Titan Network

Community => Task Force Hail Mary => Topic started by: Shifter on August 16, 2014, 02:23:41 PM

Title: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Shifter on August 16, 2014, 02:23:41 PM
A slightly older version of the game was to be included in the deal. Footage can be found here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3kW2Le9TJk
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ankhammon on August 17, 2014, 01:40:54 AM
Due to NC "accidentally" loosing the current source code, an older version of the game had to be included in the deal. Footage can be found here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3kW2Le9TJk

Oh good. I always hated how they had sliders and costumes and power sets and stuff. :)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 17, 2014, 05:13:28 AM
Today, members of the negotiating team said, "I'm not wearing pants."
This confused the NC Soft team and everybody started dancing.
More details as they become available.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Shifter on August 17, 2014, 01:29:53 PM
Today, members of the negotiating team said, "I'm not wearing pants."
This confused the NC Soft team and everybody started dancing.
More details as they become available.

Additional information has become available. It appears as if someone's ring tone was set to "Harlem shake", and this was a contributing factor.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ryo Kinsaru on August 18, 2014, 07:02:06 AM
Update 8/18/2014 1:49 a.m.: NCSoft staff responsible for the negotiations have included an addendum to their documentation that is more akin to a musician's contract rider than actual terms of any business dealings. Not all details have been released but according to our source inside their offices, all CoX fans associated with the Titan Network and Project Hail Mary should exhaust every resource obtaining an albino goat, a slab of granite (less than 20 lbs. for shipping purposes) resembling Abraham Lincoln, and the front left quarter panel from a 1954 Studebaker Champion.

On an unrelated note, the VP of NCSoft marketing has asked that we keep an eye out for a Pomeranian named Mister Fluffles. She is brown and white with one ear longer than the other, and while she responds well to sardines she is deathly afraid of people with large noses.

Further updates will be posted as the situation develops.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Blondeshell on August 18, 2014, 09:53:40 PM
... all CoX fans associated with the Titan Network and Project Hail Mary should exhaust every resource obtaining an albino goat, a slab of granite (less than 20 lbs. for shipping purposes) resembling Abraham Lincoln, and the front left quarter panel from a 1954 Studebaker Champion.

Sounds like someone listens to Car Talk.  ;)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on August 19, 2014, 08:25:18 PM
Leaked today on Wikileaks; the NSA not only failed to ever infiltrate City of Heroes servers, but, on accessing customer level equipment, were somehow confused and repelled by someone refusing to answer to the name Nemesis. This can neither be confirmed nor denied, and may or may not be a misdirect.

Details as the story develops.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Angel Phoenix77 on August 19, 2014, 09:25:42 PM
It was found out earlier that Statesman is real after a unidentified person captured a 30 sec video from their cell phone, more news of this as is comes in.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ryo Kinsaru on August 20, 2014, 01:16:38 AM
Update 8/19/2014 8:11 p.m.: The Abe Lincoln slab of granite has been acquired. The left front quarter panel for the 1954 Studebaker Champion has been located and, according to Timmy Johnson who mows their lawn, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson will be vacationing in Santa Monica this weekend and the quarter panel will be readily available. The albino goat remains elusive.

No updates on Mr. Fluffles at this time.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Shifter on August 20, 2014, 02:21:13 PM
Rovio, the maker of Angry Birds, has been announced as the mystery buyer. "We have some exciting new changes that we feel people will really like." The initial reboot will include a major game update, Issue 24: Golden Egg.

Issue 24: Golden Egg release notes:

The following new power sets will be added:

Mastermind:
Pig Summoning

Blaster/Corrupter/Defender:
Slingshots

Tank/Brute/Scrapper/Stalker:
Egg armor

Controller/Dominator:
Bird control

New hero TF:
"Save the eggs"

New Villian SF:
"Steal the eggs"

Zone changes:
FBZ jump points have been replaced with slingshots.

New space station zone:
An "Angry Birds Space" zone will be added.

Event changes:
Angry bird and pig costumes have been added to the Halloween event.

In addition to the new power sets above, all buildings in the game will be partially or fully breakable via a new vet reward power. Angry Birds will also now be playable in game while waiting in LFG queue.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Atmosphere2025 on August 20, 2014, 07:04:37 PM
I am looking forward to the City of Heroes: Angry Birds Edition!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: mrultimate on August 21, 2014, 03:16:38 PM
The New Devs are going to develop COH for Intellivision.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Minotaur on August 21, 2014, 04:56:48 PM
After somebody (Chriffer ?) posted a youtube of CoH being played on a dancepad, the new devs are preparing to release versions for the guitar and drum controllers from popular music games plus the steering wheel controller from various driving games.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 22, 2014, 01:41:21 AM
Update, what time is it:
Great news!
All CoH2 players will have vehicle travel powers.
They will be awarded by level:
Level 1: pogo stick
Level 2: roller skates
Level 5: tricycle with playing card in the rear spokes
Level 10: bicycle, no not a good one
Level 15: motor scooter
Level 20: a motorcycle, no not a cool one.
Level 30: a Honda Civic, a 1997 Honda Civic
Level 40: a Lincoln MKX, at least 5 years old
Level 50: A brand new Rolls Royce, you pay shipping
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Shifter on August 26, 2014, 12:28:10 AM
The US Federal Government has announced that they are the mystery buyer. Due to the new Healthcare legislation that allows penalization for weight and smoking, only non-smoking supermodels will be allowed to play moving forward.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 26, 2014, 02:23:17 AM
The US Federal Government has announced that they are the mystery buyer. Due to the new Healthcare legislation that allows penalization for weight and smoking, only non-smoking supermodels will be allowed to play moving forward.

Shifter, speaking for at myself, we all hate you.
Or we hate the healthcare legislation.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Shifter on August 26, 2014, 02:50:14 AM
Shifter, speaking for at myself, we all hate you.
Or we hate the healthcare legislation.

Ouch, I'll hope for the later.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: rojahdom on August 26, 2014, 03:52:14 AM
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 26, 2014, 04:39:26 AM
Ouch, I'll hope for the later.

Yeah, I ain't giving up being unhealthy just to sit around playing a computer game.
Now, if you throw in some cheese, then we got something.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Taceus Jiwede on August 26, 2014, 01:47:35 PM
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: mrultimate on August 27, 2014, 05:04:43 PM
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 28, 2014, 01:45:57 AM
Update:
Unidentified members of the NC Soft team offered to sell the IP, servers, and user accounts as long as they could have the character name in the game as 'Mr. Happy-pants" and all the other players would have to do the /e praise emote.
The Titan team flat-out refused.  It seems that unnamed members of the Titan team, not Iron Wolf, wanted the name, 'Mr. Happy-pants' for himself.
Neogatiations broke down after that.
Enjoy WoW everybody.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: BadWolf on August 28, 2014, 10:53:15 PM
Some slight delays have occurred to the deal as NCSoft wishes it to be made clear whether the Inf they are receiving as payment is Influence, Infamy or Information. The buyers have stressed that unlike the previous "Merit" offer on the table, all currencies are equally convertible and can be used to purchase goods and services at any of the markets; however, NCSoft is insistent. More on this as it develops.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: TinFoil on August 31, 2014, 06:05:00 PM
This just in... The IP and coding for City of Heroes has been purchased by Facebook for 2.05 million dollars. Facebook says they will be taking the game in two different directions. On one hand, they will be providing a 'free-to-play' model of the game that has characters matching different enhancement symbols as a way to earn power-ups to add to their own personal Paragon City. Players will be allowed ten moves a day and then must rely on asking others for assistance in what Facebook is calling their 'Sidekick' mechanic. When asked for comment about the upcoming title, a developer for the Facebook app said the following:

"We know the fans of the City of Heroes MMO will really take to our community based puzzle solving adventure. You'll be able to follow the adventures of the Statsman [sic] and all his hero pals. And if you want a more solo gameplay experience, you'll be able to purchase different power sets for $7.99 each. We really think it's a win-win for everyone".

The second direction proposed by Facebook was an Oculus Rift version of the game where players could take in all the action from the perspective of their favorite heroes. This seemingly more favorable playstyle was introduced after the wave of uprising violence and mass suicide from the previous announcement.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Shifter on August 31, 2014, 07:36:22 PM
*winces in pain at the Facebook takeover post*
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: downix on August 31, 2014, 08:17:07 PM
NCSoft admits that it had indeed replaced City of Heroes with delicious Folgers Crystals. Let's see if anyone can tell the difference.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on August 31, 2014, 10:42:24 PM
Mark Zuckerburg was found floating facedown in a pool yesterday morning. that pool, of unusual salinity, was later determined to have been filled by his household staff by the tears of City of Heroes fans shed at the announcement of the impending acquisition. Cause of death has yet to be determined, but is suspected to have come from the Scrapper power pools, most likely from the Technology Origin.

More news on this event as it becomes available.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 01, 2014, 01:57:54 AM
OK, now don't tell no one, but this guy I know overheard a conversation between a couple of guys close to friends of the girlfriend of the Hail Mary team, (them).
So I was told that one of the members of them was wearing his lucky red tie.  This couldonly mean three tthings.  1. The contract is all but signed.  2. As one of the agents for the neogatiating team he stands to personally profit by buying stock in an unnamed company that will acquire the CoX franchise.  Or.  3. His blue tie has mustard stains.

So don't get too excited just yet.  And don't tell nobody.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 11, 2014, 02:18:48 AM
OK, Tony or that other guy had the contract papers all printed out and collated when Iron Wolf ate his homework.  Bad doggie.
NC Soft didn't believe that the dog ate the homework.  They have reassigned the homework plus Tony must write 500 times "I must've lie."
Morel of the story, don't print anything on yummy rice paper.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on September 11, 2014, 03:16:33 PM
Because the new apple maxipad now comes in true HD, City of Heroes Classic will be recoded tooperate on tiny iwatch screens, because marketing indicates fans want to try to #killskulls on their wrists while walking into oncoming traffic. The Ghost of Steve Jobs was contacted for comment, but refused, citing legal conflicts.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Arcana on September 11, 2014, 07:08:22 PM
Today NCSoft confirms the version of the servers they possess upon examination are somewhat older than Issue 23 (https://web.archive.org/web/20090404015940/http://www.cityofheroes.com/news/news_archive/ncnorcal_announces_city_of_her.html).

Sample interface (http://paragonwiki.com/w/images//9/91/April2009-01.jpg).
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Excidia on September 11, 2014, 09:22:53 PM
"Devs announce that once the game returns it will no longer show the hated Penelope Yin opening screen.  The new opening screen will be pictures of Positron cosplaying as Koname Madoka.  In related news, the Paragon Store will sell the option to change the opening screen for a mere 20,000 points, as well as selling eye-bleach."



Sorry.  Just teasing, no offense intended to Posi.  I'm also a larger gentleman and I'm sure he'd look just as spectacular as I would in the costume (in other words, "Kill it with fire!")

excidia
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 12, 2014, 03:08:08 AM
NC Soft announced today that City of Heroes will be relaunched on all North American servers.  The free to play option will no longer be available.  Subscriptions start at a mere $100,000.00 a month for the limited edition.  The VIP edition subscription price hasn't been released yet, but sources close to the company mentioned something about limbs.  This reporter was told, "An arm and a leg.". Further news as we decide to tell you.
Hey, what do you want for nothing?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: epawtows on September 12, 2014, 07:04:57 AM
After much consultation, MWM has decided that CoT will have Voice Overs.  Every character will speak Minion.

Bannana!

Initial attempts at mission logs can be found here:

http://despicableme.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:Beckoliver.marron/OFFICIAL:_English_to_Minion_Language_Dictionary
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on September 12, 2014, 02:29:49 PM
(I thought they had settled on simmish... huh)

THeM has announced, in conjunction with NCSoft, that the upcoming City of Heroes revival will include a reduced color pallet of chartreuse, magenta, cyan, and pantone 197g. All 57 other colors can be unlocked in the cash store for the low low price of $25.95 US each, or by running in game missions earning a minimum of 300,000 influence per color.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Angel Phoenix77 on September 13, 2014, 05:46:51 AM
This is just in, Ms. Liberty the trainer for many new heroes is being release from the physiological ward in Atlas, she was sent there when she was caling everyone noobs on top of her training location however, due to some undue stress heroes Mantacore and Penelope Yin worried about her psyche had Ms. Liberty committed.  More news to follow
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: MM3squints on September 13, 2014, 05:58:33 AM
Breaking News: Nc Soft just sold City of Heroes to an unknown entity and a unknown price. Nc Soft report by saying no comments on the sale and stated it is in the interest of Nc Soft to stay silent. Enthusiastic players coming back to the game report on out of 4 players will start asking strange questions like, "if this was real life how would you handle this" or "would a bomb be better placed here instead of there." Even more strange, the people who are asking these question are from a Supergroup known as "New Super Alliance"

Reference
http://www.forbes.com/sites/insertcoin/2013/12/09/new-snowden-leak-reveals-the-nsa-planted-agents-inside-world-of-warcraft/
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Sin Stalker on September 13, 2014, 07:06:30 AM
A slightly older version of the game was to be included in the deal. Footage can be found here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3kW2Le9TJk

That video of CoH in alpha or beta is pretty cool. Is there a wiki or some place you could link to learn more information about it?
I would love to see what the 40 zones/ 36 square miles were and what the 7 origin types were. :)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Nyx Nought Nothing on September 14, 2014, 05:26:10 AM
After much consultation, MWM has decided that CoT will have Voice Overs.  Every character will speak Minion.

Bannana!

Initial attempts at mission logs can be found here:

http://despicableme.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:Beckoliver.marron/OFFICIAL:_English_to_Minion_Language_Dictionary (http://despicableme.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:Beckoliver.marron/OFFICIAL:_English_to_Minion_Language_Dictionary)
As part of the NCsoft mandated "City of Heroes: NuGeneration" rebranding for the relaunch all combat sound effects will have dubstep "wub" effects added. Animations will be tweaked (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q11ZQX-qrd8) to match the new sounds.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Waffles on September 19, 2014, 08:42:33 PM
"Ncsoft has finally announced that they will be reviving a beloved franchise they "Should not have closed, for it's potential was great, and we were operating with the wrong mindset."

Yes, Ncsoft has confirmed they will be returning the 'ever memorable' Auto Assault before Christmas this year.

When asked regarding the possible return of the more-popular "City Of Heroes" , The only comment given was "We have exhausted all options."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: duane on September 20, 2014, 03:11:17 PM
"Dr Vaz reports Healthcare Reform a Flop"

Demands more body parts be left out for him in King's Row.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on September 22, 2014, 02:13:54 AM
"Ncsoft has finally announced that they will be reviving a beloved franchise they "Should not have closed, for it's potential was great, and we were operating with the wrong mindset."

Yes, Ncsoft has confirmed they will be returning the 'ever memorable' Auto Assault before Christmas this year.

When asked regarding the possible return of the more-popular "City Of Heroes" , The only comment given was "We have exhausted all options."

. . . .

Don't even joke.  :(
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on September 22, 2014, 02:46:06 AM
October has been declared "City of Heroes Awareness Month," remember your red and blue ribbon with white star pin.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on September 22, 2014, 02:49:57 AM
Would a CoH t-shirt count if I had one?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Cailyn Alaynn on September 22, 2014, 03:16:20 AM
Revival announces bringing in designers and modelers from Blizzard's World of Warcraft team, as well licensing Zynga to handle the Free to Play design.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Remaugen on September 23, 2014, 05:25:18 AM
*Snort!*
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 23, 2014, 06:46:14 AM
Today, THeM announced that City of Heroes will relaunch before Christmas this year.  There will be one minor change.  Every nine and a halfmminutes there will be a thirty second commercial advertisement.  Any attempt to avoid these ads will be met with more ads more frequently as the MARTY system will be used to ensure that every player sees every ads at least once an hour.  This is being done to recoup the reported $76.3 million dollars needed to acquire and relaunch the game.

In related news Tampex has announced a new ad champagne aimed at online gamers.

In other news Henry Winkler has agreed to make a series of infomercials dealing with reverse mortgages for the online gaming media.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on September 24, 2014, 01:23:23 AM
In relaunch news, King Games has announced a partnership with City of Heroes NA... enhancements and inspirations will now make telltale noises when slotted in or combined, and users will be able to buy special inspirations such as chocolate sprinkle and jolly rancher for a nominal microtransaction fromt he cash shop
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Medispider Reznov on September 24, 2014, 11:26:50 AM
In Light of the current Political unrest in NA, every time you resurrect at a Hospital you will receive debuffs that last 24 hours - depending on how good your insurance is, the penalties will be lighter and last shorter.

This way we can appeas the Teabaggers
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: mrultimate on September 24, 2014, 01:59:51 PM
TMZ confirms that Statesman faked his death and has retired in Boca Raton. It is reported that he was simply tired of dealing with Lord Recluse after all these many years.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: BadWolf on September 24, 2014, 08:22:34 PM
Latest news indicates that the APR team is working on a new feature to capitalize on the popularity of mobile game Candy Crush Saga. In the new City of Heroes, players will have an enlarged inspiration grid; however, they will only be able to use inspirations in batches of three, which must be horizontally or vertically adjacent. In addition, players will only be able to rearrange their inspirations a certain number of times before they are "locked out", which can be reversed by waiting an hour or by paying real money into the in-game system.

Claims that flying will be replaced by a "flap" button could not be verified at this time.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ryo Kinsaru on September 25, 2014, 01:29:53 AM
Finally, the wait is over. After much anticipation, a coalition of gaming communities has finalized plans to launch World of GuildQuest based on the ever-popular and sorely missed City of Heroes/City of Villains franchise. The terms of the purchase of all CoH/CoV-related items have not been disclosed but an inside source close to the negotiations (on condition of anonymity) was quoted as saying, "That's a shitload of Fruit Roll-ups.".
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 25, 2014, 09:23:21 PM
This just in, to shorten development time for the relaunch, all weapons and attack powers will fire bullets.  Yes, swords, martial arts, war mace, boxing, everything will be ranged and do lethal damage.  This includes water blast, dark blast, ice and fire powers.  The animation will remain the same, but the sounds will be gunfire.
And the costume designer won't have pants available.
Somehow the pants piggs files got corrupted.
And all trains will take you to AP or IP, their working on that one.
And all DO's will be only for levels ending in 5 + /- 3 as always.
Inexplicable Steel Canyon can't be reached except through the midnighters' club.

And Ms. Liberty now greets players with, "Noob!"

This is just a sample of the bug fixes remaining to be fixed.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on September 28, 2014, 11:02:47 AM
Today a memo was released from an NCSoft board meeting stating the real reasons CoH was originally sunset;  "we flubbered when we killed statesman and couldn't find a continuum loop out of it that everyone could agree on." with a second sub-note "damn scrum process and user stories"
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on October 01, 2014, 10:54:28 PM
In yet another in a long line of questionable decisions DC Comics has made this past year regarding female characters, they have chosen to eliminate all their female presences in DC Universe Online, telling female fans of the game and male fans who crossplay that "If you want women, go somewhere else, we only write content for scared old white guys."

fans of City of Heroes, Avatar Legend of Korra, Mass Effect, Wonder Woman, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and pretty much anyone who is not a scared white male sounded off that all those disenfranchised are more than welcome to come play in the CoX pool even if we no longer have water bending blaster power
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Power Gamer on October 01, 2014, 11:48:09 PM
Just in, City of Heroes will be relaunched and rebranded as City of DERP!

When asked why the change in name, NCSoft replied that an update in image was needed to reflect its corporate culture and goals.

The NCSoft representative then tripped over the Wildstar and Blade & Soul marketing plan, impaled himself on his portfolio. His last words were "oh no, my stock options..."

No further clarification was given.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on October 02, 2014, 12:05:02 AM
In yet another in a long line of questionable decisions DC Comics has made this past year regarding female characters, they have chosen to eliminate all their female presences in DC Universe Online, telling female fans of the game and male fans who crossplay that "If you want women, go somewhere else, we only write content for scared old white guys."

fans of City of Heroes, Avatar Legend of Korra, Mass Effect, Wonder Woman, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and pretty much anyone who is not a scared white male sounded off that all those disenfranchised are more than welcome to come play in the CoX pool even if we no longer have water bending blaster power

only male characters and batman and superman now have rainbow colored costumes and the rainbow lantern corps have replaced all the various lanterns, robin no longer marries starfire but instead cyborg, raven gender bends and every shape shift of beast boy gets a big floppy w13^3r.

the flash is no longer a sexist jerk either, instead he drops pennies so he can pinch guy's bottoms when they bend over to pick them up.

all this was done to conform to American ideological media demand to support our theological minorities, anyone against it is a sexist biggot.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 02, 2014, 02:28:18 AM
In other news, City of Titans will start each player character at level 50, the highest in the game.  This is being done to finally, once and for all put an end to power-leveling.
When asked how this might affect gameplay.
A Missing Worlds spokes-being said that leveling up was never all that fun.  That the best part of the game is team banter and lockboxes.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Angel Phoenix77 on October 02, 2014, 05:20:07 PM
Hot off the intrawebs, cox will return but Ncsoft requires every one to be zombies and there will only be one at available this is for balance purpose. More to come soon.....
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 04, 2014, 03:12:52 AM
Here's the new pricing scheme for City of Heroes II.
VIP w/12 month advance purchase, $10 a month.
VIP monthly rate, $12 a month
Limited, which doesn't include incarnate or epic or signature content, $5 a month
Free to play includes Defender AT and Corruptor AT only. All other ATs will need to be unlocked via randomly dropped lockboxes.  Incarnates and epics won't be available.  If teamed, signature content can be played, but only as the team leader's mission.  Same thing for limited.  Also F2P won't be allowed in the Midnighters Club or ski chalet.
Also F2P will have a 25% reduction in all defenses and damage resistance in player vs player zones including the arena.

All epic ATs will unlock at level 50, but will start the game at level 20.
Incarnate system will be reworked to allow leveling to 64 as well as incarnate abilities.
Level 70 SO's and IO's will be introduced. (64 + 3) = 67 and can access level 70 enhancements.
F2P players will have a server set aside for them.

And a new feature, toons will have to use the restroom every so often.  A bar will fill and once it gets plast a certain point, the toon will lose effectiveness.

A new realism feature, tall toons will need to duck into doorways.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Balince on October 04, 2014, 03:52:49 AM
First time I decided to check this thread and quickly realized that I hate it, lol.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 07, 2014, 01:43:15 AM
First time I decided to check this thread and quickly realized that I hate it, lol.

You sort of love to hate it.  It's like watching a car wreck.

Speaking of which, CoH2 will have a vehicle travel power, but yes, random collisions at regular intervals.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Angel Phoenix77 on October 07, 2014, 02:33:15 AM
You sort of love to hate it.  It's like watching a car wreck.

Speaking of which, CoH2 will have a vehicle travel power, but yes, random collisions at regular intervals.
To further expand on this, after the crash the players will only use punch when confronting one another or a npc. Swear words are highly recommended. :D
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Cailyn Alaynn on October 07, 2014, 03:48:44 PM
To further expand on this, after the crash the players will only use punch when confronting one another or a npc. Swear words are highly recommended. :D

Any hero caught punching civies after a car wreck will be arrested by Longbow, and made to server community service by sweeping the sidewalks of Atlas Park with a very shoddy broom.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: FloatingFatMan on October 07, 2014, 03:57:22 PM
Any hero caught punching civies after a car wreck will be arrested by Longbow, and made to server community service by sweeping the sidewalks of Atlas Park with a very shoddy broom.

Whilst wearing bright pink coveralls, and a fez.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on October 08, 2014, 02:32:54 AM
You sort of love to hate it.  It's like watching a car wreck.

Speaking of which, CoH2 will have a vehicle travel power, but yes, random collisions at regular intervals.
the vehicle travel power mechanics will also be based on the Mako physics from Mass Effect 1
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Aleksandros on October 08, 2014, 01:55:56 PM
Quote
Whilst wearing bright pink coveralls, and a fez.

Absolutely not - fezzes are cool, no fezzes.  Or bow ties.  They should be wearing a propeller beanie!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Cailyn Alaynn on October 08, 2014, 02:33:28 PM
Revival: Issue 2 will bring full, open world PvP to the game. In addition, the music for the game has been re-scored by fictional heavy metal band Deathklok.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Rejolt on October 08, 2014, 08:54:34 PM
Revival: Issue 2 will bring full, open world PvP to the game. In addition, the music for the game has been re-scored by fictional heavy metal band Deathklok.

"Hoorb!"

/guitar bash-decapitation

"Ho-" /bounce "-or-" /skid "-b" /thud
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Power Gamer on October 09, 2014, 12:26:01 AM
News Flash!

In bizarre twist during negotiations, NCSoft announced that it has buried all remaining data, servers and physical resources in a large 'techno' grave just outside its main offices.

A marker was erected to the now defunct CoX, commemorating its accomplishments in the form of a statue of the Prussian Prince of Automatons.

When asked about the move, the NCSoft representative only remarked "It's a Nemesis plot."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: watsok on October 09, 2014, 03:43:59 AM
Hewlett Packard ( HP) has announced they are splitting the company into two individual companies.

The new names will be Company H, (COH), and company P on Carly Fiorina.

COH is expected to make a remarkable recovery after the separation. No one is forecasted to care for P or Fiorina any longer. 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 09, 2014, 05:11:50 AM
News Flash!

In bizarre twist during negotiations, NCSoft announced that it has buried all remaining data, servers and physical resources in a large 'techno' grave just outside its main offices.

A marker was erected to the now defunct CoX, commemorating its accomplishments in the form of a statue of the Prussian Prince of Automatons.

When asked about the move, the NCSoft representative only remarked "It's a Nemesis plot."

You know there is a law against bad puns.  The punishment for said offense is similar to that outlined above for punching civies.

Well, there ought to be.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Power Gamer on October 09, 2014, 05:33:33 AM
You know there is a law against bad puns.  The punishment for said offense is similar to that outlined above for punching civies.

Well, there ought to be.

You're welcome!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ryo Kinsaru on October 09, 2014, 09:40:37 AM
Absolutely not - fezzes are cool, no fezzes.  Or bow ties.  They should be wearing a propeller beanie!

Oh no, you did NOT just bash on my spinny-hats!!! Ooooh, I will find you, and I will feed you one, and I will make you dance around Atlas Park wearing a tutu and yelling, "I'm a pretty princess!". All of this will happen as soon as SpongeBob goes off or the game is back up, whichever comes first.

P.S. - So as not to appear sexist, if you are a lady I will tattoo a moustache on your upper lip and you will henceforth be known as Earl the Squirrel.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Aleksandros on October 09, 2014, 02:23:18 PM
Hrm... I may do that regardless, just at sheer joy of being back in Atlas Park!  No hate for the spinny hats - perhaps dress them as Sontarans and make them wear an "I <3 Idaho" T-shirt?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Cailyn Alaynn on October 10, 2014, 04:17:39 AM
Hrm... I may do that regardless, just at sheer joy of being back in Atlas Park!  No hate for the spinny hats - perhaps dress them as Sontarans and make them wear an "I <3 Idaho" T-shirt?
Ha! Potatoes! xD

NCSoft announces the return of Superhero MMO "City of Heroes", however for some reason NCSoft programmers can't figure out... the chat system is completely missing. Lead Programer, Steve Steverson, is quoted as saying "We don't know what happened. We're sifting through the code base now... But 3 of our team have quit from work related headaches so far. Don't expect a fix any time soon...".
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 11, 2014, 01:22:38 AM
News flash ...
The THeM team announced today that they still can't find the NCSoft headquarters building.  Tony or that other guy said, "We've been driving around for hours and due to construction and the language differences we're [grapefruit] lost!"

Task Force Hail Mary's name has been changed to Exploring South Korea.
(We hope it's South).
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Feign on October 12, 2014, 08:56:37 PM
The THeM team announced today that they still can't find the NCSoft headquarters building.
...Well there's their problem!  They need to look for the Nexion building, they sold off the NC headquarters to pay for more browser-based slot machine development like, a year ago.

I kinda do hope I'm kidding. But a tiny evil little part of me hopes I'm not.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Nyx Nought Nothing on October 13, 2014, 10:35:44 PM
Ha! Potatoes! xD

NCSoft announces the return of Superhero MMO "City of Heroes", however for some reason NCSoft programmers can't figure out... the chat system is completely missing. Lead Programer, Steve Steverson, is quoted as saying "We don't know what happened. We're sifting through the code base now... But 3 of our team have quit from work related headaches so far. Don't expect a fix any time soon...".
NCsoft is now in negotiations with Bungie to rebrand the chatless CoH as Destiny of Heroes and Villains.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 14, 2014, 12:38:07 AM
News flash,
To counter the missing chat system, all players will have access to the alphabet emote.
So /em A will result in your toon holding a cardboard sign with the letter A on it.
PC Gaming Online heralded this workaround as nothing short of brilliant.

There still isn't a good workaround for the missing pants costume files.
The two ideas on the table are, extend the height of the boots or unlock skirts for male and huge toons.  Neither idea has been approved.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Remaugen on October 14, 2014, 04:45:46 AM
News flash,
To counter the missing chat system, all players will have access to the alphabet emote.
So /em A will result in your toon holding a cardboard sign with the letter A on it.
PC Gaming Online heralded this workaround as nothing short of brilliant.

There still isn't a good workaround for the missing pants costume files.
The two ideas on the table are, extend the height of the boots or unlock skirts for male and huge toons.  Neither idea has been approved.

Rocks!

Spoiler for Hidden:
(https://images.weserv.nl/?url=junkee.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2013%2F08%2Ffacebook-thumbs-up-1024x952.jpg)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 15, 2014, 03:28:45 AM
This just in;
It turns out that the phrase, "We want to buy the game" in Korean, if the accents are misplaced sounds a lot like the phrase, "Your daughter is very pleasing to us".

This seems to be a source of confusion and contention, especially since the daughter of the lead on the NCSoft team is six years of age.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 16, 2014, 01:53:35 AM
Korean translation of the proposal:

THeM:  Honorable Sir,
Your daughter is very pleasing to us.  We are prepared to offer $1 million.

NCSoft:  No sale!



Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Nyx Nought Nothing on October 16, 2014, 03:48:41 PM
Korean translation of the proposal:

THeM:  Honorable Sir,
Your daughter is very pleasing to us.  We are prepared to offer $1 million.

NCSoft:  No sale!
Actually so far it seems it's gone more like this...
THeM:  Honorable Sir,
Your daughter is very pleasing to us.  We are prepared to offer $1 million.

NCSoft:  Give us proof you can supply proper care and we will consider it.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on October 16, 2014, 06:19:46 PM
Recent news of Marvel relaunching it's Secret Wars and Civil War franchise events has given inspiration to the THeM team. Plans are now in place to reenact the great Tank Nerf at relaunch
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Shifter on October 17, 2014, 04:05:09 AM
That video of CoH in alpha or beta is pretty cool. Is there a wiki or some place you could link to learn more information about it?
I would love to see what the 40 zones/ 36 square miles were and what the 7 origin types were. :)

That is the only thing I've personally seen that old.

You sort of love to hate it.  It's like watching a car wreck.

*cackles*
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 17, 2014, 04:06:17 AM
This just in,
City of Heroes will t relaunched on April 1st, 2015.
Everyone will assume that it's a prank, and nobody will play it.
CoH will lose so much money that the game will be shut down again.

Great, even I hate me for that one.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Feign on October 18, 2014, 03:11:58 AM
It's like watching a car wreck.
Just as a little side note, I just can't look at a car wreck, I always feel like it's me in it when I'm approaching, and I feel so awful about being looked at, that I can't look.

