Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

NCSoft has announced that it will be expanding it's game closing operations.
Sources close to intoxication reported that NCSoft will probably close down the beloved board game Monopoly next.
And Parchezee is in their sights.

If you are a regular player to either of these games, be fore warned.

[Eoraptor]

In Honour of Earth Day today, executives at NCSoft revealed how their servers and data centers with City of Heroes, Auto Assault, and Tabula Rasa data had been heroically and environmentally re-purposed. They went on to elaborate on plans to similarly re-purpose abandoned and shuttered Wildstar servers when that game is closed in the near future and what games they intend to launch and then kill in the name of what they termed "eco-friendly community management" in the future.

further news once their private jets land

[Joshex]

This just in,

NCSoft has announced that it will be expanding it's game closing operations.
Sources close to intoxication reported that NCSoft will probably close down the beloved board game Monopoly next.
And Parchezee is in their sights.

If you are a regular player to either of these games, be fore warned.

This just in, in wake of these foreclosures apparently the hungry bears from D&D have formed a coalition protesting NCSoft's forecloser abilities stating they will "Fight to the last bear" apparently bears of all types are welcomed I'm here to talk with Snuggles the teddy bear who seems to have been elected strategic captain for the group. What do you have to say for the audiences at home Snuggles?

*snuggles adjusts his helmet and a few bandoliers of artillery shells* "My Talk aint for the soft hearted! the @#$%&!$% at NCSoft better be ready cause there's a half continent of ursa major right here and we plan to bring the hurt on anyone from there who comes near this #$%^&@# @#$%! Now you get your @#$%^& @$$ $#&^# $%^ Outa my $%^&#@* Face!

[Paragon Avenger]

Oh no, I'm seeing angry teddy bears again.

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

The deal is almost done.  There remains one sticking point.
NCSoft wants to retain the right to shut-down City of Heroes at any time in the future if the need should arise.  The THeM have expressed deep concern that allowing NCSoft to retain such a right could possibly compromise the viability of the franchise.

[Joshex]

this just in

As we know previously the THeM have finished the project they needed to perform to prove developer viability and have submitted it to the Executives at NCSoft, after a long drawn out discussion of nitty gritty terms the game was given the go ahead for production on one condition; that all copies of the moon for the skybox be replaced with random interchangeable pictures of the exec's buttocks with his pants pulled half down.

when asked why he made this demand, the exec said "because, th3n j00 c4N S33 T3H M00N!!"

[Floride]

This just in...

Justin Beiber, at the urging of 2 of his friends, has purchased the IP for City of Heroes in order to "just, ya know, try it out" over the weekend. He has no plans to release the IP or re-launch the game, but insisted it was "like, way super boring, yo. So we just, like, deleted it and played GTA instead."

[Hagis]

And now for another fast-breaking newsflash!  Dr. Gordon Humphries, professor of Depressive Psychological Analytics at Miskatonic University, has published the results of a two-and-a-half year study. "In an attempt to obtaina deeper understanding of what causes misery in human beings, I had several volunteers spend time attempting to log into the now-cancelled game "City of Heroes." We asked these volunteers to log in, telling them that their resultant paychecks would be dependent upon the quality of the costume they created, the stories they conceptualized, and the number of team wipes they prevented (or caused).  Of course, we failed to tell them that the game was cancelled. Most of the volunteers gave upattempting to log in within a week. A significant minority percentage lasted a month or two. And a couple of outliers were forcibly dragged from their keyboards yelling "One more try!!!"  Results and full data will be published in the Journal of Crey Consumer Sciences, published by Vahzilok Enterprises, a division of Nemesis Holding Company.

[Paragon Avenger]

During the 2008 presidential champange season, some joker logged-in pretending to be Obama.
He made promises, kissed babies, flipped pancakes, cut ribbons, the whole nine-yards.

Well, it turns out that that guy was actually Obama after all, and not just some joker.

Obama to NCSoft:  You guys shut down the game, and that's not right.  We need our game back.  It's just stupid to shut down a game while it is providing jobs.

[Floride]

This just in...

Jim Morrison has come forward revealing he has been living on an island with Hendrix and Joplin for nearly 40 years. When asked why he decided to come forward at this time, he admitted his compatriots are '"driving me nuts since the shut down", referring to the game City of Heroes which occupied much of their free time and kept them sane.
"I can't spend another morning waking up to Janis crooning about a Benz. Ever since @LizardKing was deleted I've been going stir crazy in that mansion."
When asked about Jimi Hendrix, Morrison explained "He's fine. After CoH he discovered some game called Warcraft and he never sleeps anymore."

[Joshex]

During the 2008 presidential champange season, some joker logged-in pretending to be Obama.
He made promises, kissed babies, flipped pancakes, cut ribbons, the whole nine-yards.

Well, it turns out that that guy was actually Obama after all, and not just some joker.

Obama to NCSoft:  You guys shut down the game, and that's not right.  We need our game back.  It's just stupid to shut down a game while it is providing jobs.

