to make my post in this thread its own thread, so I have done so, and it can be found at http://www.cohtitan.com/forum/index.php/topic,5130.0.html (http://www.cohtitan.com/forum/index.php/topic,5130.0.html).
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Is it possible you posted the same pic twice? Or are my eyes playing tricks on me? O.o
(Also, that's awesome! I wish I had a teacher like that when I was in school, or taking computer science classes!)
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[Reposted, by request, from http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showthread.php?t=297233]
Thank you for taking the time! Feel free to send other parties this way, as well!
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Is it possible you posted the same pic twice? Or are my eyes playing tricks on me? O.o
(Also, that's awesome! I wish I had a teacher like that when I was in school, or taking computer science classes!)
Whoops... you're absolutely right! Copy/paste error, sorry. I've fixed it now. :)
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I started playing CoH in June 2005...
There were little games magazine in Spain at that time, although there are more now, specially for console games... the one I'm talking about was (still exists) named "Micromania". I was coming back home from a job interview when I saw it in a newstand... it offered a 15 free-day trial so readers could try the game.
What to do, what to do? I wasn't keen on MMORPGs, I used to play NBA and Soccer games, but I've always loved super heroes, got hundreds of comic books at home, so I thought it might be interesting.
Interesting? It was MORE than that... watching characters actually saving people, running, flying, it was a dream for me! But... the 15 free-day trial finished... so I ran to the closest newstand and purchased another magazine! 15 free-day more to play with!
When the 2nd period of time finished, I had to make a choice... keep playing, which meant to subscribe whatever plan available, or uninstall the game and forget the whole thing... and since then I've been playing mainly in Defiant, but also in Union, and Virtue too since the servers list got merged.
I used to be a lonely person, attached to my family and having no friends... since I started playing CoH...
- I've met dozens of players from all around the world through the internet, in-game or via skype;
- I've learned there's much more people playing this lovely game, most of them are nice and kind, and funny;
- I'm no longer alone when I log in;
- even I've made some good friendships "real life" from people who also plays CoH and live near me, sometimes even only a few streets away, that I hadn't met if it wasn't because of CoH. Now we even go to the cinema, play board and role games, it's so great having a nice bunch of good friends!
What can I say? CoH REALLY changed my life. Let it be.
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The average person speaks approximately 16000 to 20 000 words in a day, possibly more, depending on the study you examine. I am lucky to manage even a quarter of that. To be as direct as possible, every word I speak has been translated on two, maybe three times before it even passes through my lips, since unlike the vast majority of the human race, I do not think linguistically (that is, in words). I have described how I think in several different ways, saying that I think in puzzles, that I think mathematically, especially geometrically, but it really boils down to I think in terms of almost pure logic.
Thinking visually is only the first tier of translation, since it allows me to grab all the various components and spread them out, catching all the various links between them. This means that I can pretty much look at a machine and read roughly how it works with a glance, but it also means that the more complex biological machines known as people prove extremely difficult to completely account for in regards to behaviour.
The next layer of translation is descriptive, allowing me to put things into words, so that I may communicate my concepts and ideas to those around me. When it comes to actual spoken word, however, an additional layer of translation is required, otherwise it ends up frequently being lost. Either because the initial terminology chosen for the description is too complex, and thus needs to be translated in a less precise fashion, or because it is lost to the signal noise commonly known as a speech disorder. Truth be told, there is nothing actually disordered about my speech. If anything, it is far too ordered.
Having spent the majority of my life wondering why I had such difficulty interacting with members of the human species, I found an answer in the kitchen of a private club I started working at after my first (disastrous) year at college. It was there that a co-worker asked me a question that provided a missing piece from the puzzle I'd been trying to solve. She'd asked me if I was autistic, since her son was nearly non-verbal, and had a lot of behavioural traits that seemed quite in common with myself. Now, I'd known that I had a non-verbal learning disability since I was very young, but this was entirely new.
You see, the paperwork which identified the particulars vanished, likely in part due to the fact that it was so similar to that of my near-perfect partial genetic duplicate, it was discarded as a copy. My family has never been able to prove that, however, and despite my mother's efforts to find out what had happened and enable me to receive the assistance I needed, I ended up having to navigate the hazardous shoals of primary education up to high school almost entirely on my own. I may have had my twin brother's assistance, but unfortunately, even with his almost divine hand at gleaning the particulars of what I needed, I finished high school with very little of a self-concept. I never started regularly referring to myself as an independent being until we started studying at separate schools in the fall of 2003. It didn't matter that they were in adjacent towns, what mattered is that I finally had full authority to consciously handle my own affairs.
I failed. Badly. Landing in academic probation, and having very little in terms of social interaction with classmates, I returned home for the Christmas break, where I was given some well placed advice that allowed me to return to school and remove myself from academic probation. That summer, a friend of mine had picked up City of Heroes, and allowed me to fiddle with it on his account. I recognized the game as having potential, and promised myself to pick up a copy as soon as possible.
I acquired a copy in November 2005, but was unable to activate it due to the lack of a sufficiently competent computer until October 2006. My brothers decided they'd chip in for the monthly fees in exchange for having a server to themselves through my account (as it was my eldest sibling's computer we were using, I did not decline). I was promptly enthralled by the vibrant life on Pinnacle, meeting many colourful individuals, including X-Funk (whom had some extremely encouraging words whenever I needed them), and found myself drawn increasingly deeper into the community, eventually finding a renewed faith in my own voice. It should be no surprise that The King's Speech is a film of tremendous personal importance.
As a result of the increased confidence in my own voice, I was able to go from a 2.72 GPA in my first run at college to a 3.42 in my second, which was a Business Administration Co-op program with a focus in Marketing. I had placements across multiple industries, from marketing services, to World Vision, and the high-tech world of Research In Motion. Not only that, I found an anchor in the game that helped me codify many ideas into potential story seeds which I am still continuing to grow.
City of Heroes is far more than just a game for me, as it has frequently been my *only* social outlet. I have never been a greatly social individual, preferring the reliability and order of books to the inherent chaos of human civilization, but I had a friend point out to me a decade or so ago that for me to eschew chaos would be to deny the greater portion of my own being. She was right. In as much as my twin brother has been an interpreter for me when it comes to interacting with the world, she's been my guide and my teacher. I would not have gone to the risk of introducing myself to the Pinnacle community without her well-time advice.
Considering that in the time since I joined City of Heroes, I've been able to find my own words with deeper certainty and vastly greater strength and passion, to the point where I am nearly ready to seek the publication of my first book, I have to say that there are no other words that I can put forth than merely "Thank you."
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For what it's worth, Terwyn, I think you expressed yourself *beautifully*.
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It's the written word. If I had to do this verbally, you'd not get me to enter the building. ^_^
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It's the written word. If I had to do this verbally, you'd not get me to enter the building. ^_^
And I guessed right on the first paragraph....
MMOs are a GOOD way for low-verbal/non-verbal autistic people to learn social interaction. *I* am better at putting thoughts into written form than I am at speaking, and I'm on the Asperger's end of the spectrum. :)
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And I guessed right on the first paragraph....
MMOs are a GOOD way for low-verbal/non-verbal autistic people to learn social interaction. *I* am better at putting thoughts into written form than I am at speaking, and I'm on the Asperger's end of the spectrum. :)
As I said with my paper work going missing, I don't know where on the spectrum I fall, but it's been confirmed that I'm there somewhere. I was never explicitly low-verbal, in fact I proved to have a very advanced grasp of language - reading at a college level by grade 6, for example. It's just that somewhere along the line, I started sliding backwards.
I used to be such that I never knew when to *not* talk, now, I never know when I *should* talk. Basically, I have two modes - talking too much, or not talking enough. I'm still learning the fine balance. :P
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I've been playing CoH since June of 2004. There are many reasons why I love this game and could go into great detail about the many systems that make this game so great to play. However, this isn't so much about me and my gameplay experience as it is about my son. JD was born in 2006, and it was a year and a half later that we found out he was deaf. We had known something was wrong, but the audiologist we had scene when he was an infant assured us "he was fine". The doctor we saw at his first year check up told us they don't worry until boys are about three years of age if they're not speaking yet.
We saw a speech therapist independantly of our insurance who broke the news to us. Since then, we've done everything we can to help JD navigate his near-silent world. He is considered hard-of-hearing in one ear in a range just below normal speech, and profoundly deaf in the other. He obtained hearing aids for him, had him in speech therapy since he was a year and a half. Later we enrolled him into our school districts low incidence program for the hearing imparied. It was there that his teacher recommended a cochlear implant for his bad ear as his hearing aid wasn't able to help him capture speech in that ear.
The pursuit of that implant through our insurance was a year long nightmare. Once we obtained it and he began to adapt, the changes were immediately apparent. JD had been slowly picking up words, and with his implant, he began to speak even more. Any parent will attest to the fact that every word spoken from their growing baby is precious. This feeling is magnified for parents of deaf children learning to speak. By the age of four JD had an over-all spoken language of a one year old. He knew sign language which we taught him since he was six months old, and due to having that as a base, the language center of this brain was very active. He knew the entire alphabet, how to count to fifty, colors, shapes, animals and so on. Yet, after almost a year and a half in his education program, he wasn't progressing as quickly as he should.
Fortunate for us, we live near a private school that specializes in working with deaf and hard of hearing children. We had him evaluated and they accepted him. JD's understanding of language and his verbal communication took a huge jump forward. It wasn't long until he saw me playing CoH and he came over and he pointed at the monitor and asked me, "Daddy, what's dat?"
Now understand he has seen me play many video games, and outside of the cartoony nintendo variety of a certain mustached plumber, he's never shown much interest in them. With CoH though, he would always sit on my lap and watch me play. He particular loved characters that could fly, or use superspeed, and would often imitate combat animations with a high degree of accuracy.
"Daddy, what's dat?" he asked pointing at the loading page. I replied with the name of the game. "Ci-ty ub Hewoes," he repeated to the best of his ability. It's how he's learned to speak, by repeating what's been said. New words spoken by JD are like precious jems. One of the techniques we use to help JD speak is to use things he's interested in to teach him language. So, in the year since he's been speaking more, JD has sat with me at the computer learning words and concepts. He's created his own character and has even learned to create his own characters when drawing instead of simply copying the popular heroes shown in cartoons.
Beyond that, Cityof is a place where I know my almost six year old is safe at the PC, where the community respects the description of "child at keyboard with parent in attendance". People that have interacted with his character have always been respectful, polite, and even understanding when he didn't quite perform as his AT should have. City of Heroes is more than a game to me, it's a gateway into my son's growing world of sound where he continues to learn how to speak and learn concepts such as heroism, communication and coordination with others.
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I doubt I can make you cry, but I will write anyway.
I can't remember how long I've been playing; it's roughly since just before Going Rogue.
I can't claim that I met the love of my life on City of Heroes, or even good friends. I have never had an easy time making friends throughout my life.
I don't have stories about my children to tell, for I have no children.
What I can tell you is that out of dozens of online games, City of Heroes is the only one where I have not felt my age. (I turn 50 in November.) City of Heroes is the only online game where I have not had to tell anyone that really, I am old enough to be his mother. I have never felt a need to spank someone, or slap someone. For that alone, I would be immensely grateful.
What I can tell you is that there are few games these days that remember that the Macintosh operating system exists. I used to use Crossover Games to play Windows-based games. The fine folks at Crossover try hard, but that extra layer of software was annoying at best. City of Heroes can be played on a Macintosh, which makes me more comfortable.
I am totally and permanently disabled, with multiple ailments. City of Heroes gives me a reason to fight the neurological degeneration in my fingers and type. I rarely leave my home; City of Heroes is a large part of my day. When I can't open bottles, I can still take to the skies and fry brains.
I don't have reasons to live, or even reasons to postpone dying. City of Heroes gives me a reason to get out of bed. That's pretty darn good for anything, especially a game.
If City of Heroes does fly into the sunset, I will miss it horribly.
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So, this post isn't about me (though I play a part in it), but it's another story of the awesomeness of our community that deserves to be told.
A good friend of mine, practically a brother to me though I've only met him face to face once, was in a pretty bad living situation: unemployed, and being shuffled from place to place, never knowing where he'd be staying next and how long he'd be there. for the most part, his biological family treated him like some unwanted knicknack to be shuffled about wherever was least inconvenient.
He had an offer though, to move up to Washington state and stay with part of his 'other' family- his CoH family. This family had space for him to sleep and a job lined up.. there was only one problem: he lived in.. well, some state that was more than a couple hours from Washington (one of the Dakotas, I think). Talking to the woman he would be staying with, she was planning to drive down and pick him up.. which with her car, finances and health was not likely to happen soon or to go well. So I told her I would see what I could do.
I did some research and ran some numbers, and then got a Chip-In running to raise the money for a plane ticket for my friend. I figured we might be able to get a few people to throw enough in to make the plane ticket a reasonable cost, but it'd take a while.. Boy was I wrong! Due to the sheer awesomeness of the City of Heroes community, in a matter of hours we raised enough money to not only book him a plane ticket.. but to give him about $150 in pocket money to cover additional travel expenses and help him get settled in to Washington.
Even though the job he was to get in Washington fell through, the family he was staying with continued to support him- even when they couldn't really afford it, doing more to help him get back on his feet than even his own mother, until a family emergency pulled him back away from Washington.
For me, that was when I knew that... City of Heroes is more than just an MMO, it's not just a community either... it is a (virtual) city of (real) heroes.
-Now, to hope the guy I'm talking about doesn't see this, 'cause he might kill me. >.>
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It's the written word. If I had to do this verbally, you'd not get me to enter the building. ^_^
I have a very similar problem, with the textual versus verbal thing. Though you say you think in pure logic, I have a different problem. I think in abstract ideas. Usually thousands of them at once. I don't have a train of though, I have many caravans of thought, all traveling on their own and/or interweaving through each other. My closest friends on the internet have noticed my tendency to bring up a topic seemingly out of nowhere, only to have the topic we were discussing to be continued possibly hours later. From what I understand, it takes a lot to get used to talking to me. I've tried to explain how I have to put things into words, and I used the translation explanation you did. I have to translate things, and I'm often frustrated because I often have difficulty finding words to express what I want. Language is so limiting.
In the real world, I'm very quiet, rarely speaking unless spoken to, and very often wanting to speak, but not knowing if I should. And when I finally decide that, yes, I do have something I want to say, the subject has moved on and I feel like the opportunity to speak up has passed and thus I remain quiet. (This often happens online, too, but the time limit is broader in many online fora of expression.)
Unfortunately, I am not diagnosed with anything, as my inability to deal with people is magnified a thousandfold when I am face to face with them. If given the choice, I almost always chicken out of attempts to get help. In the real world I feel like a loser because of this. While a lot of this does transfer over into my online presences, I tend to feel a lot more free in games. CoH is the only one I have stuck with for any length of time. According to my account information, I've been playing since early June of 2004. There's been times the game couldn't be paid for, though most of the time I had an active sub, even during times when I logged in rarely.
Although I hope CoH can be saved, I dread the day I have to tell my nephew that CoH is gone and that he can't play his guys. He's only three, so he'll probably move on quickly. But I tend to put in roots, and I've got many in CoH and it will be hard for me to say goodbye to such a great game. Also, I think I'll stop rambling now. :-X
- Zedrik/@Moonblood
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My story... hah. Okay here goes. You can send this if you want.