I can't be the only person that gets like that, right?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 18, 2014, 08:38:15 AM
I can't be the only person that gets like that, right?

Probably not, but most people look out of morbid curiosity.  Although not to see blood and guts, but to see how that car got twisted like that.  Kind of like NASCAR.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on October 18, 2014, 10:24:28 AM
I wonder if game companies in Korea are as racist as some Japanese companies, last time I talked with Nintendo about a development job position (the "I'll take any grunt job, 3D modeller ETC. just let me in the door") they proceeded to inform me something I already knew "all our dev positions are in japan" and then topped that off with " things would be different if you lived here" to which I made several comments 1: I'm willing to relocate, to which they hinted that I should be born Japanese instead. 2: what about retro studios? to which they gave the silent treatment and changed the topic.

this could be related to our problems with NCSoft. oh wait this thread is for fake news, well it's fake I guess until someone confirms it. Paranoia for the win!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 19, 2014, 03:42:13 AM
The new City of Heroes licensing company has just announced that they have licensed CoH to Disney for an undisclosed amount of money.
Disney plans to release a feature film of animated City of Heroes task forces.
They are planning a 7 movie set, one for each of the 6 principle task forces.
The working title is "Task Force Commanders".
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 24, 2014, 02:53:10 AM
This just announced, the entire "Where Have All The Heroes Gone" fan fiction series will be turned into a live action TV series.  Big royalty checks will start to pour into my bank account until I get sued by the CoH licensing company.
As Super Fire Dragon might say, "I nearly had $Cheese of my own."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on October 24, 2014, 05:50:01 PM
Update: (October 24th) NCSoft's president declared he will sell the game if more realism is added to all the in-game statues to include a drip-stained plastering of pigeon feces. 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Taceus Jiwede on October 24, 2014, 05:56:03 PM
Just as a little side note, I just can't look at a car wreck, I always feel like it's me in it when I'm approaching, and I feel so awful about being looked at, that I can't look.

I can't be the only person that gets like that, right?

Yah I am this way too.  But if I have to look I can disconnect my self from it.  If I have too.  I think its good to look at the way you do, seems very empathetic.

Also this just in.  NCSoft has canceled all talks and decided to reopen, change the name of the game to "City of Zeroes."  In this new release you will play an average citizen.  Instead of missions and task forces there "will be going to work" and "company retreats".  Company retreats will require team work, and will challenge you and your friends as you have to deal with: Working together to Maximize synergy, Not drinking too much so you don't embarrass yourself, and making sure your co-workers help support your alibi that you used for an extra hour away from home!  Around level 40-60 you can retire depending on how many sick days and vacation days you saved up.  Serious advanced players will be able to buy into their retirement fund.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Super Firebug on October 24, 2014, 06:12:20 PM
Yah I am this way too.  But if I have to look I can disconnect my self from it.  If I have too.  I think its good to look at the way you do, seems very empathetic.

But it would prevent you from being able to offer assistance, even if you otherwise could help.

Quote
Also this just in.  NCSoft has canceled all talks and decided to reopen, change the name of the game to "City of Zeroes."  In this new release you will play an average citizen.  Instead of missions and task forces there "will be going to work" and "company retreats".  Company retreats will require team work, and will challenge you and your friends as you have to deal with: Working together to Maximize synergy, Not drinking too much so you don't embarrass yourself, and making sure your co-workers help support your alibi that you used for an extra hour away from home!  Around level 40-60 you can retire depending on how many sick days and vacation days you saved up.  Serious advanced players will be able to buy into their retirement fun.

Yay! We'll get to experience what it's like to walk into the office building on Monday morning, and see the aftermath of the heroes-v-villains fight that happened Sunday night! (I always imagined the janitor having a coronary at the thought of having to clean up after something like that.) I've wondered, though: why don't the fire-users ever set off the building's sprinkler/halon system?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 24, 2014, 09:42:27 PM
News flash:

All of the player characters created by City of Heroes MMO gamers have used "Portal Corp." to transport themselves into reality.
They are invading Rhode Island and are heading toward Providence, R.I.
Nobody knows how are why this is happening.
A four foot tall golden dragon wearing a blue toga was quoted as saying, "This is bad."
More as the story unfolds, unless it's stupid.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 25, 2014, 03:10:26 AM
This story has not been confirmed and neither party is available for comment.
Ms. Liberty and Super Fire Dragon are engaged to be married.
The wedding date is set for some time in June.
The snag, reportedly, is that the tuxedo rental store refuses to alter the tux to allow for SFD's wings.  Ms. Liberty is reported as being furious.
We repeat, this is unconfirmed.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Nyx Nought Nothing on October 25, 2014, 03:57:15 AM
In related news Tampex has announced a new ad champagne aimed at online gamers.
i...
*raises hand with pointer finger extended*
...
*puts hand back down*
i...
*raises hand halfway before shaking head and putting hand back down*
Right then, enjoy your sparkling wine.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 25, 2014, 04:55:54 AM
i...
*raises hand with pointer finger extended*
...
*puts hand back down*
i...
*raises hand halfway before shaking head and putting hand back down*
Right then, enjoy your sparkling wine.

You see, there were going to be commercials every so often with no way to avoid them and two annoying commercials were going to be there for sure.
Very funny stuff.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 28, 2014, 08:47:11 PM
This just in ...
NCSoft had asked THeM to provide programming and operations expertise for the City of Heroes games.  THeM, in order to prove that they have it on the ball, submitted a superman coloring book with most of the pictures neatly colored in.
NCSoft is still reviewing the submission.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Goddangit on October 28, 2014, 10:40:43 PM
Monday, November 3rd it will be announced that City of Heroes will be returning... as dinner theatre.  It is rumored there will be special audience participation as heavy objects will be dropped on lucky diners.  Choose your seating carefully.

The role of Statesman will be played by Mickey Rourke.
Miss Liberty will be played by Roseanne Barr.

Other cast members to be announced.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on October 29, 2014, 12:18:27 PM
This just in: in a random turn of events NCSoft made a split second decision and decided to sell City of Heroes and Villains to Rockstar after they put forwards a request early this morning.

Rockstar has released a memo stating they hope to make City of villains more like their hit series 'Grand Theft Auto' in an attempt to balance the player base more between hero and villain sides.

As for this reporter; I will be applying at Rockstar for a job in person later today.
Spoiler for Hidden:
(only one sentence here is true news and is not CoH related and most people wont care lol.)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ryo Kinsaru on October 29, 2014, 06:34:33 PM
I... I just can't believe it. It was all a lie. So many memories and none of them real. My world is shattered and I don't know what to do. There never was a City of Heroes... we all died in the crash.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on October 29, 2014, 11:49:31 PM
As a little publicized part of their recently announced "reorganization," NCSoft has quietly disposed of the executives negotiating the sale of the City of Heroes IP. when reached for comment, THeM were unable to elaborate, because they were busy sharpening their pitchforks and lighting torches.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Surelle on October 30, 2014, 12:00:16 AM
As a little publicized part of their recently announced "reorganization," NCSoft has quietly disposed of the executives negotiating the sale of the City of Heroes IP. when reached for comment, THeM were unable to elaborate, because they were busy sharpening their pitchforks and lighting torches.

As a little publicized part of their recently announced "refocusing solely on CoX," Titan Forums has quietly disposed of the executives who disposed of the executives negotiating the sale of the City of Heroes IP.  When reached for comment, THeM were unable to elaborate, because they were busy sharpening their server and web store development skills for the impending I23 image relaunch.

 ;D
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: LadyVamp on October 30, 2014, 01:19:02 AM
Today, NCSoft announced the return of City of Heroes and Villains stating they would put the game back up and even reassemble the dev teams if the players would at least claim to be playing Wildstar.  Negotiators for the heroes and villains stated they would have to talk to their clients but felt this would be acceptable.

Negotiations however started to break down when Ghostwidow stated she would not return stating Lord Recluse was a wimp.  She then promptly held several people at the negotiations.  Lady Vamp was called in to keep a stone tank named K-9 from being held while a crack squad of mice scrappers subdued  Ghostwidow.

Hamidon also raised objections (we think) saying ,"blub blub burble burble burble."  The mice negotiators for Rodent Consortium just giggled.  When asked what did he say, the mice said, "it loses something in the translation."

In a rare event, the hero lil Dragon Mouse and her villain twin sister 1i1 Dragon Mouse agreed that NCSoft should be prepared to pay an undisclosed amount in cheese and wheat crackers.  Not surprising, it took them 50 hours of super intense, non-stop fighting with mono edged weapons before they would agree.

Miss Liberty also made a demand saying she was tired of junior hero worship in AP and wanted to take over Recluse's empire to become The bad...girl.

Taek Jin Kim told Ghostwidow, Hamidon, and Miss Liberty they would be required to return to their old jobs, but he was willing to consider story content that would change them.  He did state that all this hinges on the players agreeing to state they were playing Wildstar.  Negotiators for the players stated some players might even buy the client for Wildstar pending the return of CoH/CoV servers.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 30, 2014, 07:41:50 AM
Just Announced:
City of Heroes / City of Villains will relaunch on Black Friday, the Friday after Thanksgiving, and everything will be exactly as it was the day the city went dark, two years ago.  There will be one minor change.  All characters, NPC's and Player toons and passerbys will be female.  This is being done in response to the corrupted pants piggs files.
The ggame spokesman said that it is the same game, it will be better looking pixels.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: LaughingAlex on October 30, 2014, 09:14:40 AM
Just Announced:
City of Heroes / City of Villains will relaunch on Black Friday, the Friday after Thanksgiving, and everything will be exactly as it was the day the city went dark, two years ago.  There will be one minor change.  All characters, NPC's and Player toons and passerbys will be female.  This is being done in response to the corrupted pants piggs files.
The ggame spokesman said that it is the same game, it will be better looking pixels.

Just announced, city of heroes will also look like scarlet blade and be as sexist and objectifying as the worst game of all time and also play like the worst game of all time.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: KennonGL on October 30, 2014, 02:38:17 PM
. . .and also play like the worst game of all time.

E.T. on the Nintendo?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on October 30, 2014, 11:11:19 PM
E.T. on the Nintendo?
it's was ET on Atari... ;) but yeah
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on October 31, 2014, 10:30:37 AM
As a little publicized part of their recently announced "reorganization," NCSoft has quietly disposed of the executives negotiating the sale of the City of Heroes IP. when reached for comment, THeM were unable to elaborate, because they were busy sharpening their pitchforks and lighting torches.

Today NCSoft announced they will be sun-setting all executives associated with the sale of CoX. The executives will be fired at precisely 12:00am EST whereby they will be dragged from their desks (or wherever they are) stripped of everything useful, have their various sound effects auctioned off to cheap Asian television shows, from there they will be disconnected from the outside world and shoved into a vault, no announcements as of yet about what will happen to the executive's family system.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: LaughingAlex on October 31, 2014, 05:32:31 PM
E.T. on the Nintendo?

Actually I was calling scarlet blade the worst game of all time, as in worst mmorpg of all time.

If you really want worst game of all time, you can do better than ET.  Just ask the angry video game nerd, the guy runs into far worst pretty frequently.  ET was poorly made coded and whatnot, but it was simple.  The real mistake was the publisher far, far over invested making to many cartridges of the game when it was rather sub-par and that crashed the industry.

But there are worst games than ET.  I think I remember seeing action 52 being especially bad as the games weren't even remotely playable on it and the thing costed 300 dollars to buy.  The AVGN had a ball with that one.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4QBeADNM34

The worst game I ever played?  Probably Deus Ex: Invisible war, broken in so many ways.  CO comes a close second.

So in other news: CoH was bought by Perfect World Entertainment.  Expect forced DLC content, even SO enhancements will cost real money and every small costume change will require a minimum 5$ to purchase.  Free players will be trapped to melee-less blasters without build up and aim, or attackless empaths, or attackless tankers who only have taunt only.  All in the name of "Well super heroes only ever did one thing in their team...".  Also expect overpowered items to be released in lockboxes to be nerfed later for the next wave of lockboxes which will be as overpowered as the items before....only to also be nerfed!  Expect the pattern to repeat!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 02, 2014, 12:27:37 AM
And turning to gaming news, City of Heroes has been relaunched and is even better than ever.  It is one sweet blessed mother loving game.  So knock off the negative waves.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on November 02, 2014, 04:54:24 PM
In Programing News, Google today announced they have procured the software and IP of former MMORPG City of Heroes. The game, a super-hero epic, was a first-of-its-kind in the industry ten years ago, but was shuttered by its former producer two years ago for poorly specified reasons. In related news Google announced that it will be selling City of Heroes to a Chinese company at a substantial loss in ten months time in its ongoing effort to confuse and infuriate basically anyone with a passing grade in a high school economics course.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 03, 2014, 07:50:19 AM
In other gaming news, parker brothers will create a City of Heroes Monopoly Edition.
You too can own Galaxy City and Atlas Park.  The Chance cards will be replaced by Task Force cards.  Community Chest cards to be replaced by Police Scanner cards.  The railroads replaced by Green Line, Yellow Line, Black Helicopter and Rogue Island Ferry.
And the jail will be replaced with the Zig.  The currency will be Influence of course.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: KennonGL on November 03, 2014, 01:42:48 PM
In other gaming news, parker brothers will create a City of Heroes Monopoly Edition.
You too can own Galaxy City and Atlas Park.  The Chance cards will be replaced by Task Force cards.  Community Chest cards to be replaced by Police Scanner cards.  The railroads replaced by Green Line, Yellow Line, Black Helicopter and Rogue Island Ferry.
And the jail will be replaced with the Zig.  The currency will be Influence of course.

Actually that might be pretty fun . . . .
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on November 03, 2014, 06:59:18 PM
now I just need to hoard some "bust out of the zig free" cards
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 06, 2014, 01:07:54 AM
Atlas Park Revival, City of Titans, Valiance, and Heroes and Villains games will have an unique feature that will allow players to cross games.  Players will be able to team with other players playing one of the other games.  Even run content from another one of the games.  This new feature, OmniGamer, will have cross game chat channels and teleport tunnels running like a network between the games.
Now, if they could fix the pants graphics files, we might have something.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 07, 2014, 05:21:58 AM
OmniGamer expands to include all MMORPG.
So now you can take your superhero through Worlds of Warcraft.
Even your Star Trek character can run radio missions in Talos.
And second life characters can be citizens of Paragon City.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 08, 2014, 06:28:56 AM
OmniGamer is spreading to all online games.
That's right, your Fire/Fire tank can now play farmville.

There are racing games for your Ill/Kin troller.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 14, 2014, 06:00:49 AM
NCSoft announced today that it was all a misunderstanding.  They never meant to shutter the game, City of Heroes.
They wanted to upgrade the game, but it turns out that the English phrase, "we are going to upgrade the game."  Can sound like the English phrase, "We are going to unplug the game."
The reaction was so strong that the only way to save face was to close the game.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on November 14, 2014, 06:31:25 AM
In other gaming news, parker brothers will create a City of Heroes Monopoly Edition.
You too can own Galaxy City and Atlas Park.  The Chance cards will be replaced by Task Force cards.  Community Chest cards to be replaced by Police Scanner cards.  The railroads replaced by Green Line, Yellow Line, Black Helicopter and Rogue Island Ferry.
And the jail will be replaced with the Zig.  The currency will be Influence of course.

I would buy the FOOL out of that.  :)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: KennonGL on November 14, 2014, 02:28:57 PM

Quote from: johng736@gmail.com on November 03, 2014, 07:50:19 am

In other gaming news, parker brothers will create a City of Heroes Monopoly Edition.
You too can own Galaxy City and Atlas Park.  The Chance cards will be replaced by Task Force cards.  Community Chest cards to be replaced by Police Scanner cards.  The railroads replaced by Green Line, Yellow Line, Black Helicopter and Rogue Island Ferry.
And the jail will be replaced with the Zig.  The currency will be Influence of course.

I would buy the FOOL out of that.  :)

Actually, having been inspired by this; I have one nearly completed.

Copyright infringements galore, so I can't ever even think about selling it of course.

I've got a board overlay completed and am printing up the new Task Force (chance)
and Hero Contact (community chest) cards.  Houses and Hotels are replaced by IO Sets
and Incarnate Unlocks.

All I'm really missing right now is a complete set of the Heroclix figures that I want to use
for the game tokens.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 14, 2014, 10:21:42 PM
Actually, having been inspired by this; I have one nearly completed.

Copyright infringements galore, so I can't ever even think about selling it of course.

I've got a board overlay completed and am printing up the new Task Force (chance)
and Hero Contact (community chest) cards.  Houses and Hotels are replaced by IO Sets
and Incarnate Unlocks.

All I'm really missing right now is a complete set of the Heroclix figures that I want to use
for the game tokens.

AWESOME!

If you ever do publish it, all I would want is a free copy for having the idea.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 14, 2014, 10:30:27 PM
NCSoft announced today that it was all a misunderstanding.  They never meant to shutter the game, City of Heroes.
They wanted to upgrade the game, but it turns out that the English phrase, "we are going to upgrade the game."  Can sound like the English phrase, "We are going to unplug the game."
The reaction was so strong that the only way to save face was to close the game.



NCSoft: We wish to unplug City of Heroes ...
The World: No!  You can't!  Why?
NCSoft: What, don't you want a better game?

Language, it keeps getting in the way.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on November 15, 2014, 12:07:57 AM
NCSoft has today announced they will be retaining the rights to City of Heroes after all. They will combine these with the rights to Auto Assault, Tabula Rsa, and the soon-to-be defunct Wildstar Online to create a Frankenstein property of outdated technologies and grinding pay-for-play mechanics which will secure the rights to various properties and game mechanics to them in perpetuity.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Power Gamer on November 15, 2014, 04:02:42 AM
NCSoft has today announced they will be retaining the rights to City of Heroes after all. They will combine these with the rights to Auto Assault, Tabula Rsa, and the soon-to-be defunct Wildstar Online to create a Frankenstein property of outdated technologies and grinding pay-for-play mechanics which will secure the rights to various properties and game mechanics to them in perpetuity.

I'd buy that for a dollar!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 15, 2014, 05:46:13 AM
This just in ...
The proof of developer viable totally blow away the NCSoft that examined it.
The creative use of reclusive while loops, the brilliant substitution of Lambda expressions and the totally radical object model inheritance and polymorphism were programming techniques that the team, up to that point, had only heard of.
Stuff like:
Int16 x;
x++;

Impressed the [waffles] out of NCSoft.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Blondeshell on November 15, 2014, 01:25:35 PM
All I'm really missing right now is a complete set of the Heroclix figures that I want to use
for the game tokens.

Time to go shopping! (http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=p2050601.m570.l1313.TR0.TRC0.H0.Xcity+of+heroes+heroclix&_nkw=city+of+heroes+heroclix&_sacat=0)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on November 15, 2014, 03:58:25 PM
Time to go shopping! (http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=p2050601.m570.l1313.TR0.TRC0.H0.Xcity+of+heroes+heroclix&_nkw=city+of+heroes+heroclix&_sacat=0)

Just remember there are 8.

Statesman (with cape)
Statesman (without cape)
Positron
Manticore
Lord Recluse
Ghost Widow
Captain Mako
Black Scorpion

:)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Blondeshell on November 15, 2014, 07:59:32 PM
(https://paragonwiki.com/w/images//5/56/HeroClix_All.jpg) (http://paragonwiki.com/wiki/HeroClix_Figures)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 15, 2014, 11:10:20 PM
I wanna play Lord Recluse.

(Monopoly, City of Heroes Edition, great idea, glad I had it.)


Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 16, 2014, 05:57:56 AM
This just in ...
Anybody remember the movie "Office Space"?
Well, that's kind of what happened to City of Heroes.

It was all about a man and his stapler.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Power Gamer on November 16, 2014, 03:34:58 PM
This just in ...
Anybody remember the movie "Office Space"?
Well, that's kind of what happened to City of Heroes.

It was all about a man and his stapler.

Didn't he end up in the Bahamas? Why am I not in the Bahamas?
Or wait...are you saying NCSoft is the stapler guy...oh man...this makes so much more sense...
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 17, 2014, 03:51:12 AM
Note to successor projects don't be chinsy with the staplers.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 17, 2014, 01:36:23 PM
NCSoft announced today that the developer viable submitted by the team attempting to acquire the license to the IP was completely unprofessional.
The simple programming task is as to add a new emote and a new costume piece. 
The emote had several clipping errors and didn't work with all costume and body types.
The new costume piece had the wrong texture and changed color under various
lighting situations.

In other words, they matched the CoX standards.
It looks like you guys have yourself a MMO, may God help you.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 19, 2014, 08:46:46 PM
NCSoft announced today that the developer viable submitted by the team attempting to acquire the license to the IP was completely unprofessional.
The simple programming task is as to add a new emote and a new costume piece. 
The emote had several clipping errors and didn't work with all costume and body types.
The new costume piece had the wrong texture and changed color under various
lighting situations.

In other words, they matched the CoX standards.
It looks like you guys have yourself a MMO, may God help you.

This just in from THeM;
Tony or that other guy was quoted as saying,
"We purposefully made it not as good as we could.  So that it would match the rest of CoH.  But remember that it isn't a done deal yet."
This reporter wishes these guys would wear name tags or something.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 20, 2014, 09:50:48 PM
NCSoft Executive after reading the previous post: You fools, you tried to trick us.  No sale.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 22, 2014, 05:16:22 AM
The package of developer viability was a right cross to the chin of the NCSoft team leader.  Whose name is Chen.
Everybody thought the irony was so funny, that they started laughing.
They laughed so hard that they couldn't breathe.
They all died.
So now we have to start all over again from scratch.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tahquitz on November 23, 2014, 03:32:20 AM
After an argument between Faultline and Fusionette the week before their pending nuptials, Fusionette said on live TV that "the wedding is so off, my only choice left is to go for the nuclear option..."  The Freedom Phalanx made no comment, as they looked exasperated enough already from having to restore Paragon City to order after being under government shutdown since 2012.

Two hours later, Fusionette died in a nuclear meltdown, decimating Independence Port and surrounding environs.

(https://images.weserv.nl/?url=s17.postimg.org%2Fpqdimib3f%2Faa9.jpg) (http://postimg.org/image/pqdimib3f/)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Goddangit on November 23, 2014, 04:42:59 PM
NCSoft Executive after reading the previous post: You fools, you tried to trick us.  No sale.

No soup for you!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 25, 2014, 04:26:34 AM
This just in...
One of the lead negotiating team said, "I love you" out of the blue.
This infuriated the NCSoft executives, who wanted to say it first.
Both sides started shouting compliments at each other, causing City of Heroes to be sold out right.  Go to http:\www.fooledyou.com\ to play.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on November 27, 2014, 04:24:03 AM
In a bold move, Game developer Rockstar Games has announced it has invested in a 3rd party IP venture concerning it's GTA franchise, and has plans to release Grand Theft Auto: Paragon City in late spring 2015.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 27, 2014, 06:03:46 AM
In a bold move, Game developer Rockstar Games has announced it has invested in a 3rd party IP venture concerning it's GTA franchise, and has plans to release Grand Theft Auto: Paragon City in late spring 2015.

Further information has come to light.
You can play either the car thief / car jacker or the superhero trying to stop the thieves.
No version has been announced for City of Villains, but Lord Recluse was quotedas ssaying that there had better not be.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 28, 2014, 04:47:48 AM
This just in:
NCSoft announced today that it will sunset City of Heroes by the end of November 2012.

Hey, our wire machine has been down for a while.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on November 29, 2014, 05:58:20 AM
In tech news, the now defunct video game City of Heroes and it's intellectual property rights closed at auction last night on eBay for a mere $10. NCSoft listed the game in the hopes of pitting fans of the game against one another, and expected the bidding to rise to at least $8,000,000. In a press release the winning bidder, TonyV69, stated "We are heroes, this is what we do. I'm going to relaunch the game by the end of next year."
Although the game and it's IP are accurately described in the description, many would-be investors never knew the game was for sale due to NCSoft posting the listing from a cell phone with auto-correct, and accidentally titling the auction as "City of Herpes".
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: ParagonLurker on November 29, 2014, 10:38:37 PM
In tech news, the now defunct video game City of Heroes and it's intellectual property rights closed at auction last night on eBay for a mere $10. NCSoft listed the game in the hopes of pitting fans of the game against one another, and expected the bidding to rise to at least $8,000,000. In a press release the winning bidder, TonyV69, stated "We are heroes, this is what we do. I'm going to relaunch the game by the end of next year."
Although the game and it's IP are accurately described in the description, many would-be investors never knew the game was for sale due to NCSoft posting the listing from a cell phone with auto-correct, and accidentally titling the auction as "City of Herpes".

Yay!  The game is back!
Boo, to cell phone auto-correct.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 29, 2014, 10:58:27 PM
If it weren't for cell phone auto-correct, my "Where Have All The Heroes Gone?" series of fan fiction would have been much worse.
Yep, my phone is a better writer than I am.
It's part of the plan I have.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 02, 2014, 03:03:35 AM
This just in ...
Sources close to the NCSoft team disclosed that the reason NCSoft has taken so long to return with a decision regarding the submission of developer viability is simple.  The submission was in the found of a lockbox.  The NCSoft team has been grinding their games trying to earn enough "currency" to purchase the key.  Another reason why lockboxes might not be ideal.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: KennonGL on December 03, 2014, 02:25:38 PM
This just in . . .

As it turns out, the deal to sell CoH was finalized several months ago.

The new management team has just been keeping things quiet until the
new servers were ready to go.

CoH will be going live again tomorrow!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 03, 2014, 07:54:39 PM
This just in . . .

As it turns out, the deal to sell CoH was finalized several months ago.

The new management team has just been keeping things quiet until the
new servers were ready to go.

CoH will be going live again tomorrow!

Yay!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ironwolf on December 03, 2014, 08:30:11 PM
In Light of the current Political unrest in NA, every time you resurrect at a Hospital you will receive debuffs that last 24 hours - depending on how good your insurance is, the penalties will be lighter and last shorter.

This way we can appeas the Teabaggers
Was it necessary to insult someone? Before you do how about you actually talk to one of them?

I know several folks here who are Tea Party members and we don't appreciate the sexual connotations of the "teabagger" reference.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 04, 2014, 05:50:07 AM
This just in ...
Everyone involved with trying to purchase the intellectual property know as City of Heroes, was abducted and replaced by exact duplicate robots.  Paranoid sources have confirmed that the robots primary mission is to enslave the human race.  Their secondary goal is to bring back CoH.  Here's hoping that at least one of their missions is successful.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on December 05, 2014, 03:35:01 PM
This just in... Bungie has announced the forthcoming installment of it's flagship franchise to be titled Halo: The Rikti Wars. Master Chief's true identity will also be revealed as obscure supersoldier Hero One. More as the story develops....
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on December 05, 2014, 06:41:12 PM
In recent news, NCSoft has sold its former flagship superhero MMO "City of Heroes" to Apple corporation (APL) the game will be launched on the itunes store for  minimum $25.00 subscription, alongside additional in-game purchases, with APL commanding 99.3% of gross revenues, with the other .6% being shared amongst all licensees of the game. It will also require a properly licensed and secured Apple product for play, with minimum system requirements of osX 10.17 or iOS 7.0 or higher.

Further news on this story as it evolves.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 09, 2014, 03:24:16 AM
Announced today, PepsiCo, the corporate owners of Frito-Lay, Inc. will acquire a controlling interest in NCSoft.
A company spokesperson, Melody Hayes said, "In order to realize the synergestic realignment of marketplace factors that constitute our core target, we have diversified into the online multiple player paradign.  This will inable the brands most sought after to compete in a global real-time environ."
We are not completely sure what all that means, but we're getting the game back!  We're getting the game back!!  WE'RE GETTING THE GAME BACK!!!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Pengy on December 09, 2014, 02:40:43 PM
I think it just means that Fritos will taste like Aurin from now on.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 10, 2014, 05:05:56 AM
More developments on the Frito-Lay take-over of NCSoft.
Today, PepsiCo announced that there will be changes to all the NCSoft games currently offered.  And the CoX game will be offered again.
Some of the changes ...
The Statesman Task Force will now be the Chester Cheetah Task Force.
Outdoor advertising in the game will be for Frito-Lay & Pepsi products, with out a way to shut them off.
NPC's in game will be doing the "eat" emote, but instead of donut they will eat from Lays chips bags.
Most glowies in the game will look like giant bags of Doritos.
New villain groups will be added to all games, like The Pringle's Gang and The Coke Fiends.
Kracken and Jack in Irons will both accuse passers by of stealing their snack chips or pepsi cola.
Inside specially marked bags of Tositos, there will be "easter egg" hints and tricks.
Sending in 100 proof of purchase from Fritos, will grant you a free character slot.
Bags of Rold Gold pretzels will be sent to anyone spending $500 or more at the in-game store.
Subscribers of the game will receive each month, a coupon good for 20% off any Frito-Lay or PepsiCo product.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on December 10, 2014, 11:38:27 AM
Sending in 100 proof of purchase from Fritos, will grant you a free character slot.

Don't do this to me.  I'd be 500 pounds in short order, and I am one skinny dude right now.  :o
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Sugoi on December 10, 2014, 01:30:21 PM
Mmmmmm!!! Kraken Jack!  One of my favorite treats when I was a youngster.  And let's not forget the surprise item that you get after taking him down!  (Cracker Jack has been owned by Frito-Lay since 1997.)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on December 10, 2014, 05:41:02 PM
Further news on the Frito Lay buyout, The company plans to hold themed events in-game, such as the "Rrrrrruffles have Rrrrrrridges Run through the Hollows," "Doritos Cool Ranch Ski Slope," and "Fritos Chilli Cheese Zomibe Slay" with the tagline "that's not decaying flesh you smell."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 12, 2014, 07:44:40 PM
  (Cracker Jack has been owned by Frito-Lay since 1997.)

I did not know that.
Why wasn't I informed?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 13, 2014, 05:29:23 AM
We have obtained secret plans from unnamed sources about the impending take-over of NCSoft by Frito-Lay / PepsiCo.

The Paetorian drink will be changed to Pepsi.
Pocket D and Studio 55 will serve Pepsi and Frito-Lay brands exclusively.
Green inspirations will have the Pepsi logo on them.
Blue inspirations will have the Lays logo on them.
Wentworth's will be rebranded The Frito Bandito.
Pepsi Execs will hold CC and Bio contests for the best corporate looking toons.
The prizes will be similar to Frito-Lay sweepstakes.
All costumes must have red, white and blue elememnts.
The water powerset will be changed to the cola powerset.
And clipping errors will now be called chipping errors.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Sugoi on December 13, 2014, 11:33:01 AM
I'd really prefer that the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group really take over NCSoft rather than Pepsico, because:

1) The initials of the group are DPS (need I say more?)

2) I've always considered Dr. Pepper to be the ultimate Empath.

3) With a name like Snapple, she's got to be a Stalker.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Remaugen on December 13, 2014, 09:29:03 PM
We have obtained secret plans from unnamed sources about the impending take-over of NCSoft by Frito-Lay / PepsiCo.

The Paetorian drink will be changed to Pepsi.
Pocket D and Studio 55 will serve Pepsi and Frito-Lay brands exclusively.
Green inspirations will have the Pepsi logo on them.
Blue inspirations will have the Lays logo on them.
Wentworth's will be rebranded The Frito Bandito.
Pepsi Execs will hold CC and Bio contests for the best corporate looking toons.
The prizes will be similar to Frito-Lay sweepstakes.
All costumes must have red, white and blue elememnts.
The water powerset will be changed to the cola powerset.
And clipping errors will now be called chipping errors.

