Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates) (Read 221793 times)

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #460 on:** November 20, 2015, 03:36:03 AM »

This just in,

NCSoft is planning a big celebration and parade in honor of the third anniversety of City of Heroes being shuttered.
Not to be out-done, several parades and celebrations are planned for next week. I'm planning to have the family over to eat a big meal together and watch men in tight pants knock each other down.

Everybody party!

Mageman · « **Reply #461 on:** November 24, 2015, 01:50:32 AM »

Paragon Studios is alive and well! They have been sloooowly buying up shares of NC Soft. They now own 20% of the company and are going to offer those shares in trade for City of Heroes!

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #462 on:** November 24, 2015, 04:12:42 AM »

This just in,

A hostle takeover attempt of NCSoft sent the the stock price soaring. It seems that a party or parties going by the name Super Fire Dragon Liberation Army is behind this recent buyout. An NCSoft exec. refused to comment on how much stock was owed by SFDLA, but he did said that they would be eating hot dogs and hamburgers from now on. We are not completely sure what he meant by that. More as this story unfolds in my head.

Ryo Kinsaru · « **Reply #463 on:** November 26, 2015, 05:11:18 AM »

A waitress I went to elementary school with (before she was a waitress) works at a diner down the street from Missing Worlds Media. Apparently Mr. Downes is a regular customer, coming in every weekday morning for a strudel and coffee. Yesterday morning she was taking his dish and topping his coffee cup to the brim when he received a text message on his cell phone. It can't be confirmed whether it was related to the CoH deal or not, but after reading the message he set the phone on the counter, cradled his head in his hands, and muttered, "Where the hell are we going to get an unopened case of commemorative Ghost Rider premier left-handed can openers?". She's agreed to wear a wire and stay on the morning shift until we receive news of the deal. Stay tuned for further developments.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #464 on:** November 28, 2015, 07:00:46 AM »

This just in,

It has been confirmed that several of the THeM have been overheard muttering to themselves about getting strange and weird items. Tony V., Nate, and that other guy or somebody I made up said, "We use a code so as to not violate the terms that the National Diary Association has placed on the deal with NCSoft to not reveal details of the agreement permaturely. For instance, we might say something about left-handed can openers or electric dog-polishers to mean anything from lawyers to rent agreements." It appears that the art of keeping secrets has been bumped up a level.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #465 on:** December 02, 2015, 05:31:29 AM »

This just in,

The THeM was successful!
That's right, the team tasked with buying the IP for CoX was successful.
The THeM actually managed to order lunch correctly, zero mistakes, for the first time since travelling to South Korea.
Up until today, THeM always had to send something back, or send in a second or even a third order.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #466 on:** December 04, 2015, 03:09:50 AM »

This just in,

The THeM was successful!
That's right, the team tasked with buying the IP for CoX was successful.
The THeM actually managed to tip the wait staff.
Last week, they tipped the waiter so much that he quit and opened up his own boat rental business.
The week before, they tipped another waiter so little that he took it as an insult. He quit and got a job as a trash collector to save face.
A month ago, they tipped yet another waiter with a game token by mistake. The waiter thought that it was American money, tried to use it and was arrested for counterfieting.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #467 on:** December 06, 2015, 08:57:29 AM »

This just in,

The THeM has been meeting with Gollum in secret. The THeM plans to use Gollum to turn himself invisible by using the ring of power and sneaking into NCSoft HQ and stealing City of Heroes.

As near as we can tell, the plan has one flaw, Gollum can't read and who knows which game he might steal.
Anybody wanna play GuideWars?

Tubbius · « **Reply #468 on:** December 06, 2015, 09:35:07 PM »

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #469 on:** December 07, 2015, 04:13:04 AM »

Joshex · « **Reply #470 on:** December 08, 2015, 11:05:22 PM »

this just in, City of heroes the game we all know and love, is addicted to IRL, for the lest 3 years it's been slouching in a comfy office chair with a mouse feeding off nachos and having it's mum bring it a pan for excrement. it has apparently picked one of the weaker ats [grunt worker] and is desperately trying to get to level 9001, it is now terribly out of shape, with a thick beard and oily acne filled skin. in recent months the THeM and NCSoft have been attempting to get it's diet on track and clean it up a bit, they even took it to an IRL player's anonymous club to talk about it's addiction.

no news as of when it will be ready to go back to work.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #471 on:** December 10, 2015, 03:22:51 AM »

This just in,

Small car prompt carniege at federal building, and the THeM and NCSoft have arrived at an agreement for the purchase of the IP for City of Heroes.

Which story do you want to hear first?

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #472 on:** December 12, 2015, 04:23:22 AM »

This just in,

Somebody on the THeM team got bored or frustrated or something. Long story short, the THeM has successfully purchased the IP and game engine to World of Warcraft.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #473 on:** December 15, 2015, 04:03:03 AM »

This just in,

After being acquired by a cartel calling itself, The THeM, World of Warcraft remained exactly the same. A spokesperson for The THeM has hinted that they might want to sale WOW. Reportedly, The THeM became disinterested in WOW when they learned that there are no water-blast powersets.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #474 on:** December 20, 2015, 07:03:02 AM »

This Just In,

A giant penguin was seen in and around Paragon City. If you see this freakish bird, please call Gyrfalcon of the Malta Group for instructions.

Tubbius · « **Reply #475 on:** December 20, 2015, 07:07:21 AM »

A giant penguin?

But. . . Waddle hero.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #476 on:** December 21, 2015, 06:56:34 AM »

This Just In,

Be on the look-out for a giant penguin in and around Paragon City. If you see this freakish bird, please call Gyrfalcon or other members of the Malta Group for instructions.

I'm glad that the Malta Group has taken it upon themselves to protect us from such monsters.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #477 on:** December 22, 2015, 04:59:07 AM »

This Just In,

A giant penguin has been rampaging the city according to officals of the Malta Group. If you have any inform that will lead to the capture of this hideous beast, contact the Malta Group immediately. Sappers are standing by.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #478 on:** December 23, 2015, 03:19:23 AM »

This Just In,

Your star reporter has obtained a rare interview with the angry giant penguin rampaging the city.

Me: So, angry giant penguin, why are you rampaging the city?
AGP: Me Waddles. Waddles friend.
Me: So, you're saying that your friend was killed and now you want revenge?
AGP: Waddles hero, Waddles good.
Me: You hear it here first folks, Waddles is a powerful super bent on destorying Paragon City for revenge.
AGP: No Waddles not destory, Waddles nice.
Me: Waddles will no not destory, until everybody is nice to Waddles. Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for having to translate Waddles for you, but this unhuman is sometimes difficult to understand.
AGP: No Waddles friend, No Waddles not destory, No Waddles help people.
Me: Thank you Waddles, you can go now.
Waddles waddles away
Me: To recap, a giant penguin has lost his friend and doesn't feel that people are nice. That giant penguin will destory the city. If you see Waddles, throw him some fish and run for your life.

Tubbius · « **Reply #479 on:** December 23, 2015, 06:18:26 AM »

Clearly that is some other giant mutant penguin. My pal Waddle has no evil agenda.

Now this other penguin, this "Waddles?" I have no clue about him. Her. It. Whatever.

News:

Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates) (Read 221793 times)