My likely absence.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

So, to some in Paragon Chat I've related vague details about something essentially going south in my life. The fact is, I came out as transgender to my mother a little while ago. It hasn't gone particularly well as she's grown more and more verbally abusive than usual as time's gone on, acting dismissively and challenging toward my gender identity. A couple weeks ago, I tried to put together a compromise with her to put together a female costume and unfortunately that blew up in my face. I've been giving her the silent treatment since and that has had her frustrated despite her claims otherwise.

Anyway, last night, she essentially gave me a death threat. I'm not safe in my own home anymore. So... I'm going to be using some public resources to achieve sanctuary.

[ricodah]

Sorry to hear that.  It sucks when the people in our lives, who we hope to have our backs through thick and thin react that way.  Wish you the best, hopefully time will fix your relationship.  And good for you for coming out, I'm sure it was not easy.

[Ironwolf]

Sorry, to hear of your difficulties.

I am likely what 97% of the population is - a straight person - but having also been a Native American who follows the old beliefs of my people, I understand how intolerant people can be. It is especially hard in your own family as they have your guard down and know your weaknesses.

Find your own peace first, then seek peace in others.

Go Forward With Courage

 When you are in doubt, be still, and wait;
when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage.
So long as mists envelop you, be still;
be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists
-- as it surely will.
Then act with courage.

 Ponca Chief White Eagle (1800's to 1914)

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

Aw crap. She's not doing her usual food stamp shopping tonight. I can't go anywhere.

[Angel Phoenix77]

I am sorry that this is happing to you . I know that there are support groups for the lgbt, if it helps I would recommend joining one .
You should not worry what others think about you, as long as it makes you happy in life live how you want.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

Oh, I fully intend to. However, I need to get out of here. I just found a severely, mentally imbalanced email from her in the inbox of an account I rarely check, dated on the first. If I wasn't scared enough before, I'm enormously freaked out now.

[Shenku]

If you're really fearful of your personal safety, then I would say your number one priority is to get out of the house and go somewhere else, anywhere else, doesn't matter where, even if it's just a Denny's or something like that, that she would be incapable of finding you at.

Once you're out of immediate danger, you can worry about where to go to from there, and start trying to contact the appropriate people to help you, but getting to safety should come first above all else if there's a real imminent danger.

If you have to, I'd say you should try contacting your local police on their non-emergency line, explain your situation, and see if maybe they can help put you in touch with someone who can better help with your situation. I'm sure there's at least something they could do to help you get out of there if nothing else.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

Yeah, just waiting for an opportunity to slip out quietly. Unfortunately that should have been today, but she unexpectedly broke routine.

[chuckv3]

Yeah, just waiting for an opportunity to slip out quietly. Unfortunately that should have been today, but she unexpectedly broke routine.

You can always call the police non-emergency number. Explain to them that you do not feel safe, and you would love to have a police officer present to escort you from the home. If there is any way we can help, please let us know. Some of us are hopelessly altruistic, and might be able to help in various ways. Do you mind telling us what town you live in (or near)?

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

Well, the opportunity to escape is almost here. Oh, and I live in Tacoma.

[chuckv3]

Well, the opportunity to escape is almost here. Oh, and I live in Tacoma.

Cool. My mom lives in Olympia (if you mean the Tacoma, WA). Unfortunately I'm in the southwest so I cannot offer any short-term help.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

That's unfortunate, as I could really use some help.

[johnrobey]

Hi!  As a member of the GLBTQA (Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans, Queer - since people often identify with different labels - and their usually straight/heterosexual Allies) Community, I would like to 1. offer morale support, and 2. advise you to contact your local and/or national LGBTQA Center(s).   Here is what I was able to find in Tacoma, WA http://www.lgbtcenters.org/Centers/Washington/507/Oasis-Youth-Center.aspx (and note, I did not do an exhaustive search by any stretch of the imagination, just a very, very quick search.)   I would give them a call and see what resources and ideas they have for you.  It may take networking as well as contacting a variety of GLBTQ resource centers.  Depending upon your age, you might also qualify for resources and programs dedicated to assisting LGBTQ teens and youth.  Services might range from finding a family counselor (at low or no cost) to help you & your mom improve your relationship, to help finding a home, a job or if need be a shelter.

I hope you are up for a character-building experience, real world, not game, as that is part of what it means to be trans, lesbian, gay or otherwise "queer" in the U.S.   DO know that even as this is a uniquely personal journey, you are not alone and there are networks of people who are Trans as well as "straight but not narrow" allies, etc.  Yeah, this is going to require your best judgement.  GLBT Centers were created specifically to assist people with Coming Out and Being Out issues.  You will probably be offered a lot of advice, as well as support and empathy.  Definitely take the time to research this online.  Additionally, every public college campus I know of provides GLBTQ student services; even if you are not enrolled there, I would expect you'd get a friendly reception and perhaps some advice, phone numbers, or other assistance simply from telephoning and explaining your situation.  I came out to myself and close friends and then family members when I was 20 (way back in 1980) and found the Gay & Lesbian Student Alliance group at my local college helpful to the process of coming out and being out.