I didn't play since beta. In fact I was never aware of when CoH came to be. I had been out on my first deployment (This is Navy mind you) and a friend of mine asked me if I liked games. I said yes, in fact I absolutely love games! They keep my mind active and games usually have a lore which I am very into now that I think about it. He asked me what I played and I told him World of Warcraft. He then wrinkled his nose at me. I inquire to his disposition and he told me about City of Heroes and City of Villains. My response was a yeah whatever you don't know... He sure showed me. I got the game after a long discussion about it with my friend. I bought the box and looked at it feeling a tad unimpressed. Even the back of the box looked as if it lacked the beauty that WoW had on it's box but you can't diss until you try.
I put it in, let it patch after download (which took forever for my case) and started up what would be my future virtual home away from home. The first toon I created, whose name is Seryha, came to be. Through her I could escape my awful real life and tell all those bad guys where to shove it.
I want to tell you about this particular time in the Navy. When I say it was a hard time, I'm NOT exaggerating. Of course this was back in 2005-2007 and they had just started to allow women into the command. There was a girl who had come there before I did... a good six months she was there. We had a supervisor (a chief for those who know that rank) who liked the girl and the girl stupidly liked him back. The fraternization begins there. Six months later I arrive fresh from A school feeling scared enough that I will be immediately off the bat working for officers and captains. First cruise went okay but odd rumors started floating around about me. Rumors that kept going until six months before I left that command. They got personal and scary and I was threatened with discipline for things I just was not doing or wasn't a part of. I developed a sleeping disorder as a way my body reacted to this intense stress. I didn't know where it was coming from nor did I understand why it was happening to me. When it came time to come home, I would run to my barracks room and dust off the computer and walk back into Paragon for a few hours of reprieve. I often had friends on City of Heroes who'd listen to me crying because for the life of me I didn't understand why I was no good and I didn't understand how things could be the way they were.
I then discovered the truth about the fraternization. I never knew these two were doing what they were doing until my direct superior got drunk enough to tell me. I understood where the rumors came from right then too; the girl was making up rumors about me to get the attention off of herself and our chief. I trusted this girl for help with things in the office and to help me with my job. At this point I was so worthless that I couldn't work properly. I bet to this day they still talk about the girl who couldn't do anything properly and was always late for work because she'd sleep through her alarms.
I was the damn scapegoat.
Talking about this brings back really bad memories and it still terrifies me because this will always be with me.
Paragon City allowed me to do what I needed to do. Sit back and enjoy running through Skyway while listening to Basement Jaxx and Akon. It was a place that I didn't need to worry about being yelled at or having someone breathe down my shoulder because they felt I was bad at everything I did. I had to worry about getting that mission done for Azuria so I can progress onto Kings Row. I could change my badass outfit for the next badass outfit. I could have orange hair that wasn't against regulations. I could talk to people who would welcome me with open arms because I was good at what I did.
Oh no... I'm crying.
Now my virtual home away from home is being yanked from me like a carpet being removed from beneath my feet. I've now fallen and hit my head.
... I don't know how to end this so, this is my story. It's brought back bad memories and made me realize even more why I hope this game doesn't get cut so suddenly.
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My admiration for all of you who have contributed to this thread is unbounded. ALL of you rose above circumstances that would have made all too many people sit there and beg for help. Instead, like true heroes you all found resolve and courage to face the problems of your day to day life.
So yeah, like many others reading here, I get a bit misty eyed at times. But I also feel quite uplifted at how much this "old" "just another MMO" that so many people are urging us to "get over and move on" has managed to do for each of you. Of course it's just been the medium for the community to spread acceptance and encouragement as needed. Like McLuhan said, though, the medium IS the message.
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My admiration for all of you who have contributed to this thread is unbounded. ALL of you rose above circumstances that would have made all too many people sit there and beg for help. Instead, like true heroes you all found resolve and courage to face the problems of your day to day life.
So yeah, like many others reading here, I get a bit misty eyed at times. But I also feel quite uplifted at how much this "old" "just another MMO" that so many people are urging us to "get over and move on" has managed to do for each of you. Of course it's just been the medium for the community to spread acceptance and encouragement as needed. Like McLuhan said, though, the medium IS the message.
This. Couldn't have said it better. Thank you so much everyone. Really.
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CoH is not an escape from reality. It is a lifeline TO reality.
You are all so much braver than you realize.
Pardon me while I go to the store for more Kleenex.
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Hunter said it so well.
I'm honored and proud to be a fellow hero with you all in Paragon.
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CoH is not an escape from reality. It is a lifeline TO reality.
You are all so much braver than you realize.
Pardon me while I go to the store for more Kleenex.
*shares her box*
And you're exactly right
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For me, that was when I knew that... City of Heroes is more than just an MMO, it's not just a community either... it is a (virtual) city of (real) heroes.
-Now, to hope the guy I'm talking about doesn't see this, 'cause he might kill me. >.>
...as the guy IN this story, all I can add is that I echo Zolgar's sentiments.
I'm Grimm. Hawthorne Grimm, to those who know me over on Virtue. There are those who hate me, and those who--for some weird reason--adore me, same as any of us.
This community has actually saved me more than once, and I'm not sure it even knows it. You see, I tend to have a very 'villain' mindset. Not in a 'I enjoy making people suffer and breaking the law' sort of way, but my first reaction to a problem is to get angry at it, channel that rage, and utterly annihilate whatever has drawn my ire. It's a very proactive outlook, it's helped me a few times, but there's one area it just hangs on my neck like an albatross forged of Impervium: social interaction. People.
I don't handle people well, socially. I can analyze someone and determine the best way to manipulate or influence them, but that's not really 'handling someone,' that's kind of being an emotionless d-bag. It makes me a great salesman, but a terrible friend most of the time. You see, I'm also in the autism spectrum; specifically, I have Asperger's. I don't "get" people on that instinctual, empathic level most of you do.
So my initial reaction to a difficult challenge, to dig in my heels and smack the crap out of it(metaphorically speaking) doesn't really work with people. City of Heroes showed me there are people out there who understand, people who don't care about my failings and value me anyway. Friends. -Family,- in the truest sense of the word and not just biological, genetic derivative. I'm honestly not sure I'd be alive right now, without that.
You see, I also believe I have undiagnosed clinical depression. I don't think I need to spell out what comes with that territory. Dark thoughts, horribly self-destructive impulses. City of Heroes anchored me. Gave me purpose. It helped me take those dark, awful feelings and wrangle them into the light, then obliterate them with roleplay, or just a really good Task Force surrounded by good people. This was the first time City of Heroes saved me.
The second, is the story Zolgar told. That was the day it was cemented, in my heart, in my mind, in my very soul that Paragon City was more home to me than any physical place I'd ever lived in. The people of Paragon City, this virtual world, were the kind of people I wanted as my neighbors. They were, and still are, my true family.
The third is more recent...and perhaps, still an act in progress, but I'll get to that in a bit. There's one side-story I'd like to tell, just another reason City is so important to me.
The Incarnate powers had just released. The Alpha slot, the new shiny, was brought forth to the world of City of Heroes. Every villain, every hero, and all points in-between scrambled to obtain the new powers for themselves as friends and enemies did likewise. My original surviving character, Hawthorne Grimm, stepped up to earn his Alpha boost as well. It took some time, but I had almost all of the pieces together. I needed one last component, and some spare shards. A Lady Grey Task Force would give me what I needed, but it was late at night. I broadcast for help over The Cape Radio's global channel. Several people answered the call, but two note worthy individuals still stand out. @Aelya, better known as Ridia Bledpetal aka DJ Anarchy of The Cape Radio; and Ren Inferno. I'd seen both around, but not really interacted with them heavily until that night. I now consider both to be good friends.
I was building the team, and we needed control. So I hit the search function. I need to pause here, because I need to go off on one final tangent. (I know, I know. Almost need a bloody flow chart for this thing, right? Sorry!)
I'm an aspiring writer. My chosen genre is urban fantasy. I love the mix of mundane, modern elements with that extra special spice only the truly fantastic can give us. Perhaps that's why I adore superheroes so much. There are many great authors in this genre already, and I like most of them, but one in particular has inspired me to keep writing, and keep trying. One author touches my mind and sparks my muse more than any other, and that author is Jim Butcher. I could gush all day about how awesome The Dresden Files are, but it's better if I just sum it up: I'm a big fan.
So imagine my surprise, when I saw Harry Dresden, a level 50 Controller, show up on my search for a control AT. I had learned, previously, that Jim Butcher played CoH intermittently, and as Harry, but I remained skeptical. I checked their global handle, which (roughly) matched the player name. I nearly stopped breathing from excitement. I took a few breaths, and somehow managed to type a coherent private message to my hero and inspiration, asking if he would be interested in joining us. While he initially declined, he later pinged me back and asked if we still needed control. I about passed out from shock, and miraculously managed a coherent reply to the affirmative and invited him.
The TF went relatively quickly until Hamidon. Harry was our only controller, so it was understandable that the fight took us a bit. We persevered, however, and emerged victorious. It is worth noting that most of us were in character for portions of this Task Force. We finished the Task Force, and I obtained the final piece of Incarnate salvage I needed. I crafted, and then slotted, my oldest surviving character's Alpha boost, achieving proper Incarnate status, because of my literary hero's assistance while playing as my favorite character of his. Harry Dresden made me Incarnate.
I'll carry the memory of that night with me to my grave. City of Heroes let me spend time with my hero, my inspiration, punching evil in the face for great and glorious justice. From that night came two great friendships, and those friendships are directly responsible for the story Zolgar told.
The third time...is when City helped save me from myself. Sort of. Or rather, it's still trying to save me from myself. Two weeks ago, we were all informed that our virtual world was ending. Grimmy went down a very, very, very dark hole. Remember that whole 'get angry, smash' reaction? Yeah. Except, I had nothing to smash. I couldn't very well go kick down NCSoft's door, no matter how much I might have entertained the idea. I was dwelling in the negative, curling in on myself. I would have made a Sith stop and go "Dude, that's a little extreme."
And someone did call me on it. It went about as poorly as one could predict, and Grimmy made a complete ass of himself, in predictable fashion. It looked like I was going to just fade into the depression and anger. Then last Saturday, the Unity Rally happened. I never expected that kind of a turn out. Thirty-three instances of Atlas Park? You people are amazing! Virtue, full? Multiple servers showing login queues as we continued to generate multiple instances of Atlas Park on multiple servers?
...and I realized...this wasn't an enemy you seek out and destroy. This wasn't an enemy that negativity, anger, hatred, or depression could defeat. It would require a new strength, a different kind of strength. The strength of a hero. An entire community came together and stood on the steps of their City Hall, and I stood with them.
For the first time in a long time, I'm fighting that negativity and trying to draw strength from other sources. The determination to stand our ground, to never give up hope, and the knowledge that if we falter or fail, our strength of will cannot be broken. We are not alone. We do not stand against the darkness by ourselves. We have an entire city to back us, a city brought together by the developers, a city made welcome by the community relations team, but a city given life by us, the players. A City of Heroes.
I am proud to stand among you. We are heroes. This is what we do.
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...as the guy IN this story, all I can add is that I echo Zolgar's sentiments.
I'm Grimm. Hawthorne Grimm, to those who know me over on Virtue. There are those who hate me, and those who--for some weird reason--adore me, same as any of us.
This community has actually saved me more than once, and I'm not sure it even knows it. You see, I tend to have a very 'villain' mindset. Not in a 'I enjoy making people suffer and breaking the law' sort of way, but my first reaction to a problem is to get angry at it, channel that rage, and utterly annihilate whatever has drawn my ire. It's a very proactive outlook, it's helped me a few times, but there's one area it just hangs on my neck like an albatross forged of Impervium: social interaction. People.
I don't handle people well, socially. I can analyze someone and determine the best way to manipulate or influence them, but that's not really 'handling someone,' that's kind of being an emotionless d-bag. It makes me a great salesman, but a terrible friend most of the time. You see, I'm also in the autism spectrum; specifically, I have Asperger's. I don't "get" people on that instinctual, empathic level most of you do.
So my initial reaction to a difficult challenge, to dig in my heels and smack the crap out of it(metaphorically speaking) doesn't really work with people. City of Heroes showed me there are people out there who understand, people who don't care about my failings and value me anyway. Friends. -Family,- in the truest sense of the word and not just biological, genetic derivative. I'm honestly not sure I'd be alive right now, without that.
You see, I also believe I have undiagnosed clinical depression. I don't think I need to spell out what comes with that territory. Dark thoughts, horribly self-destructive impulses. City of Heroes anchored me. Gave me purpose. It helped me take those dark, awful feelings and wrangle them into the light, then obliterate them with roleplay, or just a really good Task Force surrounded by good people. This was the first time City of Heroes saved me.
The second, is the story Zolgar told. That was the day it was cemented, in my heart, in my mind, in my very soul that Paragon City was more home to me than any physical place I'd ever lived in. The people of Paragon City, this virtual world, were the kind of people I wanted as my neighbors. They were, and still are, my true family.
The third is more recent...and perhaps, still an act in progress, but I'll get to that in a bit. There's one side-story I'd like to tell, just another reason City is so important to me.
The Incarnate powers had just released. The Alpha slot, the new shiny, was brought forth to the world of City of Heroes. Every villain, every hero, and all points in-between scrambled to obtain the new powers for themselves as friends and enemies did likewise. My original surviving character, Hawthorne Grimm, stepped up to earn his Alpha boost as well. It took some time, but I had almost all of the pieces together. I needed one last component, and some spare shards. A Lady Grey Task Force would give me what I needed, but it was late at night. I broadcast for help over The Cape Radio's global channel. Several people answered the call, but two note worthy individuals still stand out. @Aelya, better known as Ridia Bledpetal aka DJ Anarchy of The Cape Radio; and Ren Inferno. I'd seen both around, but not really interacted with them heavily until that night. I now consider both to be good friends.
I was building the team, and we needed control. So I hit the search function. I need to pause here, because I need to go off on one final tangent. (I know, I know. Almost need a bloody flow chart for this thing, right? Sorry!)
I'm an aspiring writer. My chosen genre is urban fantasy. I love the mix of mundane, modern elements with that extra special spice only the truly fantastic can give us. Perhaps that's why I adore superheroes so much. There are many great authors in this genre already, and I like most of them, but one in particular has inspired me to keep writing, and keep trying. One author touches my mind and sparks my muse more than any other, and that author is Jim Butcher. I could gush all day about how awesome The Dresden Files are, but it's better if I just sum it up: I'm a big fan.
So imagine my surprise, when I saw Harry Dresden, a level 50 Controller, show up on my search for a control AT. I had learned, previously, that Jim Butcher played CoH intermittently, and as Harry, but I remained skeptical. I checked their global handle, which (roughly) matched the player name. I nearly stopped breathing from excitement. I took a few breaths, and somehow managed to type a coherent private message to my hero and inspiration, asking if he would be interested in joining us. While he initially declined, he later pinged me back and asked if we still needed control. I about passed out from shock, and miraculously managed a coherent reply to the affirmative and invited him.
The TF went relatively quickly until Hamidon. Harry was our only controller, so it was understandable that the fight took us a bit. We persevered, however, and emerged victorious. It is worth noting that most of us were in character for portions of this Task Force. We finished the Task Force, and I obtained the final piece of Incarnate salvage I needed. I crafted, and then slotted, my oldest surviving character's Alpha boost, achieving proper Incarnate status, because of my literary hero's assistance while playing as my favorite character of his. Harry Dresden made me Incarnate.