Will all restaurants be Yum Brand affiliates? (Yum Brands Inc was originally created to buy up and combine chains restaurants to sell Pepsi Products. Part of their spin-off included a lifetime commitment to PepsiCo. The only exception is A&W Root Beer which is owned by Dr Pepper/Snapple.)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 14, 2014, 03:29:06 PM
To answer your question, all the details haven't been announced.
It seems, however, that CoX and other NCSoft games will be marketing platforms.

The question is how much marketing can you take before the game becomes unplayable.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Remaugen on December 14, 2014, 05:54:34 PM
The question is how much marketing can you take before the game becomes unplayable.

As an aside to answer the question, I would be fine with passive in-game advertising, billboards and painted panel trucks, named restaurants ect, if it meant supporting the game. What I would not accept would be cut scene commercials, that could end up costing me a monitor and a mouse as they violently meet each other in my protest.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on December 14, 2014, 10:10:42 PM
Dear Titan, a pressing update! I wont delay as it's information that no one here wants to wait any longer for than necessary. with that said I'll get straight to the point.

I just received word that against all odds;

SEGS has finished their CoH Emulator, infact they went overboard and it's now capable of i21 content.

Also

NCSoft has issued a statement saying they have agreed to terms for the sale of the game completely and totally to nate and crew, even with the chance of newly developed content! NCSoft even put forward the suggestion of hiring the old dev team!




































incase you didn;t guess this post is completely fake as the thread title says, but I know alot of us have been wanting to read this for some time so.. yeah.. hopefully it'll be true to some extent in the future.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on December 15, 2014, 09:02:42 AM
This just in... comedian Stephen Colbert has purchased  the IP of an undisclosed video game. The game reportedly rewards players with "influence" and "infamy", and players are encouraged to run for higher and higher offices, becoming more powerful and able to devastate opponents in missions known as Primaries.
Players will be encourage to use an alignment system which will include Republican, Bi-Partisan, Democrat, and Fringe. The object of the game is to confuse and patronize constituents with vagueties while secretly serving a Superpacgroup with Prestige.

It will be the world's first politically based MMO. It will center around 2 capitols known as Colbert Park and the Stewart Isles, and will reportedly use a pay-to-win platform.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: PesdjetVanguard on December 16, 2014, 01:04:09 AM
At 4:30pm CDT today an NCSoft insider leaked a sneak peak at the resurrection of their City of Heroes title, previously dropped in August of 2012. Details of the Licensing deal are still unknown. City of Heroes die-hard fans have been working tirelessly to revive the popular MMORPG and it seems as though their work has paid off.

C:\COH\build7387\bin>COH
Enter 'start'to begin login
start
Enter username
@lice
Enter password
%%%%%%%%
You are entering Atlas Park
This zone is at 45% capacity, dusk eta 00:01:45, 99% of players have activated emotes
go east
There are 3 Hellions tugging on a woman's purse - Minion1, Minion2, Lt1
kill minion 1
Congratulations, Minion1 is defeated, you now have health inspiration
kill minion 2
Congratulations, Minion2 is defeated.
kill lt1
Congratulations, Lt1 is defeated. You are now Level 2
go east
There are 3 Hellions Lounging above on a ledge, Minion1, Minion2, Lt1
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 17, 2014, 05:50:41 AM
C:\COH\build7387\bin>COH
Enter 'start'to begin login
start
Enter username
@lice
Enter password
%%%%%%%%
You are entering Atlas Park
This zone is at 45% capacity, dusk eta 00:01:45, 99% of players have activated emotes
go east
There are 3 Hellions tugging on a woman's purse - Minion1, Minion2, Lt1
kill minion 1
Congratulations, Minion1 is defeated, you now have health inspiration
kill minion 2
Congratulations, Minion2 is defeated.
kill lt1
Congratulations, Lt1 is defeated. You are now Level 2
go east
There are 3 Hellions Lounging above on a ledge, Minion1, Minion2, Lt1


At this point, I might even play that.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: LaughingAlex on December 17, 2014, 06:27:41 AM
Actually I was calling scarlet blade the worst game of all time, as in worst mmorpg of all time.

If you really want worst game of all time, you can do better than ET.  Just ask the angry video game nerd, the guy runs into far worst pretty frequently.  ET was poorly made coded and whatnot, but it was simple.  The real mistake was the publisher far, far over invested making to many cartridges of the game when it was rather sub-par and that crashed the industry.

But there are worst games than ET.  I think I remember seeing action 52 being especially bad as the games weren't even remotely playable on it and the thing costed 300 dollars to buy.  The AVGN had a ball with that one.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4QBeADNM34

The worst game I ever played?  Probably Deus Ex: Invisible war, broken in so many ways.  CO comes a close second.

So in other news: CoH was bought by Perfect World Entertainment.  Expect forced DLC content, even SO enhancements will cost real money and every small costume change will require a minimum 5$ to purchase.  Free players will be trapped to melee-less blasters without build up and aim, or attackless empaths, or attackless tankers who only have taunt only.  All in the name of "Well super heroes only ever did one thing in their team...".  Also expect overpowered items to be released in lockboxes to be nerfed later for the next wave of lockboxes which will be as overpowered as the items before....only to also be nerfed!  Expect the pattern to repeat!

Decided to Add to this....

Also expect any idea you give PWE to improve the game to require huge sums of money and be twisted so its not only far overpowered beyond what you wanted but also expect them to roll back any changes you suggested to extremely underpowered as per a jerks demands who seemingly personally hates your guys and hates anyone who plays differently than him!  Also expect the devs in general to continue baiting and switching on you and taking any ideas you do give them and twisting them into intollerable bait and switch ideas! 

(If your wondering, I was reflecting today and looked back to the post I made about improving vehicles, and how I realised they twisted that idea into a bait and switch against my intentions in this thread http://co-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?t=265781 made just before the vehicle 2.0 came out, and then course the removal of plasma sheer and the making it useless problem as well as nerfing AA missiles BACK to useless as they were before a few months ago, yeah.  I felt like I'd made an awesome invention made for peace that was twisted and turned to malicious purposes).
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: ParagonLurker on December 18, 2014, 03:29:06 AM
This just in,
Steve or Mike or Joe, whatever that guy's name is, said today that the deal is complete the ink is dry and papers have been filed, it's officail.  NCSoft will talk with a team about the possibility of selling the game or license to the intellectual property as long as certain protocols are met.
1.  Nobody can say nothing bad about NCSoft on any public media or forum.
2.  The team must provide proof that they can manage such a large scale game.
3.  The team must provide proof that they have the intrastructure to run the game and the accounts and such.
4.  The team must provide proof that they can maintain the game as future hardware and interfaces become available.
5.  The team must provide proof that they can respond to discovered bugs and / or other problems in the code.
6.  The team must provide proof that they can enhance the game as neccessary to entice new players and keep the fan base interested.
7.  Nobody can say anything bad about NCSoft, ever.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on December 18, 2014, 04:13:07 AM
This just in, Hollywood has canceled the sale of NCSoft and all related properties due to unspecified and unsubstantiated demands made on the internet.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on December 18, 2014, 08:53:06 AM
Late last night the GOP leaked even more private Sony emails revealing Sony Entertainment America is in talks with South Korean game developer NCSoft regarding a previously unannounced spring blockbuster release based on yet another comic book, City of Heroes. More as the story develops....
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 20, 2014, 04:03:04 AM
Late breaking news ...

Somebody went back in time and stopped City of Heroes from ever being made!
Then somebody else went back in time and foiled the plans of the first time traveler.
Then somebody else went back in time and destroyed the factory where the time machines will have been created in the past's future.
So, basically, nothing happened already.

Less as this story folds up.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on December 20, 2014, 04:38:34 PM
Late breaking news ...

Somebody went back in time and stopped City of Heroes from ever being made!
Then somebody else went back in time and foiled the plans of the first time traveler.
Then somebody else went back in time and destroyed the factory where the time machines will have been created in the past's future.
So, basically, nothing happened already.

Less as this story folds up.
time travel; it's a cornucopia of disturbing concepts
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 22, 2014, 10:54:20 PM
Eccentric billionaire Donald Trump announced today that he will buy Paragon Studios and the IP to City of Heroes and other games they were working on.
He is planning to create a Real Estate MMO in which players buy and sell property using real money ... oh never mind.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 23, 2014, 05:12:21 PM
According to an unnamed source,
There is no City of Heroes and there never was.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 24, 2014, 05:23:39 AM
From a wacked-out informat who probably is on illegal drugs and smells like celery,

The NCSoft team has examined the proof of game viability from the THeM, and has found it satisfactory.
NCSoft was prepared to deliver the game image to the THeM, but as it turns out, a careless technicain spilled wasabi sauce on the DVD's and it ate right through them.  Then it asked for seconds.
That wasabi sauce is potent.
So the NCSoft team will be planning another delaying tactic until another copy can be found or at least faked good.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on December 24, 2014, 05:54:49 AM
Today the President announced plan to normalize relations with Paragon City, Mass. The plan includes opening of an Embassy in City Hall, easing of trade embargoes against the ports, and relaxation of travel-powers restriction. Republican Senators immediately responded, denouncing the Presidents plan as caving to socialist interests and giving away valuable negotiating power and paragon points in a vainglorious attempt to earn Influence. They have vowed to withhold funding for the embassy and block the appointment of the White House's contact there.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Sugoi on December 24, 2014, 02:40:19 PM
Meanwhile, an undercover reporter located in the Rogue Isles has noted that several high-ranking Democratic Party Leaders have been seen meeting with the self-styled Lord Recluse in an obvious effort to have him assist their efforts, political and otherwise throughout the country.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on December 25, 2014, 02:19:42 PM
Troll Science time.

Are you missing city of heroes? yep.

Don't worry Troll Science has the solution to your problems!

First thing you will need is a time machine, steal/borrow some magnets for faster acquisition as all time machines have mostly metal components. if the time machine is owned by someone else steal/borrow it as well.

if you are still having trouble finding a time machine, just steal get a really @#$%ing big electro magnet and like orbit the earth till all things metal go to it, then sift through for the really funny looking thing with lots of mechanical parts and a whole bunch of date controls.

Next, set the time machine to before NCSoft gained ownership of CoH, back when cryptic wasn't considering a deal from NCSoft.

Now gather together the Paragon Studios team that isn't already part of cryptic and offer them work in a company called paragon studios that is your own DBA.

Approach Cryptic with a deal for the IP stressing that certain of their members stay on as part of the team.

When NCSoft approaches, give them a New York hello with the help of a little bird, using both hands if necessary.

lastly let history take it's course minus NCSoft. You gain mass monies, NCSoft is jelly, NCSoft doesn't get teh monies and doesn't have enough money to start/buy other games, NCSoft goes bankrupt. Gumgum is jelly that he didn't think of it.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 26, 2014, 04:32:40 PM
Oh man, the factory that would have manufactured time machines will have been destroyed by a careless time traveler, again.

If only.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 28, 2014, 06:34:23 AM
NCSoft announced today that the relaunch of the popular MMORPG CoX is scheduled for 2015.  And that the game had been shuttered through a huge misunderstanding involving cheese.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 28, 2014, 07:43:48 PM
NCSoft announced today that the relaunch of the popular MMORPG CoX is scheduled for 2015.  And that the game had been shuttered through a huge misunderstanding involving cheese.

I really crack myself up.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 30, 2014, 06:28:16 AM
Nabisco announced today that they have purchased City of Heroes from NCSoft.

The major change will be that the Longbow replaced with elves.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Safehouse on December 30, 2014, 02:44:15 PM
Nabisco announced today that they have purchased City of Heroes from NCSoft.

The major change will be that the Longbow replaced with elves.

Clarification on the update:

It seems that there was some confusion as to the kind of elves Nabisco will be using in their reboot of the game. Some have claimed that there will be a bunch of elves like those from Lord of the Rings running around Paragon City and the Rogue Isles. In a statement this morning, Nabisco's President and CEO said:

"We assure you that there will be no alternative versions of Legolas in the game. Upon startup, City of Heroes will be running with the miniature cookie-baking elves you have come to know and love over the years. The Longbow bases will also be turned into trees."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Safehouse on December 30, 2014, 02:45:02 PM
I just realized, those elves are a part of Keebler, not Nabisco. Forgive my incorrectness... unless Keebler is a part of Nabisco, in which case I take back my apology.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 31, 2014, 11:00:26 PM
It was learned today that the team negotiating the purchase of City of Heroes is made up of notorious motor-mouthed chatterboxes.
This explains why they are still in talks.  They won't shut up.


Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Acanous on January 01, 2015, 12:24:17 PM
actually heard that NC has the deal signed. Not sure how trustworthy the source is, so putting this here :D
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ohioknight on January 01, 2015, 02:15:20 PM
The good news is that some user data will be available in the revived game.

The bad news is that the only data will be the list of taken names,
so any character name that was used in the original game will not be playable
 ;D

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ankhammon on January 01, 2015, 05:03:20 PM
The good news is that some user data will be available in the revived game.

The bad news is that the only data will be the list of taken names,
so any character name that was used in the original game will not be playable
 ;D

You've seen my nightmares?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on January 01, 2015, 05:24:36 PM
The good news is that some user data will be available in the revived game.

The bad news is that the only data will be the list of taken names,
so any character name that was used in the original game will not be playable
 ;D
Ach don't even joke
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ohioknight on January 01, 2015, 05:59:06 PM
Ach don't even joke

Man, just imagine how convoluted the character names would have to be...
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 02, 2015, 05:34:31 AM
Actually, that could be possible.
The unique names file was probably kept separate from the rest of the game.
And they might have checked it for copyright violations.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Pengy on January 02, 2015, 10:18:41 PM
any character name that was used in the original game will not be playable
 ;D
Dibs on gNh0h5MSdW9y-a
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 05, 2015, 11:49:52 PM
Don't sweat not having your old names available.
Just add a 7 to the end of whatever name you want and you'll be fine.

The Paragon Comptroller7
works for me.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 07, 2015, 05:28:56 AM
This just in ...
The City of Heroes IP has been stolen by North Korean hackers.
They what all of South Korean for it.

If only Harry S. Truman were president.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 09, 2015, 03:07:08 AM
Additional news about the City of Heroes hack ...

The North Korean hackers have released previews of the game on various websites.  They have also released several details related to the game.  For instance:
Lord Recluse's gym locker's combination,
Ms. Liberty's shoe size,
and Positron's favorite color.

More as this earth shattering story unfolds.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 10, 2015, 02:34:43 AM
Further details have been learned about the recent hack of City of Heroes.

It all started when one of the hackers AE arc got nerfed.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 11, 2015, 01:21:46 AM
More details about the City of Heroes hack ...

They have posted on-line the password to the midnighters' club, and are threatening to post other sensitive information unless they demands are met.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 12, 2015, 07:08:55 AM
As it turns out, the hackers have stolen a backup copy of i21.
So there is no danger to the game in that THeM is trying to pyrchase from our friends at NCSoft.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on January 12, 2015, 06:27:45 PM
This just in... DC has announced the purchase of the City of Heroes comic book franchise and plans to relaunch the defunct MMO based on the comic. DC plans to retire many of the CoH heroes in favor of DC staples, such as replacing Statesman with Superman, Manticore with Batman, and Swan for Wonderwoman. DC expects the old CoH fans to embrace these changes based on the naive opinions of it's marketing department. More as the story unfolds...
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 14, 2015, 04:57:24 AM
This just in ...
During a recent meeting with NCSoft, one of the THeM belched the Star Spangled Banner.  This impressed the South Korean executives that they tried belching their county's national anthem.  They ended up in the hospital with multiple fractures and contusions.  This might set the pace of the negotiations to the slowest it has every been.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on January 14, 2015, 10:59:05 PM
While searching the southern indian ocean for remains of  malaysian air airliner, investigators discovered several large rectangular objects. they were later determine to be the dumped game servers and account information for NCSoft customer's City of Heroes accounts. more nws on this discovery after the sharks stop circling the boxes.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 15, 2015, 02:48:36 AM
While searching the southern indian ocean for remains of  malaysian air airliner, investigators discovered several large rectangular objects. they were later determine to be the dumped game servers and account information for NCSoft customer's City of Heroes accounts. more nws on this discovery after the sharks stop circling the boxes.

City of Heroes:  Atlantis.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 16, 2015, 08:01:35 AM
This just in,

In an effort to show respect to the NCSoft executives hosting the negotiations, THeM staged a 21 fart gun salute.

It lost something in the translation.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Blackgrue on January 16, 2015, 11:31:49 PM
This just in,

NCSoft's new Trademark filing "Heart of Thorns" thought to be a Guild Wars 2 Expansion turns out to be a City of Heroes Expansion dealing with the Circle of Thorns.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 17, 2015, 05:43:59 AM
This just in,

In an effort to show respect to the NCSoft executives hosting the negotiations, THeM staged a 21 fart gun salute.

It lost something in the translation.


I guess I stole GrueGirl's post, well she is a minion.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 17, 2015, 11:29:21 PM
This just in,

NCSoft has turned down the offer that the THeM made citing irreconcilable differences.

As it turns out, you can not show up to corporate headquarters and expect to get anyway while dressed up like circus clowns.

Members of the THeM could not be reached for comment, but did release the following statement:
"Smell my flower"
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ankhammon on January 19, 2015, 12:12:28 AM
While searching the southern indian ocean for remains of  malaysian air airliner, investigators discovered several large rectangular objects. they were later determine to be the dumped game servers and account information for NCSoft customer's City of Heroes accounts. more nws on this discovery after the sharks stop circling the boxes.

So Captain Mako won?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Pengy on January 19, 2015, 01:30:34 AM
Aw, look at the cute shark playing City of Villains!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 20, 2015, 05:56:50 AM
This just in ...

It turns out the reason talks seem to us to be taking forever is that no source or binary code exists for the game City of Heroes.  So, NCSoft is feverishly trying to re-code the game from scratch while leading the THeM on.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 22, 2015, 04:28:43 AM
This just in,

The talks with NCSoft have stalled over the placement of the Icons on the opening screen.
NCSoft wants their Icon to the far left and Paragon Studios Icon to the right of Cryptic.
MWM wants their icon in the middle with Cryptic on the right and Paragon Studios on the left with NCSoft's icon on the other side of the opening screen.
Disney wants their icon in the upper left corner, but nobody knows why.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Blackgrue on January 22, 2015, 03:13:50 PM
This just in,

The talks with NCSoft have stalled over the placement of the Icons on the opening screen.
NCSoft wants their Icon to the far left and Paragon Studios Icon to the right of Cryptic.
MWM wants their icon in the middle with Cryptic on the right and Paragon Studios on the left with NCSoft's icon on the other side of the opening screen.
Disney wants their icon in the upper left corner, but nobody knows why.

A Cryptic spokesperson has been quoted as saying "Why the hell do we care?" and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 22, 2015, 11:01:51 PM
This just in,

The new City of Heroes will allow open game play for leagues.
That's right, contacts missions, radio missions, bank missions, paper missions, task forces, trials, AE missions even signature story arcs can be played with a league of up to 6 teams of 8 players.

Some of the maps might get a bit crowded.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Sugoi on January 23, 2015, 09:32:20 PM
Ah, just imagining running the 'Wedding Cake' Cave run with 48 Masterminds on the team.  And in reality, it'd probably be worse than I can imagine. ;D
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 23, 2015, 11:21:09 PM
48 robotic MasterMinds.
The noise would be horrific.

Demon Summoning as well.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on January 24, 2015, 02:07:21 AM
screen rendering tasks strong enough to turn your vid card into a jet engine/space heater ;P
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Blackgrue on January 25, 2015, 03:19:34 PM
This just in, Gang War cooldown reduced to 10 seconds allowing all thugs masterminds to have multiple gang-wars going on at once.

This has delayed negotiations as the test server went nuclear.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 28, 2015, 06:43:43 AM
This just in,

Scrapper and other meleers Moment of Glory is now a toggle power.
Of course, this makes the Paragon Protectors of Crey very nasty.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Blackgrue on January 29, 2015, 05:25:45 PM
This just in,

A meteor made of solid emerald just struck NCSoft headquarters. A booming voice from above was heard saying "MAYBE A SHINY PEBBLE WILL MAKE NEGOTIATIONS GO FASTER."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on January 29, 2015, 06:07:05 PM
Breaking news, THeM have reported that, after handling the subscriber numbers from City of Heroes, they seem to have been suspiciously deflated. The media has termed the scandal Deflategate, and is certain NCSoft reduced user pressure to make handling the closing easier in slippery tearstained conditions
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 30, 2015, 05:31:12 AM
As it turns out, the way NCSoft was counting users was the number of player characters who have completed the entire game story arc.   Including the Imperious arc and all the incarnate trials.  With so many players farming AE, the game story arc was virtually ignored, and therefore deflating the numbers.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 01, 2015, 05:24:26 AM
This just in ...
Sources close to the NCSoft team disclosed that the reason NCSoft has taken so long to return with a decision regarding the submission of developer viability is simple.  The submission was in the form of a lockbox.

Ok, who here hates lockboxes?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Sugoi on February 01, 2015, 09:19:09 PM
Ok, who here hates lockboxes?

Who doesn't?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 03, 2015, 05:08:39 AM
This just in,

NCSoft announced that it has sold the intellectual property, (IP), and source code to an undisclosed party that plans to bring the game back on-line.  The identity of the buyer is still unknown.  The THeM has been quoted as saying, "Waaaaaaaa!"
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: microc on February 03, 2015, 11:26:30 PM
whdh the local Boston news channel came on today and ask if anyone had cold/weather powers to please togel them off they had all the snow they can handle in mass.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 04, 2015, 01:11:41 AM
whdh the local Boston news channel came on today and ask if anyone had cold/weather powers to please togel them off they had all the snow they can handle in mass.

/t boston, the winter event is over
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 05, 2015, 07:07:26 AM
Missing Worlds Media today has annouced that their new game, dubbed City of Heroes 2 by basis media, will include teddy bear powers.  Teddy bears will play a major part in the game and it's lore.  When asked for comment, that Tony guy or who ever that was, said that the teddy bears will add a certain something to the game that is sorely lacking in other on-line games.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 06, 2015, 03:26:29 AM
This just in,
Atlas Revival dubbed City of Heroes II by basis media has announced that they will include a teddy bear powerset for all ranged and melee archetypes.  When asked for clarification, the company commented by sending us a teddy gram.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 07, 2015, 04:06:30 AM
This just in,
Valiance Online has announced today that their sequel to City of Heroes, called City of Heroes: The Sequel by basis media, will have entire villain group based on stuffed toy animals especially teddy bears.  When asked for comment, somebody said, "Go stuff yourself".
"How rude."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 08, 2015, 02:56:01 AM
This just in,
The soon to be released MMORPG, "Heroes and Villains", has announced today that all of the heroes and most of the villains in their game, called City of Heroes:  And Villains by basis medis, will be teddy bears.
When asked why they would do such a thing, and spokesperson responded with, "Why not?"
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 12, 2015, 03:37:31 AM
Did I come all the efforts to replace City of Heroes with teddy bears?
If I missed one, yeah they're going to have teddy bears in their game too.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 13, 2015, 04:30:31 AM
This just in,
Due to cultural differences, the THeM and NCSoft have finally decided after months of talks that they will go to Five Guys for lunch.
Members of THeM pronounce it Fuy Guy, which infuriates NCSoft, because they call the place Six Men.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 14, 2015, 04:41:33 AM
The president and CEO of the Five Guys Restuarant Chain would like to make the following announcement:

Look, it ain't Six Men, ok.  It's Five Guys.  We sell Hamburgers and Hot Dogs and French Fries and Milkshakes.  So stop calling us Fi Guys.  We ain't Four Boys.  We ain't Seven Dudes.  It's Five Guys.
Now back to your silly little fake news.

Thanks for those heart felt remarks.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 14, 2015, 06:06:27 PM
This just in,

Everyone on the THeM showed up to a meeting wearing fairy princess costumes.
The NCSoft executives couldn't stop laughing.
It turns out that through miscommunication, the THeM thought that there was a costume contest with the theme 'Best Fairy Princess'.  It is unclear how this might affect negoiations due to the fact that the NCSoft executives still laugh everytime the subject is mentioned.

More later.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on February 14, 2015, 11:12:39 PM
This just in, CoX was shut down because an Alien company from the Xvlaar galaxy had taken a patent out on a very similar concept to the IP 4 million years ago and sued through galatic federation court when they realized we had copied them.

I mean, just what are the chances?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 16, 2015, 04:14:54 AM
This just in,

Everyone on the THeM showed up to a meeting wearing fairy princess costumes.
The NCSoft executives couldn't stop laughing.
It turns out that through miscommunication, the THeM thought that there was a costume contest with the theme 'Best Fairy Princess'.  It is unclear how this might affect negoiations due to the fact that the NCSoft executives still laugh everytime the subject is mentioned.

More later.

It turns out that the miscommunication might have been sourced to a Nexion Executive.
The communication said that the winner of this contest would need a fairy princess to get the IP, or something like that, my Korean isn't very good.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 17, 2015, 03:54:41 AM
Sources revealed to this reporter, that the IP license deal has been inked, yay!
The server farm is being built in an undisclosed location.
A fairly buggy version of Issue 24 Beta is being debugged and will be ran on the new servers.
The user accounts have been copied over minus credit card information.
The only snag is, after the shut-down announcement, some players did things to their accounts that need correcting.
Like some players made 'tribute' toons in violation of copyright laws and the rules of the game.
Other players created less than flattering AE story arcs involving South Korean businessmen.
Some players went so far as to make South Korean Businessmen Villains.
So, each and every account will need to be closely examined for such violations and those violations removed.
It is estimated that that process could take three years.

Talks are still on-going.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 18, 2015, 04:01:32 AM
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, Codewalker for that REAL topic.
I set notify on and now I can ignore the titan formums altogether.

That's really all I wanted, was a weekly post or an offical topic that would say when I should get City of Heroes re-installed and start playing.

Did I say thank you?

What does the National Dairy Association have to do with City of Heroes?

Anyway, thank you Codewalker.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 18, 2015, 04:08:14 AM
This just in,
Nothing has happened since October of 2014.
The NCSoft executives have been reviewing the proof of developer viability, during their spare time, and the THeM has been re-inacting scenes from the first Kung Fu Panda movie.
So, pretty much everything is right on track.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 20, 2015, 05:04:17 AM
Today, it was announced that Atlas Park Revival will feature pants in the costume creator.  Sources close to the story had been worried about a glitch in the software that somehow made the pants files unavailable.

A spokesman for MWM was quoted as saying that this is a big relief because pantless avatars in that game could possible draw players away from City of Titans.

More pants related news as the details become available.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 21, 2015, 10:58:53 PM
This just in,

I'm wearing pants.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 22, 2015, 02:31:01 AM
This just in,

Somebody went back in time and made it so City of Heroes never existed.
Can you igamine the nerve, to make it so ummm, whats it never ... What was I talking about?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on February 23, 2015, 12:21:05 AM
In news today, it has been announced that Pants will now be a veteran rewards feature in City of Heroes. They will be available after eleven months of paid play time has been utilized. The 12 month reward will be the ability to block out the anatomically detailed mesh renders which non pants-utilizing players are equipped with from day one.

in related news, one year and lifetime subscriptions to City of Heroes are selling at a record pace.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on February 23, 2015, 12:23:42 AM
This just in,

Somebody went back in time and made it so City of Heroes never existed.
Can you igamine the nerve, to make it so ummm, whats it never ... What was I talking about?

oddly enough that's a true reaction to time change, but those involved in changing it still have lingering memories which they start to believe were just daydreams.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 23, 2015, 03:53:42 AM
oddly enough that's a true reaction to time change, but those involved in changing it still have lingering memories which they start to believe were just daydreams.

I got one right!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 25, 2015, 01:16:20 AM
This just in,

In City of Titans you will have travel powers and vehicles.
Also, for every year you subscribe, you can have the option of skipping that many levels.
Also, every time you successfully complete a task force you get a permenant battle pet.
And (insert some cool thing you always wanted in a game)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on February 25, 2015, 01:27:15 AM
This just in...
Joss Whedon has purchased the rights to the superhero video game City of Heroes in the hopes of making it a successful TV show that will get cancelled early by Fox.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 26, 2015, 08:41:55 AM
This just in,
I'm not wearing pants.
That's right, I am pantsless.
There will be no film, sorry.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 27, 2015, 04:16:54 AM
This just in,
I got a better offer.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 05, 2015, 04:53:03 AM
I'm back.
It turns out that at that other job, they wanted me to wear pants all the time.
I'm a free spirit, sometimes pants get in the way.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on March 05, 2015, 08:37:00 PM
This just in...
Korean Game Developer NCSoft has announced it is relaunching a game it says it "should never have shut down". Fans of the game have deluged NCSoft for years begging it to bring back their beloved MMO. Early fall 2015 gamers will finally be able to log back in to Tabula Rasa!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 06, 2015, 03:37:54 AM
This just in,

Codewalker has created an exact duplicate of City of Heroes complete with server support.  The only problem is that farming on Freedom server crashes the whole system.  For this reason and others, only well trusted friends know that the URL is http://www.coh-codewalker.com/secret?pswrd=free2play so you didn't hear it from me.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 06, 2015, 03:39:14 AM
Lighten up, it's FAKE news after all.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 08, 2015, 01:00:07 AM
This just in,

No Teddy Bears will be involved with the re-launch of City of Heroes.
So if you were worried about that, rest assured ... and seek help---weirdo.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on March 08, 2015, 03:43:16 PM
The City of Heroes game server was relaunched last night, however, due to the fact of a discrepancy in its time settings coinciding with Daylight Savings Time, it remains unreachable to anyone not already living one hour in the future.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on March 09, 2015, 01:18:11 AM
This just in,

No Teddy Bears will be involved with the re-launch of City of Heroes.
So if you were worried about that, rest assured ... and seek help---weirdo.
@T_Ruxpin wants a word with you. Just remember... I don't know you and we never met.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Sugoi on March 09, 2015, 10:47:25 AM
This just in....   

Mark Wahlberg has been signed as the spokesperson in a series of advertisements for the revival of City of Heroes.

When asked how he qualified for the position, he mentioned his upcoming role as sidekick to his best friend Ted in the upcoming movie Ted 3, where Ted gets exposed to magical Fairy Dust, gaining powers above and beyond the average bear, leading into his role as the star of the updated classic BBC children's animated series, Super-Ted!

Remember, you heard it here first!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 09, 2015, 11:55:06 PM
This just in,

Apparently the negoiations to purchase the MMORPG known as City of Heroes has hit a major snag.  The TBADL, (Teddy Bear Anti Deformation League), has filed several injunctions demanding equal representation under any new or revamped City of Heroes title.  Also, they are demanding that THeM feature Teddy Bears in every aspect of the City of Heroes management.
When asked for comment, Iron Wolf said, "Are you high?"
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 11, 2015, 05:27:59 AM
This just in,

Apparently, the Teddy Bear Union has gotten involved with the purchase of City of Heroes.
They are picketting the NCSoft Headquarters building and stagging a sit-in.
Several of the Teddy Bears were overheard singing Kumbyla and other togetherness songs.
"Heck no, we won't leave."  One of the Teddy Bears said.
When asked for comment, Mike or Steve said, "Why aren't you wearing pants?"