I remember that, he logged in on Villain side, he said "villains deserve equal stats to heroes" citing the difference between defense and res gains for tanks and brutes as "discrimination".  He made promises to fix this at all costs, but in reality just squandered the inf donations he received on buying out WSPDR and several paragon news agencies to push villain acceptance in every TV and radio broadcast from then on, This drew the favorable attention of Lord Recluse who became one of the top campaign contributors along with Reichsman and Lord nemesis who for some reason were behind Obama's efforts since before he was a senator. Once elected Obama made a strange donation to Crey industries during the bailout totaling 700 billion inf saying "in order to improve the economies of both paragon and the rouge isles we need to expand the amount of positions available in Crey Industries., it will create jobs and provide the administration necessary to oversee the new changes to the world.

From then on Crey industries has acted as an extension of the executive branch.

After the shutdown Obama released a statement saying "I fixed the economies of both paragon and the rogue isles, there are now more day jobs available for everyone, I'm working hard to fix the inequalities between heroes and villains, the borders between the cities are now secured using my method. And finally! I was NOT responsible for the disappearance of Statesman!! also there is no shutdown... I don't know what you're whining about the game has never been more alive and better"

when asked why he had previously made the comment "You guys shut down the game, and that's not right.  We need our game back.  It's just stupid to shut down a game while it is providing jobs." he refused to comment, shortly there after all legal records of the comment were mysteriously wiped from existence from the hard drives at NCSoft with the only evidence being a strange silhouette resembling Mender Silos who we have been unable to contact, after which an email from one NCSoft Executive to another was retrieved saying "can anyone see what we're saying in the internal chat system?" the response said "Don't worry it's all under NDA even after people leave they aren't allowed to speak about it, if they do we have every right to feed them to hamidon"

[Ryo Kinsaru]

So, I know where the offices are. I know where the data archives are in those offices. I know (to some degree) where the images are stored. I know the password for the terminal. I'm almost there. Unfortunately, all of this intel has left me somewhat lacking funds. Evidently even custodians don't work cheap anymore. I'm not soliciting money. To complete this mission I do, however, need the following:

A goat no taller than 24" tall, at least half brown
5 rolls of Duct Tape
2 plungers
11 cassette copies of AC/DC's "Back in Black"
A Rhubarb pie
A DNA sample from Salma Hayek
Left-handed scissors
Exactly 314 BB's in a plastic Wal-Mart bag
A 32 gigabyte minimum thumb drive
Someone to go in and steal the image if I tell them where and how

[Paragon Avenger]

So, I know where the offices are. I know where the data archives are in those offices. I know (to some degree) where the images are stored. I know the password for the terminal. I'm almost there. Unfortunately, all of this intel has left me somewhat lacking funds. Evidently even custodians don't work cheap anymore. I'm not soliciting money. To complete this mission I do, however, need the following:

A goat no taller than 24" tall, at least half brown
5 rolls of Duct Tape
2 plungers
11 cassette copies of AC/DC's "Back in Black"
A Rhubarb pie
A DNA sample from Salma Hayek
Left-handed scissors
Exactly 314 BB's in a plastic Wal-Mart bag
A 32 gigabyte minimum thumb drive
Someone to go in and steal the image if I tell them where and how

I know that recipe:
level 50 Sting of the Titans, "Ranged Damage" category for Accuracy and Endurance Discount.

OOOO, slot three of that type and get 10% increase in recharge.

[Joshex]

I know that recipe:
level 50 Sting of the Titans, "Ranged Damage" category for Accuracy and Endurance Discount.

OOOO, slot three of that type and get 10% increase in recharge.

NUUU j00 F001 it's not ranged damage!, it's pet intensive recharge!

[Paragon Avenger]

NUUU j00 F001 it's not ranged damage!, it's pet intensive recharge!

Next you're say that it isn't even "Sting of the Titans".

[Joshex]

Next you're say that it isn't even "Sting of the Titans".

hmm "sting" of the "titans" maybe I was wrong it does sound more like Pet Damage to slot on [Summon: Infiltrator]

[Paragon Avenger]

hmm "sting" of the "titans" maybe I was wrong it does sound more like Pet Damage to slot on [Summon: Infiltrator]

Oh I see where I got confused.
Ryo didn't say if it was a she-goat or a he-goat.
That changes the recipe from rare to very rare.

[Floride]

This just in...

Today NCSoft announced it will relaunch---
>>> This post has been removed due to a Cease and Desist request under the DMCA. The requester has requested that all requests abouts requests from this requester be available upon request, but only for requests of the requester and not for requests of the requests <<<

[Paragon Avenger]

A secret informat of mine has passed on the word that perhaps maybe, the National Dairy Association might be giving Floride a visit and that they may, "Requet certain requests be requested".  I think we all know what that means.  We wish Floride the best of luck, and promise to sign a get well card or something.

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,
The THeM has reported that the National Dairy Association still refuses to allow the THeM to discuss particulars about the game deal.  Here is what we know so far.

• There once was a game
• The game was an MMO
• The game was a superhero/supervillian themed RPG
• The game was administered by NCSoft for several years
• The game was under maintenance and new development by a subsidiary company or not
• The game had the name City of Heroes or something similar
• The game had subscribers at one time
• The game was shut down for a reason or reasons that have not/ will not be disclosed
• And I'm not left-handed