I'll carry the memory of that night with me to my grave. City of Heroes let me spend time with my hero, my inspiration, punching evil in the face for great and glorious justice. From that night came two great friendships, and those friendships are directly responsible for the story Zolgar told.
The third time...is when City helped save me from myself. Sort of. Or rather, it's still trying to save me from myself. Two weeks ago, we were all informed that our virtual world was ending. Grimmy went down a very, very, very dark hole. Remember that whole 'get angry, smash' reaction? Yeah. Except, I had nothing to smash. I couldn't very well go kick down NCSoft's door, no matter how much I might have entertained the idea. I was dwelling in the negative, curling in on myself. I would have made a Sith stop and go "Dude, that's a little extreme."
And someone did call me on it. It went about as poorly as one could predict, and Grimmy made a complete ass of himself, in predictable fashion. It looked like I was going to just fade into the depression and anger. Then last Saturday, the Unity Rally happened. I never expected that kind of a turn out. Thirty-three instances of Atlas Park? You people are amazing! Virtue, full? Multiple servers showing login queues as we continued to generate multiple instances of Atlas Park on multiple servers?
...and I realized...this wasn't an enemy you seek out and destroy. This wasn't an enemy that negativity, anger, hatred, or depression could defeat. It would require a new strength, a different kind of strength. The strength of a hero. An entire community came together and stood on the steps of their City Hall, and I stood with them.
For the first time in a long time, I'm fighting that negativity and trying to draw strength from other sources. The determination to stand our ground, to never give up hope, and the knowledge that if we falter or fail, our strength of will cannot be broken. We are not alone. We do not stand against the darkness by ourselves. We have an entire city to back us, a city brought together by the developers, a city made welcome by the community relations team, but a city given life by us, the players. A City of Heroes.
I am proud to stand among you. We are heroes. This is what we do.
Silly me. To think I'd start a Friday out without weeping.
That's what I get for reading this thread.
You know, Drake...for somebody who claims you don't "get" people... you do a good job faking it. Seems to me that you're starting to "get" yourself.
I'm honored to call you a fellow hero.
And this fight is FAR from over, people.
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I am really bad at writing but here it goes;
I started playing CoH when it launched in the EU.
I had only recently been freed from an abusive husband thanks to him being deported from my country.
Needless to say I was very fragile and had not yet realised that the reason I kept breaking down was out of fear of him coming back not because I loved him.
My mother had decided to take his side in the whole mess and quite openly told me that she felt sad that such a wonderful man have had the misfortune to meet someone as horrible as me.
I spent probably 18h every day on CoH as it was my way of completely hiding from everything, which was in fact just what I needed at the time, the real world had reached such a point that it was just too horrible to face.
As the months went by I managed to become the first fire/fire blaster to 50 on my server and I started meeting people who treated me less like a monster and horrible person and more like a normal person.
I started realising that they saw me as a kind hearted person and as a great friend to have, which of course radically clashed with what I had been led to believe all those years before.
I continued playing and a few years later after getting help from a shrink I stopped all contact with my family.
It had reached a point were I knew that it was either; "staying in touch and never getting better" or; "cutting all bonds and focusing on me and what I needed".
Thanks to the many online friends I had through CoH that I could talk to every day it was possible to do this radical change and it probably saved my life.
In August of 2008 I met a robot on the dome shaped roof bit of the City Hall in Atlas Park.
I said hello and we started chatting, it was around 4 in the morning so wasn't a lot of heroes around apart from us.
Even though he was a lowbee I teamed up with him on one of my lvl50's and joined him for some mission arcs in the Hollows.
We had the same view on things and the same horrible sense of humour and just hit it off.
I kept logging on every day hoping he'd be online and was devastated when I found out he had a GF.
But I decided I wasn't going to be "that girl" who breaks up relationships and steals BF's so we just stayed friends and I didn't tell him how I felt.
In late January the next year he finally told me he had broken up with his GF and he told me that he wanted to know whether I had any feelings for him.
We started talking over Skype every day for hours on end and kept playing CoH any chance we got.
In September of that year he came over and visited me for 2 weeks and things were just great, we had no horribly annoying habits and we seemed to agree on all the big and important things in life.
So the year after in March I pulled a suitcase with my desktop PC in and a hand luggage containing my flat screen monitor through 50cm of snow + snowstorm to get on a midnight bus to an international airport.
6h later I got on a plane for the UK and I have never looked back.
We are still together and we are still as madly in love as we were all those years ago if not even more so.
Have been looking on rings and pondering about date for getting married in the next year.
We still love playing CoH and were devastated to hear that they are planning to pull the plug.
This game has saved many peoples lives by making them bearable and giving them someone to talk to.
I have met people I've been able to help just as I once found people who helped me.
It's been so much more than a game for all of us; it's been part of our lives and in the darkest of times the very best and brightest part.
And now NCSoft is planning on just ripping it out and shutting it down.
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I have no story to share about how City of Heroes has saved my life or helped me cope with being a shut-in.
I will say that psychologists recognise role-playing as a potent therapeutic tool. Children instinctively know the value of playing "let's pretend" and play-act at adult roles all the time.
We here play at being superheroes. Superheroes rescue the innocent and oppose the unjust. Superheroes unite right with might. Superheroes work as a team, hopefully a well-oiled one, like a football or soccer team, to surmount odds that they could never hope to overcome alone.
When NC-Soft dropped their "our company isn't doing well so we're just arbitrarily quitting, go home" bomb, only the most naive cubicle-drone could be so blind as not to see the "Save Paragon Movement" coming, just as soon as the shock wore off. We have been trained for eight years to think in terms of "banding together to fight injustice and save our city."
NC-Soft and Nexon may know business and software, but they know nothing about human psychology. By summarily dismissing the Paragon staff, who had just released two new powersets and were on the verge of a major new update, they have foolishly cast themselves as The Heartless Corporation, trampling their employees and customers in a mindless pursuit of profit (unfairly, they're hosting job fairs for the devs, but perception trumps reality.)
This very movement is its own testimonial.
Uniquely among genres, superheroes whisper encouragements to our highest, noblest instincts, and few of us are so debased and cynical that we ignore that whisper.
"I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride."
Superheroes are good and true, therefore they endure. In the form of the gods of myth they survived the ages. They survived Hitler's war. They survived McCarthy and Wertham and the Comics Code. They survived social turbulence and the generation gap. They survived deconstruction by the finest minds in the industry. They have always returned, reinvented and stronger than ever.
"Why do we fall?"
Therefore I predict: City of Heroes will survive this and endure, or it will somehow rise miraculously from its apparent death like the mythical phoenix.
"They can be a great people... they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way."
Have faith.
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(In a slight update to my story, we were back in court today. The appeal was dismissed and the conviction stands, which is awesome. I felt the need to share.)
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(In a slight update to my story, we were back in court today. The appeal was dismissed and the conviction stands, which is awesome. I felt the need to share.)
Very glad to hear that. Hugs and good cheer for all!
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(In a slight update to my story, we were back in court today. The appeal was dismissed and the conviction stands, which is awesome. I felt the need to share.)
That is wonderful!
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(In a slight update to my story, we were back in court today. The appeal was dismissed and the conviction stands, which is awesome. I felt the need to share.)
<great big hug>
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Excellent news, rae - this should be quite a relief for you s0o I am extremely happy to read this!
/em hugebigcelebratoryhug[TM]
Zos
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(In a slight update to my story, we were back in court today. The appeal was dismissed and the conviction stands, which is awesome. I felt the need to share.)
That's great news, Rae! I hope they keep him locked away for a long time! (if he is locked away?)
And I'm glad your story got a happy ending, Octagon! :D
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Collected, and sent to Mild Mannered Reporter at Massively.
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(Thanks so much - trying so hard not to derail this thread. Sadly he got a community sentence and a whopping fine, so no jail time this time around. But a conviction is a conviction, so it's all good. Thanks so much for all the kind words. They mean the world right now. *group hug*)
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(Thanks so much - trying so hard not to derail this thread. Sadly he got a community sentence and a whopping fine, so no jail time this time around. But a conviction is a conviction, so it's all good. Thanks so much for all the kind words. They mean the world right now. *group hug*)
Such a shame.. he got run over by a car.. 5 times.. while doing his community service.. Funny thing, it was a pickup truck from the US.. >.>
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All of the stories here are so touching, I've honestly never read so many enthusiastic stories from anyone relating to a game before. Thank you, Ms. Lackey, for starting this thread and all of your support (and that goes for everyone, too!). Thank you to everyone for sharing everything this game has meant to you as well!
I really do not have much of a story to tell as I've only been playing for about 3 years. CoH has been a wonderful way for me to deal with two diseases I have, type 1 diabetes and celiac disease. These two combined cause me to get pretty sick every so often, and City of Heroes has really helped me forget these feelings of illness. I was worried about joining teams after the attitude of players in the MMOs I have played in the past, where people tended to be rather hostile. I also did not want my medical problems interfering with group activities, so I have tended to be a loner in this game for awhile, mainly playing with my boyfriend and another friend. However, since Issue 20 or so, I've begun to volunteer to help out teams needing people to run TFs and also trying out iTrials and really am enjoying the community and realizing how many great people there are. The only thing I wish is that I began to involve myself earlier to make some friends, but sometimes things just work out that way. Right now I'm working on trying to join teams, SFs, join the vigil and experience the game as much as possible no matter what may happen in the future.
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This is for my grand daughter who I call Bean.
She is 10 now and has never had a single year that was without drama from a male figure in her life - except me - I am her Papa. She was 1 and her father "dropped" her breaking her right wrist. He left her and mom and moved from Michigan to Texas. She has never received so much as a birthday card from him.
Then my daughter married a guy who seemed a good guy and appeared to love my grand daughter as his own and I hoped against hope as parents do that they would live happy and forever. I was wrong. It turned out he had a drug problem brought about by working in a factory that caused his back and knees to ache. Within a year I was buying my daughter groceries as any money I gave them ended up buying drugs. Several years passed until my daughter saw the damge being done and left him.
My daughter found a new guy who was wealthy and hard working and unknown to us was also an ex-con who was basically insane. He tried every way possible to control my daughter and separate her from her family and isolate her - not all at once but step by step like Worm tongue. During this time he also on a regular basis was mentally abusing my grand daughter. Being called stupid, a loser and every other hateful thing under the sun - took an outgoing 10 year old girl who got straight A's in school to sad loner who was failing 4th grade.
One day while at our house she watched me play City of Heroes, now I have been playing since the game began but she never really understood we were HEROES. She saw me battling a monster and defeat him. For the first time she said, "Can I play?" I said of course and we spent the next 3 hours building a character and playing the game. I watched and coached her a bit and she played. I listened to her laugh - a real from the belly laugh and I realized to my horror it had been YEARS since I had heard her laugh like this and I nearly cried and had to leave the room for a moment.
I won't talk about the way we got the family out from under this monster. I will talk about my 10 year old hero standing beside her Papa fighting back against this live-in monster as she walked out of hell. She yelled at him and told him he was hateful and a horrible dad and that they would never go back to him. I was never more proud in my life of anyone and her spirit was bent but not broken.
My grand daughter then helped us get back her 2 year old sister who had been kidnapped by the father's family. She helped open the door and unbuckle the seat belts, when we had accidentally saw her sister at a McDonald's sitting in the car eating with one of the grand parent kidnappers. I ran interference and she helped her mom get the rest of the family back. Ten years old is young to have walked in the fires of hell and yet this game helped her learn she can fight back and defeat the monsters.
It also showed me the laughter that was missing from her soul and now I will spend every day working to keep the laughter loud and long and I thank this game for as long as it lasts for the bond we shared that was already strong now becoming a thing of legend. She now has a tale to tell her sister as she gets older in how she helped save her from the kidnappers.
I now have a 10 year old who is my hero.
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Wow
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It is truly humbling to see how many real heroes are playing this game - I really admire your courage, almost everyone here has gone through adversity I am not sure I could have coped with. The only good thing (silver lining, folks!) coming out of this mess is that I got to realize how wonderful this unique community really is and how many amazing individuals are part of it.
My hat's off to each and every one of you!
Zos
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OK here is what else you can do.
Those of you who have posted in the Testimonials thread: Most if not all of you have children with issues or issues yourselves.
Write a similar letter to Dr. Yoon. As the North American liaison she certainly has a good command of English. Then tell her you are posting your letter to every board you can for whatever group you fall under, be it parents with autistic children, ADHD, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, MS, Chronic Pain, St Jude's Hospital....every single one.
Then do it. For heaven's sake, parents with autistic children will grasp at anything that offers them a little hope of bringing the kids back to the world, and this game has demonstrated it at least once IT CAN DO THAT and NOW they are yanking it away? People with Chronic Pain, CFS, all the other things you folks are laboring under are dying to find something that will help a little, and this is a lifeline and it is being pulled!
We want the glaring hot eye of the mundane world on them....and they will get it.
I can't make those posts for you. I'm just the messenger. YOU are the message. Sound it loud and clear.
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After my mother died, I was severely depressed. I spent a long time barely coping. One year later, for Christmas - yes, my mother died just after Christmas - my family gave me a PC. My father said it was one of the last things she asked him to do, make sure I had a decent computer.
My brother had put it together, and had pre-installed City of Heroes because he thought my boyfriend might be interested in it. Not me, so much - I had never played an MMO, and was expecting to play things like The Sims on it - but as soon as I saw the character creator I was hooked. I elbowed my boyfriend out of the way and made my first character.
I quickly claimed my brother's buddy key, and subscribed my first account within a week. (Within the next few weeks, I would fill all available character slots, and subscribe my second account within a few months. My boyfriend also subscribed, of course!)
Shortly after I had started playing, I was running around Atlas Park alone, on one of my new heroes, taking on a bunch of evil gang members and watching my health slide to worryingly low levels, thinking I had bitten off more than I could chew and what happens when you get defeated in this game? A sudden green light enveloped my character, as if from nowhere, and my health bar was suddenly refilled! Delightedly, I finished off the evil gangsters, and turned around to find out where that green light had come from.
Hovering above me was a character in white, a character I would later find out was quite beloved amongst our EU community.
Mother's Love.
I cried. It was as if my mother had been brought back to me, just for a moment, by an anonymous player in a computer game. A player who took their time to help others, for the sheer kindness of it.
That's when I fell in love with City of Heroes, and the beautiful, astonishing, loyal and friendly community playing it.
I have made real friends through this game. I have loved, laughed, and mourned here. I have created, survived, and been victorious here. When my real life was mundane and when I was struggling to make it through the day, in Paragon City I could fly, I could save the world.
That's why we need to save this world. Save City of Heroes.
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If you wish to know someone, give them a tool for creation. We breathe, we draw, we build, we act, we write, we live. Our expressions betray our deepest thoughts, our darkest fears, and our brightest hopes.
It behooves the creators to seek themselves in the reflection cast by the mirror of the creations.
Today, I believe most people would say that I'm someone others would be glad to call a friend. I'm active in my community. I study hard and do what I can to keep myself healthy. I like to think of myself as quick-witted and generally of pleasant affect.
Seven years ago, most of that wasn't true. I was afflicted with what was then called "clinical depression." That was almost certainly true; I certainly engaged in several self-destructive behaviors and ideated several more. But admitting it to myself became an excuse to me. I let those words, that diagnosis, mar my view of myself. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I did what I often did in those days when faced with deep trauma: I ran. I hid from it as best I could, seeking sanctuary in escapism, alcohol, and generally asocial behavior. I was, like many young men in modern America, vastly underachieving in every axis because I had been told I was special, then thrown into an uncaring world without a keen knowledge of what it would take to stand on my own and make my way forward.