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 12, 2015, 04:12:46 AM
This just in,
The good folks at the county health clinic helped me get my prescription filled.
After taking the reccommended dose, the angry Teddy Bears have vanished.
I now call my medicine, "My Anti-Teddy Bear Formula."

Now if we can get somebody to do something about all this tiny fairies demanding fairy crossing zones in super markets, we would be all set.  Have you seen my pants?

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 13, 2015, 02:19:25 AM
This just in,

The THeM and the NCSoft executives about a year ago reached an agreement and re-launched City of Heroes.  You can play by invitation only.  What a great way of controlling the environment.  Sorry, I cannot tell you the URL, but you also need the game key to play.  They will kick you off if they find you there without being asked to join.  But I probably said too much.  Nevermind, talks are on-going and the National Dairy Assocaition refuses to let anybody talk about it.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 14, 2015, 12:39:39 AM
This just in,

The National Dairy Association has asked me nicely if I would please be so kind and nice and retract my earlier post.  They even thanked me for my understanding.  So I hereby retract my previous post it was just a joke.  There isn't any relaunch.
On a side note, my kneecaps are healing nicely and the doctor is confident that I will walk again.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 15, 2015, 02:01:00 AM
This just in,

I love you, but don't tell your parents.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 17, 2015, 01:59:42 AM
This just in,

The only thing standing in the way of us playing City of Heroes, is one minor detail that needs to be worked out.

Hand dryers or paper towels.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 19, 2015, 12:44:45 AM
This just in,

The deal fell-through I'm sorry to say.
It seems that somebody on these titan network forum has been making fun of NCSoft and South Korea and so forth.  And doing weird stuff like claiming to be not wearing pants.
NCSoft has had enough.

If only we knew who this fiend could be.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 21, 2015, 10:30:59 AM
This just in,

City of Heroes IS back on-line, but you MUST have at least one blue star on the titan forums to play.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: ParagonLurker on March 21, 2015, 09:36:17 PM
Drat!
I don't have a blue star.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Sugoi on March 23, 2015, 02:00:44 AM
Drat!
I don't have a blue star.

"No COH for you!"  (or me either) :gonk:
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on March 23, 2015, 03:49:14 PM
Meanwhile, in unrelated CoH news, with word today that Windows 10 may not allow customers to install other OSes, including downgrades to windows 7, users began seeking out their favourite cyber-themed heroes and villains for workarounds to install ArachnOS
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 24, 2015, 02:18:08 AM
Meanwhile, in unrelated CoH news, with word today that Windows 10 may not allow customers to install other OSes, including downgrades to windows 7, users began seeking out their favourite cyber-themed heroes and villains for workarounds to install ArachnOS

I had used arachnOS.
It is great for searching the web.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 26, 2015, 12:55:26 AM
Been busy playing CoH, I have at least one blue star after all, so I haven't been able to post as much as you might want me to.

Let's see, ah.  This Just In,

The THeM has reported progress.  NCSoft no longer calls security every time they show-up.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 02, 2015, 12:15:51 AM
This just in,

City of Heroes is being ran by kittens.  If you don't believe me, go to www.bing.com and click on the link in the left-most popup box.  You better hurray, because if this truth gets out, they may shut it down.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on April 02, 2015, 01:28:47 AM
OMG I just logged in!
I was going to play a coh demo file and accidentally launched the login screen like I've done many times before. But then I noticed Virtue had 3 RED dots, so I tried it and holy carp!  I've been running missions for the past 4 hours!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on April 02, 2015, 01:30:56 AM
OMG I just logged in!
I was going to play a coh demo file and accidentally launched the login screen like I've done many times before. But then I noticed Virtue had 3 RED dots, so I tried it and holy carp!  I've been running missions for the past 4 hours!

April Fools!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 02, 2015, 02:12:23 AM
OMG I just logged in!
I was going to play a coh demo file and accidentally launched the login screen like I've done many times before. But then I noticed Virtue had 3 RED dots, so I tried it and holy carp!  I've been running missions for the past 4 hours!

I knew that it was an April Fools joke.
First, Virtue with 3 reds, it was Freedom that always had 3 reds.
Second, you have to have at least one blue star to play CoH.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 03, 2015, 05:40:21 AM
This just in,

The THeM reports progress.
They have actually gotten several NCSoft executives to admit that NCSoft once had a game called City of Heroes.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Brighellac on April 03, 2015, 05:45:34 AM
This just in,

Only areas of disk image not corrupt are atlas park and mercy island

Strangely atlas entertainment and all its missions survived
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 06, 2015, 01:25:39 AM
This just in,

The proof of developer viability was accepted.  The NCSoft experts poured over the documentation and the various code examples and organizational diagrams.
The decision:
NCSoft has announced the release of a brand new game, "Hero City".
Which strangely resembles the code submitted by TheM.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 07, 2015, 01:49:37 AM
This just in,

One of the TheM somehow has a video of an NCSoft executive in a compromizing situation, at least that is what the post-edited video shows.
Looks like getting City of Heroes back is in the bag.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on April 08, 2015, 05:27:36 PM
This just in...

Sources close to NCSoft have admitted (off the record) that the reason they had to shut down the game was because they sold it to Microsoft. Sources close to Microsoft were unaware they owned it and will be busy looking for the paperwork until 2025.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 09, 2015, 12:58:53 AM
This just in...

Sources close to NCSoft have admitted (off the record) that the reason they had to shut down the game was because they sold it to Microsoft. Sources close to Microsoft were unaware they owned it and will be busy looking for the paperwork until 2025.

As an update ...

Microsoft found the paperwork and it turns out that they are stuck with the game.  They thought that they were buying mobile technology to kill the iPhone.
Windows 10 will feature helpful popup characters, like clippy, Enstein and that stupid dog.  The popup characters will help users be more productive.  The popup characters are rumored to look like City of Heroes trainers.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 09, 2015, 04:30:21 AM
This just in,

One of the TheM somehow has a video of an NCSoft executive in a compromizing situation, at least that is what the post-edited video shows.
Looks like getting City of Heroes back is in the bag.

It turns out that the video is slightly better quality than those "Big Foot" videos.  There is no way that anyone could recognize the guy licking the police car.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 11, 2015, 02:39:08 AM
It turns out that the video is slightly better quality than those "Big Foot" videos.  There is no way that anyone could recognize the guy licking the police car.

This just in,

The THeM has informed this reporter that they have documentary evidence that could positively prove the identity of the man in the video who is seen licking a police car.

If tjis is true, TheM can blackmail NCSoft into giving us City of Heroes.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on April 12, 2015, 02:08:33 AM
As an update ...

Microsoft found the paperwork and it turns out that they are stuck with the game.  They thought that they were buying mobile technology to kill the iPhone.
Windows 10 will feature helpful popup characters, like clippy, Enstein and that stupid dog.  The popup characters will help users be more productive.  The popup characters are rumored to look like City of Heroes trainers.

Laughed Out Loud, Nice!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 12, 2015, 05:34:34 AM
As an update ...

Microsoft found the paperwork and it turns out that they are stuck with the game.  They thought that they were buying mobile technology to kill the iPhone.
Windows 10 will feature helpful popup characters, like clippy, Enstein and that stupid dog.  The popup characters will help users be more productive.  The popup characters are rumored to look like City of Heroes trainers.

Imagine that you're frantically working on a spreadsheet when tiny Ms. Liberty appears in the lower right hand side of your screen.  She taps the inside of the screen like she is behind the glass, and says, "You're doing well."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on April 13, 2015, 08:20:00 AM
this just in today the president of NCSoft woke up and asked for curly cheese fries, similar to the concept of groundhog day, if the president should ask for curly cheese fries it's to be considered a good omen to all projects and negotiations, mostly because eating them makes him happy which makes him more agreeable.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on April 14, 2015, 05:41:07 AM
this just in today the president of NCSoft woke up and asked for curly cheese fries, similar to the concept of groundhog day, if the president should ask for curly cheese fries it's to be considered a good omen to all projects and negotiations, mostly because eating them makes him happy which makes him more agreeable.
Update...
Fans of the has-been game City of Heroes, in an attempt to show NCSoft how much they want their game back, collectively sent 29 million metric tons of cheese fries to the South Korean developer's home office. No word yet on whether the game is set for relaunch, but South Korea is experiencing unprecedented growth of rat populations in select commercial areas.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Baaleos on April 14, 2015, 02:33:02 PM
News just in

A New Orleans cult has been discovered which requires its members to wear nothing but capes. The cult came to prominence in February 2015 when one member of said cult was arrested for public indecency while venturing outside of the complex the cult operate from in search of soft drinks.
Our news company attempted to get close to the complex but were greeted at the perimeter of the property by a 'make shift' security force, all of whom had cardboard spider legs attached to their backs.

Authorities have indicated that no reports of crimes have been made, besides the indecency charge which is being treated as a separate matter against an individual, as such - the police will not be investigating the cult or their property until such a time when evidence of a crime has been reported.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 15, 2015, 03:46:17 AM
This just in,

It was learned, today, the identities of a few of the developers working for the THeM.

The lead developer is Dilbert.
The senior developer is Wally.
The principle developer is Alice.

The lead developer is overly cynical and believes that CoH will never be relaunched.
The senior developer contributes to the project by drinking coffee and deflecting work onto others.
The principle developer will interface with the THem team, decide that they are all a bunch of morons and end up alinating the subject matter experts.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on April 15, 2015, 06:47:09 PM
Update...
Fans of the has-been game City of Heroes, in an attempt to show NCSoft how much they want their game back, collectively sent 29 million metric tons of cheese fries to the South Korean developer's home office. No word yet on whether the game is set for relaunch, but South Korea is experiencing unprecedented growth of rat populations in select commercial areas.

Update..

Today the rat population mysteriously disappeared and... OH GOD THE CHEESE FRIES ARE ALIVE, THEYRE EATING EVERYTHING! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

Newspaper headline; Cheese fries revenge, the story of fast food that fights back!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Inc42 on April 15, 2015, 07:49:07 PM
News just in

A New Orleans cult has been discovered which requires its members to wear nothing but capes. The cult came to prominence in February 2015 when one member of said cult was arrested for public indecency while venturing outside of the complex the cult operate from in search of soft drinks.
Our news company attempted to get close to the complex but were greeted at the perimeter of the property by a 'make shift' security force, all of whom had cardboard spider legs attached to their backs.

Authorities have indicated that no reports of crimes have been made, besides the indecency charge which is being treated as a separate matter against an individual, as such - the police will not be investigating the cult or their property until such a time when evidence of a crime has been reported.

Update...
An usual link has been found between the New Orleans cult and a man recently arrested for a string of attacks on nearby zoos. When question the man claimed to have been a new recruit to the cult, referred to by senior members as a "newbie" and was attempting to perform a ritual to earn his cape. Having misunderstood the directions the man was under the impression that he was to "Defeat 30 Zoos". More updates on the situation as it unfolds.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 16, 2015, 05:43:22 AM
This just in,

The THeM has informed this reporter that they have documentary evidence that could positively prove the identity of the man in the video who is seen licking a police car.

If this is true, TheM can blackmail NCSoft into giving us City of Heroes.

As it would turn out,
The documentory evidence was a note written in green crayon that reads, "That guy is an NCSoft exec."
I'm not a lawyer, but I have my suspicions that that might not hold up in court.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on April 16, 2015, 04:19:52 PM
Today NCSoft announced the opening of a new subsidiary branch called Tfoscn. They stated that the company was designed to run all of it's sunset games as self-sustaining servers.

when asked why we can't log-in to the games yet, they directed me to the president of Tfoscn; a former CoX junkie called Lag and his subordinate Disconnect.

I have yet to receive a reply from either of them.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 18, 2015, 04:02:15 AM
This just in,

NCSoft has decided to reverse it's earlier action and re-open City of Heroes.
They have announced that the timeline for the re-launch will put the grand re-opening roughly a week after each of the successor projects launch.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 19, 2015, 03:03:02 AM
Newsflash,

NCSoft announced that they will be shutting down World of Warcraft and Champions On-line.
When asked how this was possible, NCSoft replied that they make their living by shutting down viable games.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on April 20, 2015, 03:16:08 PM
Newsflash,

NCSoft announced that they will be shutting down World of Warcraft and Champions On-line.
When asked how this was possible, NCSoft replied that they make their living by shutting down viable games.

This just in...
Wizards of the Coast has announced it has no idea how Magic The Gathering Online was all of the sudden Shut Down. Authorities are investigating and suspect it to be a Nemesis plot.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 22, 2015, 04:53:49 AM
This just in,

NCSoft has announced that it will be expanding it's game closing operations.
Sources close to intoxication reported that NCSoft will probably close down the beloved board game Monopoly next.
And Parchezee is in their sights.

If you are a regular player to either of these games, be fore warned.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on April 22, 2015, 07:50:19 PM
In Honour of Earth Day today, executives at NCSoft revealed how their servers and data centers with City of Heroes, Auto Assault, and Tabula Rasa data had been heroically and environmentally re-purposed. They went on to elaborate on plans to similarly re-purpose abandoned and shuttered Wildstar servers when that game is closed in the near future and what games they intend to launch and then kill in the name of what they termed "eco-friendly community management" in the future.

further news once their private jets land
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on April 22, 2015, 07:58:10 PM
This just in,

NCSoft has announced that it will be expanding it's game closing operations.
Sources close to intoxication reported that NCSoft will probably close down the beloved board game Monopoly next.
And Parchezee is in their sights.

If you are a regular player to either of these games, be fore warned.


This just in, in wake of these foreclosures apparently the hungry bears from D&D have formed a coalition protesting NCSoft's forecloser abilities stating they will "Fight to the last bear" apparently bears of all types are welcomed I'm here to talk with Snuggles the teddy bear who seems to have been elected strategic captain for the group. What do you have to say for the audiences at home Snuggles?

*snuggles adjusts his helmet and a few bandoliers of artillery shells* "My Talk aint for the soft hearted! the @#$%&!$% at NCSoft better be ready cause there's a half continent of ursa major right here and we plan to bring the hurt on anyone from there who comes near this #$%^&@# @#$%! Now you get your @#$%^& @$$ $#&^# $%^ Outa my $%^&#@* Face!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 23, 2015, 12:42:20 AM
Oh no, I'm seeing angry teddy bears again.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 24, 2015, 03:14:35 AM
This just in,

The deal is almost done.  There remains one sticking point.
NCSoft wants to retain the right to shut-down City of Heroes at any time in the future if the need should arise.  The THeM have expressed deep concern that allowing NCSoft to retain such a right could possibly compromise the viability of the franchise.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on April 25, 2015, 11:25:11 AM
this just in

As we know previously the THeM have finished the project they needed to perform to prove developer viability and have submitted it to the Executives at NCSoft, after a long drawn out discussion of nitty gritty terms the game was given the go ahead for production on one condition; that all copies of the moon for the skybox be replaced with random interchangeable pictures of the exec's buttocks with his pants pulled half down.

when asked why he made this demand, the exec said "because, th3n j00 c4N S33 T3H M00N!!"
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on April 25, 2015, 05:39:20 PM
This just in...

Justin Beiber, at the urging of 2 of his friends, has purchased the IP for City of Heroes in order to "just, ya know, try it out" over the weekend. He has no plans to release the IP or re-launch the game, but insisted it was "like, way super boring, yo. So we just, like, deleted it and played GTA instead."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Hagis on April 25, 2015, 10:43:31 PM
And now for another fast-breaking newsflash!  Dr. Gordon Humphries, professor of Depressive Psychological Analytics at Miskatonic University, has published the results of a two-and-a-half year study. "In an attempt to obtaina deeper understanding of what causes misery in human beings, I had several volunteers spend time attempting to log into the now-cancelled game "City of Heroes." We asked these volunteers to log in, telling them that their resultant paychecks would be dependent upon the quality of the costume they created, the stories they conceptualized, and the number of team wipes they prevented (or caused).  Of course, we failed to tell them that the game was cancelled. Most of the volunteers gave upattempting to log in within a week. A significant minority percentage lasted a month or two. And a couple of outliers were forcibly dragged from their keyboards yelling "One more try!!!"  Results and full data will be published in the Journal of Crey Consumer Sciences, published by Vahzilok Enterprises, a division of Nemesis Holding Company.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 26, 2015, 03:22:35 AM
During the 2008 presidential champange season, some joker logged-in pretending to be Obama.
He made promises, kissed babies, flipped pancakes, cut ribbons, the whole nine-yards.

Well, it turns out that that guy was actually Obama after all, and not just some joker.

Obama to NCSoft:  You guys shut down the game, and that's not right.  We need our game back.  It's just stupid to shut down a game while it is providing jobs.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on April 27, 2015, 01:51:31 PM
This just in...

Jim Morrison has come forward revealing he has been living on an island with Hendrix and Joplin for nearly 40 years. When asked why he decided to come forward at this time, he admitted his compatriots are '"driving me nuts since the shut down", referring to the game City of Heroes which occupied much of their free time and kept them sane.
"I can't spend another morning waking up to Janis crooning about a Benz. Ever since @LizardKing was deleted I've been going stir crazy in that mansion."
When asked about Jimi Hendrix, Morrison explained "He's fine. After CoH he discovered some game called Warcraft and he never sleeps anymore."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on May 01, 2015, 02:08:36 PM
During the 2008 presidential champange season, some joker logged-in pretending to be Obama.
He made promises, kissed babies, flipped pancakes, cut ribbons, the whole nine-yards.

Well, it turns out that that guy was actually Obama after all, and not just some joker.

Obama to NCSoft:  You guys shut down the game, and that's not right.  We need our game back.  It's just stupid to shut down a game while it is providing jobs.

I remember that, he logged in on Villain side, he said "villains deserve equal stats to heroes" citing the difference between defense and res gains for tanks and brutes as "discrimination".  He made promises to fix this at all costs, but in reality just squandered the inf donations he received on buying out WSPDR and several paragon news agencies to push villain acceptance in every TV and radio broadcast from then on, This drew the favorable attention of Lord Recluse who became one of the top campaign contributors along with Reichsman and Lord nemesis who for some reason were behind Obama's efforts since before he was a senator. Once elected Obama made a strange donation to Crey industries during the bailout totaling 700 billion inf saying "in order to improve the economies of both paragon and the rouge isles we need to expand the amount of positions available in Crey Industries., it will create jobs and provide the administration necessary to oversee the new changes to the world.

From then on Crey industries has acted as an extension of the executive branch.

After the shutdown Obama released a statement saying "I fixed the economies of both paragon and the rogue isles, there are now more day jobs available for everyone, I'm working hard to fix the inequalities between heroes and villains, the borders between the cities are now secured using my method. And finally! I was NOT responsible for the disappearance of Statesman!! also there is no shutdown... I don't know what you're whining about the game has never been more alive and better"

when asked why he had previously made the comment "You guys shut down the game, and that's not right.  We need our game back.  It's just stupid to shut down a game while it is providing jobs." he refused to comment, shortly there after all legal records of the comment were mysteriously wiped from existence from the hard drives at NCSoft with the only evidence being a strange silhouette resembling Mender Silos who we have been unable to contact, after which an email from one NCSoft Executive to another was retrieved saying "can anyone see what we're saying in the internal chat system?" the response said "Don't worry it's all under NDA even after people leave they aren't allowed to speak about it, if they do we have every right to feed them to hamidon"
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ryo Kinsaru on May 03, 2015, 02:41:44 AM
So, I know where the offices are. I know where the data archives are in those offices. I know (to some degree) where the images are stored. I know the password for the terminal. I'm almost there. Unfortunately, all of this intel has left me somewhat lacking funds. Evidently even custodians don't work cheap anymore. I'm not soliciting money. To complete this mission I do, however, need the following:

A goat no taller than 24" tall, at least half brown
5 rolls of Duct Tape
2 plungers
11 cassette copies of AC/DC's "Back in Black"
A Rhubarb pie
A DNA sample from Salma Hayek
Left-handed scissors
Exactly 314 BB's in a plastic Wal-Mart bag
A 32 gigabyte minimum thumb drive
Someone to go in and steal the image if I tell them where and how
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 03, 2015, 03:25:19 AM
So, I know where the offices are. I know where the data archives are in those offices. I know (to some degree) where the images are stored. I know the password for the terminal. I'm almost there. Unfortunately, all of this intel has left me somewhat lacking funds. Evidently even custodians don't work cheap anymore. I'm not soliciting money. To complete this mission I do, however, need the following:

A goat no taller than 24" tall, at least half brown
5 rolls of Duct Tape
2 plungers
11 cassette copies of AC/DC's "Back in Black"
A Rhubarb pie
A DNA sample from Salma Hayek
Left-handed scissors
Exactly 314 BB's in a plastic Wal-Mart bag
A 32 gigabyte minimum thumb drive
Someone to go in and steal the image if I tell them where and how

I know that recipe:
level 50 Sting of the Titans, "Ranged Damage" category for Accuracy and Endurance Discount.

OOOO, slot three of that type and get 10% increase in recharge.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on May 03, 2015, 02:42:11 PM
I know that recipe:
level 50 Sting of the Titans, "Ranged Damage" category for Accuracy and Endurance Discount.

OOOO, slot three of that type and get 10% increase in recharge.

NUUU j00 F001 it's not ranged damage!, it's pet intensive recharge!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 04, 2015, 05:21:58 AM
NUUU j00 F001 it's not ranged damage!, it's pet intensive recharge!

Next you're say that it isn't even "Sting of the Titans".
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on May 05, 2015, 10:20:42 AM
Next you're say that it isn't even "Sting of the Titans".

hmm "sting" of the "titans" maybe I was wrong it does sound more like Pet Damage to slot on [Summon: Infiltrator]

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 06, 2015, 03:59:23 AM
hmm "sting" of the "titans" maybe I was wrong it does sound more like Pet Damage to slot on [Summon: Infiltrator]

Oh I see where I got confused.
Ryo didn't say if it was a she-goat or a he-goat.
That changes the recipe from rare to very rare.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on May 06, 2015, 04:35:09 AM
This just in...

Today NCSoft announced it will relaunch---
>>> This post has been removed due to a Cease and Desist request under the DMCA. The requester has requested that all requests abouts requests from this requester be available upon request, but only for requests of the requester and not for requests of the requests <<<
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 06, 2015, 05:37:43 AM
A secret informat of mine has passed on the word that perhaps maybe, the National Dairy Association might be giving Floride a visit and that they may, "Requet certain requests be requested".  I think we all know what that means.  We wish Floride the best of luck, and promise to sign a get well card or something.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 11, 2015, 03:30:40 AM
This just in,
The THeM has reported that the National Dairy Association still refuses to allow the THeM to discuss particulars about the game deal.  Here is what we know so far.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Taceus Jiwede on May 11, 2015, 05:57:12 AM
This just in,
The THeM has reported that the National Dairy Association still refuses to allow the THeM to discuss particulars about the game deal.  Here is what we know so far.
  • There once was a game
  • The game was an MMO
  • The game was a superhero/supervillian themed RPG
  • The game was administered by NCSoft for several years
  • The game was under maintenance and new development by a subsidiary company or not
  • The game had the name City of Heroes or something similar
  • The game had subscribers at one time
  • The game was shut down for a reason or reasons that have not/ will not be disclosed
  • And I'm not left-handed

........ number 9 seems a little fishy.......I feel like something is being....left out!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on May 11, 2015, 02:32:34 PM
News For May, 11, 2015:

Today, again, nothing happened.

Murray Weinstein
Staff Reporter - Paragon Times

If you see a villain or a hero or a humungous monster, please contact Murray Weinstein immediately at 555-1212. Any information will be rewarded by both Mayor Morales and Provost Marchand.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 12, 2015, 03:52:16 AM
........ number 9 seems a little fishy.......I feel like something is being....left out!
No, that was from "The Princess Bride"
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 13, 2015, 03:27:14 AM
This just in,

Breakthrough, the THeM has reported that they have actually found the NCSoft headquarters building.  They arrived too late to make an appointment with the guy who can put them in touch with the guy who has the telephone number of somebody who claims to have heard of City of Heroes.  THeM will try again tomorrow to get in to see the person who schedules appointments.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Hats off to that one guy who realized that they had been only making left-hand turns.  He was quoted as saying, "Hey, maybe we should try turning right, once."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 14, 2015, 12:53:11 AM
This just in,

Breakthrough, the THeM has reported that they have actually found the NCSoft headquarters building.  They arrived too late to make an appointment with the guy who can put them in touch with the guy who has the telephone number of somebody who claims to have heard of City of Heroes.  THeM will try again tomorrow to get in to see the person who schedules appointments.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Hats off to that one guy who realized that they had been only making left-hand turns.  He was quoted as saying, "Hey, maybe we should try turning right, once."

This just in,

It turns out that the THeM didn't go to see the guy who schedules appointments today.  One of the members of THeM was having a bad hair day.  Another member lost a sock in the dryer.  And the driver felt like staying inside and reading.
Here's hoping that tomorrow goes better.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on May 14, 2015, 12:56:08 AM
This just in,

It turns out that the THeM didn't go to see the guy who schedules appointments today.  One of the members of THeM was having a bad hair day.  Another member lost a sock in the dryer.  And the driver felt like staying inside and reading.
Here's hoping that tomorrow goes better.
This just in..
In Korea it's already tomorrow. We're all dooooomed!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on May 14, 2015, 04:18:46 PM
This just in:

People out on the street report seeing a four feet tall, plump penguin with a humanoid musculature poking his head around an alleyway and looking fearfully about.  When approached with a fresh fish, the mutated bird asked squeakily, "Where Waddle?  Waddle hero.  Waddle want HOME!" before taking the offered fish in his beak and leaping away, landing atop a nearby motel and taking off in a run across the building.

No penguins are reported missing from local zoos.  Thus, the origins of this mysterious "Waddle" are, indeed, mysterious.  More news later.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 15, 2015, 04:25:09 AM
This just in,
It is indeed tomorrow already in Korean.
The THeM have been arguing about where to go for breakfast.
The argument lasted up until lunch.  The team was so hungry that they just went to the first place they came across.  Unfortunately, they all got sick from over-eating and went home to lay down.

(It maybe completely fake news, but it does explain alot.)

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on May 16, 2015, 05:28:24 AM
This just in...
Son of NCSoft CEO Kim Taek-Jin recently revealed the events surrounding the closure of the Superhero MMO CIty of Heroes. "My dad was all like 'you gotta stop spending all night playing that game and do your homework' and I was all like 'no way dude, I'd rather play CoH' and he was all like 'stop playing that game or I'll make you stop' and I was all like 'you can't stop me old man' and he was all like 'oh yeah? watch me' then he made a phone call and I was all like 'dude, that was sooo uncool'".
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 17, 2015, 08:00:34 AM
This just in,
The THeM was all set to meet the guy to make the appointment to talk to the guy who knows the guy with the phone number of somebody who recently acknowledged that City of Heroes existed, when the offices were closed for a national holiday or something.  Dejected, the THeM drowned their sorrows in ice cream novelties and fireworks.  The team got arrested for being too happy in public without a license and spent the night in jail.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 18, 2015, 08:12:35 PM
This just in,
with renewed hope, the THeM set off to the NCSoft corporate offices. 
They realized too late that it was the weekend and the offices were closed.
Completely bummed by this whole exprience, the THeM went baby-clothes shopping for no apparent reason.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 20, 2015, 02:15:36 AM
This just in,

The THeM has decided to form a rock band.
They were going to be called the "Hail Marys", but that name was already taken.
So then they picked the name "The Team", but it is copyrighted.
Next, they finally decided on "The Group Trying to get City of Heroes Back", but they kept getting confused with "The Guys Working to get City of Heroes Back" and that group has a bad rep.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 21, 2015, 02:57:59 AM
This just in,

Oh happy day.
The THeM actually went to NCSoft today and met with a company representative.  After the 3 hour meeting, the things that got decided are:
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ankhammon on May 21, 2015, 04:34:01 PM
Minutes from the meeting:

NCSoft: You say you want a revolution? Well, you know, we all want to rule the game...

THeM: Nowhere man, don't worry. Take your time. Don't hurry. Nowhere man, the City is at your command...



Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on May 21, 2015, 09:10:43 PM
CoH MMO set for relaunch!
That's right, you heard it here first. The developer of the failed MMO has decided to relaunch it's popular franchise and plans to have the game in beta testing by August.
Sources confirm Relic has officially greenlighted Company of Heroes online!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 22, 2015, 02:23:26 AM
This just in,

NCSoft is actively searching for a buyer for the City of Heroes franchise.  The problem is that there is this weird group who keep bugging them wanting to buy the thing.  One unnamed executive,  who wished to remain anonymous, said, "We want to sell it to Nabisco, but we have to deal with this 'Hail Mary' crowd."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 23, 2015, 04:46:36 PM
This just in,

The THeM went pants shopping for their upcoming meetings with NCSoft.  These Koreans and their customs.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 25, 2015, 04:24:25 AM
This just in,

THeM member Steve or was it David.
Anyway, let's call him George.
So George accused one of the other members of stealing his pants.
Joel, let's call the other guy Joel, punched George in the nose.
Mark, another THeM member knocked the two other members heads together.
George stuck out his fist and said, "I dare you to hit that."
Joel hit it on the top and George swung his arm around and hit Joel on top of the head.
Mark said, "Oh, a wise guy and pinched George's nose with a pair of pliers."

It was funny, you had to be there.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: LaughingAlex on May 25, 2015, 05:50:22 AM
(Continuing my fake news from earlier last year).

This just in: Perfect world entertainment plans to up the cost of all existing costumes, even the crappy ones, to twenty five dollars an hour.  Also expect the latest costumes to be released in an abyssal state of plain uglyness.  Expect idiots in the forums to back up the decision and- Oh, this also just in.  PWE has decided enough was enough, canned the developers, and moved it back to it's original studio because the latest one's brains had fallen out listening to idiots who backed up decisions full well knowing people would quit and leave.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 25, 2015, 08:14:18 AM
(Continuing my fake news from earlier last year).
twenty five dollars an hour.

You know that's 340 bob, nobody can afford that.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on May 26, 2015, 02:30:14 AM
This just in...

Today NCSoft activated it's City of Heroes servers for one hour in a test-market attempt to see if there was enough interest in a relaunch. NCSoft promoted this event with as much vigor as they did the game back when it was in full swing, thus only 3 people logged in worldwide - 2 by accident and 1 janitor from the NCSoft offices who'd found a memo in the trash. NCSoft has now determined that interest in a relaunch is nearly non-existant and has shelved any future relaunch attempts.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Sugoi on May 27, 2015, 02:40:10 AM
This just in...

Today NCSoft activated it's City of Heroes servers for one hour in a test-market attempt to see if there was enough interest in a relaunch. NCSoft promoted this event with as much vigor as they did the game back when it was in full swing, thus only 3 people logged in worldwide - 2 by accident and 1 janitor from the NCSoft offices who'd found a memo in the trash. NCSoft has now determined that interest in a relaunch is nearly non-existant and has shelved any future relaunch attempts.