While I am rather inundated with email at the present (and may have internet service only thru the end of Oct--we shall see--and I hate it that there's even a chance I might miss an email from you) please feel free to PM or email me, if I can be of further assistance.  While it's understandable if you feel discouraged from time to time due to circumstances, keep your head above water, and persevere.  Here is a link to the It Gets Better Project on youtube https://www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject  I am 55 and parts of my teens and 20s might be described as, if not hellish, then "drama or angst-laden" but I want you to know that it does indeed get better!  Really and Truly!  Take good care & start researching and networking!  And if you are into Star Wars, May the Force be with you, young Jedi!  Best wishes

PS.  Definitely contact these folks:  http://www.pflagtacoma.org/  PFLAG is Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (one of the oldest GLBT nationwide support organizations.)  Here you will find (probably) not only peers but actively concerned parents of Trans, Gay, Lesbian, Bi youth.  Many of these folks will not only have educated themselves about Coming Out but will probably know what services and resources are available in Tacoma and nearby communities.

[Nyghtshade]

There's been some really good advice given here, particularly from johnrobey.  Seriously, if you feel unsafe in your home, call the police and ask them to escort you to the shelter, then take it from there, where you are in a safe place and have time to regroup and start investigating resources.   (If you feel the need to escape your home with the police's help, then surreptitiously pack a bag with things you'll need before calling them, so it's ready to go when they arrive.)  Please also reach out to your school counselors, if you feel they'll be supportive. 

But, first and foremost, do what you have to do to stay safe.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

I had already left home, Nyghtshade. And John, Rainbow Center at Oasis was the first place I went to.

Anyway, I'm currently safe and okay. I'm staying 4 days at a little "commune" of transwomen who're going to help me as much as they can. Thanks for all of the advice here too.

[Nyghtshade]

So glad to hear you're safe and finding support.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

Turns out one of the ladies here is a former CoH player and on Paragon Chat. 

[Nyghtshade]

Turns out one of the ladies here is a former CoH player and on Paragon Chat. 

Serendipity FTW!

[johnrobey]

I had already left home, Nyghtshade. And John, Rainbow Center at Oasis was the first place I went to.

Anyway, I'm currently safe and okay. I'm staying 4 days at a little "commune" of transwomen who're going to help me as much as they can. Thanks for all of the advice here too.

I am really glad you are safe, okay and taking pro-active steps.  (Yay, you!)  I hope you find/found the Rainbow Center etc. and any in the community to be 100% helpful.  I am glad you've found already a small "commune" of transwomen and that they are taking you under their figurative wing.  I think the best advice that came to mind was recommending PFLAG.  I bet you would find there as allies heterosexual parents who are willing to champion your cause.  I really appreciate your taking the time to write.  Renewed Very Best Wishes! 

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

So, mother's still trying to dictate how I express myself. Go figure.

As you know, I ran out on her last week following a death threat which she claims wasn't a death threat. And through the Rainbow Center, I was able to get connected to Lonness Valenna and spent a wonderful weekend there being able to live as my true self finally. While she wasn't able to find me a safe place to stay, she did at least manage to give me a lot of resources. Sweet woman Lonness is.

Anyway... We returned together to Tacoma to confront my mother to talk to and educate her about my transgender situation. She finally had to accept it, right? She claimed though, over and over, that she wasn't fond of my wig, even though I've gotten nothing but compliments from everyone else about it. For her, though, I took it off. Then she tried pushing for the dress. No, there, I stood firm and kept it on.

Today, I went to the thrift store to get more cheap clothes as I told her last night. Because I have some mild flu or something (who knows where this weekend I got that), she suggested my very warm hoodie and sweats. So, after she helped touch up my back, freeing it of stubble, and gave me tips and complimented me on tweezing my eyebrows and my makeup respectively, I put on a small orange tank, sweatpants, hoodie, bra, nylons, and my new shoes, I was so far okay. But when I put on my wig, she had a fit, complaining it was "going too fast" and she "can't handle this." Nevertheless, I left fully presenting as female to get a few clothing items. I also have a cheap toy dagger and some Halloween makeup for that LARP I intend to join Lonness on on Halloween weekend.

When I came home, I found my mother moping and she hasn't talked much. She's back to grudging acceptance. AGH! This woman will never put my happiness before her own, it seems. Is it ever going to get better?