So, in all that time I was hiding from the world, I did what came naturally. I created. I daydreamed. I tinkered, trying to give life to ideas and ideals that remained unsatisfyingly ephemeral. One of the things I created was a level 1 Magic Origin Dark Miasma/Energy Blast Defender with a sulky black and blue costume. I didn't have time to be wounded, to be lost. The world, with its insistence, resisted that. But he, a costumed hero, could. He could be dark and haunted and, yes, even snide while still holding to the core of his ideals: there was good, there was evil, and there was a line between that should not ever be crossed at the risk of one's soul and spirit.
Then, I grew. A mentor at work sat me down and told me, point blank, that he expected more out of me than I was giving. Another person pointed out to me all the ways that my willingly-ignorant selfishness was hurting other people. I remained chained to my job, to my social circle, but those things began to feel like burdens. I'd become aware of my shortcomings and filled with an ache to do better. I needed a new start.
So I began to work in a pharmacy. My roommate moved out and we drifted out of touch. I changed apartments. Then, I woke up one January morning with a sense of resolve I hadn't had before. I was hurting people. I was hurting myself. And I needed to stop. I stopped buying bourbon. I began looking for challenges at work--I had a chance to put my past behind me and try to move on. And, surrounded by people that hadn't known me at my worst, I was free to be my best.
I enjoyed the game. I kept the game. And among my growing stable of characters, I kept that one creation as others churned out of and into oblivion. I kept refining the ideas, the story, oblivious of the tension in my psyche that had created him. His powers and his bleak outlook became the function of an extradimensional entity that had been forcibly implanted into him. It was a dark and cold thing that would drag his soul down, clawing and scratching into him for any foothold in the world. It was unknowable. It was inscrutible. It was a source of power and a burden. More than anything else, it simply was. It wasn't something to be reasoned with. It was something to be understood simply so it could be beaten.
Somewhere along the way, I began to discover that I had a knack for working with the public. Even when I was stressed, I discovered that I could be expressive enough to win empathy from the most demanding patients in a very short timeframe. My linguistic and mathematical skills began to show through. My nonlinear thinking meant I sometimes looked past the obvious, but I could improvise solutions to unusual problems. And people began asking me: "Why don't you go to pharmacy school?"
I was ashamed to tell them that I, in my self-destructive fugue, had never finished my undergraduate degree.
Somewhere in the midst of that, the game added user-generated content. I had also discovered that people enjoyed reading what I'd written, so I tried my hand at that. I came back to my old friend, the depressive Miasmist. Over time, and through my daydreams alone, his melancholic demeanor became a facade for a foppish playboy actor. That, in turn, became a facade for a man with no other allies in a war against an enemy that turned all of his own darkness against him.
Then, something amazing happened. In the story I'd written for him, with duplicity, strength of will, and--most importantly--trust in a greater hero than he was, he found a way to fight back. By the conclusion of the arc, the nature of the relationship between himself and the entity within had completely changed: its primal, unfocused energy could be channeled to positive ends relatively safely.
I believe it was the very next year that I went back to my alma mater, hat in hand, and asked all the people I'd embarrassed myself in front of there what I'd have to do to finally earn the honors degree I'd managed to deny myself. It took honesty, strength of will, and--most importantly--others placing trust in me to be a greater person than I was. And, over the next year, I finished an undergraduate research project unlike any other that had been attempted at the school to date.
I'm currently enrolled in a doctorate program, and I'm seeking a Masters of Public Health as well. I know now, through bitter experience, the worth of health--physical, mental, and spiritual--and the joy that comes with opportunities to succeed. I want to share those lessons with others, and I want to give others the chances to flourish that I have had.
People still enjoy my writing, but I don't write because of gnawing angst anymore. I've found ways to channel that unfocused energy to positive ends rather than let it consume me. But one day--maybe when I'm out of school, maybe when I retire--I just might go back and revisit that story. One day, if you read a modern horror novel about a foppish playboy actor whose body acts as a host for oily-slick emotional dolor incarnate, think of me. When he grows to accept his sins with such humility that his guilt can not be used against him, think of me. And when he tells the blackness within that it will not rule him, think of me.
Then, mention that you read this story here when you contact me. I'll be glad to sign your copy.
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OK here is what else you can do.
Those of you who have posted in the Testimonials thread: Most if not all of you have children with issues or issues yourselves.
Write a similar letter to Dr. Yoon. As the North American liaison she certainly has a good command of English. Then tell her you are posting your letter to every board you can for whatever group you fall under, be it parents with autistic children, ADHD, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, MS, Chronic Pain, St Jude's Hospital....every single one.
Then do it. For heaven's sake, parents with autistic children will grasp at anything that offers them a little hope of bringing the kids back to the world, and this game has demonstrated it at least once IT CAN DO THAT and NOW they are yanking it away? People with Chronic Pain, CFS, all the other things you folks are laboring under are dying to find something that will help a little, and this is a lifeline and it is being pulled!
We want the glaring hot eye of the mundane world on them....and they will get it.
I can't make those posts for you. I'm just the messenger. YOU are the message. Sound it loud and clear.
I wouldn't really know where else to post the message, with the exception of one CFS forum I used to frequent.
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I wouldn't really know where else to post the message, with the exception of one CFS forum I used to frequent.
I have something of the same problem - since I'm not a member of most of the autism support groups due to fundamental disagreements on how science and peer review work. (In other words, I'm an evil abusive parent because I vaccinate my kids and think that homeopathy is about as effective as waving a magic wand. Yes, I've been told that. For some reason, I just don't find that attitude very supportive.)
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/em sarcasm on
There's this great new thing called Google. You type what you want to find in it, and wow, it comes up with a big list!
/em sarcasm off
You don't have to believe in any of that woo woo nonsense to post ONCE in a forum. I do it all the time. Sign up, or post as a guest, make one post of the information you want to get out, and poof, gone. Never worry about it again. But every time you do that you increase the odds that someone else will find something useful and our message gets out.
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Yes, Mother. ;)
It's also going out in the mail on Monday, now that my printer is working again.
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Wow, several of these have made me cry as well... I had no idea how much good this game (and its community) have wrought.
My story isn't that remarkable, but I wanted to share it because I love this game and this community, and I'll do anything to help save it.
May 2004. I had moved back to Michigan (where I grew up) after three years in Ohio doing my doctoral coursework. Three years being many, many hours away from my friends and family. My wife and I were staying with my best friend Tim, and he told me about this new game called "City of Heroes" that he and several other of my gamer friends had started playing. He invited me to use his account while he was at work, and give the game a try. I was hooked from the moment I hit the costume creator. When August came, and my wife and I moved to where I'd begin my first post-doc teaching assignment, he helped me get my account up and running until I got my first paycheck and could take over payment on my own.
For me, CoH was a way to still be with the friends back home, a way to still be connected to them and "hang out." We played on weekends for months, and then, one by one, they started to get bored with the game and move on to other pursuits. By the end of my second year in the game, no one I knew was still playing it.
I don't make friends easily. My wife has always amazed me by how easily she can find and bond with a group whenever we'd go to a new town, whereas I'd be lucky to find anyone I could bond like that with. So when my friends left for other games, I spent a lot of time alone. I'd watch the chat on the global channels, and wish I was someone who felt comfortable (and was welcome) chatting with the others on my server (Pinnacle, btw).
Then came w00t Radio. I saw a post in the forums that a streaming radio station was covering Cuppa Jo's going-away party when she was leaving CoH, and I decided to a) hop on the test server for the gathering, and b) tune in to w00t. I'd done radio off and on since I was 15, and when I saw that w00t was looking for DJs, I applied. Several months earlier, I had fallen in love with the "The Radio" missions in CoV, and had decided on a whim to actually voice them. I put them online, created a page for them, and posted about it on the forums. The guy who ran w00t, Jester, had heard them and told me they'd serve as my "demo" and let me join w00t as a DJ. I had two shows, a soundtrack program called The Theatre of the Mind, and a classic rock program called The School of Rock.
w00t brought me a whole new group of friends, some associated with the radio station, some who just listened and liked what they heard. I traveled to New York to offer my DJ services to Jester when he got married, and later journeyed to Chicago to help two listener-friends celebrate their marriage (they met in-game). I've also been fortunate enough to meet several others that I first got to know in the game as well.
But, again, time whittled away the group. By the time Freedom launched, there were four of us who still made a point to get together every week: Dark Lu, Red Crow, Aldrazar, and myself. When my mother passed away after a year-long battle with cancer, those three gentlemen (they would scoff at me using that word to describe them, but it's accurate) helped keep me sane, and gave me a place to vent, to cry, and helped me channel my grief and my anger in a way that didn't hurt anyone (except the 5th Column).
I'm still in contact with almost everyone I've made friends with through the game, and because of CoH, and w00t, I'm now co-owner of my own streaming radio station. I'm on-air even as I type this (between talk-breaks). I can't count the ways CoH has enriched my life... the people, the stress relief, the community, the developers... I'm indebted to everyone in ways I'll never be able to repay.
When I read the announcement that NCsoft was intending to shut down CoH, I broke down and cried. November 30th is three days before the one-year anniversary of my mother's death, and I knew right then and there that that anniversary would be 100 times more difficult to bear without my lifeline to my other world, and my friends there. I'm hoping beyond hope that something can thwart that deadline, for a lot of reasons.
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You each have touched me greatly with your testimonials. There isn't one that isn't "special" and that isn't worth reading/knowing. Thank you.
I'd like to share mine, if I may:
I started playing I guess in September 2005. So this marks the seventh year for me. When I first started, I was on the Champions server because I had loved playing the Champions PnP game so it just seemed to fit. However, I soon learned that I wanted to RP more and found that the Virtue server was the place to go.
Fastforward a few months when I was standing in Atlas Park and learned that an RP SG was recruiting. I figured, "What the heck?" and joined. It was a fun SG and we all enjoyed each other's company. But it was there that I met Eddie and Julie (names changed to protect them. :) ) They were boyfriend and girlfriend living in the South. Oddly, they were fairly quiet. They teamed, chatted every now and then... but they weren't the personalities that you would spot in the room the moment you entered it. But I could tell they were good people so we conversed a lot via PMs and such.
When the SG was fading fast, we stayed in touch via Global handles. As the years went on, our friendship grew stronger... so much so that they convinced me that we should try Team Chat via Ventrillo. I thought, "Um...okay." I don't like my recorded voice, so I was hesitant to share it with the world. But it was so cool to hear their voices and it really adds a whole new aspect. These players are now made more REAL to me. They're not just a collection of pixels. They're people...and we hit it off even more. I admit their southern accents hooked me as well. And Julie...well she had this laugh that was so infectious. The kind that even a little giggle would have me chuckling. Very little-girl-like and as sweet as sugar. I loved hanging out with these two and it put a whole new outlook on the game.
Fast-forward again... and I hadn't seen either of them in a few weeks. So, when Eddie logged on, I was thrilled to talk to him.
Me: "Hey stranger! What's the good word?"
Eddie: "Hey there. I've been trying to get a hold of you."
Me: "Why? What's up?"
Eddie: "I wanted to let you know that Julie passed."
Okay, now you have to understand that Julie was in her mid-thirties...so when I heard she passed, my response was:
"Passed what?" (I thought perhaps she was taking a test for a promotion at work or for night school).
Eddie: "Ted, she's gone."
It still didn't hit me. Gone? Gone where? These two were head-over-heels in love. Where would she go? Yes, I didn't get as many responses from Julie via Facebook, but I just had figured she was busy.
Well, it turns out that Eddie was going to head to the store while Julie was taking a nap on the couch. He went to wake her, to see if she wanted something from the store. The thing was: she didn't wake up. You see... the migraine headaches were masking something more serious. Julie had an aneurysm. And it burst. She died instantly. Painlessly. She just logged out.
It hit me then. Hard. It was as if somebody had mustered all of his strength and slammed me into my chest. I couldn't breathe. No, I thought. That's not right. She didn't die. She's our team healer. She makes sure nobody in the team dies. She makes me laugh with just a giggle. She always made sure I was safe whenever we teamed. She's not gone.
After a long, tear-filled phone call with Eddie, I learned all the details. Here we were, over two thousand miles apart, and all I wanted to do was go there and hug him. Two grown men and we were like brothers. Even though we had never met.
Even now when I see Julie's name on my Global Friend list, I still expect it to turn from dark green to light green someday. It's still hard to fathom. But I rest easier knowing that she shared my Christian faith and that we will see each other again someday. And I'll be able to not just /em hug, but offer a real hug.
And to those who say that City of Heroes is just a game? Well, it's no more "just a game" than a family is "just a group of people."
City of Heroes has to remain. Because I know there are more Julies on there I have yet to meet. I have more Eddies to hang out with. And I want to be the one who makes others laugh with my chuckle.
I hope NCSoft will reconsider, for all that's moral.
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And to those who say that City of Heroes is just a game? Well, it's no more "just a game" than a family is "just a group of people."
...and that's it. In just two sentences, that is everything.
...now if only these damnable ninjas would stop chopping onions when I read this thread... *sniffle*
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I think another group hug is in order.
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I saw my psychiatrist today. He said that City of Heroes sounded like a good occupation for me. I don't think he's a gamer, so I'm impressed.
Back to trying to decide what to say to Apple.
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It takes tremendous courage to open up about some of these issues - even if we are all "sort of" anonymous. I applaud all of you.
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It takes tremendous courage to open up about some of these issues - even if we are all "sort of" anonymous. I applaud all of you.
...interestingly enough, I don't consider this 'anonymous' at all, for me. I've been referring to myself as 'Grimm' both in game and out for the past eight years as a result of the tremendous community and deep friendships City has given me. I now answer to it faster than my 'real' name.
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I don't have a dramatic, or even semi-poignant, story to tell about this game. I just love it. It was my first MMO, I joined after Issue 4. I was looking around for a game to play at Best Buy. I'd seen EverQuest, but it didn't really appeal to me, and I had no experience at all with WoW. When I saw a box for a superhero MMO, I snapped it up (as a life-long comic book junkie, no big surprise).
Previously, I'd talked with a friend who'd played EverQuest, and he told me about one of his co-workers who had gotten so wrapped up in that game that he'd play it at work, on the clock. I couldn't believe someone could get THAT hooked into a computer game.
Well, I did get hooked. Not THAT bad, where I'd try to sneak in a game at work, but CoH did get its hooks into me, and I remember the moment I realized how deep those hooks were.
I wind up fielding calls in the office sometimes. One day, about a month or two after I'd started playing CoH, my boss was out of the office for a customer meeting when a call came in for him. My response- "I'm sorry, he's out on a mish right now."
I kind of choked a little bit when I realized what I said. There was silence from the phone, before I managed to sputter out - "I mean, he's out of the office for a meeting!" for which I got a grudging response that the caller would try again later.
Yep, at that moment I realized that CoH had hooked me good, and I didn't mind a bit.
I only have 2 level 50s, but that's largely because I have chronic alt-itis, I'm more interested in creating new characters with their own backstories to play, rather that chasing goalposts.
I've been an on-and-off player. Since I started with CoH, I've also played many other MMOs, including super hero themed games like DCUO and Champions Online. But I keep coming back to CoH. All the other MMOs I've played feel like workouts, that the only purpose in playing is to level.