Are you certain this is fake news?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 28, 2015, 03:09:18 AM
This just in,
The THeM staged a mock trial of the entire NCSoft executive staff.  THeM was quoted as saying, "We wanted to highlight the criminal behavior of killing a game in its prime.  And stealing entertainment and joy from thousands of fans."  The mock trial lasted six hours and the final verdict was that all the NCSoft executives were aquitted.  A bystander was quoted as saying, "THeM can't walk."
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 02, 2015, 02:08:59 AM
This just in,

The CEO of NCSoft says that he loves you.
More on this story of details become clearer.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Graydar on June 02, 2015, 06:16:18 PM
This just in, Downix accidentally rips his face off whilst taking his mask off. Dies in horrific agony. Masterminds and empaths are on scene desperately trying to rez him and/or recruit him as a zombie minion. More on this story as the zombie apocalypse develops.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 03, 2015, 01:58:25 AM
This just in,
The zombie apocalypse continues in areas where no news coverage is available.
The Mayor of a small town ravaged by zombies was quoted as saying, "Braaaainnns."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 04, 2015, 12:58:24 AM
This just in,
Senator Who-zits said today that there are no grounds to panic about this zombie uprising.
He then offered to give this reporter a free brain explorative surgery just to make sure there were no tumors up there.
This reporter wasn't born yesterday and refused the senator's advances.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Sugoi on June 04, 2015, 03:39:58 AM
This just in, Downix accidentally rips his face off whilst taking his mask off. Dies in horrific agony. Masterminds and empaths are on scene desperately trying to rez him and/or recruit him as a zombie minion. More on this story as the zombie apocalypse develops.

Vengeance Bait!!!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 09, 2015, 02:07:26 AM
This just in,

In a bizare turn of events, zombies have entered into a bidding war with the THeM for the rights to the IP of CoH.
The THeM offered x dollars and royalities and licensing agreements.
The zombies offered to not eat the brains of the NCSoft executives.
This reporter has learned that NCSoft is carefully weighing the merits of both offers.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 10, 2015, 04:56:54 AM
This just in,

The Zombies have successfully won the bidding war with the THeM for the rights to the City of Heroes IP.

There will be a few changes.
First, Zombie Tuesdays.
Second, Necromancy is no longer available as a mastermind powerset, it has been replaced by the bunnies powerset.
Third, during zombie invasions, the zombies win!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 13, 2015, 04:18:58 AM
This just in,

Good news, the Rikti have launched an all out invasion of Paragon City.
With the aliens fighting the zombies, we might be able to get something done.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Sugoi on June 13, 2015, 04:50:06 PM
And the Bad News is.....

Now we have to fight hordes of Alien Zombies with overhead support bombarding us as well.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on June 13, 2015, 05:35:37 PM
And so in order to be a hero, I decided against all odds to go to paragon city to rectify the situation.

However I was quickly stopped by rights activists who are claiming Alien Zombies have rights too so I can't just go in and wipe the place clean.

However, I found a legal loophole in the whole operation, all the deals are under NDA. that means there are stiff penalties for anyone involved who talks about it, aka they /CAN'T/ talk about it! so I can go in and just clean the floor with the zombies after all, take the server by force and so long as the topic is under NDA, I'm protected! they can't tell anyone what I did!

now if you'll excuse me I have a huge shipment of salt the size of Texas coming into independence port by air mail and have to give the drop signal.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 14, 2015, 05:33:37 AM
This just in,

We have good news and even better news.
However, I've just been informed that the National Dairy Association refuses to allow us to discuss it.

Less on this topic as details happen.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ryo Kinsaru on June 18, 2015, 12:22:09 AM
I don't want a corporation to buy CoX, I want Vladimir Putin to buy CoX and relaunch it.

"I dare you shut down."

Tonight's Top Story:
"City of Heroes/City of Villains made headlines today when they unilaterally invaded and annexed DC Universe Online, Guild Wars 1 & 2, and the Peoples' Democratic Republic of the Congo. When asked what prompted these heinous and unprovoked attacks, President Putin simply responded, "More room Super Jump."."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 19, 2015, 04:17:53 AM
This just in,

Ok, the National Diary Association might not want you to know that the talks are on-going.
The NDA would probably refuse to tell you that progress is being made.
THeM and NCSoft are unable to tell you that there is only one obstacle to re-launching City of Heroes.
That one issue is ...
Spoiler for Hidden:
redacted
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on June 19, 2015, 04:39:04 AM
Bridgeport - A local area resident Bernard C. claims to have purchased the IP of the once popular MMO City of Heroes at a local multi-family garage sale for $4.00. The IP was found on a hard drive hidden in an envelope attached to the back of the coffeemaker sporting the label "Property of NCSoft". Currently 10,000 lawyers and law-makers are working overtime in an attempt to completely avoid getting in the middle of this DMCA fiasco. Bernard, after discovering this data, immediately sent it to The Telegraph and has asked Vladamir Putin for Asylum. More as the story develops...
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 19, 2015, 05:52:24 AM
This just in,

Ok, the National Diary Association might not want you to know that the talks are on-going.
The NDA would probably refuse to tell you that progress is being made.
THeM and NCSoft are unable to tell you that there is only one obstacle to re-launching City of Heroes.
That one issue is ...
Spoiler for Hidden:
redacted

Sorry, sometimes I have a mean sense of humor.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on June 19, 2015, 05:59:12 AM
Sorry, sometimes I have a mean sense of humor.
I was just assuming NDA=NSA in Disguise.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 20, 2015, 02:13:59 AM
In a rare move by the THeM,  actual good news was released indicating that something might or might not happen and that the timeframe for that something is soon or soonTM.

We can only assume that this is a hoax.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 23, 2015, 02:00:53 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

That the THeM are so excited about the SoonTM that all talks with NCSoft have came to a stop as we all wait for ICON to become a chat client with presence avitars created through the costume designer.  SoonTM we will be able to pretend to recruit for task forces and trials.

This reporter says, "Keep up the good work ScriptRunner."
What, oh, MacroDancer, ProcedurePusher, SubroutineStalker, MethodMavan, ProcessPuller,  no wait I got it ...

CodeWalker!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Arcana on June 23, 2015, 02:20:32 AM
SoonTM we will be able to pretend to recruit for task forces and trials.

The good news is those of us that liked them will be able to hang out in Dark Astoria and recruit for Incarnate trials, while those that didn't like them won't actually have to run them.  Win/win.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 23, 2015, 04:25:50 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

The NCSoft executives are looking forward to the SoonTM.  So that they can present their side of the story behind the shut down of CoH.  According to my sources, they are going to recount how somebody tripped over the main extension cord that all the servers were plugged into.  The resulting head-crashes and memory errors were too much for Paragon Studio to handle at the time.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 24, 2015, 01:02:58 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

That the SoonTM to be released chat client based on City of Heroes will be called:
Super Fire Dragon's Fun House of Chat.
Codewalker was unavailable for comment, but we can only guess that SFD's Fun House is a codename for the project.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 25, 2015, 08:58:57 PM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

That the XMPP enabled chat client formerly known as SoonTM that was code named: Super Fire Dragon's Fun House of Chat will be released as early as the fourth of July, (not positive of the year) and it will be called ...
Super Fire Dragon's Paragon Chat, (Paragon Chat for short).
Again Codewalker was unavailable for comment, but we think he might say, "Keep it up Circles and Triangles, keep it up."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 27, 2015, 02:23:34 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

That Codewalker was offered a basket full of cash by NCSoft to "help" them develop some project.  He politely told them, (not THeM), to kiss-off.

(remember, this is fake stuff, I'm making up.)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 28, 2015, 12:25:35 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

That certain combinations of scrapper primary powersets and certain scrapper secondary powersets work better together than others.  As a matter of fact, Claws primary and Shield secondary are so good together that the game will not even let you choose that combination.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 28, 2015, 04:27:41 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

Ms. Liberty was over heard complaining that she must come out of retirement and again work for Paragon City.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 29, 2015, 01:44:28 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...


That the mysterious Paragon Avenger has been lurking about.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on June 29, 2015, 04:44:23 AM
This just in...

There is warning of a new high level computer worm dubbed the Soon Virus. Developed by notorious hacker C0d3vv4lk3r, the virus disguises itself as a computer game. When installed, users are rerouted to a clandestine server and unable to log out for extended periods, often times brought to tears at the sight of other Soon victims. While it is unknown how many gamers will fall prey, the gaming community as a whole has been anticipating it for a few years. Still, the shock of the infection is expected to cause thousands of gamers to miss many full days of work, full nights of sleep, important meals and even phone calls. The devastation should only increase in the next few months as newer versions of the virus are already in the works.
However, if you fall victim to Soon, there is hope. Experts speculate repeatedly acting like a total douchebag in the virus' chat client may have a disabling effect, although to what extent is still unclear.
If you have any information leading to the whereabouts of C0d3vv4lk3r, please contact no one and shut the hell up.  8)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 30, 2015, 01:12:57 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...
That the mysterious Paragon Avenger has been lurking about.

No you fools, that's me.  Honestly, try to find good help these days.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 02, 2015, 02:02:52 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

The THeM is back at trying to purchase the IP of City of Heroes.
This week, THeM made Oriental food and served it to the NCSoft executives.
With the food, THeM served fortune cookies.
The fortune cookies had messages like, "Good day to sell City of Heroes", and "You will profit from City of Heroes sale, today", even, "Sale us the friggin' game already, clods".
The NCSoft executives ate the meal and thanked the THeM politely.
After the executives left, THeM noticed that the fortune cookies were untouched.
THeM asked one of the executives about that.
NCSoft executive said that fortune cookies are silly American custom.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 02, 2015, 11:28:47 PM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

The NCSoft executives in an attempt to stop being bothered by the THeM, have rearranged their offices, changed their hours of operation, started wearing disguises and even posted guard dogs on every floor of their skyscrapper office building.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on July 02, 2015, 11:32:31 PM
"Good day to sell City of Heroes"
... in bed!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 02, 2015, 11:58:27 PM
... in bed!

(silly American custom)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 06, 2015, 03:17:07 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

There is a group of people trying to buy the Intellectual Property (IP) of City of Heroes.
So far, the Keebler elves have been no more successful than the THeM.

To any and all NCSoft executives reading this, "Mister, give us back our ball."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on July 06, 2015, 03:35:31 AM
(silly American custom)
... in bed!

Yeah, I went there ;D
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 09, 2015, 03:33:50 AM

Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

What, I read this yesterday!  What's going on?  Oh I see.

It seems that Our Action Reporting Team Has been using Paragon Chat and not doing their jobs!!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 10, 2015, 02:18:10 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

That members of the group known as THeM, have been secretly attempting to purchase the rights to the Massively Multi-player On-line Role Playing Game  called City of HeroesTM and City of VillainsTM and Going RogueTM.  We do not at this time know THeM's reasons for the purchase, nor do we fully understand THeM's plans for these games after purchase.  We can only assume that something sinister is at hand.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 11, 2015, 01:55:25 AM

Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

The NCSoft CEO was spotted in Atlas Park under the Atlas statue last night.  When asked about it, Super Fire Dragon said, "We might not have any powers, but we still can administer justice."  The dragon was refferring to the beat-down the NCSoft CEO recieve from several heroes there.  Even though no super powers were used, heroes were slapping and smacking the executive.  There were even a couple digging holes around him, and throwing the dirt on him.  The NCSoft CEO was quoted as saying, "Why didn't you buy GW2?"

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 15, 2015, 05:03:48 AM
Our ace reporting staff has uncovered ...

Paragon Chat allows us to do the part of the game that was fun about it.  PC allows us to interact with other players.  Sol games don't do that.  Other games tend to deemphrize it.  City of Heroes/Villains was famous for it.

(They just now figured that out.)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Eoraptor on July 15, 2015, 06:50:56 AM
News just coming in that the Iranian Nuke deal includes provisions to search ancient Persian libraries for lost City of Heroes servers.

Sadly the Greek bailout deal does not include investigation of Athens for any hidden data stores for sentinel.

Further news as it develops.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on July 16, 2015, 01:17:12 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

The NCSoft CEO was spotted in Atlas Park under the Atlas statue last night.  When asked about it, Super Fire Dragon said, "We might not have any powers, but we still can administer justice."  The dragon was refferring to the beat-down the NCSoft CEO recieve from several heroes there.  Even though no super powers were used, heroes were slapping and smacking the executive.  There were even a couple digging holes around him, and throwing the dirt on him.  The NCSoft CEO was quoted as saying, "Why didn't you buy GW2?"
That was HILARIOUS to watch. Heavy kudos to the brave genius who made that toon.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 19, 2015, 04:11:14 AM
Our ace reporting staff has uncovered ...

That more people are using Paragon Chat than reading this forum.
If this trend continues, I be out of a job.  Thanks a lot Codewalker.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Rejolt on July 19, 2015, 05:06:26 AM
Our ace reporting staff has uncovered ...

That more people are using Paragon Chat than reading this forum.
If this trend continues, I be out of a job.  Thanks a lot Codewalker.

This just in: Paragon Avenger fired!

In other news, Paragon Avenger is now a freelance bartender in Pocket D.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 21, 2015, 02:43:04 AM
Hey gang, I'm relocated to Pocket D, now.
I got the inside scope on the dirt about this city.

NCSoft executives are reported as furious about Paragon Chat.  They want to know how they can subscribe to the game.  THeM has been trying to explain that paragon Chat is only a chat client and that nobody can subscribe to it.  NCSoft executives asked if it went Free-To-Play already.  Nexxon is reported as offering as much as $10,000,000 for the exclusive rights to Paragon Chat, but  ... uh-oh, I gotta go, the Janitor might have seen me.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 22, 2015, 12:32:52 AM
News flash,

Here I am in Pocket D, serving drinks, taking tips and overhearing conversations.
Codewalker is planning something big.
The THeM are stuck in an endless loop of questions concerning the game's details.
Power_Gamer actually hates cats.

more whenever.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Hells Wing on July 22, 2015, 11:48:22 PM
Speaking of fake news I was talking to someone on youtube who claims to know a old GM/Dev  who used to be part of his SG group who is a part of Titan Network and that she said the papers were signed in January and CoH has been bought. I'm not one to believe heresay, so I thought I'd point this out :p

News Flash,

NCSoft's building was destroyed by a powerful ray of energy coming from a temporal hole that opened up. Creatures and people dressed in costumes came out, announcing that this world had not been paying it's way and they were soon going to delete it and take this universe as their own.

Meanwhile, the city's trash problem is being solves as a being named "The Clockwork King" has been collecting all kinds of metal trash. We can only hope he does something creative in getting rid of it.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 23, 2015, 03:09:24 AM
Speaking of fake news I was talking to someone on youtube who claims to know a old GM/Dev  who used to be part of his SG group who is a part of Titan Network and that she said the papers were signed in January and CoH has been bought. I'm not one to believe heresay, so I thought I'd point this out :p

Oh yeah, everybody knows that the deal was signed in January.  It took several weeks to get  the servers up and/or running.  Several more weeks spent sorting through the game imagine to get it to work on the new servers.  Several more weeks to reverse engineer a codebase for the game.  Several more weeks of play testing.  There remains only one minor glitch.  Blue pants don't work when paired with green shirts.  They have tried everything, but having agreen shirt with blue pants causes the game to clash.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 26, 2015, 03:40:27 AM
The news from Pocket D

Last night, Kolissa an Arachnos Widow spent some time at the bar.  One bystander commented, "She must have a black hole of a bladder with all those drinks."  Kolissa engaged in conversation with a Goblin.  It turns out that the Goblin Freedom League was quoted:  "Free at last, free at last, thank Zeus, free at last."  Kolissa has been a long advocate for Goblin equal rights.  Kolissa was seen dancing with the subsitute bar-tender named Deadpool, after the regular bartender, Lt. Hunter was on a rhaspody.  All in all, we are no closer to getting City of Heroes back.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 27, 2015, 03:59:52 AM
City of Heroes is up and running on an undisclosed server farm in South America.  The biggest difference that we noticed was that the snakes were replaced by iguneas.  To play on the server go to:
https://COH2.paragon-city.net/I/want/to/play?=now (https://COH2.paragon-city.net/I/want/to/play?=now)
And ask for Ziggles and say that PA sent you.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 28, 2015, 01:47:07 AM
Ok, show of hands, how many of you actually tried that URL in the previous post?
I thought so,
Look, it says "Completely fake CoH news ..." can't you take a hint or a joke.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on July 28, 2015, 06:00:27 PM
This just in...
BuryTheLead.com is reporting Codewalker has announced the next Paragon Chat update will include a Downix NPC Contact which you can click on and send City of Titans game suggestions to, because CoT development just hasn't received ENOUGH suggestions about what the game should include.
All costume pieces, both NPC and player, will be unlocked. A new map feature will allow you to click anywhere on a zone map and be instantly teleported to those coordinates. Player and NPC mouths will now move whenever posting text to any chat channel. Also, there will be full game functionality.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 30, 2015, 02:26:41 AM
This just in,

This reporter has learned, today, that the THeM is in full swing trying to pitch THeM's plan to take over the world, I mean the game formerly known as City of Heroes.  They have sent geisha girls to the suites of the top executives.  The overly excited girls were sent back with messages that informed the THeM that geisha is a Japanesee custom not South Korean.  THem tried sending vegatarian gift baskets to NCSoft executives.  The baskets came with notes about respecting their beliefs in the scared cows.  The baskets were likewise sent back with the simple message, 'Where's the beef.' on them.  THem countered by sending the executives the finest English tea and cookies.  The tea was sent back, but the cookies were gone.  Again THeM found a note explaining the reason.  It said, "Nice cookies, wrong tea."
This reporter just the impression that the THeM would send a ham to a Jewish person with a note saying, "Happy Yom Kippur."

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 04, 2015, 05:45:56 AM
Our crack investigation team,
Has learned that indeed and in fact, THeM sent the pope a Prime Roast dinner on Good Friday with a note that read, "Happy Good Friday, Frankie!"

The Vatican could not be reached for a reply.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 11, 2015, 01:39:26 AM
Our crack investigation team,
Has learned that the THeM, in it's never-ending on-going attempt to purchase the rights to the IP that was City of Heroes, hit a snag today as they learned that all this time they had been dealing with MCSoft.  The THeM is supposed to be dealing with NCSoft.  When asked to explain how such a blunder could continue for over a year, Dave or that other guy responded in a news release blaming the q-w-e-r-t-y style keyboard with its layout placing 'N' and 'M' side-by-side.  There was no word from THeM as to how long it might take to get in-touch with NCSoft.  Another team member lamined the whole ordeal by saying, "We were so close with MCSoft."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 12, 2015, 01:56:03 AM
Our crack investigation team,
Has learned that THeM president or that other guy has been tried to setup a deal with MCI Software.
When told that that is the wrong company, some guy said, "[grapefruit]!"
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on August 13, 2015, 05:22:57 AM
This just in...

Pepsico has announced it has purchased the IP for City of Heroes. Coca Cola has anounced it has purchased the IP for City of Villains. Donald Trump heard Praetoria was "Gold Side" and purchased City of Heroes: Going Rogue. Fans of the game have finally given up any hope of a relaunch.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 14, 2015, 02:19:46 AM
This just in...

Pepsico has announced it has purchased the IP for City of Heroes. Coca Cola has anounced it has purchased the IP for City of Villains. Donald Trump heard Praetoria was "Gold Side" and purchased City of Heroes: Going Rogue. Fans of the game have finally given up any hope of a relaunch.

Coca-Cola has announced that their "named" cans will now say something like, "Share a Coke with ... Lord Recluse"

Pepsi has announced that on specially marked cans of Pepsi, their are giving away free respec tokens.

Donald Trump announced that the rent rates in Praetoria will increase slightly to offset increased costs.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 17, 2015, 09:59:23 PM
This just in,
THeM has received the OK to begin planning to meet with NCSoft executives for the purpose of scheduling meeting times and places for deciding on how to proceed with negotiations on the purchase of the rights to the license for City of Heroes.

This is a major step forward.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on August 17, 2015, 10:12:11 PM
Coca-Cola has announced that their "named" cans will now say something like, "Share a Coke with ... Lord Recluse"

Pepsi has announced that on specially marked cans of Pepsi, their are giving away free respec tokens.

Donald Trump announced that the rent rates in Praetoria will increase slightly to offset increased costs.

In addition, certain cans of Dr. Pepper will play the Atlas Park opening music on popping the top.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 18, 2015, 02:37:35 AM
This just in,

The THeM has annouced that Tony or that other guy will be leading the efforts to purchase City of Heroes.  Even THeM can't tell them apart.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 22, 2015, 06:13:34 AM
This just in,

The THeM announced today that negotiations have begun with Nixon to purchase City of Heroes.  When told that it is not Nixon, but Nexon that owns the rights to City of Heroes, THeM responded by saying, "D'oh!".
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 24, 2015, 03:17:17 AM
Your crack news investigation team has uncovered,
        A North Korean plot to take-over South Korea solely for City of Heroes relaunch.  Although we here at Simple Machines News would be thrilled to have City of Heroes back, we do not want to see innocent bloodshed.  Here's hoping that City of Heroes can be returned without the use of deadly force.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 29, 2015, 01:16:34 AM
Your crack news investigation team has uncovered,

THeM has announced that today they managed to leave their hotel and actually take a taxi across town all by themselves.  They needed help getting back to the hotel before dark.
Yes, the fate of City of Heroes is in THeM's hands.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 01, 2015, 05:52:14 AM
Your crack news investigation team has uncovered,
   That several of THeM gather in Atlas Park and listen to the radio on Friday's in an effort to save CoH.
Good luck.
Yup, they listen to the radio in order to save City of Heroes.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 02, 2015, 12:22:08 AM
Your crack news investigation team has uncovered,
City of Heroes and City of Villians are back up and/or running.
Any player can go to any zone, because there are no longer street gangs.
And that is a good thing, because all attack, buff and debuff powers have been nerfed to the point of not even working.  About the only thing you can do is chat and emote and fly around.

It's good to have the game back.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on September 02, 2015, 08:29:57 PM
This just in...
For almost 2 years a small group of programmers have been running a fully functional City of Heroes private server for themselves and their close friends, but recently the server started crashing for unknown reasons. A short time later "Paragon Chat" was launched as a testing ground to debug the private server crashes. It is unknown if Paragon Chat will remain online after it has served it's purpose, but one source revealed that the private server will remain "private". When pressed for more info he became dismissive saying it was a "myth" and a "rumor", and ended by asking "what's a private server?"
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Pseudo42 on September 04, 2015, 07:31:42 PM
This just in, Ms. Liberty is having a baby!  Speculation on whether it will be a boy, a girl, or a thing is currently underway!  No news on who the baby daddy is but sources say that it is none other than Lord Recluse himself!  We're sure her grandfather, Statesman, is rolling in his grave if this turns out to be true.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 06, 2015, 07:57:53 AM
This just in...
For almost 2 years a small group of programmers have been running a fully functional City of Heroes private server for themselves and their close friends, but recently the server started crashing for unknown reasons. A short time later "Paragon Chat" was launched as a testing ground to debug the private server crashes. It is unknown if Paragon Chat will remain online after it has served it's purpose, but one source revealed that the private server will remain "private". When pressed for more info he became dismissive saying it was a "myth" and a "rumor", and ended by asking "what's a private server?"

Yes, this is old hat, if you have a blue star then you may play CoH on the private server.
How do you get a blue star?
Practice, practice, practice.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 14, 2015, 01:55:55 AM
All the rumors about a secret private server where select people play City of Heroes is false, unfounded, and completely without merit.
It would be illegal, a violation of copyright laws, and illogically.
Further speculation as to the existance of such a server is totally fruitless.

And that that is settled, let me get back to my all MM Posi TF.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on September 15, 2015, 10:24:29 PM
This just in...

No new updates.
Carry on!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 16, 2015, 01:22:34 AM
This just in,
The THeM have offered NCSoft $48 billion for the rights to City of Heroes with no strings attached.
NCSoft countered by throwing in Wildstar and GW2, but THeM refused.
Songyee Yoon pleaded with the THeM, and explained how the three games fit perfectly togther.
THeM wouldn't budge.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 18, 2015, 02:10:45 AM
This just in,
NCSoft agreed to sell the THeM City of Heroes for $1.5 million.  THeM refused and counter-offered $1,495,950 and a hunk of cheese.  NCSoft inform the THeM that their smelly old cheese wasn't welcome.
 More cheese news as time permits.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 20, 2015, 02:11:16 AM
This just in,
NCSoft and the THeM have reached an agreement to transfer ownership of the IP known as "City of Heroes" to a third party.  CoH LLC, will then license City of Heroes to the THeM and others for the purpose of game-play and merchandizing.  The legal department of NexSoft has discovered that the fan fiction on the Titan Roleplaying Forum known as "Where Have All The Heroes Gone" presents a sticky legal issue.  Simple Machines owns and operates the forum, and thereby owns the content, but is not responsible for that content.  The content makes reference to a few of the copyrighted characters that are part of City of Heroes, namely Ms. liberty.  The fan fiction also mentions characters that were or have been created for use in the game and thereby are the legal property of Cryptic Studios.  Therefore, all parties involved have to pay royalities to johng736, a.k.a. Paragon Avenger, his assigns, heirs or co-owners.  This means that City of Titans will need to feature a main character named Super Fire Dragon or face a very jumbled mess of a lawsuit.

You're welcome.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on September 20, 2015, 01:07:24 PM
Today the whole conspiracy plot blew out of the closet in a rabid rumble, NCSoft joined the contenders and secretly slipped the CoX IP to nintendo over night, then nintendo fearing it would be cornered by Nexon and microsoft passed the IP back to NCSoft who then took a private jet to america where it passed the IP to Konami, however microsoft nexon and sony were hot on it's trail in their own private jets, just then when all seemed hopeless netmarble sprung into action and quickly delivered the IP to Activision who held off the offense while it passed the IP Cryptic Studios, however in a shocking turn of events cryptic had changed sides! Cryptic passed the IP to Perfect World Entertainment, Perfect world passed it to Disney Disney passed it to Microsoft Microsoft passed it to Nexon, Nexon had an open field and was taking it home when a sudden appearence of Acclaim Entertainment happened out of the left field behind the goal! With a hard kick Nexon Posed to make a goal! but with an expert dive Acclaim catches the Ip denying the goal! the crowd cheers! then acclaim.. wait what is he doing?! acclaim has thrown the IP towards the contenders goal and looks as they were all on one side of the field there's no one to stop it! but oh no! it falls short! then NCSoft taps it in! the crowd goes wild!

then some government calls foul, "red card suspected money laundering in centerfield."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 24, 2015, 02:09:53 AM
This just in,
NCSoft pleaded with the THeM to purchase the City of Heroes IP.  THeM flattly refused, because they the THeM want to drag this out as long as possible for the launch of some of the successor projects.  The diabolical idea is for one of the successor projects, CoT let's say, to wait for the launch of AP Revival or Valance or Heros and Villians to launch then re-launch CoX to strave the market share of those other games.  Then introduce QoL (quality of life), bugs into the re-launched CoX right before launching THeM's game.  AR Revival spokesperson was quoted as, "Those <grapefruit> heads!"

Remember, you read it here first.
(unless somebody else posted something similar somewhere and was soundly and correctly refuted.)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 25, 2015, 02:27:54 AM
Today it was learned that,
 Atlas Revival is in active competition with the THeM to purchase the rights to the City of Heroes Intellectual Property (IP).
APR refuse to comment, but sources close to the successor project said, "Get that <grapefruit> microphone out of my face."
Experts believe that that is an admission of guilt.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 27, 2015, 02:31:46 AM

This just in,
The law offices of Chris Jenkins has filed a restraint of trade injunction against NCSoft.  With the shut-down of the game, Chris Jenkins has lost a lot of business and may be forced into bankruptcy.  He has enjoined NCSoft to re-launch the IP known as City of Heroes and allow super-powered beings to cause mishaps that he can again file suit to claim damages against.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 28, 2015, 02:51:59 AM
This just in,

     The THeM has complained that there is another bidder for the CoH IP.  This other bidder, THeM says, is well financed, determined and ruthless.  Our crack research department has learned that the following are all bidders for the intellectual property of City of Heroes:

THeM
Tony Stark
Bruce Wayne
Daddy Warbucks
Professor Charles Xavier
and
Scrougue McDuck
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on September 28, 2015, 04:04:10 AM
This just in,

     The THeM has complained that there is another bidder for the CoH IP.  This other bidder, THeM says, is well financed, determined and ruthless.  Our crack research department has learned that the following are all bidders for the intellectual property of City of Heroes:

THeM
Tony Stark
Bruce Wayne
Daddy Warbucks
Professor Charles Xavier
and
Scrougue McDuck

This depends. . . does Scrooge McDuck still have his lucky dime, or has Magicka tried stealing it this episode?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 28, 2015, 04:11:09 AM
This depends. . . does Scrooge McDuck still have his lucky dime, or has Magicka tried stealing it this episode?

McDuck is the dark horse in this race, the one to watch is Bruce Wayne.  Inside sources know that Tony Stark is bidding through Pepper Potts and his bids have been slow, but outrageous.  The Prof is in it for the publicity.  And it is rumored that Warbucks wants CoH for Annie's birthday.  The choice was CoH or a unicorn and it looks like an unicorn might be easier to get.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on September 28, 2015, 04:23:59 AM
McDuck is the dark horse in this race, the one to watch is Bruce Wayne.  Inside sources know that Tony Stark is bidding through Pepper Potts and his bids have been slow, but outrageous.  The Prof is in it for the publicity.  And it is rumored that Warbucks wants CoH for Annie's birthday.  The choice was CoH or a unicorn and it looks like an unicorn might be easier to get.

But McDuck is not a horse of any color.  He is a duck.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 29, 2015, 02:31:11 AM
But McDuck is not a horse of any color.  He is a duck.

D'oh, now you tells me.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 30, 2015, 01:38:22 AM
This just in,

Talks between NCSoft and the THeM have come to a stand still.  Everything seems frozen in-place.  Nobody can say for sure what brought this about, but those closest to the talks insist that it was ... The Kragle.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 01, 2015, 10:41:45 PM
This just in,

      With the launch deadline of several successor projects looming, NCSoft has decided to re-launch City of Heroes.  They won't give out the URL, because that's privileged.  They are afraid of corporate sabotage.  So just start entering combinations of 4 number ranging from 0 to 255 separated by a decimal or peroid.  Oh wait, correction, they are using Iv6.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 03, 2015, 05:48:43 PM
This just in,

It was learned today that the Crey Corporation accidently dumped tons of a toxic substance into the nations water supply.  The only harmful effect that has been noted is that the population believes that there was once a massively multi-player on-line role playing game named City of Heroes.  When the chemicals wore off, most people believe that some evil corporation shut down the game.  No long term side effects have been noted except facial hair growth in men and mammary gland enlargement in women.  A spokesman for the Crey Corporation said, "Oopsy."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 05, 2015, 03:36:05 AM
This just in,
The talks between the THeM and NCSoft have completely stalled.
It seems that there was a delivery of some very fine French wine, but a corkscrew cannot be located anywhere.  As the search continues, the talks have dried up.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 06, 2015, 01:38:12 AM
This just in,

NO, WE DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DEAL. YES, THEY ARE UNDER AN NDA. YES, EFFORTS ARE STILL ONGOING. STOP ASKING. JUST CHAT AND WAIT. THANKS.

So, everybody just chill and trust that a ragtag group known as THeM is making progress.  Just last week, they found their way out of the Hotel's parking garage.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 06, 2015, 02:17:35 AM
There appears to be two kinds of posts about the no news is good news approach.
Frustated posters wondering why the gameain't going.
And frustrated posters who can't say what they know telling people for the umpteenth time to be patient.

Try to remember that business deals take time.
I realize that it isn't easy to hear, "Just wait and chat and we will all learn the fate of CoH together".
It is also not easy to try to calm people down over-and-over.

So, I have come to realize that the deal is probably just moving slowly through the various channels and hurdles that deals do.
I work in the public sector, if I told you where I would have to  ... never mind, anyway, we have been waiting about 2 years for news of consolidation of certain software products to we use on a daily basis.