CoH always feels like a party.
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I don't have anything to add, but this thread needs to stay near the top. So there.
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...stupid onion chopping ninjas. *sniffle*
Thank you for sharing, Obsidian. That couldn't have been easy for you. Which server do you play on? I'd be honored to meet Crystallum before November 30th.
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I really need to keep a box of Kleenex at my computer. Seriously.
Obsidian Phoenix, I can't even imagine the pain. No pain quite as unbearable.
Please know that my prayers are with you and your wife and that it's also my prayers you'll be reunited with your Crystal.
Your daughter was right...you ARE a hero...and I'm sure she's very proud of you.
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Respect for sharing this, Obsidian.
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Obsidian, there are no words to express my sorrow and respect for you.
My eyes are brimming with tears...in the middle of a restaurant. I too would be honored to meet the homage to your little girl. We must save this game...for all of us, but especially for that tiny blessed spirit...and you.
Virtual hugs are all I have to send...wow.
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Thanks gang.
She is on Guardian, and I will be having her standing vigil in game for a while. I wish I had the time to get her to 50, But at the rate I get to play her, I don't think it will happen.
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Thanks gang.
She is on Guardian, and I will be having her standing vigil in game for a while. I wish I had the time to get her to 50, But at the rate I get to play her, I don't think it will happen.
Miracle happen.
Every day. :)
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Should anyone pause for a moment and ask "Is it right, with everything that is terrible about the real world, that we should have the temerity to pray that this game be saved?" I would answer this.
Would saving it harm anyone? Cause anyone to lose anything?
No.
Would saving it preserve a place where precious memories can be preserved, where little boys that can't run can fly, where the fearful can be brave, the sorrowful comforted, the lonely find companionship--where all the things that are good about humanity can be shared and celebrated?
Yes.
The fact that this is a world of electrons and pixels is meaningless in the face of what this thread has told us. It is virtual, but it is real.
And it is right we use every tool we have to save it.
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Should anyone pause for a moment and ask "Is it right, with everything that is terrible about the real world, that we should have the temerity to pray that this game be saved?" I would answer this.
Would saving it harm anyone? Cause anyone to lose anything?
No.
Would saving it preserve a place where precious memories can be preserved, where little boys that can't run can fly, where the fearful can be brave, the sorrowful comforted, the lonely find companionship--where all the things that are good about humanity can be shared and celebrated?
Yes.
The fact that this is a world of electrons and pixels is meaningless in the face of what this thread has told us. It is virtual, but it is real.
And it is right we use every tool we have to save it.
Damn. Straight.
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Unbelievably sad and moving. That took an incredible amount of courage and strength to overcome that kind of pain: Obsidian. Thanks for sharing...
You ARE a Hero and I'm sure you're making her proud.
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I regret that, to my everlasting sadness, I just discovered it is impossible for me to roll a character on Guardian due to the cancellation of my VIP just days before the sunset announcement. Know that it would have been an honor to meet Crystallum, and again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story with us, Obsidian.
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Its time I added to this thread...my story isn't as powerful and moving as that of Obsidian Phoenix and I am thankful it is not nearly as heart-rending and yet I have been holding back for the wrong reasons. I think here alone no one will think less of me for knowing the truth. For this to go to NCsoft well I would recommend only excerpts...I'm not writing this for them...I'm writing this for all of you. I don't want to craft a piece of marketing material...this is about opening my heart.
Today I am a trained public speaker, a sometime actress on the local level, a karaoke singer, a fan fiction writer, a poet, a person who works in a office...and a female gamer.
Once long ago there was a little girl with an invisible disability who did not have an easy life....and was told a great many things she would never have, never find, and never do. She was horribly uncoordinated to the point that video games started out as a prescription to try and build hand-eye coordination. That little girl went through motor skills tutoring and found out that she was paradoxically good at many athletics...she had great reflexes, good instincts, and balance...but the lack of spacial perception would always get in her way. And so despite of being a born athlete in many ways she was never going to really be one...still she managed to get on several high school sports teams and do well enough to compete, never win but compete. She learned to be content with that because there really was no other choice...she could never compete against others, only herself. She prided herself on those athletic achievements, paltry though they were, because the only place she had ever been encouraged.
That little girl learned to know frustration very well. She had so many potential talents but the only thing that she was ever encouraged in was trying to appear "normal". She was very, very good at reading from a very young age and lost herself in a world of books by many authors (including one on this board.) There she learned that different could mean special not broken and that maybe the world could actually accept her for who she was. It was a wonderful difference from the discouraging and hateful words that often filled her daily life, including from people who were supposed to love her.
She had a singing voice but struggled with rhythm and of course being a singer was not a practical profession...neither was acting, or writing...the things she actually loved doing and maybe would have had a chance of making it if actual training had been given. So upon reaching adulthood she finally was able to join a local semi-professional theater company, get positively acknowledged in the local papers, and then have to quit because she had to get a second job.
She was good with computers, largely because she was told to learn typing so people would not have to read her horrible handwriting and has the sort of mind that assimilates concepts rapidly. She had an early knack for programing and wanted to take further classes but kept being told to wait for another year...until the field left her completely behind.
Her focus in school was on learning to appear normal...dumb down her strengths and camoflauge her weaknesses until she looked like every other drone...dreams were something to be immediately squashed and broken
She used to be painfully shy not because it was her nature but because the world had stomped so hard and often on her individuality that she had learned to be ashamed of it.
So she sang quietly to her self but never believed she was any good, wrote stories but showed them to no one.
She was a desperately unhappy child always afraid that someone would see through the facade she had been forced to build, always working on a new mask.
She loved animals because there was never a need to hide with them...she loved music, video, games, books, being outdoors, anything and everything that let her escape from the constant and oppressive *assault* of reality.
She was a sensitive child who cared about others and then learned it only got her hurt and betrayed....yet still kept trying.
She considered ending it, but she was far to stubborn for that...she refused to surrender and made a vow to herself that she would not give in. She would not let people who set out to destroy her have the satisfaction of winning.
This little girl eventually grew up, she left that town full of hate and pain, she found new friends people who did not ridicule her at every turn and reaffirmed that every single interest she had was not worthy only of mockery...every opinion she had was not wrong. It is still hard for her to trust people, she has been through far to much, but she slowly learned to peal away the layers one by one.
She found new role models and started to unearth the shattered remnants of her dreams. Maybe it was far to late to ever be famous or successful in any way her family would acknowledge but she vowed to stop being ashamed of herself, to embrace acting, singing, and writing as wonderful hobbies that she wishes were more but probably would never be. She hiked the grand canyon because it was a tangible achievement. She learned to drive a car even if it was a far years later then most. At first it was hard to pick up a karaoke microphone, give a speech, lead a group, step on a stage or show anyone something she had written...the newest illusion is one of confidence something that becomes a little more real every day.
Eight years ago she picked up her very first MMO, she made a decision for herself that she wanted to be a hero and that she would not be afraid of joining an online community...and they accepted her. They did not care that she got lost easily on maps, they laughed with her at typos, they affirmed that video games were not just a childish pastime...after a hard day npc and player alike were there with a word of thanks.
When she needed to get rid of anger, this young woman could find a villain worthy of destruction.
When the weather was awful outside or she was sick the vistas of paragon city provided a wonderful place to explore.
When she could not seem to do anything right there was always a successful mission.
When she needed a friend...her real life friends and husband were on the same team because she had successfully shared something she loved and had it echoed rather then being ridiculed or ashamed.
Today I am no longer that little girl. It would be impossible to heal every scar without losing the sensitivity and compassion that are so much a part of me. But I have come a very long way toward paving over that road of pain. My life is far from perfect but before this announcement about City of Heroes I was happy. I am very proud to be a gamer and a member of the wonderful community that is city of heroes.
City of Heroes may not be the source of that healing but it has been a true and lasting inspiration...and the people of this community are among those who have given me the courage and strength to start making something of my life.
So here I stand before you...stripped of my armor, acknowledging my flaws...and why I will fight till the bitter end for a game. Because City of heroes IS far more then a game. It is a community, where I am accepted....and can be the hero....I have always *wished* I could be.
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I found out 2 years ago I was transgender it came as a shock to me because I was raised to be homophobic and to be like every other straight man my parents and most of my family don't know yet but all my friends know and this game has let me be me my friends on City of Heroes treated me like a girl and it means the world to me that they mean the world to me and i wouldn't know how to take it if I lost touch with them i would die i was actually thinking of suicide before I got into this game because if I came out to my parents I would be homeless this game brings me a piece of mind that I need in my life i literally couldn't live without this game.
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I regret that, to my everlasting sadness, I just discovered it is impossible for me to roll a character on Guardian due to the cancellation of my VIP just days before the sunset announcement. Know that it would have been an honor to meet Crystallum, and again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story with us, Obsidian.
Drake. Crystal Says Hi!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/10207725@N08/8015504748/
EDIT: For some reason I cannot get the photo to display in the message. But the link to the photo is above!
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Its time I added to this thread...my story isn't as powerful and moving as that of Obsidian Phoenix and I am thankful it is not nearly as heart-rending and yet I have been holding back for the wrong reasons. I think here alone no one will think less of me for knowing the truth. For this to go to NCsoft well I would recommend only excerpts...I'm not writing this for them...I'm writing this for all of you. I don't want to craft a piece of marketing material...this is about opening my heart.
Today I am a trained public speaker, a sometime actress on the local level, a karaoke singer, a fan fiction writer, a poet, a person who works in a office...and a female gamer.
Once long ago there was a little girl with an invisible disability who did not have an easy life....and was told a great many things she would never have, never find, and never do. She was horribly uncoordinated to the point that video games started out as a prescription to try and build hand-eye coordination. That little girl went through motor skills tutoring and found out that she was paradoxically good at many athletics...she had great reflexes, good instincts, and balance...but the lack of spacial perception would always get in her way. And so despite of being a born athlete in many ways she was never going to really be one...still she managed to get on several high school sports teams and do well enough to compete, never win but compete. She learned to be content with that because there really was no other choice...she could never compete against others, only herself. She prided herself on those athletic achievements, paltry though they were, because the only place she had ever been encouraged.
That little girl learned to know frustration very well. She had so many potential talents but the only thing that she was ever encouraged in was trying to appear "normal". She was very, very good at reading from a very young age and lost herself in a world of books by many authors (including one on this board.) There she learned that different could mean special not broken and that maybe the world could actually accept her for who she was. It was a wonderful difference from the discouraging and hateful words that often filled her daily life, including from people who were supposed to love her.
She had a singing voice but struggled with rhythm and of course being a singer was not a practical profession...neither was acting, or writing...the things she actually loved doing and maybe would have had a chance of making it if actual training had been given. So upon reaching adulthood she finally was able to join a local semi-professional theater company, get positively acknowledged in the local papers, and then have to quit because she had to get a second job.
She was good with computers, largely because she was told to learn typing so people would not have to read her horrible handwriting and has the sort of mind that assimilates concepts rapidly. She had an early knack for programing and wanted to take further classes but kept being told to wait for another year...until the field left her completely behind.
Her focus in school was on learning to appear normal...dumb down her strengths and camoflauge her weaknesses until she looked like every other drone...dreams were something to be immediately squashed and broken
She used to be painfully shy not because it was her nature but because the world had stomped so hard and often on her individuality that she had learned to be ashamed of it.
So she sang quietly to her self but never believed she was any good, wrote stories but showed them to no one.
She was a desperately unhappy child always afraid that someone would see through the facade she had been forced to build, always working on a new mask.
She loved animals because there was never a need to hide with them...she loved music, video, games, books, being outdoors, anything and everything that let her escape from the constant and oppressive *assault* of reality.
She was a sensitive child who cared about others and then learned it only got her hurt and betrayed....yet still kept trying.
She considered ending it, but she was far to stubborn for that...she refused to surrender and made a vow to herself that she would not give in. She would not let people who set out to destroy her have the satisfaction of winning.
This little girl eventually grew up, she left that town full of hate and pain, she found new friends people who did not ridicule her at every turn and reaffirmed that every single interest she had was not worthy only of mockery...every opinion she had was not wrong. It is still hard for her to trust people, she has been through far to much, but she slowly learned to peal away the layers one by one.
She found new role models and started to unearth the shattered remnants of her dreams. Maybe it was far to late to ever be famous or successful in any way her family would acknowledge but she vowed to stop being ashamed of herself, to embrace acting, singing, and writing as wonderful hobbies that she wishes were more but probably would never be. She hiked the grand canyon because it was a tangible achievement. She learned to drive a car even if it was a far years later then most. At first it was hard to pick up a karaoke microphone, give a speech, lead a group, step on a stage or show anyone something she had written...the newest illusion is one of confidence something that becomes a little more real every day.
Eight years ago she picked up her very first MMO, she made a decision for herself that she wanted to be a hero and that she would not be afraid of joining an online community...and they accepted her. They did not care that she got lost easily on maps, they laughed with her at typos, they affirmed that video games were not just a childish pastime...after a hard day npc and player alike were there with a word of thanks.
When she needed to get rid of anger, this young woman could find a villain worthy of destruction.
When the weather was awful outside or she was sick the vistas of paragon city provided a wonderful place to explore.
When she could not seem to do anything right there was always a successful mission.
When she needed a friend...her real life friends and husband were on the same team because she had successfully shared something she loved and had it echoed rather then being ridiculed or ashamed.
Today I am no longer that little girl. It would be impossible to heal every scar without losing the sensitivity and compassion that are so much a part of me. But I have come a very long way toward paving over that road of pain. My life is far from perfect but before this announcement about City of Heroes I was happy. I am very proud to be a gamer and a member of the wonderful community that is city of heroes.
City of Heroes may not be the source of that healing but it has been a true and lasting inspiration...and the people of this community are among those who have given me the courage and strength to start making something of my life.
So here I stand before you...stripped of my armor, acknowledging my flaws...and why I will fight till the bitter end for a game. Because City of heroes IS far more then a game. It is a community, where I am accepted....and can be the hero....I have always *wished* I could be.
Your story is just as valid, just as important, as any other here. So yes, here you stand, stripped of armor, acknowledging flaws, and to that I say: thank you.
/me offers QuantumHero a great big hug
I found out 2 years ago I was transgender it came as a shock to me because I was raised to be homophobic and to be like every other straight man my parents and most of my family don't know yet but all my friends know and this game has let me be me my friends on City of Heroes treated me like a girl and it means the world to me that they mean the world to me and i wouldn't know how to take it if I lost touch with them i would die i was actually thinking of suicide before I got into this game because if I came out to my parents I would be homeless this game brings me a piece of mind that I need in my life i literally couldn't live without this game.
Vee, believe me when I say I know exactly how you feel. Also, punctuation. Please. Gods. Punctuation. :P
/me offers Vee a great big hug, too.
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Drake. Crystal Says Hi!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/10207725@N08/8015469548/
EDIT: For some reason I cannot get the photo to display in the message. But the link to the photo is above!
Thanks for sharing Obsidian. Excuse me while I go find those onion chopping ninjas and throttle them. ;)
/me offers Obsidian a great big hug, too.
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I can't even come remotely close to what I've read here. For all of you who have posted how much City Of Heroes helped you and your family during the tough times, you were all heroes long before you started playing one on the game. You have my respect and admiration.
My tale is no so impressive or epic. All I can say is I have a personality flaw that makes me afraid to tackle tough problems or make hard choices when needed. In the face of those things I would put it off, or simply not do them at all. This sometimes led to disasterous outcomes. That was before City of Heroes. That was before I began to say, in the face of these real life challenges, "What would Event Horizon Man do?".
My alter-ego is a defender, and quite squishy, so he'd die a lot as a result. Yet, whether on a solo or in a team mission, he'd always (well, with the help of his player) overcome these tough odds. He'd keep running right on back to the mission door and keep at it until the mission was done. In my eyes, he was persistence personified. Almost like Wile E. Coyote, except Event eventually caught the road runner.
(TMI Alert on the way! If you are squishy like a defender on stuff like body functions, stop reading!)
One time after a "number 2" to the men's room, I noticed some blood, and it didn't happen once, it happened every time I went. As per my personality flaw about being fearful and afraid to tackle the things that needed to be tackled, I was going to consider just ignoring it. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was just something I ate. It will fix itself. Or perhaps not. Maybe it's cancer, maybe a bowel blockage, or a rupture. In that moment of fear and doubt I was paralyzed and my mind was racing. Out of that racing a silly and irrational phrase popped up in my head:
"What would Event Horizon Man do?"
We think silly things in moments like this, and it could have just been a mental ramble born out of nervousness. But this one stuck. What would Event Horizon Man do? Well, he certainly would not have let fear stop him. He's persistence personified. He would find out the cause of the problem, keep at it and at it until he knew the answer and got it fixed. I found asking that question a few times helped me get a handle on it, and try to come up with the next course of action. That next course of action was a trip to the doctor, followed by a long wait to see a gastrointestinal specialist. But that's okay, as long as I keep that question framed in my mind, the wait was not so bad. It even got me through the colonoscopy, which for obvious reasons is a scary thing but really not as bad as my fearful nature made it.
The colonoscopy found two small harmless polyps, and one hemorrhoid fairly up the pipe that was the source of the bleeding. All three were removed and I was given a clean bill of health. No more blood during a Number 2.
That little "Event Horizon Man" inside me helped me get through this tough time. "He" was that part of me I always had, but it was buried. The game helped unearth and personify that trait into something I can visualize.
That was the first time I ever used that kind of introspection to tackle a problem, but it wouldn't be the last. Whether it was a project at work, or a difficult situation with my friends and family, I'd ask myself, "What would Event Horizon Man do?". and I'd get something I could start with in order to get the problem done. I'm still a bit of a "fraidy cat" when it comes to tackling things but now I got someone at my back.
And he does not live in the character selection screen. He's right here in my head, and my heart. He's me.
Event Horizon Man
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The colonoscopy found two small harmless polyps, and one hemorrhoid fairly up the pipe that was the source of the bleeding. All three were removed and I was given a clean bill of health.
Good on you. The uncertainty can be the most terrifying thing, and you faced it.
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Every time I delve into this thread, too things happen.
1) Ninjas sneak into the room and start quietly chopping onions. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!)
2) I'm reminded that this truly is a City of Heroes, both in and out of game. Thank you again, everyone, for sharing your stories, big or small, dramatic or mundane. They are all equally important.
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Every time I delve into this thread, too things happen.
1) Ninjas sneak into the room and start quietly chopping onions. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!)
2) I'm reminded that this truly is a City of Heroes, both in and out of game. Thank you again, everyone, for sharing your stories, big or small, dramatic or mundane. They are all equally important.
What Drake said. Without the ninjas. Tears, yes, ninjas no.
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I've been fighting on how to tell this story.
From an early age my son had issues with screens, a tv, computer monitor, phone, it would always immediately draw his attention to the exclusion of all else. Initially, we'd considered it normal, fast movement on the screen draws a babies eyes. As he grew older, the behavior did not change, a screen would always get his attention. As a curiosity, I sat him down in my lap, at three years old, and set him into the City of Heroes character creation screen. He'd used the computer mouse before, letting him draw with paint. I thought to give him something more to do than just squiggly lines on a screen. It took awhile, but after about three hours of him playing with the editor, he'd created himself his own character. I'd figured that would be enough, but he wanted to actually play the rather garishly colored egyptian god with john lennon glasses. For him, he could move around using the arrow keys, while I controlled the powers, but it was a start.
For those unaware, a child with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder have a problem of dopamine fall-off in the brain. The longer an activity takes to feed a reward, the more this drops off. The brain, needing this chemical to function, seeks something to fulfill this reward, hence the difficulty in paying attention. A tv or computer screen gives rapid, almost immediate rewards, keeping these levels at their proper levels. Without any of us realizing it, my son was self-medicating himself through the computer.
By the time my son was diagnosed, it led us to a new realization. By the age of 5, his playing City of Heroes, and his asking me to read him every mission text, every plaque, had helped him to learn how to read above his age level. His working on enhancements and min-maxing gave him immediate rewards for math comprehension. His memory improved when he dived into Inventions and later Architect Entertainment as he sought to make his characters better. We bought him packs when he did his chores without issue. City of Heroes gave us a tool to help a child who otherwise would have struggled to stay at grade level, to instead surpass it. He even worked for and earned his own computer, a little netbook which we made sure would run CoH for him.
He is now 10, and reading at an adults level. He is in his school districts advanced learning program, at a special gifted student school. This year they begin orchestra, which of course has us figuring out where to purchase the right student Cello for him. We tried other games for him, but none gave him the outlet and immediate rewards which City of Heroes did, so all became objects of boredom over time. Not the WoW, not the EQ, not DR, not CO, not SWG, none of them kept his focus and attention to the extent which City of Heroes did.
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I... well, sometimes I suffer from Major Clinical Depression. Other times I revel in it.
I've been in and out of Hospitals for my condiiton more than once, too... but that isnt the point here.
I was a relative latecomer to the game, having not subbed until right around issue 16 with its breakthrough of customizable power colors. Because of my mental and emotional problems, I never have, and still am not, very comfortable around people in a real life setting. Its... challenging to get myself to go out and be around other people in a social setting. still. I pretty much got to the point where I'd not go out without a compelling reason. Like grocery shopping.
What little interaction I did with anyone, pretty much dwindled to the electronic forms, until finally a group of players who were also fans of Robert Shroeck (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/index.shtml) convinced me to give it a try. Seems Bob wound up sort of inherting a Supergroup, but building from a core of fellow fans of the game and of his fan-fiction built it back up into a fairly thriving community with its own subsection of his message boards.
I've not looked back. Maybe my attatchment to the game isn't compelely healthy; but its given me a safe social outlet. A badly needed one, at the time I was living in a town of barely 10,000 in northern california where it seemed there wasn't anyone who shared my particular interests, as I'd always been a RPG'r, even back when I was more of a roll player than a ROLE player. and thats been the things that stuck in my head, now that I think about it. Granted I've always been a Virtue player except for 2 for backup on Infinity (Created back in the day when server crashes were much more comon, but any time both Virtue and Infinity were down it was inevitably a case of the fact BOTH servers being down was actually the least of one's problems) I did make a joke toon on freedom as well, back when it was thought that only by being on freedom during its praetorean invasion would get you the badge.
This game has let me excercise social skills that would have disollved into nothing by now. And like physcial muscles, social skills will attrophy if not used. Its especially important now, to me, as I am a distinct racial minority where I live now. Its not something that I really put my finger on until now... but while I dont go in fear of my personal safety any time I leave my apartment I dont exactly feel warmly welcomed by the people I do see on the street.
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This isn't a testimonial but a PSA, of sorts: The most frequently recurring villain in these threads is depression, and it's something I've also struggled with. (Including eating crackers for "meals" because I couldn't bring myself to go out for groceries; and disconnecting my phone because social interaction -- even with friends -- was too exhausting.)
Don't let that archvillain defeat you!
* Seek help, if you haven't already. The game of life, like CoH, is a lot easier with teammates.
* If your "help" wasn't helpful, keep looking. Therapists and doctors are not Signature Summons -- they're pick-up groups: Some are apathetic, just drawing a paycheck; others mean well but are ineffective; others are highly skilled but may not connect with you; while others are downright terrible, misdiagnose you, and make things even worse.
But among all the mismatched pick-up therapists/psychiatrists out there, there's someone whom you'll connect with; someone who cares about you and whom you like; whom you can rely on and will be there for you; with whom you can form a Supergroup together. These are the teammates that you have to find -- need to find.
* As StarRanger4 said, social skills are something that need to be exercised or it atrophies. It's great that CoH helps many of us with our recovery, but don't let it end there! That first Training enhancement slotted in your Social Interaction power will seem worthless, but as you continue adding more slots and slowly upgrading more powerful enhancements; it can become a bread-and-butter power for you.
Most of all -- and the recurring theme from all these testimonials -- don't give up!
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* If your "help" wasn't helpful, keep looking. Therapists and doctors are not Signature Summons -- they're pick-up groups: Some are apathetic, just drawing a paycheck; others mean well but are ineffective; others are highly skilled but may not connect with you; while others are downright terrible, misdiagnose you, and make things even worse.
Best description of doctors EVER! (From someone with chronic migraines, fibromyalgia, mild to moderate depression, and anxiety disorders...on top of my autistic kids.)
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But among all the mismatched pick-up therapists/psychiatrists out there, there's someone whom you'll connect with; someone who cares about you and whom you like; whom you can rely on and will be there for you; with whom you can form a Supergroup together. These are the teammates that you have to find -- need to find.
+1 for truth. I would also add dont get locked in to feeling you have to have a 'diploma'd caregiver. If you feel uncomfotable with them there are plenty of peers inside the system who have been where you are and can be just as helpfull and, because they are your PEER, and your choosing to take their advice can be MORE empowering to your recovery than the "handed down from on high" feeling you can get from a certified professional.
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Back in 2004 when this game came out I was busy playing Ultima Online and Star Wars Galaxies. I worked with a guy who played it and I thought "what a stupid game." One of my best friends told me that one of the developers was one of the developers of the table top roleplaying game Gamma World, which I had played since I was 15 (1987). So, I decided to give it a try. I actually created a character on his account and played for a big part of 2005-06. We had a falling out and I quit. Finally, in 2007, my coworker and now best friend encouraged me to create an account, so I did.
I didn't get the chance to play every day, but I did play. I was going through a divorce after 8 years of marriage. I ended up losing my job due to the economy and I lost my house because of the divorce. I took on 2 jobs and had my daughter part time. I introduced her to the game in 2009, when she was only 4 years old. I helped her create Pinky Ponytail on Freedom. We'd take turns playing. She ended up taking on one of my characters named Skycia. She got her up to level 47. She is now 7 years old and in the 2nd grade. Yes, we do things other than COH. She is smart and does well in school. She was born with a cleft lip and has gone through a few surgeries in her short life. She adores the game and we have a great time. Just last year I created a second account and we began playing together after she finished her homework. We enjoyed Trick-or-treat during Halloween and the Ski slope during the holidays. This game has been my escape from life. It has been my anti-anxiety medication. I just wanted to sum up my COH story and share it.
This has been the best community ever. UO was great, as was SWG, but nothing compares to COH.
I am wondering, if it does close, where do we go next? What game comes close to it?
Most of the games have the same thing, alike combat, instanced missions, etc....but what has this kind of community? Events for holidays? Awesome character creation? Ease of grouping, yet ease of solo play?
God bless City of Heroes!!!
****Sorry cohtitan, I didn't think about this thread. Thank you for moving my post and not deleting!
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I am wondering, if it does close, where do we go next? What game comes close to it?
Most of the games have the same thing, alike combat, instanced missions, etc....but what has this kind of community? Events for holidays? Awesome character creation? Ease of grouping, yet ease of solo play?
God bless City of Heroes!!!
First of all, thanks for sharing your experience with City Of Heroes and how it helped you with the personal challenges you faced. Talk about a shopping list of challenges, yikes! But like a real hero, you perservered.
If City of Heroes does sunset, and we wonder where we go next, I'd recommend participating in the cohtitan network on Plan Z while using a game like DCUO or CO as a lifeboat. Yes, it won't be the same, but, it will keep the gamer in all of us focused on two fronts.
Event Horizon Man
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What is Plan Z and what can I do?
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What is Plan Z and what can I do?
Start here: http://www.cohtitan.com/forum/index.php/board,138.0.html
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Plan Z is what this community is going to do if everythin else fails...make our own completely original super hero MMO
And we so need a new signature toon...named onion chopping ninja
Edit because autocorrect did not know what a mmo was..lol
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I've been wavering about whether I should actually bother writing this, but what the heck. I got nothing on everyone else posting in here; this is probably the most minor testimonial we'll get. But every little bit helps, right?
3 and a half years ago I was diagnosed with crohn's disease. It's not the most debilitating case of it by far, but from what I've heard from other people with it I do have a rather painful case. Specifically, I can no longer handle pesticides, so with a few exceptions based on agricultural practices I can't eat fruits or vegetables unless they're organic. I'll spend the rest of the day in crippling pain and absolutely no energy if I take a bite out of the wrong apple, for example. As is often goes, my crohn's built up slowly and unnoticed for at least a year. So I was gradually getting sick more often and getting fatigued faster and faster at such a rate I had only the slightest inkling that something wasn't right. Obviously I was spending less and less time visiting my friends, but I could still socialize in City of Heroes (I had already been playing for years at that point). By the time something was blatantly wrong I barely had the strength to get around the house. I've always been the big guy that everyone calls for the heavy lifting, so when I had to ration how long to wait before getting up for a drink or go to the bathroom or ANYTHING because I just didn't have the strength to do so as needed... it was pretty scary for all involved. Add to that while my doctor and I were trying to figure out what was going on, I was having intense stomach pain 24/7.
But I could still play City of Heroes. I was too weak to go out (and considering all my friends live pretty far from me, they weren't in a position to head over much themselves, not that I'd have been capable of being much of a host), but I could still have fun socializing in game. And more immediately, I could be wrapped up enough in the playing that I could ignore my pain for a time. I'd be absolutely winded walking a circle around my house, but in the game I could leap tall buildings in a single bound and run faster than the speeding tram. I could FLY! I was too weak to perform any of the martial arts I'd spent most of my life doing, but in game I could beat hordes of thugs senseless! It took 2 or 3 months of testing to determine what exactly was wrong, and another 5 months of medication and exercise before I was strong enough to be capable of working again. It took a full year before I could bearhug my friends off the ground left and right again. Without the awesome community that is City of Heroes, I would have gone stir crazy. No question.
I already knew quite a few awesome people from the game before I got sick. Heck, I'd already flown hundreds of miles to a supergroup meetup! But during my months of recovery I did get to know a good many more awesome people. Basically, my social network in the game spread beyond my supergroup and its coalitions to fellow badge hunting types. And the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that this is why City of Heroes has such an incredible community: The game is designed such that you don't often have to be forced into teaming with other people; but it does have something for everyone, and thus you can socialize over common interest instead of mandatory cooperation. And that always forms the strongest bonds.
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Page WHAT? I don't think so. BUMP! FOR THE ONIONS! AND THE NINJAS! Our stories will be heard!
Edit: Oh, and if Obsidian is still around, you've got a PM.
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*buffs up the thread*
Event Horizon Man
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OUR ONIONS WILL BLOT OUT THE SUN!
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I am a 6 plus year COH Veteran, and I simply love this game. I have always been a Superman and comic book fan, Both DC and Marvel. This game allows me to come up with my own special Heroes. For this reason and many more such as the many friends that I have made across the planet, like my two best buds @Mark C. and @JSonic who live in Australia, while I live in the United States, and the great community. The Heroes I have created with costumes and back stories, Missions I have created in Architech, and The bases I have created.