So please be more patient.  If the deal is toast, I can wait to hear that.  If the deal is done, I doubt that even the THeM couldn't find a way to tell us.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 07, 2015, 02:57:26 AM
This just in,

City of Heroes was shut down, because it was infested with a virus.  The development team confirmed today that the game was riddled with viruses and logic bombs.  Any attempt to re-launch the game will most likely shut down the entire internet.  So it appears that it is indeed hopeless ... what?  (mumbles something to somebody off-camera.)

The viruses as it turns out or actually buffs and debuffs.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 13, 2015, 04:11:56 AM
This just in,

The talks between NCSoft and the THeM have hit a road-block as it were.  There is a strict no smoking policy in the Nexon building where the talks are taking place.  The THeM insist that e-cigarettes don't count as smoking.  Tony or that other guy said, "Hey, no smoke is coming out, how can it be smoking?"  An NCSoft executive responded by saying, "You put cigarette in mouth, you draw in air, you exhale.  It's smoking!"

We will keep you informed.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: JoshexProxy on October 13, 2015, 06:03:30 AM
This just in,

The talks between NCSoft and the THeM have hit a road-block as it were.  There is a strict no smoking policy in the Nexon building where the talks are taking place.  The THeM insist that e-cigarettes don't count as smoking.  Tony or that other guy said, "Hey, no smoke is coming out, how can it be smoking?"  An NCSoft executive responded by saying, "You put cigarette in mouth, you draw in air, you exhale.  It's smoking!"

We will keep you informed.

then the guy at the end of the desk got an instant serving of "ding!" and a lightbulb appeared above his head. the outcome is he frantically drew out plans for a tobacco flavor and nicotine extractor that filters out tar, then drew plans for a compressor which mixes the flavor particles with air and compacts it into tiny cigarette size cylinders which can contain the same amount of flavor and nicotine as an entire carton of cigarettes with no vapor and no smoke, and added the final touch with a output pressure controller wheel and a "toke" button. he added plans for a battery controlled air warmer to be able to be attached for later release.

he then realize he'd never get the cigarette companies to buy it and that it had nothing to do with CoX, so he balled it up and threw it out.

true story, I got the plans from the waste-bin.

not really true, but it's a nice idea I think.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 15, 2015, 02:42:27 AM
This just in,

The talks between NCSoft and the THeM have hit a road-block as it were.  There is a strict no smoking policy in the Nexon building where the talks are taking place.  The THeM insist that e-cigarettes don't count as smoking.  Tony or that other guy said, "Hey, no smoke is coming out, how can it be smoking?"  An NCSoft executive responded by saying, "You put cigarette in mouth, you draw in air, you exhale.  It's smoking!"

We will keep you informed.

This just in,

Unable to smoke or e-smoke in the Nexon building, the THeM turned to snorting coke.  The only problem that they have reported is getting ice cubes stuck up their noses.

More as details become available.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: JoshexProxy on October 15, 2015, 04:45:41 AM
This just in,

Unable to smoke or e-smoke in the Nexon building, the THeM turned to snorting coke.  The only problem that they have reported is getting ice cubes stuck up their noses.

More as details become available.

This just in, tired of having excessive deposits of C02 near their brains the THeM have continued negotiate after NCSoft suggested they try something a bit more in tune to the subject at hand, however a terrible typo in the instructions issued which initially aimed to ask all parties involved in negotiations to make their own Heroine and bring it to the meeting (minus an 'e') ended up with a visit from the local law enforcement.

No word as of yet for when the delay associated with the narcotics agents visit will be over.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 16, 2015, 01:48:05 AM
This just in, tired of having excessive deposits of C02 near their brains the THeM have continued negotiate after NCSoft suggested they try something a bit more in tune to the subject at hand, however a terrible typo in the instructions issued which initially aimed to ask all parties involved in negotiations to make their own Heroine and bring it to the meeting (minus an 'e') ended up with a visit from the local law enforcement.

No word as of yet for when the delay associated with the narcotics agents visit will be over.

Everybody knows that the police completely understand typos.  The THeM will be lost in their hotel by supper.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 17, 2015, 04:53:52 AM
This just in,

The THeM spent several weeks making posters and charts for the presentation that they were going to show NCSoft.  The posters had sparkles and 6 different color construction paper.  They used bright markers and carefully colored within the line drawings.  If it had been a 9th grade art project, they very easily would had gotten a B, maybe even a B+.  Unfortunately, it was a business presentation.  NCSoft was completely unimpressed with the whole thing and wondered out loud why a technology company didn't have a power-point.

Yeah, we can just sit back and chat and wait, the fate of the game is in good hands.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 19, 2015, 03:41:44 AM
This just in,

NCSoft and Nexon have gone their separate ways.  Now the only thing standing in the way of re-launching City of Heroes is a small group of pests that claim to want to buy the game, or license it from a three-party.  NCSoft has always planned to bring the game back as part of a retro promotion, but certain people had caused grief for the company.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 22, 2015, 02:59:30 AM
This just in,

Citry of Heroes has been re-launched and we all can play again ... no wait.
McFly!  Stop screwing with time travel.  Thi nk McFly, think.  I can't do this report with you changing the time line every few minutes, I'll get fired.  You don't want me to get fired, do you, McFly?


(In honor of Oct 21 2015, time-travel day.)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: JoshexProxy on October 23, 2015, 01:11:31 PM
contrary to popular belief, all this time the THeM have not successfully entered negotiations for anything regarding CoX. When they approached NCSoft about making a deal, NCSoft told them that they need to know the real reasons why CoX was shut down in the first place, then said when Nexon sells off it's stock they will tell them.

Today NCSoft's executives finally found time to tell the THeM what the real reason is albeit by forwarding an email from the Nexon executives that was to be released if pressed for information about the shutdown. the email is as found below, please take care to watch the quotation marks.

"H41 6v135!

1 PW4N3D = J00 411

(https://i.imgur.com/IhfTk.gif)

teacups."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 25, 2015, 01:20:46 AM
"H41 6v135!  1 PW4N3D = J00 411
(https://i.imgur.com/IhfTk.gif)
teacups."

Graet, and here I don't speak South Korean.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 27, 2015, 02:48:34 AM
This just in,

     The THeM has announced a breakthrough.  It seems that the plumbing in the South Korean hotel where they are staying is a bit tricky compared to North American plumbing.  Through perservence THeM finally made boom-boom.  We are all very much relieved to hear this great news.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 28, 2015, 11:52:52 PM
This just in,

ParagonSoft has decided to relaunch City of Heroes after the holidays.  Look for their big Super Bowl Commericals.
Title: Completely fake CoH news
Post by: Mageman on October 31, 2015, 09:30:15 PM
Breaking Story! They have successfully completed the purchase of the CoX IP! And they're including all your account and character information!

There's only two condition - they can't acknowledge this fact, or turn on the servers until November 2025!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 03, 2015, 04:28:29 AM
This just in,

They are all ready to re-launch City of Heroes except they want to work in the "Where Have All The Heroes Gone" series of fan-fiction.  So they have to wait for the end of #6: Blue Side, and the author mentioned a seventh.  Thanks loads PA!
Title: Follow the money!
Post by: Mageman on November 04, 2015, 12:55:03 PM
After a lot of "imagination" (read as "investigation") as to why NC Soft won't sell the IP, I found a strange money trail. It leads from Cryptic to NC Soft! It seems that Cryptic paid them to take down CoX with the provision that they couldn't sell the IP for 5 years. Thus the major competition to Champions Online falls off, forcing people to play their game!

More imaginary news to follow!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 05, 2015, 04:56:25 AM
After professional investigation,

We have learned that NCSoft was paid boat loads of cash to shutter CoX by Nexon.  Nexon was forced into this arrangement by Cryptic Studios who were being threatened with a lawsuit by Perfect World Entertainment that eledged that all the characters in CoX were direct rip-offs of characters from the broadway play "Cats".  Anyway, it is plain to this reporter that the real winner in all of this is Nabisco.  Nabisco is ran by Nemisis according to less than trust-worthy sources.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: rezulin on November 05, 2015, 03:49:47 PM
I just knew we couldn't trust those dang elves living in that tree.  "We're just making delicious cookies" my butt.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Pseudo42 on November 05, 2015, 08:18:26 PM
This just in, City of Heroes' shut down was actually a complete and honest mistake says an insider from NCsoft.  Apparently while going over their quarterly numbers, they discovered that the company, Paragon Studios, was making more money than other games like Lineage, Guild Wars, Aion, and Lineage II. The CEO called a meeting with their top financial advisers to discuss options on what to do about this.  Misinterpreting the information they had collected from that meeting and believing Paragon Studios was quietly attempting to absorb their previous California branch, NCsoft NorCal, and had openly declared that they were "Going Rogue", the parent company terminated Paragon Studios to further prevent them from becoming a rival company. 

Little did they realize that Paragon Studios had only just relabeled themselves after NCsoft's own game, City of Heroes was their property, and Going Rogue was just an expansion for the previous game.  Without warning, they shut down the game and fired everyone before they realized their error.  Still, they were much too proud to admit that mistakes were made and decided to take certain steps to mitigate this disaster.  Namely by continuing with the shutdown and pretending this was all going according to plan.

Now it's just one little embarrassment that NCSoft prefers to not acknowledge and the company is now asking, not for forgiveness, but for everyone involved as both player and developer to stop pestering them about what they're going to do with the IP and if there will ever be a City of Heroes 2.  Instead, they hope that you enjoy playing their newest games like Guild Wars 2 and WildStar before they shut them down as well.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 06, 2015, 03:14:26 AM
I just knew we couldn't trust those dang elves living in that tree.  "We're just making delicious cookies" my butt.

That's Keebler!  A subsidary.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Mageman on November 08, 2015, 04:05:07 AM
I wonder how many posts it will take to get to a new page....
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 08, 2015, 08:16:02 AM
I wonder how many posts it will take to get to a new page....


Probably one more.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 08, 2015, 11:49:49 PM
This just In,

Duck sauce contains no duck.  Repeating, duck sauce contains no duck.  We are not certain how this might affect the THeM as they try to purchase CoH.  Watch this thread closely for further details.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Rejolt on November 11, 2015, 09:14:49 PM
This just in: As part of the deal of NCSoft and Netmarble buying each other's stock, Netmarble now has the rights to make City of Heroes inspired games!

The following is coming in 20XX:

Synapse Sprint: collect Enhancements in Perez Park while outrunning the Kraken! Premium costumes available!

Blue Shield Slash & Bash!: swipe, swipe and tap your way through this Infinity Blade-inspired RPG!

Sister Pyche Hollywood: mind ride through various celebrities as you gossip, make friends and go shopping with the kings and Queens of Reality TV!

The Freedom Phalanx in The Attack of the 5th Column: build your team in this true combat RPG! Auto play your way to enhancements, powers and influence!

Back Alley Brawler's Herd Master: round up hundreds of enemies in this revolutionary ARPG! Aliens, werewolves and street punks will know the might of your dumpster diving skills!

The Web of Lord Recluse Card Conquerers: Beat hundreds of heroes with a variety of schemes and powers. Upgrade your soldiers! Dominate rival word-domination wannabes! Capture land and resources! Conquering the world is your destiny!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Mageman on November 13, 2015, 06:10:19 PM
How long is this going to take? Ironwolf's "New Efforts" have been going on since March 6th, 2014 (this was his first posting, no information on when these efforts actually began, over 20 months ago) trying to buy the "Intellectual Property" (IP) from NCSoft. We're rapidly approaching the 3 year anniversary of the shutdown (Nov 30, 2012), and I would have hoped that something would be online by now.

ICON allows you to use the character creator, and explore maps, but from there it's a dead and lonely world. From what I've read, that is all ICON will ever be.

Supposedly, there are a few groups trying to reverse-engineer the servers, but they're not talking. I also don't know (and I've been unable to find any information on) someone trying to modify the game so you can play it in "single player" (local) mode.

Atlas Park Revival (http://cohrevival.com/ (http://cohrevival.com/)) is 3 people trying to re-create the game maps, and is probably 20+ years away from something release-able. As far as I can tell, what their plan is to have something available for the purchasers of the CoX IP so they can advance the game after

City of Titans (http://cityoftitans.com/ (http://cityoftitans.com/)), Heroes and Villains (http://www.heroes-and-villains.com/phpb/home.php (http://www.heroes-and-villains.com/phpb/home.php)), and Valiance Online (https://valianceonline.wordpress.com/ (https://valianceonline.wordpress.com/)) are the "spiritual successors" - meaning that they are going to try to recreate the "spirit" of CoX. However, as far as I can tell, are still years away from being able to release their games.

Valiance Online actually had a playable "Alpha" version for a while, but now the servers went down on June 19, 2015 and there's no posting about them being up. This is almost 5 months ago.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 13, 2015, 07:42:33 PM
This just in,

After nearly three years without a playable workable City of Heroes or City of Villains or even a Going Rogue options for the CoH players, they are starting to question the efforts and even the existence of the THeM.  Nate or Tony or somebody I made up said, "It is understandable to get a little impatient about the efforts to re-launch such a beloved game.  Think of it this way, your neighbor has an old project car, say a '65 Mustang.  He used to drive it and even give you rides in it.  Now, he has it in storage.  You ask if you can buy it from him.  He says, 'No', a lot.  It's kind of like that, only way more complicated and with a bunch more cheese."

So there you have it folks.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 15, 2015, 06:02:11 AM
This just in,

The THeM has received over 250 pounds of cheese in an effort to help purchase CoX.  It seems that there was some silly story about purchasing the game on a Titan Forum, and people responded by sending THeM cheese.

This reporter has no idea how such non-sense gets started.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Mageman on November 17, 2015, 05:50:30 AM
I guess it's really hard to make up news about CoX's comeback. It doesn't make sense to me, if someone wants to give you a bunch of money for something you haven't earned a penny on for 3 years, why wouldn't you accept it?

It makes me think of a bully playing keep away with a little child's shoes. The shoes are useless to the bully, and the bully get fun out of making the little child do stuff to get the shoes back. In the end, the bully gets bored and throws the shoes away. It doesn't matter if the child gets the shoes back, the bully is just in it for the "fun".
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Taceus Jiwede on November 17, 2015, 08:50:33 PM
I guess it's really hard to make up news about CoX's comeback. It doesn't make sense to me, if someone wants to give you a bunch of money for something you haven't earned a penny on for 3 years, why wouldn't you accept it?

It makes me think of a bully playing keep away with a little child's shoes. The shoes are useless to the bully, and the bully get fun out of making the little child do stuff to get the shoes back. In the end, the bully gets bored and throws the shoes away. It doesn't matter if the child gets the shoes back, the bully is just in it for the "fun".

This whole thing will be a lot easier on you if you stop looking at NCSoft as an evil mastermind doing this just to torture us.  Its not personal.  They aren't bullying you, and most of the people involved with the shutdown and the sale probably had little connection to the game.

Its like an ex.  When you get out of a relationship that is ended by the other person.  You don't sit around hating the person and wondering why they went out of their way to hurt you so much.  They just did what they had to do.  And it just happen to hurt you. (most of the time)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 18, 2015, 01:51:11 AM
This just in,

The THeM went shoe shopping and found some really snazzy looking boats.
Meanwhile, NCSoft executives were waiting for the THeM in a conference room.  It seems that THeM forgot about THeM's meeting.  This set-back might be difficult to make-up.  This isn't the first time that THeM forgot a meeting.
NCSoft executives were quoted, "One more time, then we deal with Sony or Matel."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 20, 2015, 03:36:03 AM
This just in,

NCSoft is planning a big celebration and parade in honor of the third anniversety of City of Heroes being shuttered.
Not to be out-done, several parades and celebrations are planned for next week.  I'm planning to have the family over to eat a big meal together and watch men in tight pants knock each other down.

Everybody party!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Mageman on November 24, 2015, 01:50:32 AM
Paragon Studios is alive and well! They have been sloooowly buying up shares of NC Soft. They now own 20% of the company and are going to offer those shares in trade for City of Heroes!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 24, 2015, 04:12:42 AM
This just in,

A hostle takeover attempt of NCSoft sent the the stock price soaring.  It seems that a party or parties going by the name Super Fire Dragon Liberation Army is behind this recent buyout.  An NCSoft exec. refused to comment on how much stock was owed by SFDLA, but he did said that they would be eating hot dogs and hamburgers from now on.  We are not completely sure what he meant by that.  More as this story unfolds in my head.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Ryo Kinsaru on November 26, 2015, 05:11:18 AM
A waitress I went to elementary school with (before she was a waitress) works at a diner down the street from Missing Worlds Media. Apparently Mr. Downes is a regular customer, coming in every weekday morning for a strudel and coffee. Yesterday morning she was taking his dish and topping his coffee cup to the brim when he received a text message on his cell phone. It can't be confirmed whether it was related to the CoH deal or not, but after reading the message he set the phone on the counter, cradled his head in his hands, and muttered, "Where the hell are we going to get an unopened case of commemorative Ghost Rider premier left-handed can openers?". She's agreed to wear a wire and stay on the morning shift until we receive news of the deal. Stay tuned for further developments.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 28, 2015, 07:00:46 AM
This just in,

It has been confirmed that several of the THeM have been overheard muttering to themselves about getting strange and weird items.  Tony V., Nate, and that other guy or somebody I made up said, "We use a code so as to not violate the terms that the National Diary Association has placed on the deal with NCSoft to not reveal details of the agreement permaturely.  For instance, we might say something about left-handed can openers or electric dog-polishers to mean anything from lawyers to rent agreements."  It appears that the art of keeping secrets has been bumped up a level.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 02, 2015, 05:31:29 AM
This just in,

The THeM was successful!
That's right, the team tasked with buying the IP for CoX was successful.
The THeM actually managed to order lunch correctly, zero mistakes, for the first time since travelling to South Korea.
Up until today, THeM always had to send something back, or send in a second or even a third order.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 04, 2015, 03:09:50 AM

This just in,

The THeM was successful!
That's right, the team tasked with buying the IP for CoX was successful.
The THeM actually managed to tip the wait staff.
Last week, they tipped the waiter so much that he quit and opened up his own boat rental business.
The week before, they tipped another waiter so little that he took it as an insult.  He quit and got a job as a trash collector to save face.
A month ago, they tipped yet another waiter with a game token by mistake.  The waiter thought that it was American money, tried to use it and was arrested for counterfieting.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 06, 2015, 08:57:29 AM
This just in,

The THeM has been meeting with Gollum in secret.  The THeM plans to use Gollum to turn himself invisible by using the ring of power and sneaking into NCSoft HQ and stealing City of Heroes.

As near as we can tell, the plan has one flaw, Gollum can't read and who knows which game he might steal.
Anybody wanna play GuideWars?

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on December 06, 2015, 09:35:07 PM
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 07, 2015, 04:13:04 AM
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on December 08, 2015, 11:05:22 PM
this just in, City of heroes the game we all know and love, is addicted to IRL, for the lest 3 years it's been slouching in a comfy office chair with a mouse feeding off nachos and having it's mum bring it a pan for excrement. it has apparently picked one of the weaker ats [grunt worker] and is desperately trying to get to level 9001, it is now terribly out of shape, with a thick beard and oily acne filled skin. in recent months the THeM and NCSoft have been attempting to get it's diet on track and clean it up a bit, they even took it to an IRL player's anonymous club to talk about it's addiction.

no news as of when it will be ready to go back to work.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 10, 2015, 03:22:51 AM
This just in,

Small car prompt carniege at federal building, and the THeM and NCSoft have arrived at an agreement for the purchase of the IP for City of Heroes.

Which story do you want to hear first?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 12, 2015, 04:23:22 AM
This just in,

Somebody on the THeM team got bored or frustrated or something.  Long story short, the THeM has successfully purchased the IP and game engine to World of Warcraft.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 15, 2015, 04:03:03 AM
This just in,

After being acquired by a cartel calling itself, The THeM, World of Warcraft remained exactly the same.  A spokesperson for The THeM has hinted that they might want to sale WOW.  Reportedly, The THeM became disinterested in WOW when they learned that there are no water-blast powersets.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 20, 2015, 07:03:02 AM
This Just In,

A giant penguin was seen in and around Paragon City.  If you see this freakish bird, please call Gyrfalcon of the Malta Group for instructions.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on December 20, 2015, 07:07:21 AM
A giant penguin?

But. . . Waddle hero.  :(
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 21, 2015, 06:56:34 AM
This Just In,

Be on the look-out for a giant penguin in and around Paragon City.  If you see this freakish bird, please call Gyrfalcon  or other members of the Malta Group for instructions.

I'm glad that the Malta Group has taken it upon themselves to protect us from such monsters.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 22, 2015, 04:59:07 AM
This Just In,

A giant penguin has been rampaging the city according to officals of the Malta Group.  If you have any inform that will lead to the capture of this hideous beast, contact the Malta Group immediately.  Sappers are standing by.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 23, 2015, 03:19:23 AM
This Just In,

Your star reporter has obtained a rare interview with the angry giant penguin rampaging the city.

Me: So, angry giant penguin, why are you rampaging the city?
AGP: Me Waddles.  Waddles friend.
Me:  So, you're saying that your friend was killed and now you want revenge?
AGP:  Waddles hero, Waddles good.
Me:  You hear it here first folks, Waddles is a powerful super bent on destorying Paragon City for revenge.
AGP:  No Waddles not destory,  Waddles nice.
Me: Waddles will no not destory, until everybody is nice to Waddles.  Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for having to translate Waddles for you, but this unhuman is sometimes difficult to understand.
AGP: No Waddles friend, No Waddles not destory, No Waddles help people.
Me:  Thank you Waddles, you can go now.
Waddles waddles away
Me: To recap, a giant penguin has lost his friend and doesn't feel that people are nice.  That giant penguin will destory the city.  If you see Waddles, throw him some fish and run for your life.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on December 23, 2015, 06:18:26 AM
Clearly that is some other giant mutant penguin.  My pal Waddle has no evil agenda.

Now this other penguin, this "Waddles?"  I have no clue about him.  Her.  It.  Whatever.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 23, 2015, 10:06:45 PM
This just in,

Ladies and gentlemen, the network wishes to apologize.  As it turns out, the Malta Group had been the sole source on the Angry Giant Penguin stories.  When checking other sources, we quickly learned that the Malta Group is trying to capture the Angry Giant Penguin for less than honorable reasons.  So the Angry Giant Penguin that is rampaging through the city is actually a friendly, lovable superhero.  More about the Angry Giant Penguin as details are double-checked this time.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Pengy on December 24, 2015, 06:47:00 PM
I went to bed with indigestion and had a dream that I got an email from NCSoft saying that they noticed I hadn't defeated anything since 2012 and suggesting I check the boards for build advice. I guess they just forgot about the shutdown, but I'm going to pretend it means the game is coming back.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 24, 2015, 09:10:17 PM
This just In,

NCSoft today annouced the re-launch of their beloved on-line role playing game, City of Heroes.
The only catch is that it has been re-launched on Pengy's brain.  To celebrate the good news,NCSoft has added a new task force to the game called: "Pengy and the Brain".
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 30, 2015, 02:24:16 AM
This just in,

To find out how the purchase of the IP of City of Heroes is going:  check out
http://www.cohtitan.com/forum/index.php/topic,11449.0.html
 (http://www.cohtitan.com/forum/index.php/topic,11449.0.html)
The THeM Story.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 02, 2016, 06:53:47 AM
This just in,

As a present to Jolty, I purchase CoX and will relaunch when the numbness in his fingers goes away.
(I wish this was true.)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 05, 2016, 03:34:25 AM
This just in,

City of Villains has been re-launched and is ready for play.  City of Heroes remains closed down.  When asked to explain this situation, NCSoft executives refused to comments.  Upon further investigation, the only origin available is technology.  The only archetype available is Mastermind.  The only primary powetset available is Robotics.  The only secondary powetset available is Sonic Resonance.  After playing the game for ten minutes, most of our testers pleaded for ear plugs.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 09, 2016, 06:18:50 AM
Breaking news ---

Today, in Paragon City, Ms. Liberty said, "Maybe that's the reason nobody comes here anymore."  And she plugged in an extension cord that powers the game City of Heroes.  Instantly, the game was back on-line, and thousands logged in to play.  NCSoft found out about it and yanked the plug out of the wall.  They even took the extension cord with them.  Ms. Liberty asked, "Does anybody have a 12 foot extension cord that takes three prongs?"  By the way, 12 foot is nearly 4 metres.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 11, 2016, 04:45:11 AM
This Just In,

Long time City of Heroes fan and author Mercedes Lackey has proposed that we all chip in twenty bucks to buy the game from NCSoft.  When asked if $20 million dollars would be enough, she replied, "It couldn't hurt."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on January 13, 2016, 02:23:50 AM
Yesterday NCSoft attempted to delete 1.5 million inactive accounts that have been dormant since the shutdown of City of Heroes.
NCsoft was prevented from deleting the accounts by law, and has now given users 90 days to delete their own accounts before NCSoft forcibly deletes them.
NCSoft has issued no reason for the attempted deletions, but would like to thank everyone with unused accounts for supporting NCSoft and helping NCSoft to pad it's reported total number of accounts for all these years.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 14, 2016, 05:39:45 AM
Perhaps I should say, "Sorry for this one."  in advance.


I have inside information about the progress of the negoitations with NCSoft.
Spoiler for Hidden:
I ain't telling you.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 15, 2016, 04:49:18 AM
This just in,

NCSoft won the powerball jackpot of over $1.5 Billion!  They no longer care about City of Heroes, MMO's, gaming, theinternet or the playerbase.  A spokesman for NCSoft ws quoted as saying, "We're in the money, we're in the money.  We got a lot of what it takes to get by."

And let me appologize again for that previsous post.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on January 15, 2016, 07:11:54 PM
This just in....

It appears the source code for the game City of Heroes was open-sourced over 2 years ago! The event went unnoticed most likely due to the previous owner, NCSoft, neglecting to release an announcement and leaving it up to their customer relations liaison Andy Zwillinger as they had done with the shutdown itself. Unfortunately, by the time NCSoft had open-sourced the game, Mr. Zwillinger had been removed from the company for several weeks.
NCSoft has not replied to our request for comment.
But they never do.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 24, 2016, 08:10:41 AM
This Just In,

City of Heroes is set for re-release some time this month.  There have been a few changes made to make the game more fun.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 26, 2016, 02:30:08 AM
This Just In,

THeM, the group trying to purchase CoX for re-release, are still in talks with NCSoft.
Here are the main sticking points:

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on January 26, 2016, 03:51:17 PM
This just in...

Square Enix has announced it has purchased the IP rights to the MMORPG City of Heroes and has plans to re-release the game in early 2017. Planned changes to the game include: extremely frequent random battles, potions instead of inspirations, Arch Villain names will all end in "Weapon", and the game will now feature Save Points.
However the biggest change will be a re-branding of the name of the game itself, under the new title "Weapon Terminal Fantasy!" (WTF!).
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on January 29, 2016, 11:08:33 AM
this just in,

NCSoft has demanded that in order for the game to run again the THeM must introduce a new marketing tactic from modern cellphone  games. for this reason regen has been 86ed and health will recharge at a rate of 1 point per minute, and all health inspirations are now super ultra rare or higher and purchasable from the store from $0.10 to $1.00 each. Also all healing powers now require you to be a VIP to receive benefits even if they are your own powers, and the heal output of these powers has been nerfed to max out at the same mount as a medium health inspiration.

but on the plus side there's a new alien enemy group, the Jupiterian Dinosaurs have invaded!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Golden Aurora on January 29, 2016, 08:49:35 PM
I completely refuse to play mobile games for this very reason.
Anytime I see something in a new app which wants me to wait or buy crap to continue playing, I instantly uninstall.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 31, 2016, 04:18:52 AM
This just in,

All you bases are belongs to us now, for Leroy Jenkins!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 31, 2016, 06:27:58 AM
I have it on good authority that the game will be back late June, early July.

And by 'good authority' I mean I just made it up.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 06, 2016, 04:09:41 AM
It was announced today,

That City of Heroes will be re-released by NCSoft.  There will be one slight change.  ALL villain groups will now be the Nexonains, and will look amazingly like Kim Jung-ju.  When asked about the change, a NCSoft spokesperson said, "It-is-none-of-your-business."

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on February 06, 2016, 10:58:30 AM
"This... this can't be happening. City of Heroes is still offline" remarked a dismayed Lucifer, referring to the recently icy conditions discovered on the road to hell. In related news, after an unsuccessful attempt to purchase the IP rights to City of Heroes, Richard Branson bought controlling shares of the game's publisher NCSoft. "City of Virgin" is now tentatively slotted for a late fall release.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Joshex on February 08, 2016, 08:14:11 AM
"This... this can't be happening. City of Heroes is still offline" remarked a dismayed Lucifer, referring to the recently icy conditions discovered on the road to hell. In related news, after an unsuccessful attempt to purchase the IP rights to City of Heroes, Richard Branson bought controlling shares of the game's publisher NCSoft. "City of Virgin" is now tentatively slotted for a late fall release.

ESRB has just announced that the title will earn the game an M rating, where as Branson has argued that it's more of a description of the majority of the intended players than the content.

when ESRB refused to change their rating, Branson suggested an implementation of Virgin Media's parental control internet blocking to censor the game for all audiences, ESRB still insisted the title alone is too lewd.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: rezulin on February 08, 2016, 02:28:24 PM
Virgin City would be a better name anyway, and it wouldn't acquire the "M" rating automatically either . . . maybe.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 09, 2016, 02:35:04 AM
This just in,
imposter reporters have seized control of this network and are filling the airwaves with false stories about Kin Jung-ju.  Read at your own risk.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 12, 2016, 03:07:52 AM
This just in,

The Titan Network will be shutting down.  That's right, TN has pulled the plug on the forum for the CoH community.  Insiders have failed to determine why TN will be shutting down.  When asked for comment, a spokeperson replied, "The community should be used to this sort of thing by now."

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 14, 2016, 07:04:09 PM
This just in,

In a surprise move Aggelakis was over-heard talking to a friend.  Aggy mentioned changing support for Bob Dole to John McCain.  When asked for comment, Bob Dole said, "Bob Dole doesn't need anybody, Bob Dole will be fine.  Mark Bob Dole's words, 'Bob Dole shall overcome.'"  Aggelakis was unavailable for comment.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 16, 2016, 04:42:52 AM
This just in,

IronWolf admits that there was a movement:

It sucks - but all involved have said in the recent past it is slow movement, but there is movement.

Fortunately he is talking about movement to get CoH back.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 18, 2016, 03:05:15 AM
This just in,

City of Heroes has been re-launched by Joshex.  Several people were overheard saying, "This is bad, very bad."

Less sooner, I mean more later.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on February 18, 2016, 05:46:49 AM
This just in,

IronWolf admits that there was a movement:

Fortunately he is talking about movement to get CoH back.

....  Why does this read like an ad for a laxative company?

On that line of thought, let's NOT get a laxative company to bring back City.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Super Firebug on February 18, 2016, 04:22:13 PM
....  Why does this read like an ad for a laxative company?

On that line of thought, let's NOT get a laxative company to bring back City.

Yes, let's definitely not. Sewer missions could become intolerable.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 21, 2016, 11:51:49 AM
Yes, let's definitely not. Sewer missions could become intolerable.

Whatever floats your boat.
I mean, whatever moves you.
Oh, never mind.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: JoshexProxy on February 29, 2016, 02:40:07 PM
This just in,

City of Heroes has been re-launched by Joshex.  Several people were overheard saying, "This is bad, very bad."

Less sooner, I mean more later.

here's how I got it:

(https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i66.tinypic.com%2F9a8z07.png)

(https://images.weserv.nl/?url=www.forkheads.net%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Ferrg.png)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 07, 2016, 05:30:32 AM
This just in,

Sleeping Beauty and Snow White has formed a corporation to purchase the IP of City of Heroes.  When asked for comment, Snow White said that their portfolio needed divesrification and the MMO market is hot right now.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on March 07, 2016, 10:57:44 AM
This just in...

CodeWalker has announced the first Paragon Chat Expansion: Rularuu Rasa, to be released in July 2016. The expansion will include new zones Arieki and Foreas, accessible through doors in Portal Corp. Players will be able to chat between worlds after completing a mission from NPC Garriott who can be found quarantined in any hospital throughout Paragon and the Rogue Isles.
When asked to describe available details, CodeWalker revealed "Are you insane? Do you have ANY idea how much work something like that would take?".
Rularuu Rasa will be the first of many expansions planned for Paragon Chat, including the highly anticipated Paragon Chat: Warcraft.
"Don't drag my name into your hi-jinks" commented an excited Leandro.
Beta sign-up for the new expansion will be available upon request. More as the story develops...
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 08, 2016, 03:05:11 AM
This Just In,

CodeWalker announced today that he and his team have revervsed engineered the City of Heroes MMO and have it up and running on a server.
The URL is http://www.cityofheroes.com/codewalker/
When asked for comment, CodeWalker said, "Are you high?  I never said anything like that."
Enjoy CoX, today!!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 08, 2016, 11:57:26 AM
This just in,

IronWolf and IronClad share the first 4 and 7th letters of their names.
This could be a coinsidice, or an evil plot.  If I know my superhero movies, it MUST be an evil plot.
Somehow, IronWolf and IronClad from Champs Online are working together to ...
DESTORY THE UNIVERSE!

(it all fits)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 09, 2016, 04:24:52 AM
This Just In,

A quote from the THeM ...

(https://i.imgur.com/u4eIESk.jpg)

Yeah, we're working hard to get City of Heroes back.





(Every time I look at this, I think that I can not top that one.  It's perfect.)


Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 01, 2016, 12:08:46 AM
Just to keep this thread active.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 11, 2016, 04:49:37 AM
Update, Update,

The THeM has been very busy working to get City of Heroes back up and running again.
When asked for a progress report, I was told ...


(https://i.imgur.com/u4eIESk.jpg)

Don't worry, relax, we are working hard to get CoX back.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 05, 2016, 05:16:04 AM
Update!

   The MMORPG known as City of Heroes was activated on a server under the control of NC Soft.  The THeM was told about the new URL and that the new server would be running the i24 game client.  During their jpyfull celebrations, NC Soft announced that the new game would be shut down, again, in minutes.  NC Soft responded to inquiries as to why the second shut-downby saying, 'Same as the first time, no reason <evil laugh />."

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on May 06, 2016, 05:05:18 AM
Update!

   The MMORPG known as City of Heroes was activated on a server under the control of NC Soft.  The THeM was told about the new URL and that the new server would be running the i24 game client.  During their jpyfull celebrations, NC Soft announced that the new game would be shut down, again, in minutes.  NC Soft responded to inquiries as to why the second shut-downby saying, 'Same as the first time, no reason <evil laugh />."

"Why'd you do it?  Why'd you shoot Cyrus?"

"No reason!  I just like doin' things like that!"

-- The Warriors.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tahquitz on May 06, 2016, 05:30:30 AM
New Travel Power in Paragon Market: Uber Rider (costs Inf to use).
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 07, 2016, 05:03:01 AM
This just in,

Tony V moved all of City Of Heroes servers to new servers with SSL and IPv6.  He had to completely reconfigure everything for the new technology, so all of your characters were deleted.  But not to worry, NC Soft pulled the plug on all the servers shortly there after.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 16, 2016, 04:34:56 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/u4eIESk.jpg)

Yeah, we're working night and day to get City of Warcraft or whatever it was called back.
Title: VR Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: crashpositron on May 25, 2016, 05:25:01 PM
PRAETORIAN NEWS NETWORK: May 25th, 2016.
Today, in MMO news, it was finally revealed that the reason City of Heroes / Villains / Rogues was taken off the market was to implement the newest Virtual Reality technologies. NCSuxt today released 'City of Heroes 3: Next Generation' using the Oculus Rift VR Headset (https://www.oculus.com/en-us/) and the Virtuix Omni ( (http://www.cnet.com/products/virtuix-omni ).  With the new setup, subscribers will get exercise along with their gaming experience as they run through the City in real time. (Travel powers are in the to-do list.)  Beta testers report losing an average of 10 pounds from Level 1 through 20, more if they do the Vahzilok Task Force.
New subscribers get the 'New Toon in Atlas Experience' as they slog through 'Death from Below' (now with OdorAdder!) Experienced City of Heroes players will be auto-leveled to Level 10 and dropped in the center of The Hollows, right near the Magma beings. 
The new developers, VR-OMGBBQ, have allowed former COH players to Beta Test almost all of the new equipment and experience. A beta tester was quoted, 'Great googly moogly, those Nemesis blunderbusses REALLY HURT!  RUN!!' . But currently, because of snipers, Founders Falls is off-line while the developers hone the RealDeathSense that long-time players expect. Dark Astoria is also currently unavailable.
COH3:NG will be available on Steam in the fourth quarter of 2016. Stay tuned for more news.
Title: Re: VR Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Floride on May 26, 2016, 02:17:56 AM
PRAETORIAN NEWS NETWORK: May 25th, 2016.
Today, in MMO news, it was finally revealed that the reason City of Heroes / Villains / Rogues was taken off the market was to implement the newest Virtual Reality technologies. NCSuxt today released 'City of Heroes 3: Next Generation' using the Oculus Rift VR Headset (https://www.oculus.com/en-us/) and the Virtuix Omni ( (http://www.cnet.com/products/virtuix-omni ).  With the new setup, subscribers will get exercise along with their gaming experience as they run through the City in real time. (Travel powers are in the to-do list.)  Beta testers report losing an average of 10 pounds from Level 1 through 20, more if they do the Vahzilok Task Force.
New subscribers get the 'New Toon in Atlas Experience' as they slog through 'Death from Below' (now with OdorAdder!) Experienced City of Heroes players will be auto-leveled to Level 10 and dropped in the center of The Hollows, right near the Magma beings. 
The new developers, VR-OMGBBQ, have allowed former COH players to Beta Test almost all of the new equipment and experience. A beta tester was quoted, 'Great googly moogly, those Nemesis blunderbusses REALLY HURT!  RUN!!' . But currently, because of snipers, Founders Falls is off-line while the developers hone the RealDeathSense that long-time players expect. Dark Astoria is also currently unavailable.
COH3:NG will be available on Steam in the fourth quarter of 2016. Stay tuned for more news.
Beta testing has revealed that players on Malta missions containing sappers should take necessary precautions and strap pillows to their heads.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 27, 2016, 04:11:14 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/u4eIESk.jpg)
There's been a break-through in Virtual Reality.  We recommend you "play" the "game" sober.
And don't forget to sign the releases.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 03, 2016, 03:39:32 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/u4eIESk.jpg)
Yeah, we got the IP license and the game engine.  Now, if we can only remember how to configure a web server farm.

Does anybody know how to punch-down a patch-panel?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 05, 2016, 12:04:46 AM
Codewalker and others have successfully ported City of Heroes to the Raspberry PI hobby computer thing.  This allows you to control your game play from any device on the internet.  The biggest advantage is that you can control your thermostat while on a CoH task force.  Be careful if your toon has thermal powers like Ice Armor or Fire Blast, they may throw off the temperature sensors.  However, this is seen as one small step in game-play, one giant leap in home automation.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on June 09, 2016, 05:22:00 AM
Codewalker and others have successfully ported City of Heroes to the Raspberry PI hobby computer thing.  This allows you to control your game play from any device on the internet.  The biggest advantage is that you can control your thermostat while on a CoH task force.  Be careful if your toon has thermal powers like Ice Armor or Fire Blast, they may throw off the temperature sensors.  However, this is seen as one small step in game-play, one giant leap in home automation.

Be very careful regarding your personal gardening if you have a Plant Control character.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tahquitz on June 09, 2016, 07:11:29 AM
(https://c2.staticflickr.com/8/7428/27521908076_21540ebe43_o.png)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 14, 2016, 02:39:43 AM
(https://c2.staticflickr.com/8/7428/27521908076_21540ebe43_o.png)
Hey, that should be, "Super Fire Dragon's Fun House of Chat."  (it's a working title)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 16, 2016, 06:57:47 AM
Today, NCSoft announced the relaunch of City of Warcraft or whatever the hell it was called.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 17, 2016, 12:43:37 AM
Major Development!

The THeM has signed-off on a whole stack of paperwork that transfers ownership of City of Heroes and allows the successor projects to use CoH lore in their games and other projects.
Now if we can get NCSoft to also sign, we might just have something.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 20, 2016, 08:21:47 AM
This just in,

NCSoft has sold the beloved MMO City of Heroes to Oracle.  Larry Elision, CEO of Oracle, was reported as saying, "The synergy of this MMO with Oracle hardware and running on the Java engine will create business aligned tools for the retail market."  Nobody knows what this means for our gameplay as of this writing.  One insider commented that the CoX game engine might be replaced with a command-line entery system using SQL.  "Select $target from mob where hit_points < 1000", might be required to play the game.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 23, 2016, 03:09:43 AM
This is incredible,

Agents of Nemisis have gained access to a pirated copy of City of Heroes, issue 21.  They have posted it on-line and apparently, anyone can play.  Our staff has spent a number of hours play-testing the old issue, and have found only one glaring bug.  Every single Nemisis mission is unwinnable.  There is always a high level Fake Nemisis at the end.  We think that it might be a Fifth Column Plot.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 28, 2016, 04:06:19 AM
This just in,
ParagonSoft has agreed to sale the MMO known as City of Heroes to the THeM.  ParagonSoft has only one demand, that they have absolute authority to kill the game at anytime for any reason.  The THeM tentively agreed to these terms until it was learned that ParagonSoft doesn't actually own the MMO known as City of Heroes.  In a joint statement released months ago, both parties agreed to keep the lines of communication open and that a future deal in not completely out of the question.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 30, 2016, 02:49:03 AM
This Just In,

The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st.  It will be a mosified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.

More Later.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 01, 2016, 03:50:26 AM
This Just In,
The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st.  It will be a modified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.
More Later.

They will add two more travel powers, spiderman like web slinging and the other travel power is ... taxi cab.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 05, 2016, 05:37:18 AM
This Just In,

The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st.  It will be a mosified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.

More Later.

After you reach level 50, you can start at any level with the same AT.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 06, 2016, 01:56:18 AM
This Just In,

The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st.  It will be a mosified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.

More Later.

You can auto-farm missions while logged-out.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 28, 2016, 04:09:49 AM
This Just In,

The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st.  It will be a mosified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.

More Later.

All enhancements combine and they never become useless.
All contacts act like the radio, and offer more than just one mission at a time.
Every time you reach level 50, CoX offers you a customized book of all your missions and teams and is written to make your character sound very awesome.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 04, 2016, 03:35:16 AM
(https://c2.staticflickr.com/8/7428/27521908076_21540ebe43_o.png)

Tahquitz, very nice job.  I enjoyed this very much.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 04, 2016, 03:37:27 AM
This Just In,
The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st.  It will be a mosified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.
More Later.

A new inspiration will be added to the game and made widely available.  It is called Can't-Touch-This and makes your character unhitable for several seconds.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 13, 2016, 07:09:04 PM
This Just In,

The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st, 2017.  It will be a modified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.

More Later.

Also, you can change the location of a mission door, for any reason, including changing the zone to you current zone.  You can change the mission map to a cave, a warehouse, a store or an office.  You can change the foes to a foe that is sort of the same. Foes options will be available at the contact.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tahquitz on August 13, 2016, 11:04:07 PM
Tahquitz, very nice job.  I enjoyed this very much.

After all, what's a community without self-generated memes?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 16, 2016, 03:29:36 AM
Quote from: Paragon Avenger
This Just In,
The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st, 2017.  It will be a modified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.
More Later.

You will be able to change your team members uniforms to coordinate with your own.  This will be especially handy during league play.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 26, 2016, 02:17:21 AM
Quote from: Paragon Avenger
This Just In,
The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st, 2017.  It will be a modified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.
More Later.

Every Hero or villian or Praetorian will have an apartment.  The higher your level, the better the apartment.  You can grind the game to get Inf. to buy better furnature and art work.  And task forces and trials will reward with trophies from the defeated enemies.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 29, 2016, 03:59:43 AM
Quote from: Paragon Avenger
This Just In,
The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st, 2017.  It will be a modified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.
More Later.

A new feature is in development called share-and-share-alike.  It allows players to duplicate temporary powers and pets and costume parts from anyone in their super-group.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on August 29, 2016, 04:02:10 AM
A new feature is in development called share-and-share-alike.  It allows players to duplicate temporary powers and pets and costume parts from anyone in their super-group.

A secret unlockable version involves cloning 1970s pop stars; rumor has it that it will be "Cher and Cher Alike."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 30, 2016, 01:38:30 AM
Quote from: Paragon Avenger
This Just In,
The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st, 2017.  It will be a modified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.
More Later.

Another new feature is the ability to name and costume your mastermind and controller pets.
I heard a rumor that they were working on a new taunt for tanks and brutes that would allow the entire map to be taunted, no cap.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 31, 2016, 05:39:49 AM
Quote from: Paragon Avenger
This Just In,
The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st, 2017.  It will be a modified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.
More Later.

Another great new feature ... Lockboxes!!!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: eabrace on August 31, 2016, 10:55:54 PM
Another great new feature ... Lockboxes!!!
(https://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/57899825.jpg)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 05, 2016, 02:06:18 AM
Quote from: Paragon Avenger
This Just In,
The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st, 2017.  It will be a modified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.
More Later.

Another great new feature
Spoiler for Hidden:
(https://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/57899825.jpg)
I just wanted to show-off my posting skills.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: LaughingAlex on September 05, 2016, 04:45:51 PM
Oh lets not bring Lockboxes up here on Labor Day.  Bad memories of narcissism from a certain lock-box heavy game come to mind freshly as it is right now but..no...lockboxes.....just...no.

:)

Now back to the other forum thread.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 09, 2016, 04:22:26 AM
Quote from: Paragon Avenger
This Just In,
The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st, 2017.  It will be a modified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.
More Later.

Another great new feature
Underwater maps.  They allow you to fight and hover at the same time.  Fire, Ice, Electricity and water powers don't work underwater.
Makes you have to use your secondary or temporary powers.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 22, 2016, 06:51:12 AM
City of Heroes and Warcraft have merged to bring you ...
WarCity!

In WarCity, you are a superhero battling medieval monsters and trying to find a way to travel back to the present day. 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on September 24, 2016, 05:56:06 AM
Next merge after that?

City of Heroes and SimCity combine to give you. . . City of Cities!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tahquitz on September 24, 2016, 06:26:45 AM
City of Heroes and Warcraft have merged to bring you ...
WarCity!

In WarCity, you are a superhero battling medieval monsters and trying to find a way to travel back to the present day.

In the sister game, City of 'Craft, you are an Orc in Paragon City trying to find a way to teach Orc Tolerance to humans, trolls and supertrolls alike.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 27, 2016, 04:04:47 AM
City of Heroes and Warcraft have merged to bring you ...
WarCity!

In WarCity, you are a superhero battling medieval monsters and trying to find a way to travel back to the present day. 

One of the other products of this merger ... War of Villian Craft.
In WoVC, players engage in arts and crafts culminating in a fierce craft show judgement contest, winner steals all!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 12, 2016, 02:55:32 AM
Recently, I talked to some one who said, "City of What?"
There you have it, City of Heroes never existed.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 16, 2016, 03:43:09 AM
There is a bootleg copy of city of heroes floating around the internet.
It's called Town of Supers.
It is an exact duplicate of CoX issue 23, but somehow they got the graphics reversed.
This makes signs and billboards hard to read, but everything else seems ok.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 19, 2016, 04:44:33 AM
For the re-launch for City of Heroes and City of Villians, all zones will be open to heroes and villians.  The drones will not attack player characters or their pets.  The draw-back is that there will be open PvP without warning are mutual consent.  So get a villian to level 50 and go have fun in Atlas park.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 20, 2016, 04:12:47 AM
The entire THeM team was killed in a drive-by gang-land shooting.
Bulldog, (not his real name), said that he couldn't stand the acronym making no sense.  It should be the THaM.

Police are investigating.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 24, 2016, 03:30:50 AM
The new version of CoX will feature Super Fire Dragon as a friendly, helpful NPCcontact on the hero side, and an annoying jerk on the villian side.  Other characters from "Where Have All The Heroes Gone?" series of fan fiction will be included like:
The ever-interesting, but creepy Necrophillia
The professional down-to-business, Dr. X-Rays, (Xaiver Rayes, M.D.)
And many more!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 27, 2016, 08:23:52 AM
News flash,

City of Heroes has been relaunched!
Due to legal problems and other consideration, all player toons look like Super Fire Dragon.  Always, all player character names MUST begin with the word Super and end with the word dragon.  These two restrictions avoid tons of lawsuits brought against the original game by overly protective copyright trolls.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 28, 2016, 03:21:54 AM
A spokesman for City of Heroes, when asked about how the talks were coming along said, "Leave me alone you weirdo.  I have nothing to do with City of Heroes.  So stop bothering me, [expletive redacted]"

It sounds like we're close.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 30, 2016, 08:12:52 AM
Mayor McCheese and others gathered outside City Hall in Atlas Park, today in celebrate the welcoming back of the supers.  The city really hasn't been the same since they left, explained the Mayor.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 04, 2016, 05:37:47 AM
This just in,
Several superheroes and even some supervillains have decided to NOT return to their once beloved city.  When asked for comment, the Silent Sword stole my wallet.  I decided to be more careful and only talk to the heroes.  The City Avenger told me that a group of heroes don't feel welcome in Paragon City anymore.  "Since the lock-out, you know, we have been hanging around and stuff, you know.  Anyways, if they kicked us out once, what's going to stop them from doing it again, you know."

More as this story unfolds, and I get my wallet back!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 11, 2016, 09:57:07 PM
This just in,

President-Elect Trump has just completed his first offical act as President.  Paragon City has erected a wall around the Rikti crash site and Trump has managed to have the Rikti pay for it.  The wall, similar in design to War Walls that sepersate the city into zones, has been critized by those who know that the Rikti have teleportation capabilities as well as high flying troop transport ships.  Donald Trump was quoted as saying, "This wall will be hugh, and will make the Supers great again."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 22, 2016, 04:12:42 AM
This is strictly hush-hush.  You didn't hear it here, you understand.
Well, the NCSoft executives have decided to finalize the agreement with the THeM, it is only a matter of time before City of Heroes re-launch.  The plans going forward are that the re-launch will be after the first of the year, probably around Valentine's Day.  The re-launch plans include running all season/holiday events at the same time.  This last point is still being cosidered.  The City of Titans people have an agreement to stand-up a server farm and neccessary HTML web-sites in as little as 72 hours after being given the go ahead.  The other successor projects will lend manpower for the GM's and network people to keep things up and running.  The only possible problem to these plans, that might cause NCSoft to withdraw again, would be if some freak were to blab the whole deal on the Titan Forums.  So remember, you didn't hear it from me.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 02, 2016, 03:02:14 AM
This just in,

The THeM team has been trying to but World of Warcraft.  When asked why, one of the THeM replied, "We might just be able to pull that one off.  NCSoft seems like a brick wall right now."  Another of THeM stated that if the World of Warcraft purchase goes through, they would incorporate superheroes into the game.  A third member of the group added, "It will be just like City of Warcraft or whatever it was called."
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Mistress Urd on December 02, 2016, 04:09:06 AM
How about Heroes Online with non-consensual pvp anytime anyplace.....

nm, Eve Online is going the way of the dodo "soon" (tm)

Just wait til next year when we get CoH back!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 03, 2016, 06:45:40 AM
NCSoft has decided to throw caution to the wind and give the devs a completely free hand at designing the game and writing the lore, back-story and content.  At first, it was going great.  New features and powers were being added, and the game content was being filled out more and being made more complete.  And then, after morning break, the Devs came back full of Red Bull and Hostess Twinkies.  They got seriously creative.  They introduced a death-bomb that randomly killed and deleted player characters.  They made a story-arc so difficult to win that even on the lowest difficulty setting and several levels above the mission, it is un-winnable.  They added a random self-destruct into all high-level secondary powersets.  One of the devs hates controllers.  That dev hates controllers so much that there is a 35% chance that any controller will just die on a mission for no reason.  After lunch break, NCSoft pulled the plug on the free-range devs.
Title: Re: New efforts!
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 12, 2016, 04:15:12 AM
It's time once again for The Pantless Avenger's Update:

Greetings sports fans and you as well, anyway there is no news this week.  NCSoft agreed to sell City of Heroes to the THeM, and the THeM has agreed to buy City of Heroes.  Boring, right?  The relaunch date has been set, like anybody cares.  The new server farm is just about ready, big whoop.  The new URL domain has been acquired, www.ap33.com, as if you would want to know that.  So, basically, it's a real snooze-fest here.

Positive regards.
Title: Re: Re: New efforts!
Post by: Angel Phoenix77 on December 12, 2016, 07:14:04 AM
It's time once again for The Pantless Avenger's Update:

Greetings sports fans and you as well, anyway there is no news this week.  NCSoft agreed to sell City of Heroes to the THeM, and the THeM has agreed to buy City of Heroes.  Boring, right?  The relaunch date has been set, like anybody cares.  The new server farm is just about ready, big whoop.  The new URL domain has been acquired, www.ap33.com, as if you would want to know that.  So, basically, it's a real snooze-fest here.

Positive regards.
now that was mean :(, I was really hoping for one day would be the day.
Title: Re: Re: New efforts!
Post by: kaaduu1280 on December 12, 2016, 10:35:38 AM
It's time once again for The Pantless Avenger's Update:

Greetings sports fans and you as well, anyway there is no news this week.  NCSoft agreed to sell City of Heroes to the THeM, and the THeM has agreed to buy City of Heroes.  Boring, right?  The relaunch date has been set, like anybody cares.  The new server farm is just about ready, big whoop.  The new URL domain has been acquired, www.ap33.com, as if you would want to know that.  So, basically, it's a real snooze-fest here.

Positive regards.

For the tiniest second, there was a spark of hope. And then I caught on...
Title: Re: Re: New efforts!
Post by: scope.creep on December 12, 2016, 11:48:18 AM
(https://images.weserv.nl/?url=assets.amuniversal.com%2F49a3c430deca013171a6005056a9545d)

We're not numb.
Title: Re: Re: New efforts!
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 14, 2016, 05:02:52 AM
now that was mean :(, I was really hoping for one day would be the day.

For the tiniest second, there was a spark of hope. And then I caught on...

Sorry guys, I figured that an update from "The Pantless Avenger" wouldn't be taken so seriously.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 16, 2016, 03:40:16 AM
This just in,

The talks have completely fallen apart.  NCSoft insistes that they have control over the game, and the THeM insistes that NCSoft not have the power to pull-the-plug on the game ever again.  This after weeks-months-years of talks about price, and data, and marketing ownership.  This last hurdle is insurmountable.  City of Heroes is no more.

Pysch!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on December 19, 2016, 05:42:03 AM
This just in,

The talks have completely fallen apart.  NCSoft insistes that they have control over the game, and the THeM insistes that NCSoft not have the power to pull-the-plug on the game ever again.  This after weeks-months-years of talks about price, and data, and marketing ownership.  This last hurdle is insurmountable.  City of Heroes is no more.

Pysch!

Not even funny, bro.  :(

I miss City.  It would be a great Christmas present if folks could say that the game would be coming back for certain.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Taceus Jiwede on December 19, 2016, 07:25:55 AM
Perhaps these pictures of animals getting stuck in places will help cheer you up.  These aren't my animals BTW.  But nothing like google searching images of cute animals stuck in places to cheer you up.

(https://images.weserv.nl/?url=cdn77.sadanduseless.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F02%2Fstuck9.jpg)

(https://images.weserv.nl/?url=cdn77.sadanduseless.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F02%2Fstuck6.jpg)

(https://images.weserv.nl/?url=cdn77.sadanduseless.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F02%2Fstuck10.jpg)


Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 20, 2016, 02:34:48 AM
I'm cheered up.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: crashpositron on December 21, 2016, 02:29:17 AM
The first cat is obviously in-bread!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 21, 2016, 03:50:07 AM
This Just IN,

Nothing has changed since the last officail update 2 years ago when they told us to stop asking and do Paragon Chat.

Nah, it's funnier to say something like:
Some brillant computer programmer, not CodeWalker, has setup a private server, not CodeWalker, for City of Heroes.  It is by invitation only, however, those on the titan forums, including CodeWalker, are welcome.  The URL is:
www.CityofHeroes.org/Not/CodeWalker

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 23, 2016, 07:41:59 AM
Not even funny, bro.  :(

Hey I said, 'Psych'.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on December 23, 2016, 05:28:18 PM
True.  Granted, I haven't heard "Psych!" since the 1980s.  :D
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 28, 2016, 06:21:53 AM
True.  Granted, I haven't heard "Psych!" since the 1980s.  :D

Would you rather I use, 'Not!'?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 28, 2016, 06:25:49 AM
Greetings City of Players and you wannabe's and that guy,

The universe has sent me a message, the game City of Heroes will come back in 2017.  Don't get too excited, the universe kept calling me Jane, so I think that there might have been a wrong number or something.  And besides, do I look like an ignorant slut?  I went to college after all.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tahquitz on December 28, 2016, 08:05:36 PM
Greetings City of Players and you wannabe's and that guy,

The universe has sent me a message, the game City of Heroes will come back in 2017.  Don't get too excited, the universe kept calling me Jane, so I think that there might have been a wrong number or something.  And besides, do I look like an ignorant slut?  I went to college after all.

Dan Aykroyd is God?  Pardon me... Gahd?  (Had to modify to fit the midwestern/Canadian dialect.) 

That would explain a lot actually... particularly, why "Soul Man" lasted two seasons on ABC.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on December 29, 2016, 07:18:23 AM
Would you rather I use, 'Not!'?

In the first episode of the 1990s X-Men cartoon, Cyclops makes a "Not!" joke right before he nukes a Sentinel.  Talk about dating a tv show. . . .
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 30, 2016, 08:31:10 AM
Breaking News,
This just in,
And other cliche',

NCSoft and the THeM have reached an agreement.  City of Heroes will be re-branded as Clash of Comquats!  Play will be exactly as it was with City of Heroes, only comquats will play a more important role.  A spokesman said, "Comquats never were fully integrated into the original game.  This new game will feature them front and center."  When asked about the issue number, this reporter was told, "Comquats".  When asked about the incarnate system, this reported was told that they will wait and see.  When asked about free-to-play, this reported was again told, "Comquats".  When asked about player data, "Comquats"!

And just for Tubbius, "As if"
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 08, 2017, 06:25:55 PM
This Just IN,

Nothing has changed since the last officail update 2 years ago when they told us to stop asking and do Paragon Chat.

Nah, it's funnier to say something like:
Some brillant computer programmer, not CodeWalker, has setup a private server, not CodeWalker, for City of Heroes.  It is by invitation only, however, those on the titan forums, including CodeWalker, are welcome.  The URL is:
www.CityofHeroes.org/Not/CodeWalker

They have changed the web address to:
www.CityofHeroes.org/?CodeWalker='not'
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 12, 2017, 05:36:44 AM
This just in,

Iron Wolf has not been heard from or seen in weeks.
We can only concluded that he has been abducted by aliens.
Yup, illegal aliens smuggling drugs into our country and planning another 9-11.
Now they have started kidnapping U.S. American citizens off the street!
Poor Iron Wolf, cut down in his prime.
What can I do to curb the tide of illegals you might ask.
Well, starting Friday, let's all show our support for Iron Wolf's safe return by boycotting Taco Bell.
This is the only way to take back our country.

Whatever.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 19, 2017, 04:10:07 AM
News Flash,

It was learned today that the reason NCSoft has yet to release the game City of Heroes is that the imagine they took of the game to protect their IP has been servely damaged in handling.  The only thing left was the ToHit Buffs and the Status DeBuffs.  NCSoft released a statement saying that they still hold the copyright on the way the game looked and the way players and powers were designed.  The actual code as to how enhancement slotted worked maybe lost, but the fact that City of Heroes had a system of slotting enhancements is still under protection.
The lawyers will battle over that one, but as far as the THeM are concerned, they's barking up the wrong tree.

ToHit Buffs and Status DeBuffs are something, right?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 23, 2017, 04:50:54 AM
This just in,

Iron Wolf and CodeWalker have teamed-up to create a new game exactly like City of Heroes, but completely different for legal reasons.  It's called City of Heroz.  Yes, apparently, by speeling the name diffirent, they can re-launch a game clone with minor changes.  Ms. Liberty, for example, is now Ms. Livery.  Positron is Negatron.  Lord Recluse is Capt. Recluse.  Manitcore is MontySore.  Back-Alley Brawler is Side-Street Brawler.  Emperor Cole is now Nat King Cole, is that right?  And Statesman is Steaksman.  And there are lots more to prove to it is original IP and not a rip-off of anybody else's IP.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 01, 2017, 04:04:51 AM
Just this in,

Several insiders have contacted our offices with scraps and bits of information concerning City of Heroes.  We enlisted a team of experts to help us coorelate and decypher all the information gathered thus far.  We have reached several concludions.  First, yes, Virgian, there was a game called City of Heroes.  Second, sadly the game was shut down.  Third, it was Col. Mustard in the library with the lead pipe.

More later
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tahquitz on February 02, 2017, 01:21:43 AM
Paragon Avenger, congrats on your 5,000th post.  Truly an accomplishment. :D
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 03, 2017, 03:10:06 AM
Paragon Avenger, congrats on your 5,000th post.  Truly an accomplishment. :D

Thanx, Tah.
I'm still waiting for my gold watch from Simple Machines in acknowledgement of this momentous occasion.
At least I could get another triangle or something.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 05, 2017, 06:28:44 PM
It is time for ...
The Pantless Avenger Report!

This just in,
The game City of Heroes has been stolen by a person or persons unknown.  The game is being held for a curious ransom.  The note left by the game-nappers instructs the authorities to place one penny on the first square of a normal 64 square chess board.  In each square, the amount is to be doubled.  The political powers involved are arguing over which square is the first and how they should proceed from that square, either hortizonal or vertical.  Meanwhile, mathematicians are trying to tell them that the final total will be an impossible amount of money for any company or government to pay.  It's only (2^64 - 1) / 100 dollars.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 12, 2017, 08:14:39 AM
It is time oncve again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Anyway, this just in, City of Heroes has been sold to an unnamed third party who came out of nowhere to purchase the MMO from out from under the THeM's very noses.  Nate and that other guy are very angry at the coup and were quoted as saying, "Nut-Bunnies!"  We here at the Pantless Report appologize for that foul language.  Anyway, the mysterious third party could not be reached for comment, but it is believed that they purchased the game to kill it.  Let's all hope that the third party comes to its senses and re-launches the game for everyone's enjoyment.  Unitl next time, down with pants!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 16, 2017, 06:30:05 AM
It is time oncve again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Anyway, NCSoft reportedly, has taken the City of Heroes game engine and tweaked it into a smart-phone app for monitoring blood-pressure.  When your blood-pressure is within a prescribed range, you hear Ms. Liberty's soothing voice telling you that you are doing well.  When your blood-pressure gets too high, you hear Lord Recluse's jarring voice delivering that speech his gives over the TV's in the old Stateman's Task Force.  According to medical personnel, positive and negative feedback can actually help to change human behavior.  Another interesting feature of the app is FrostFire appearring at regular intervals informing you that he used to be just like you.  A company spokes-person exclaimed, "Sales are expected to be through the roof!"