One big reason I hate to lose this game is the fact that my sister passed away on 9/9/2009. Rhonda died from Cancer she was 47. When Rhonda was still alive I was thinking how she is fighting her cancer like a Hero, she never really complained just dealt with it, and continued to try, and be the best mother, and grandmother she could be. So I decided to make a toon for her in her Honor. I made a Hero Character, and tried to make it look as much like a younger version of my sister as I could. I gave it the name Radiant Ivy, and explained in the Character description that Radiant Ivy was the hero name for Rhonda Lynn my sister. I also talked in her description about her brave battle with Cancer, and how it finally took her life. When Rhonda was still alive I told her about City Of Heroes, and about this Character that I had made for her. I told her what the Character looked like, what powers it had, and what it could do. She said, and I quote " Wow I sound pretty cool" . So for me in some ways my sister lives on in Radiant Ivy. NCSoft wants to kill my sister again. Makes me sad.
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I wanted to add more....
I met my best friend in this game...sort of.....
I played some and then introduced it to a co-worker but I had to quit due to financial issues and divorce. When I joined back I had a new job and this game was the only way we connected. He ended up getting to play more than me and leveled up several characters to level 50. He helped my daughter and I level up. He was the great 2012 doomsday Daniel (I like to call him) and he had an awesome supergroup on Freedom. He and I both work a whole lot but we connect on Facebook and on City of Heroes. He is my best friend and for him, my daughter, his son, and myself, keep COH alive!!!
On another note...The past 2 keyboards I have bought with backlight and extra keys for $100, I bought for this game alone.
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OUR ONIONS WILL BLOT OUT THE SUN!
Yours will be the onion that pierces the heavens!
>.>
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My story isnt as heart-wrenching as many others. For me, it started with just a kid somewhere in 5th grade (sometime in the late Issue 12 area).
I found a box that, at a glance, was just like any other computer game lying around. Except, it Was different. The cover of the box said "City of Heroes" on it.
I opened the front cover and saw an amazing battle between costumed superheroes and awesome-looking robots! Even without reading the text captioning small screenshots, I knew I wanted to play this game.
After I installed it I found out it was a MMO (XD) and that i needed an account to play it. While I thought about it, I brought the pocket-sized game manual to school to read through. This game had everything I didnt know I wanted and more!
I made my first trial account, and although I dont remember the name of my first toon, I knew that 14 days wasn't enough, so after the first one expired, I made another one. Ahh, my first Halloween zombie invasion in AP.... After that, I quit for a while, but CoH kept on calling me back. I made another trial account sometime around Issue 16, and another trial, and I lost track of how many more I made, until finally! I actually got the game.
Since then, I joined my SG, made some unforgettable friends, got 4 level 50s, did lots of raids and events, burned out a video Card (I blame the Rikti), made crazy amounts of scrappers, talked my RL friends into playing, and three years ago, I decided that I was gonna go to college to major in game design.
CoH has been a major influence on my life, and there's still so much I havent gotten to do yet, like try out some of the new powersets, unlock the newest incarnate slot, get more 50s, stop playing support archetypes like a scrapper, explore Night Ward, play all of the signature story arcs, and get all the badges. I've been playing on and off for about 6-7 years, although with the amount of trials I had, I only have the 2-3 year veteran reward.
With the impact CoH has had on me thus far, I can't- No, won't, let it end like this.
LT. Couper
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This story starts on Sept 1st 2001. My mother just lost her battle with cancer. At the time I was separated from my husband. We were still civil with each other and he helped by keeping our children with him while I made all the arrangements that needed to be done for her cremation and funeral service.
During my grieving I decided I was going to move back to my home town and stay there (which as you all probably know it is a bad idea to make snap decisions when you are doing so.) So I pack up an move 500 miles away. I realize my mistake and decided to move back. Unfortunately I had no place to go to, my husband who I was still separated from is kind enough to open his home to us and let us stay with him.
After a time I get work and move into my own place. A few years pass and I think that I have gotten over my mother's death until one Christmas day we go to dinner with his family (that is how he is...) I go outside to smoke a cig and all of a sudden I am out there crying because I don't have my mother with me for Christmas like I used to. We go home (at this time we decided it would be good to stay in the same place for kids sake) and he gets on the computer. He is playing a game called "City of Villains." I asked him what it was and he showed me. He let me get on his account and make a character of my own.
I liked it and almost bogarted his computer so we made a deal to alternate between the times he is asleep and when I sleep. (He worked nights and i worked during the day) Then we were invited into a supergroup on Triumph called The Furiosos. It helped me get through my grief for my mother. We had fun playing in a mobster based super group, but finances came up and we had to stop playing the game so we stopped playing for a while.
Then after a few months we realized that what had been dysfunctional in our relationship was that we had nothing to do with our spare time with each other and realized that this game brought us closer to each other. So we started doing other things together besides the game and decided not to get a divorce.
A couple of years later we see the game in a local bookstore and it was the hero/villain pack and decided to create a new account that we could play. After that we added a second so that we could play at the same time together in our super group that we had left. We met new people and started our own super group which is now know as The Night Crew on Triumph.
When freedom came out our two children were teenagers and wanted to play as well and they created their own accounts and played for a short time. So it is this game that managed to help me with the loss of my mother and gave me back the man that I married.
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Gang, the Amazing Fansy the Famous Bard has gotten us a story shot on GameInformer. He specifically asked for stories like this, and I have collated them and sent them all in 6 emails.
Of course, if you want to send them on your own, here is Fansy's thread:
http://www.cohtitan.com/forum/index.php/topic,5331.20.html (http://www.cohtitan.com/forum/index.php/topic,5331.20.html)
Can't hurt to have a real name as well as the Titan screenname attached.
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Hi VV,
Which six stories did you send? Don't wanna send mine off if someone already did it :)
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Rae, I understand VV to mean she sent them ALL, but she's asking that you go ahead and send YOURS with any additional information you are willing to share. Having VV collect them all up is one thing, being able to talk directly to the person who had those experiences on a personal level is very useful for anyone trying to present their story to the world at large.
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Gotcha, and done. :)
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"What makes a man a man? A friend of mine once wondered. Is it his origins? The way he comes to life? I don't think so. It's the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he decides to end them."
----- John Myers, closing narration of "Hellboy"
I ran away from home. I would've been one of those kids on a milk carton, but this was long before that trend emerged. Learning to live on my own made me careful in choosing the people with whom I make relations. This game has given me friends who I would've otherwise never met and I am by nature fiercely loyal to my friends.
Decades later when I took a medical sabbatical after being nearly cut in half and stitched back, this game and my friends kept me company in my long recuperation. When my body rejected the implants holding me together and it all had to come out, followed by another enforced sabbatical, this game and my friends encouraged me to force my body back to working order.
For long weeks I could do very little but play City of Heroes and slowly recover. When a reaction to the anesthesia induced a seizure, dislocated my knee and engendered another round of repairs, this game was my only outlet for movement. I could run, fly, leap without pain. Again I struggled back to full mobility encouraged by my supergroup and my superb friends. Sixteen surgeries in twelve months and missing very little work. I'd come home exhausted and spent, take an emergency nap and get up and game for a couple of hours.
When I was forced to spend six weeks with my wrist in a cast, I spent that time playing a mastermind, with one hand. When I was knifed breaking up a purse-snatching (and nearly fired from my job for interfering) the only ones who thanked me were the cops and my friends in my extended super family.
I bear the scars of a fighter and all the fear was long ago beaten out of me. I choose my friends. I choose my family. I choose my home. These are the things I found in City of Heroes.
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"What makes a man a man? A friend of mine once wondered. Is it his origins? The way he comes to life? I don't think so. It's the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he decides to end them."
----- John Myers, closing narration of "Hellboy"
I ran away from home. I would've been one of those kids on a milk carton, but this was long before that trend emerged. Learning to live on my own made me careful in choosing the people with whom I make relations. This game has given me friends who I would've otherwise never met and I am by nature fiercely loyal to my friends.
Decades later when I took a medical sabbatical after being nearly cut in half and stitched back, this game and my friends kept me company in my long recuperation. When my body rejected the implants holding me together and it all had to come out, followed by another enforced sabbatical, this game and my friends encouraged me to force my body back to working order.
For long weeks I could do very little but play City of Heroes and slowly recover. When a reaction to the anesthesia induced a seizure, dislocated my knee and engendered another round of repairs, this game was my only outlet for movement. I could run, fly, leap without pain. Again I struggled back to full mobility encouraged by my supergroup and my superb friends. Sixteen surgeries in twelve months and missing very little work. I'd come home exhausted and spent, take an emergency nap and get up and game for a couple of hours.
When I was forced to spend six weeks with my wrist in a cast, I spent that time playing a mastermind, with one hand. When I was knifed breaking up a purse-snatching (and nearly fired from my job for interfering) the only ones who thanked me were the cops and my friends in my extended super family.
I bear the scars of a fighter and all the fear was long ago beaten out of me. I choose my friends. I choose my family. I choose my home. These are the things I found in City of Heroes.
Thank you for sharing your story. Every time I poke my head in here, I'm reminded that we truly are are a City of Heroes. More than that, this community is a family, and I am proud to stand with you.
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I cannot wait for Samuraiko's video... but a note for here...
For the heroes who cannot post for themselves...
Gone But Still Heroes Among Us (http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showthread.php?t=296144)
Their voices still echo in the City.
/em holdtorch
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Speaking of heroes who can not speak for themselves...Has anyone spoken to COYOTE's family.
I remember when that charactor joined the tutorial as the living digital memory of a deceased player. He crystal and so many others deserve to be preserved as the memorial tributes they are.
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Matthew "Kiyotee" Brigg is on Samuraiko's list.
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City of Heroes, and the friends I made there along the way, were instrumental in helping with my therapy for Social Anxiety, Agoraphobia, and Depression. I don't know what became of many of the people I frequently played with over the years, but I hope they know how much they meant to me. 2009 was my peak year of the game. I was in a supergroup called "Carpe Diem" on Virtue where I hooked up with a handful of individuals in performing elaborate role-playing and narratives. Never before and not since have I performed with such amazingly theatrical and charismatic players and it was these performances that helped me focus and deal with my diagnosis (of course the meds helped too, heh). If it weren't for City of Heroes and the amazing work by the people at Cryptic and Paragon Studios, I doubt I would have met that SG or engaged in the most engrossing character acting in my life. They are memories I will forever cherish no matter what happens to the game.
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I have revised mine slightly in a more "allow NCSoft to save face" theme, and sent it on directly - even though I know Mercedes has probably already sent the original one, I thought the revised one was...more conducive to allowing NCSoft a path to save face by making a compromise.
Here's the revised version. It requires slightly more kleenex than the original one. :)
The City of Heroes game is a unique game in many ways. It has a very strong, positive community. It is an easy game to engage in, and friendly to the casual player. It is also friendly to the physically handicapped because of the ease of play. The players are generally extremely supportive and friendly. Because of that community, this game has shown clear and repeatable benefits in use for communication and social therapy in autistic children. This is not something which I have been able to find in any other game, ever.
I'm going to tell you a story now. It is the story of my eldest son, and how City of Heroes, both the game and the community, helped him rediscover his voice. I am telling this story in many places, in an effort to convince NCSoft to change their plans to cancel the game, or to release the game for further development by the former Paragon Studios staff. This is not only for the sake of my eldest son. It is for my second son, who is moderately autistic, and for the sake of many other autistic children like them.
In late 2004, a friend introduced me to a new game called City of Heroes. He was having a blast with it, playing a Fire/Fire Blaster, in a supergroup with some of my other close friends. My husband started playing about a month before I did. It took experimenting with the costume creator after watching him play, and then I was hooked. This was May of 2005.
We had a toddler at that time. As first-time parents, we were slow to recognize that he wasn't speaking quite the way he should be. His few words were complex ones, and he couldn't say them properly. When he was about 18 months old, he told us that he couldn't say the words right. And then he stopped speaking. Faced with an uncooperative early intervention program in the state we lived in, we were unable to get speech therapy for him that was covered by our insurance. About six months later, we were still struggling with a nearly non-verbal two year old and a new baby.
He was, however, absolutely fascinated by watching Mommy and Daddy play superheroes. The little boy who wouldn't sit still to be read to, and who wouldn't talk, who sometimes wouldn't meet our eyes and acted like he didn't hear us, would happily sit and watch City of Heroes. He even insisted on "helping" to play by pushing movement buttons and moving the mouse. He pointed at things on the screen, and showed a deep interest in the character creator. We started having him sit on our laps while we talked to him about what our characters were doing and the areas they were flying through.
Slowly, the words started to come. "Tree" "Rock" "House" "Door" "Book". He started counting groups of Skulls and Hellions. I let him take my Scrapper and run around through the city and he started telling us what he saw. My husband and I started DJing on The Cape Radio, and our son was fascinated by hearing us speak to other people through the computer. He said "hello" to people he had never met, who responded with encouragement and praise. He saw them on the screen as brightly colored heroes, and they gave him more reasons to speak. He could talk to real heroes and they talked back to him!
In 2007, he was finally able to count aloud from 1 to 10, with a notable exception. When he counted to ten, he said "One, two, three, four, five, six, Superman, eight, nine, ten." He laughed when he said it, and met our eyes with gleeful happiness. We recorded him counting so he could hear what he sounded like, and he was thrilled. We played it on the Cape, and he heard himself speaking to heroes. A door opened for him. For his heroes, the words came. "Mommy, play Heroes!" "Mommy, play Heroes with me."
He was four years old. Two years later, he was diagnosed with severe ADHD and a speech/language processing disorder. A year after that, he was diagnosed with autism. He will turn nine the month City of Heroes goes dark. He still plays his heroes, with Mommy and Daddy, but less frequently. He's in school now, progressing with his class, at the appropriate grade for his age. He now qualifies for speech therapy, after we moved to a new state.
Without his heroes, he would not have had a reason to start talking again. Without the community City of Heroes has, he would not have been able to hear his own voice speaking to the heroes on the screen, and heard those heroes answering him back. In the City of Heroes, the heroes and the players, helped find a little boy's voice. He has never lost his love for his heroes. In recent months, as City of Heroes went free to play, he had started playing again, infrequently. We were encouraging him to play, and to talk with the wonderful community we know there. He can read now, and he can make himself understood when speaking...which he could not do when he started sitting on my lap to play.
I've had to tell him that it will all be gone on November 30th. He heard this news with tears and cries of "Why? Why are they taking the heroes away? Are they villains? Do they hate heroes? Mommy, tell them they can't do it!" Understand, these are the questions of an autistic, ADHD 8 year old. He knows nothing about corporate needs and goals. He does not understand that refocusing of corporate interests sometimes requires change. All he can understand is that his heroes will be gone, perhaps forever.
I hope, with NCSoft's support and understanding, that an avenue will be found to allow City of Heroes will remain open to players past November 30th. I ask that NCSoft hear a little boy's voice and find it a reason to keep City of Heroes an active game. I ask that if they cannot do that, that they make the game available to the community in some form, that we may ourselves find means to keep the City of Heroes an active, functioning game and community.
Please, don't silence my son's heroes. They helped him learn to tell his mother that he loves her. They gave him back his voice. There are thousands of parents whose autistic children might benefit from this game and this community. Please give those children a chance to hear their heroes speak, and to speak back to them. I can not find the words to express my feelings, and my tears, the first time my son asked me to "Play Heroes, Mommy!". The first time he found something that he wanted to do WITH us. Please, help other parents hear those words too. I believe that NCSoft can find a compromise that will fit their new corporate direction, and will still allow other autistic children to benefit from everything that the City of Heroes has to offer.
For me, this is not just a game. It's the portal that opened to the door to my son's voice. It's the game that gave him the courage and desire to finally say "Mommy, I love you." I want other parents to feel that way about it, and I want to be able to tell them that NCSoft enabled this game to continue despite a change in corporate direction. I want to be able to tell them that I support NCSoft, because they found a compromise, because it is a corporation that supports the hopes of parents, the autistic community, the elderly community, and the disabled community.
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Not sure if my story was included but I wrote an email as well. I hope it helps.
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SithRose.
Time and again, you've brought onions into my house. This is no exception.
/me gives a sad smile
...if this is overstepping a boundary or something...I'd understand.
That said...if you're so inclined...give your son a hug from Hawthorne Grimm. And Front Lines. And any number of the heroes whose stories continue on in my heart and head...and then finally, a hug from me, too.
/me hugs SithRose
Thank you, again, for sharing this story.
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SithRose.
Time and again, you've brought onions into my house. This is no exception.
/me gives a sad smile
...if this is overstepping a boundary or something...I'd understand.
That said...if you're so inclined...give your son a hug from Hawthorne Grimm. And Front Lines. And any number of the heroes whose stories continue on in my heart and head...and then finally, a hug from me, too.
/me hugs SithRose
Thank you, again, for sharing this story.
There were a few tears involved in writing it. There were a few tears when we got the surprise package from Paragon Studios. (OK, more than a few....)
Don't be sad. I have wonderful kids. They just see the world differently than most people. (I actually have 4 boys, but so far the younger two *seem* mostly neurotypical.) And they always love hugs.
It's funny, when we started doing it, people looked at us like we were nuts...
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By now Kimberly-Clark is considering running a semi to my place twice a week.
Yes, I collated ALL the stories and sent them, in six emails, which is where you picked up the number six from. I wasn't sure who would see Fansy's post, who was still looking in on this thread or even this board, and I didn't want the editors to miss any of these stories.
By all means, use Fansy's supplied email address and subject to re-send your own story to them. It's always better for the editor of a story to hear from a person directly.
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Ninjas.... cloaking devices..... concentrated onion oil..... yeah, that's it.
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Bumping up *update* Son has seen SaveCOH videos and now is making one himself (with lots of help), off to find someone we can use part of their rally video from..
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Bumping up *update* Son has seen SaveCOH videos and now is making one himself (with lots of help), off to find someone we can use part of their rally video from..
Tell your son that Hawthorne Grimm the superhero thinks your son is the real hero. ;)
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Can't hurt to have a real name as well as the Titan screenname attached.
Sent my story in with permission to use my name (Tammi R)
Thank you for posting this, VV. I had indeed missed it.
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Thank you for sharing your story. Every time I poke my head in here, I'm reminded that we truly are are a City of Heroes. More than that, this community is a family, and I am proud to stand with you.
Absolutely agreed
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BTW - a site that testimonial folks might consider...
http://www.gamessavedmylife.com/
Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite
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A lot of people here don't know me. I am one who usually stays to the shadows, and I keep to myself for the most part. I don't even usually read the CoX forums let alone post on them. I'm not usually one to share my personal stories with those I don't know either. However, I feel that this cause is worth the effort and discomfort to share.
I started playing 'City of' back a little before the game's first anniversary. I was a 'normal' guy in my early 30s who just happened to like playing RPGs and reading books. I liked the game primarily because it was so different from the average MMO and the community was generally much friendlier than that of other MMOs as well. I played for about three years and decided for a few real life reasons to take a break from the game.
Fast forward about 2 and a half years. I was in a bad car accident. I was rear ended while at a stop light by a truck traveling at speed. my seat back broke. my back broke. I'm now a paraplegic. After awhile at home, being by myself all day, I started playing City again for something to keep myself occupied. Like others, playing City has helped me, in that both it helps keep me from focusing on my situation for a little while, and it lets me have a sense freedom of movement at least in my mind temporarily again. Most importantly, it lets me interact with a great community who doesn't see me for my limitations, but rather for who I am.
I feel like I am losing a part of myself. :/
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I think that is common to many of us.
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Who am I? Why am I here? The answer is both simple and complex.
First I was a victim of a pedophile worst this (Censer) was my own father. As you can imagine emotionally I'm am really (Another Censer) up. Part of Rotten Luck my Main hero is from this. I feel half alive part of me died and I'm the torn broken parts that remain. Emotionally I needed an outlet for these emotions some take to using blades to cut themselves to make the Outside reflect the inside. Perhaps I would have followed the same path. When I talk to people a voice in me screams "CAN'T THEY SEE I'M BROKEN! Can't they understand even now I can't stand to be touch sometimes?" I have scars on my arms where I had burnt myself with cigs just to feel something other then the cold numbness I had to work with. Then I found a game online.
People there didn't see the mask of a normal healthy person. They saw what I feel like. The Broken left over parts fighting to make right what was wrong. (okay I started crying but Hell I need to say this.) This is what Rotten is to me. He is me that I feel like. The broken man who refuses to submit to that pain, fighting not to save the world but to save himself. Always hungry for something he doesn't even fully know.
In short City of Heroes gave me an outlet that wouldn't destroy me, but help me heal. It's not a crutch because I have gone a year with out playing. Partly because of life needs (couldn't pay internet connection) and I'm glad I went that long feeling partly normal.
But to know that security blanket, that mental crutch that help me is being yanked away. All this when I finality got an internet connection again... well it's just my Rotten Luck I guess.
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I first got into City of Heroes back when the Good vs. Evil edition was released. At the time, I was in late Jr. High school, dealing with several social disorders brought on by the sheer social pressures of school life back then. I had very nearly committed suicide on two occasions, and became a voluntary mute for over two years, ruining my ability to speak normally in the process.
At the time, I had been part of a lot of MMOs. Everquest, Asheron's Call, Ragnarok Online, Maplestory... but the one MMO that really held my interest, and I really felt I belonged in, was CoH. I was a subscriber for about four months, playing an Invulnerability/Super-Strength Tanker. IRL, I'm not a big or powerful person. I was bullied and picked on for being a weak intellectual. CoH gave me a place where I could be strong, where I could protect others from those who would victimize them, where it took onslaughts of enemies to have a hope of bringing me down. I could wade into a pack of enemies with confidence, knowing all the bullets and bombs and beams and claws and fangs bouncing off my impenetrable hide would never reach the squishier blasters and defenders behind me. You haven't known joy until you've delivered an uppercut mighty enough to smash a Zeus Titan into the ceiling, and laughed as it stuck there, its body embedded two feet deep in concrete.
Not only did the game give me confidence, it gave me friends and companions too. I ran with a mid-sized, tight-knit supergroup, and communicating with them helped me realize that not everyone out there wanted to hurt me. That I could open up and learn to trust people again. That, fundamentally, there was some goodness in other people. CoH helped me re-learn what empathy and caring was.
It was CoH that gave me the confidence to find my voice again. To this day I still stutter a bit, because I think faster than I can speak. But I'm a long way from how I used to be, where I would break down in tears because I just couldn't find the words for what I was thinking. CoH, in a lot of ways, for the brief time that I played it, helped me get my life back in order.
Financial reasons forced me to quit, and when I rejoined back in late August, it was already too late to repurchase a VIP subscription, or purchase Paragon points to unlock all the new powersets I'd missed since I'd been gone. My old account was gone too, leaving me with none of my old veteran rewards; a big loss, considering that free characters can't even whisper or use the in-game mail system without them. But even with those limitations, I find the game tremendously fun to play. Were subscriptions reopened tomorrow, I'd have a VIP account by next weekend, no questions asked.
Closing down CoH, in a lot of ways, closes any chance I have to relive that happy, glorious little chapter of my life, that brought me back from the brink of suicidal depression and helped to shape me into the person I am now. My tanker's long gone, lost when my account was deleted due to inactivity. But the characters I have now are just as near and dear to my heart.
When CoH goes dark, so goes a game that gave me my life back.
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My tanker's long gone, lost when my account was deleted due to inactivity.
Just to note, this does not happen. It has never happened. Your character is still there, waiting for you, if you could remember the login information. The tank that saved you will be there until the lights turn out.
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That's just it though. I have remembered the login information since creating the new account. Found it in my old stack of password and account notes.
It doesn't work any more. Either the account was deleted, or someone managed to break my old password and change it, leaving me with no ability to recover it (I've tried that too, and NCSoft never replied to my account recovery request.)
Cobalt Commando, my big blue flying brick, you will be missed.
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That's just it though. I have remembered the login information since creating the new account. Found it in my old stack of password and account notes.
It doesn't work any more. Either the account was deleted, or someone managed to break my old password and change it, leaving me with no ability to recover it (I've tried that too, and NCSoft never replied to my account recovery request.)
Cobalt Commando, my big blue flying brick, you will be missed.
I'm sorry. :'(
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I'm sorry. :'(
It's okay. 'Cuz, y'see, that's the thing about us Tankers. You can't keep us down.
And Cobalt? Cobalt's got a successor, thanks to a wonderful little thing called Kheldian bonding.
(https://i.imgur.com/U9c56.png)
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Given the new traffic we're trying to draw, it seemed appropriate to re-animate this thread. :)
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I think this Thread was overshadowed by the Thread Voices.
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Fair enough. I stopped reading both fairly early on, because I'm a wimp and could take all the choking up. :)
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The testimonials posted here are powerful. Adding my own feels redundant. Thank you, Samuraiko for posting this link: http://www.gamessavedmylife.com/
City of Heroes will always have a unique place in my heart due less to the Whiz-Bang Zowie! (though I'll always appreciate that) than to the community that brought CoH to life.
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Hope I'm not too late but I guess I'll give it go anyways. I never been the type of open up my life on the internet.
I started playing COX a soldier in the army, moving here moving there, but was never a gamer prior, or didnt consider myself one, especially one where there interaction with other people. What caught my eye was the super hero concept described on the box of City of Heroes and the customization described on the box. So I bought it and gave it a try. It was a very good purchase. I now had something to do in my spare time, could talk to people if I chose to and not talk to anyone if I chose not to.
So me being me, finding a good thing I shared what I found with my friends. Come to find out, one already had it but it was collecting dust in her closet, one created an account and been playing since i3, another joined in soon after i told him about the game, another joined when COV was released, and even got a sibling to join around i10. We were a group that did all type of tasks and crazy stuff. Soon we was joined by people we met in game and then decided to official start our own super group on hero side that was focused on just having fun and getting together to PvP here and there even sometimes among ourselves just to test our character. I beat everyone except the defender of the group kept kicking my butt and my female friend, who played until the end, was a foe to reckon with on her blaster, brute, scrapper and corruptor. Those were the good times.
Eventually I got restationed, again, but this game allowed me to keep in contact with them, even though my female friend eventually got stationed inthe same location and soon got out the army but we still played together. The times we had in game crossed over into real life when we talked about the stuff we did and or used to do inside the game, even as her husband gave us both quizzical looks for being into a game so much. We both used to poke fun at him with the line of "Why so serious?"
Eventually I got out the army too, many friends and SG members moved on to other games but me an Elainia was the last two left and still rolled. Some days I wouldnt even be logged in when she called me and told me to get on because she wanted to do a Positron run and only have one other person that is just filling in so we can duo it. I remember saying many times "God dang it, E., you're a blaster not a tank! Let me get the aggro! Here's an awake." It wasa very good stress reliever for us. She had something to do when her husband was out of town for meetings and what ever he do, and I had an activity that cost relative pennies while getting more enjoyment out of it then if I went out on the town and blew 500 or so dollars.
I remember the times when we used to both get wasted and joined teams and murdered those LGTFs and ITFs.
I remember being worried about transitioning form the Army to the civilian world and this game taking my mind off it.
I remember faceplanting form stuff that I should of owned and E. laughing at me.
I remember getting one shotted by stalkers in Siren's Call and E. turning around and blasting them to the next century with her blaster.
I remember falling asleep at the keyboard until E. called me by phone yelling at me to get the lead out and help with the AV.
I remember going to work the next day after playing an back to buisness, especially with E. She is a bulldog when it comes to work.
I remember building a toon and E. going "WTF are you wearing?" and me going, "Battle me i nthe arena. If you win, you can choose my costume. If I win, I choose yuour costume." I lost and ended up in a pink bunny outfit.
I remember doing my last ITF and three people quitting and the last four of us murdering it easily anyways.
I remember getting kicked from a team because I was moving too slow. Probably another night I was wasted.
I rememebr leaving teams because of the team leader belittling another team member for making mistakes and taking that guy under my wing, letting him know that most players are not like the person he just experienced and giving him tips on how to be better. He ended up a better player than me IMO.
I remember telling E. I quit. I remember seeing E. snap on people o nthe foru mand shaking my head. Like "What are you doing, E.L.?! You're coming off like a madwoman and not in a good way. Calm down take a break, come back tomorrow, for your sake." I remember her not listening to me. She never knew when to just backdown.
I remember laughing about it the next day.
I remember the emotions and reactions of most people whe nthe announcement of shutdown was made. I remember feeling them even though I already moved on and thinking, "Damn, that is f-ed up." and E. saying to me, "Oh well." and me giving her that look that apparently caused her to change the subject. But she never did get people and the way human emotions worked very well. I swear I think that chick is a robot or something.
I remember to this day even after leaving, I would not redo a single day I spent in that game, the good days nor the the bad days. I can go on and on about the time I had in this game.
I cant say that this game was therapy or saved me or anything dramtic like that because I grew up normal, had normal life, normal friends, well besides E., she is a little...peciluar at times, not exactly the warmest person to be around but not as cold as her posts that I saw suggested. But of course I have the ability to understand just about anyone even if I dont feel the same way. Had a normal adult life as a normal adult jus climbing up the ladder and making money, no serious depression, none of that stuff, but felt sad for this game ending for them that had problems in life and this was a way out and for the devs and their job loss more so than me personally feeling losing a game, I was already gone anyways by the time of closing. Thus in the closing days besides it being a mad house and a emotions running high there I stayed away after the announcement from in game and forum. Even here I avoided the emotional posts because i dont think for the most part I had anything thta could help to add. I had no experience with most of those problems but I understand.
Even with the game gone, only person I'm still close with as I was in game is Elainia but our views are like night and day. I dont think she is being malicious about it, I just think she dont have that ability to understand emotions like that or that is not her way of thinking. But we still talk about the good times of the actual game and the community. It turn out to be some interesting conversations but I guess that is why I probably would never be a CEO or buisness owner as I cant rip people off and sleep at night to line my pockets. E. on the other hand would make the perfect CEO as when it comes to those type of decisions, she can view it without any hint of human emotions and wont give a crap about ending a product if it means more money or greater good of the company or because she felt like it and can do that. I would have gotten fired first for allowing COX to go on until no one was playing regardless of much money was being brought in as long as the player base is enjoying the product. Probably not good from a buisness stand point. The good times, the bad, the ugly, I want COX to live on. Not for me, but for the people that it was much more than a game to them. True heroes stand up for what is right and what they believe in regardless if they are to gain something personally from it or not, even if they stand to lose.