Apparently, there's an app for that.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 19, 2017, 10:24:22 AM
It is time oncve again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
The THeM reported today that they are so close to finalizing the deal it hurts.
A spokesperson for NCSoft said that they have never even heard of the THeM.
So it is either in the bag or we should abandon all hope.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 20, 2017, 10:55:00 PM
News Flash,

It has been reported that Codewalker or somebody else found a copy of the source code for City of Heroes Issue 24.  To avoid copyright problems, that team has been pouring over the source making small changes here and there so to claim it as an original work.  For example, Atlas Park is now called Atlas Park West.  Talos Island has been renamed Talos Isle.  Lord Recluse is now Captain Recluse.  It's a Nemisis Plot has been changed to It's a 5th Column Plot.  The Hellions are now the HellTigers.  The Outcasts are the Shoutcasts.  The Red River is now The Red Brooke.  Galaxy City is now Galaxy Park.  The Clockwork now have ice powers.  Skyway City is now Bridge City.  Steel Canyon is now Steel Canyon Place.  The Rikti are now the Sith.  Perez Park is now Perez Park West.  Indepence Port is now Co-depence Port.  Ms. Liberty, for example, is now Ms. Livery.  Positron is Negatron.  Manitcore is MontyShore.  Back-Alley Brawler is Side-Street Brawler.  Emperor Cole is now Nat King Cole, is that right?  And Statesman is Steaksman.  And there are lots more to prove to it is original IP and not a rip-off of anybody else's IP.

(What do you mean I did this story already?  No, this time it is completely different.)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 03, 2017, 01:30:21 AM
This just in,

Some nut on the Titan Forum has been posting fake news about the team trying to purchase the game IP City of Heroes from NCSoft.  These fake reports acquse NCSoft of being pig-headed and difficult to deal with.  At other times, these fake reports make the purchasing team sound like a bunch of nitwits.  Apparently, there is no way to stop this freak from posting whatever garbage escapes his twisted mind.  If you come across any of these fake reports, please by all means read and enjoy them and encourage others to do so to.  Until next time, this is the Pantless Avenger saying, "Until next time".
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 04, 2017, 05:32:58 AM
This just in,

The Pantless Reports code system has been broken.  People are figuring out exactly what the THeM are up to.  If certain parties hear about this, the Pantless Reports might have to go underground.  Stay tuned to your receiver for further instructions.  This could tear our world apart.  Arcana might be right about something, who knows!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 09, 2017, 04:28:05 AM
This just in,

Plans to buy the MMORPG City of Heroes proved to difficult for the THeM.  So they decided to purchase the Brooklyn bridge instead.  It seems that unlike NCSoft, there are plenty of person willing to sell.

Oh yeah, we're in good hands.  Be afraid, be very afraid.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 24, 2017, 03:30:38 AM
This reporter has learned ...

The game known as City of Heroes has been purchased by the THeM.  Because of the NDA, (National Dairy Association), they have been unable to tell anyone about this good news.  They have told no one, not even the people who were going to setup the servers and the web-site.  They didn't even tell the bank that was going to loan the capital, (money), for the transaction.  They didn't even tell the payment procssing center that was going to collect subscription fees from the players.  They told me because I am the Pantless Avenger!  Well, ok, I was wearing pants at the time.  Ok, technically I haven't avenged anything or anyone.  Yes, "told" is not exactly what they did.  I walked up to one of the THeM and using a secret code language, managed to decypher the details.  What did I say?
Me: "How's the eggs this morning?"
THeM: "I'm having a bagel."
Me: "So the cat is on the roof?"
TheM: "No, cream cheese."
Me: "And the water is boiling, right?"
THeN: "I don't mean to be rude, but please leave me alone; I'm trying to eat here.  And put on some pants for Pete's sake."
Me: "Can I quote you on that?"
THeM: "Manager!  This guy's bothering me."

At that point, secret agents working for NCSoft, no doubt, escorted in out of the building.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 06, 2017, 12:52:57 AM
News Flash,

The Pantless Report starring The Pantless Avenger ...

Greetings olive-racing fans, we managed to secure part of the transcipt of the negoiations between the THeM and NCSoft.  We join the two groups in progress several weeks ago, let's listen in ...

NCSoft: No.
THeM: Please.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Pretty please.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Please with sugar on top.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Pretty please with sugar on top.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Very please.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: I'll be your friend.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Ah, com'on.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: You know you want to.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Do it for me.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Do it for the fans.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Do it for Statesman.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Why not?
NCSoft: Because.
THeM: Please.
NCSoft: No.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 07, 2017, 03:43:40 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
We were told by IronWolf and others that if and when we would be notified either way.  I am here to convey my deepest sympathies as to the talks are no longer being conducted.  That's right, the talks have ended.  The game City of Heroes has been purchased for a whoping $5.3 million.  The THeM has done it!  There will be one minor change to the beloved game when it goes live later this year, no more free-to-play, and the subscription rate will be $1000 a month.  Apparently the THeM wants a very short ROI.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 19, 2017, 04:45:15 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
We were told by IronWolf and others that if and when we would be notified either way.  I am here to say that IronWolf dropped the ball!  The THeM has been successful in purchasing the beloved MMO known to many as City of Heroes.  The re-launch date has been set and all is ready.  This is going to be awesome!!  They have a rock concert lined-up and a parade in nearly every major US and British city, if there isn't one where you live, your city isn't major now is it.  Anyway, they plan on a live broadcast on all the networks in the US and probably one or more BBC channels, if they have time, to show the actual switch being thrown, button being pushed, link being clicked, icon being tapped, lever being pulled or knob being turned that will cause the new City of Heroes web-site to become available to the general public at large.  I, of course, have been playing COH for weeks now.  There is only one slight drawback, you cannot wear pants while playing.  They have ways to tell, believe me.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 01, 2017, 03:23:37 PM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Wow, a lot has happened since my last post.  A lot!  First, the THeM has released their first album, expected to go platimum very soonTM.  Also, Lord Recluse has announced that he and Ms. Liberty will be married this June.  Ms. Liberty was unavailable for comment, on account that she is in three places at once.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 08, 2017, 05:13:59 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Ok, nobody is more broken up about this than I.
I just can't believe it.
After all these many months of waiting, working, worrying, and now this happens.
It feels like I have a flat tire on my car parked in a tow-away zone and I just stepped in a puddle and dropped the car keys drop a storm drain.
Let me tell you, this isn't exactly happy news.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 18, 2017, 02:54:51 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Ok, first things first, but not neccessarily in that order.  City of Heroes has been purchased by the THeM.  That's right, you heard it here again.  The re-launch date has been set for the Thursday after monkeys fly.  My advice is carry a sturdy umbrella.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 21, 2017, 05:20:35 PM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
The MMORPG City of Heroes was hacked late last night.  Apparently the game is a victim of ransomware malware.  The game is locked-up.  All attempts to log-on fail.  Any active players at the time of the attack reported loss of mapserver and eventually being forcibly removed from the server.  A spokesperson for NCSoft said, "Leave me alone, and put on some pants you freak."  Obviously too pre-occupied with getting the game back online to answer a bunch of fool questions.  As far as anybody knows, all user account data for payment and characters is either fully intact or totally destoryed.  Lord Recluse and Arachnos has denied any involvement in this most hedious crime.

More later as this story unfolds.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 31, 2017, 07:19:53 PM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
The MMORPG City of Heroes was hacked.  Apparently the game is a victim of ransomware malware.  The game is locked-up.  All attempts to log-on fail.
So what has happened since last we were told of these hanious crime, you might ask.
Go ahead, ask.  No, you won't hurt my feelings.
I'm glad you asked.
The best minds in crime fighting history, and their bodies as well, have been called in on this case.
Inspector Clouseau will be heading up the investigation; he will be aided by:
Maxwell Smart, agent 86 of C.O.N.T.R.O.L.
And by Hong Kong Phooney.
The case should be handlily wrapped up in no time flat, by serendipitous dumb luck no doubt.

More later as this story unfolds.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 02, 2017, 06:38:21 PM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
The MMORPG City of Heroes was hacked.  Apparently the game is a victim of ransomware malware.  The game is locked-up.  All attempts to log-on fail.
So what has happened since last we were told of these hanious crime, you might ask.
Go ahead, ask.  No, you won't hurt my feelings.
I'm glad you asked.
The best minds in crime fighting history, and their bodies as well, have been called in on this case.
Inspector Clouseau will be heading up the investigation; he will be aided by:
Maxwell Smart, agent 86 of C.O.N.T.R.O.L.
And by Hong Kong Phooney.
The case should be handlily wrapped up in no time flat, by serendipitous dumb luck no doubt.

More later as this story unfolds.

With the assistance of Deputy Dog, it has been learned that the hacker or hackers used a computer of some kind in their attack.  Deputy Dog said, "All we gotz ta do is roundup everybody with a compu-tater."

More later.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 27, 2017, 02:44:25 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Today, somebody stole the IP known as City of Heroes.
Clues point to a group of investors who thought that it was an IPO and jumped on the chance to get in on it.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 29, 2017, 01:24:09 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
City of Heroes has been re-launched in the Asian market as:
City of Kick-fu.
It is rumored that MA is the only power set available.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 07, 2017, 01:26:28 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
As it turns out, City of Heroes has been here all along.  It is now about Star Trek.
The name has been tweaked a little.
It is now Star Trek Online.
Just don't ask to see Ms. Liberty.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 30, 2017, 03:28:20 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Somebody recently asked me if City of Heroes is back yet?
Although I can not devulge classified information, I will say this.
If City of Heroes were back, up, and running do you really think that I would be wasting my time writing stupid completely fake news?

This has been The Pantless Report.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tubbius on August 14, 2017, 02:58:29 AM
Two weeks and some without an update?

I wonder if Paragon Avenger has reverted to wearing pants.  :(
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 20, 2017, 04:07:17 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Recently, somebody asked if I would mind putting on a pair of pants of pete's sake.
I had to reply with righteous scorn.
Me?  Wear pants?  Are you mad?
Oh and City of Heroes is back.
So to re-cap,
I'm not wearing pants.

This has been The Pantless Report.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 30, 2017, 03:51:58 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Well, I got good news and bad news
First, the good news.
City of Heroes is indeed back.
The THeN purchased offices with a server room.
The server room is full of the various equipment to manage the accounts, and run the game.
Yeah, now the bad news.
Those offices are located in Houston Texas and are currently under 12 feet of water.

This has been The Pantless Report.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 06, 2017, 12:53:30 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
I travelled back in time, by putting instant coffee in a microwave, and uncovered a plot to shut-down City of Heroes.
I returned to the present day to warn everybody, but it's a moot point now.
Enjoy the rest of the week, and keep looking up, or side to side, I forget.

This has been The Pantless Report.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 09, 2017, 06:05:54 PM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
They said that my order would be ready Friday.  Friday came and went, but my order still hasn't arrived.
I called the Customer Service Hot-Line.  After being transferred 6 times, they hung up on me.
I was so angry, my skin was turning green and my clothes were getting tight.
I think it will be a long time before I do business with that company again.

This has been The Pantless Report.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 15, 2017, 01:53:07 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Because of the disaster we had in Houston, the THeM decided to stand up another server farm for City of Heroes.
You guessed it.  The new server farm is in Florida.
The way the THeM is spending money on servers and equipment, I might not be able to afford to not wear pants for very much longer.  Let's hope the next server farm location is a bit more safe and secure.

This has been The Pantless Report.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 03, 2017, 02:11:07 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Because of the disasters we had in Houston, and in Florida, the THeM decided to stand up another server farm for City of Heroes.  You guessed it.  The new server farm is in Puerto Rico.  The way the THeM is spending money on servers and equipment, I might not be able to afford to not wear pants for very much longer.  Let's hope the next server farm location is a bit more safe and secure.

This has been The Pantless Report.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 06, 2017, 03:55:38 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
My inside sources have uncovered a plot by some of THeM to buy socks.  This could be a signal that the game will soonTM be back on-line, or it could be just another rouse.  Once the footwear is purchased, we should be able to determine its color.  That bit of information will be more than enough for Super Fire Dragon to engage in wild conjecture.  Here's keeping hope alive.

This has been The Pantless Report.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 09, 2017, 05:01:36 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Today, I was troubled by some hate mail I received calling me a crack-pot and a nut-job.  I would have you all know that I never cracked a pot in my life.  And I like peanut-butter just as much as the next avenger, but I never have been in or employed by the nut industry.  But I understand your frustration.  Sometimes you need to make your feeling known.  Since I am help to help, no really, I will provide my contact information.  Feel free to send me your thoughts and complaints.

The Pantless Avenger
c/o CodeWalker
1 CodeWalker Drive

Thank you for your support.

This has been The Pantless Report.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 16, 2017, 01:45:02 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
I found out today that the THeM did indeed have a third server-farm site for hosting the MMORPG, City of Heroes/Villains/Praetorians.
That third site was located in Sonoma, CA.
Yup:
The CPU's are cooked
The Hard-Drives are melted
The memory boards are ashes
The Monitors are burnt
Here's hoping they don't setup a server farm where I live.

Feel free to send me your thoughts and complaints.

The Pantless Avenger
c/o CodeWalker
1 CodeWalker Drive

Thank you for your support.
This has been The Pantless Report.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: bugzee on October 24, 2017, 01:09:37 AM
Source code for the City of Heroes server and client have been found and released! Here it is:
https://goo.gl/bRhLTr
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Tahquitz on October 25, 2017, 04:28:43 AM
Source code for the City of Heroes server and client have been found and released! Here it is:
https://goo.gl/bRhLTr


That's amazing, I didn't think NCSoft would ever give it up!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: eabrace on October 25, 2017, 04:59:32 PM
That's amazing, I didn't think NCSoft would ever give it up!
Right?  I just assumed they would let us down.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 03, 2017, 05:28:10 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.
In an amazing twist of fate, NCSoft has agreed to reinstate City of Heroes and City of Villians.  There was some news about old MMO's could come back to life, so NCSoft decided to avoid that possiblity and bring Coh back itself.  When asked about this reversal and the possible loss-of-face, a NCSoft spokesperson said, "We never shut it down.  The game was unavailable for...server maintenance."  When asked why the server maintenance has taken nearing five years, that same spokesperson said, "Some server maintenance is more involved than others."
So there you have it, City of Heroes has been offline for nearly five years, because of server maintenance.

Feel free to send me your thoughts and complaints.

The Pantless Avenger
c/o CodeWalker
1 CodeWalker Drive

Thank you for your support.
This has been The Pantless Report.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 14, 2017, 03:05:08 AM
I heard that there never was a game called City of Heroes.
Hey, without pictures, it didn't happen.

Those?  Photo-shopped obvisously.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 10, 2017, 10:32:08 PM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
Today it was learned that Statesman is plently angry at the lastest turn of events.  He had been the number one hero of City of Heroes, until he slipped on a banana peel, as it were.  Bouncing back from that defeat, he auditioned and got a part in a new MMO.  That "new" MMO is being scrapped.  Now Statesman is out of work and not happy about it.  Not happy at all.
So if we each donate a hun'red bucks, Statesman should be ok.

Send your donation to:

Statesman Relief Fund
c/o The Pantless Avenger
One Pantsless Drive
AnyTown, USA 42812

Thank you for your support.
This has been The Pantless Report.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 24, 2017, 08:44:06 PM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
Today it was learned that the DCMA might get re-worked in such a way to be advantegous to our cause.  Sen. DeepPockets was quotedas saying, "Well in my state, we go hunting when we need time to think through a problem.  It must be all those moose urine fumes, but I'm thinking it's NCSoft season."  This reporter believes that that means that the that bill is stalled in that there committee.

Thank you for your support.
This has been The Pantless Report.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 31, 2017, 09:32:03 PM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
Today important information about the purchase of the MMORPG "City of Heroes", so-called was discovered.  This discovery was made purely by accident.  I was at the laundry washing my pants when I over-heard a conversation.  The conversation was either about bleach, which I doubt, or about City of Heroes, which I susspect.  This news is so important that I can not share it here,  We don't know who or what might be reading this very article as we speak.  Meet in on Talos, between the train station and Wentworth's.  I'll be wearing a yellow pantsless costume.  Ask me for the time.  If the 'coast is clear', I'll reply with the weather report.  If I notice that you were followed, I'll give the correct time as I know it.  That will be your signal to go to Wentworth's and use QuickPort to leave.  Return a few minutes later.

Thank you for your support.
This has been The Pantless Report.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 14, 2018, 05:56:27 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
For the record, I warned them.  Did they listen to me, of course not.  When you walk around pantsless, people refuse to take you seriously.  Anyway, I strongly urged them to not setup another server farm in California.  They say that they want to be near silicone valley.  Or was that silicon valley, well either way.  I'm thinking South Dakota.  Well as you might have guessed, the brand new City of Heroes Server Farm, which is not the same thing as a Demon Farm I'm told, is now buried in several inches of mud.  You can't login to a server buried in mud, it just wouldn't be Cricket.

Thank you for your support.
This has been The Pantless Report.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 06, 2018, 05:06:57 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
I was told by a secret source that one of the THeM was seen buying sushi.
Now I don't know about you, but when I hear that someone is buying sushi, I can think of only one thing.  City of Heroes is coming back.  That's right!  City of Heroes is alive and well and coming to an internet near you.  So just keep trying www.CityofHeroes.com and poof!
That's right, poof.
Remeber, you heard it here first, poof.
So until next time ... poof.


This has been the Pantsless Avenger saying ....
POOF!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 03, 2018, 08:27:20 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
I was having lunch with, you-know-who, the other day.  Well, he let slip that they needed erasers.  now to the normal mind, this harmless comment might seem harmless.  To my highly atuned, trained, antalytical mind this could mean only one thing.  Yes, it must mean ... poof.

Remeber, you heard it here first, poof.
So until next time ... poof.

This has been the Pantsless Avenger saying ....
POOF!
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 22, 2018, 05:42:16 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
The CIA, FBI, IRS, ICE and the Post Office don't want me to share this with you.  They want to keep it a secret, but I think that it is your right to know.  City of Heroes will come back in the Fall of 2019.  Do not let anybody outside our little group know that I told, or it will be poof for me!

So until next time ... poof.

This has been the Pantsless Avenger saying ....
POOF!
 
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 04, 2018, 01:20:34 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
I just found out some shocking news.  You are not going to freaking believe this.  The real reason City of Heroes was shut down.  We all just assumed that there was some sort of underhanded dealings at NCSoft that caused the closure of our beloved game.  The real reason is that they have an automatic server sweep six months.  That server sweep wipes the server clean and re-builds everything on it.  Due to an embarrishing blunder on the part of NCSoft maintenance personnel, the game imagine of City of Heroes was lost.  After a few weeks of trying everything they could think of to restore the backups, NCSoft decided to make the now imfamous announcement.  Yes, without a game server imagine and the impending server maintenance, NCSoft choose to save face by just announcing that the game would be shuttered.  Instead of telling the truth that they lost the game imagine and don't know how to stop a server sweep.

This has been the Pantsless Avenger saying ....
Never automate server maintenance!
 
 
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 05, 2018, 09:15:04 PM
->POOF<-
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 17, 2018, 01:41:56 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
I just found out some shocking news.  City of Heroes has been purchased by an unnamed third party for $50 million.  This third party is rumored to be planning to make the game available only to those people who can play at least a half-way deceit tanker, blaster, defender or controller.  How many times have players endangered their teams by not playing correctly?  This unnamed third party is determined to put a stop to timid tanks, foolish blasters, inattentive defenders and uncooperative controllers.

I say that it is my right as an American to play the MMO anyway I choose, even to the point of causing team-wipes.  Who wants to join me?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 25, 2018, 05:55:50 PM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
I just found out some shocking news.  Every odd-numbered third Tuesday of the month, NCSoft brings up City of Heroes to make sure it still works and to bolster their copyright claim on the IP.
All we got to do is login during that testing period and force the game to stay open.  As long as there are enough players in zone, they can't close that shard.  We missed it this month, but June 19th looks real good.

This has been the pantsless Report with the Pantsless Avenger saying ....  "POOF!"
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 01, 2018, 05:10:07 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.

Ok, first things first, you did not hear it here.  That is, what I am about to reveal to you, you must promise that if anybody asks you where you heard such non-sense that you will say something like, "I don't know, some guy, I guess".  Ok, today I was talking to you-know-who and he said that we will be surprised very soon.  Now, I must remind you not to tell anybody that I told you this.  I could get into serious trouble here.  Since I like you, and trust you, and we played COH together a few times, and you helped me ding 50 more than once, I will continue.  So I ask you-know-who about this thing the THeM is working on.  He got very upset.  He said that we can't get around the laws like that.  There are rules.  I told him that it would be private, but he nearly put pants on me.

To recap, don't tell anybody that I leaked this information.

Until next time, This is the Pantless Avenger saying ...

- POOF -
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 08, 2018, 01:27:54 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.

"Hey, as far as I know the negotiations are still going on because, well, NDA. I'm not privy to the negotiations because I'm not a part of the THeM. So, yeah."

Until next time, This is the Pantless Avenger saying ...

- POOF -
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 12, 2018, 09:50:03 PM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
This just in, as part of the negotiations that president Trump and Chairman Kim had, the following must happen soonTM:

Chairman Kim, as it turns out, was a huge CoV fan.  He loved playing Ninja Masterminds.

This has been The Pantless Avenger saying, "Until next time...POOF!".
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 20, 2018, 01:46:11 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
Anybody seen my pants?  I'm starting to feel a chill in the air.
Ok, whatever, invite me to your funeral.


This is has a grumpy Pantless Avenger Report.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 22, 2018, 02:00:50 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
This has been The Pantless Report.

Until next time, poof!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 28, 2018, 11:45:30 PM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
I was playing speed chess with this guy who said that he over heard a friend of his say that the friend's brother actually saw the THeM shaking hands with NCSoft executives as if the deal was a done deal.  Now don't get too excited, he was talking with his mouth full of pretzel, so he might have been talking about his cat.  Anyway, I'm going to go out to www.cityofheroes.com and try to login.

Until next time, This is the Pantless Avenger saying --- POOF ---
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 05, 2018, 10:36:05 PM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
A lot has happened since the last report I filed here.  The trouble is that none of it pertains to City of Heroes or the purchase there of.  One thing I can tell you for sure, the THeM is everywhere.  The THeM are trying to "marginilize" anyone who, in THeM's oppinion, is purposefully violating the terms in the NDA afreement.  For this reason, I have reason to believe that I may be a prime target.  If you don't hear from me, you can assume that I went ---POOF---!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 17, 2018, 12:57:30 AM
The THeM Report:

Certain people have been spreading certain rumors about certain games.  We are here to warn you to pay no attention to those rumors---so called.  If certain persons start telling you stories about ties, socks or sushi just walk away.  You have been warned.

Oh, and if some guy comes up to you not wearing pants, have him report back to the institution.

Just has been the THeM report, remember we are working night and day to get "City of Warcraft or whatever it was called" back for you.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 30, 2018, 05:07:14 AM
The THeM Report:

We cannot tell you that we are under an non-disclosure agreement or not.  We can not tell you if talks continue or not.  We can not tell you that we are making progress or not.  We can not tell you that the only sticking point is the name of the re-released game or not.  We can not even tell you if we are wearing underwear or not.  We are wearing pants, well some of us are, well come to think of it, we really can't tell you that either.
So until next time, we can't time you a thing.

This has been the THeM report, remember we are working night and day to get
"City of Warcraft or whatever it was called" back for you.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 31, 2018, 02:35:49 AM
The NCSoft Report

On this board and other foolish western boards, they excuse NC Soft of closing down City of Hero for no good reason.  We are here to tell you we have most excellent reason.  Because
we pwnd ur arses!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 25, 2018, 03:37:47 AM
I was gonna buy City of Heroes, until I got high.
I was gonna make a deal, until I got high.
Now City of Heroes is still shut down,
and I know why.
I got high,
I got high,
I got high.
I was gonna make a successor, until I got high.
I was gonna launch C-O-H-2, until I got high.
Now there ain't no follow-on game,
and I know why.
I got high,
I got high,
I got high.


Is there any better reason to stay off drugs?
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 01, 2018, 04:29:28 AM
A bunch of weird looking people came here wanting to buy Linage II or was it Blade II.
Anyway, we told them no flat out and that they mustn't mention it to anyone.

Well, the next thing we know, some freak who wasn't wearing pants, shows up demanding inside scoops.  We asked, scoops of what.  He said nevermind.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 06, 2018, 03:56:33 AM
You're going to laugh.
It turns out that City of Heroes wasn't shut down.
That's right, all this time we thought, "Drat!  The game is shut down", and it wasn't.
It turns out that the URL was changed.
instead of WWW.CityOfHeroes.com, it is WWW.CityOfHeroes.com/&Vilians/index.aspx

Some accounts may have been deleted due to inactivity.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Mew Mew Supercat on September 06, 2018, 11:53:47 PM
You're going to laugh.
It turns out that City of Heroes wasn't shut down.
That's right, all this time we thought, "Drat!  The game is shut down", and it wasn't.
It turns out that the URL was changed.
instead of WWW.CityOfHeroes.com, it is WWW.CityOfHeroes.com/&Vilians/index.aspx

Some accounts may have been deleted due to inactivity.
>.>
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 07, 2018, 03:14:09 AM
Mew Mew, which part of "Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)" did you not understand?

I know, we want the game back so bad that any shread of hope gives us something to cling to.
But no the game was shut-down for no good reason, and the game's owner doesn't want to bring it back.  We are stuck.

P.S.  I actually wear pants.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 12, 2018, 01:38:07 AM
The THeM Report, with that THeM, Tommy or whatever his name is ...

Hello sports fans, and welcome to the first installment of TheTHeM Report.
It has been a busy week.
Sunday, went shopping for pants.
Monday, ran the vaccuumn cleaner over all the carpets.
Tuesday, re-organized the bill filing system, it was a real mess.
Wednesday, found the mate to my green socks, I'll be ready on Saint Patrick's Day now.
Thursday, mowed the lawn.
Friday, fixed the sink and changed the batteries in the smoke detectors.
Saturday, mailed NC Soft yet another letter begging for the rights to purchase City of Heores.  This time I underlined "please", that should get their attention.

When things stop being so hetic around here, maybe I can get some work done.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Taceus Jiwede on September 12, 2018, 10:27:47 PM
The THeM Report, with that THeM, Tommy or whatever his name is ...

Hello sports fans, and welcome to the first installment of TheTHeM Report.
It has been a busy week.
Sunday, went shopping for pants.
Monday, ran the vaccuumn cleaner over all the carpets.
Tuesday, re-organized the bill filing system, it was a real mess.
Wednesday, found the mate to my green socks, I'll be ready on Saint Patrick's Day now.
Thursday, mowed the lawn.
Friday, fixed the sink and changed the batteries in the smoke detectors.
Saturday, mailed NC Soft yet another letter begging for the rights to purchase City of Heores.  This time I underlined "please", that should get their attention.

When things stop being so hetic around here, maybe I can get some work done.

You fool!  Everyone knows you need to underline, bold, and italic! You've doomed us all!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 22, 2018, 03:29:27 AM
This is a World of Warcraft Report:

Here at WoW, evertything is great.  Players can grind their way to level 88 will ease.
And the best part, we don't have a ostrobogulous corporate owner just looking for any excuse to pull-the-plug.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 04, 2018, 04:13:17 AM
The THeM Report, with that THeM, Tommy or whatever his name is ...

Hello sports fans, and welcome to this installment of The THeM Report.
It has been a busy week.

Sunday, ate lunch with a guy who says that he knows a guy who can get us in to talk to the big cheese at NCSoft.

Monday, drafted a memo detailing the adgenda items that we might want to cover in our meeting with the big cheese at NCSoft.

Tuesday, schedulled a meeting with all the THeM team members to discuss my drafted adgenda.

Wednesday, ordered snacks and beverages for the THeM team meeting.

Thursday, went through the adgenda draft again, remember proof-read, proof-read, proof-read.

Friday, held the meeting with the THeM team members, went over draft of adgenda, still found a typo.

Saturday, the guy I had lunch with on Sunday was just pulling my leg, the jerk.

So as you can tell, we are working night and day to get "City of Warcraft" or whatever it was called back for you..
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 07, 2018, 07:36:30 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Somebody recently asked me if City of Heroes is back yet?
Although I can not devulge classified information, I will say this.
I updated SID's and have all new vidiots maps.

This has been The Pantless Report.
 
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 25, 2018, 02:59:37 AM
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Ok, I started "trick-or-treating" on City of Heroes, we do need more players.
Anyway, I had tons of fun, but I do wish there were more peeps.
I did the new "Halloween Event" it's a haunted house this year, it is kind of loney with so few of us playing.
I think they even increased the drop table frequency.
They even added a new villian class to the ghosts --- ghostlings.
I just can't figure out why more people aren't playing.
Oh, maybe it's because we are underan NDA and can't give out the URL, yeah that's it.

This has been The Pantless Report.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 01, 2018, 02:16:08 AM
I went up to the door and rang the bell.
The door opened and a gray man said, "Yes."
The replied, "Trick or Treat!"
He gave me the rights to the IP that once was known as City of Heroes.
Let the bidding begin!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 12, 2018, 08:35:32 PM
And now, The Pants-less Report, A Pants-less Avenger Production of Paragon Avenger Stucios, and here he is, the star of our report...The Pants-less Avenger:

Greetings Earthlings:
     Yes, I am not wearing any pants.
I am here to inform you of recent events that took place recently.  First and foremost, City of Heroes is back up and running.  We have noticed certain changes.

The Hellions always win.
There is no way to get out of Skyway City.
Only magic users can wear armor.
There is a strange smell in Kings Row
Controllers are not allowed to go to Talos Island
All contact NPC's have been replaced with Zombies

Even with these bizarre alterations, the game is playable and still a lot of fun.  Just don't attack the clockwork, ever.

This has been the Pants-less report.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 29, 2018, 02:22:46 AM
Pardon the interuption, but I thought that you might want to know that City of _______ is back, but since there is an NDA, I can't tell you to go to the third floor.  I'm sorry, but I also can't tell you to talk to Norma Wilcox, W-I-L-C-O-X, in our COH department.  And I certainly can't tell you to pay her the subscription fee of $15 a month.  I'M SORRY, BUT THERE IS NO WAY THAT I CAN HELP YOU.  Have a nice day.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 05, 2018, 04:38:55 AM
I know nothing!
I know nothing!
I know nothing!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 16, 2019, 02:43:09 AM
This is a story 'bout a man named Fred,
A poor CoH player whose avatars were dead.
One day while shooting at some Trolls,
NC Soft up and took away the foes.
Villians that is, real bad guys.
The first you know old Fred is offline,
His kinfolk said he would go blind.
Playing too many hours,
not taking enough showers.
Have to play CO or Wow, World of Warcraft that is.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 21, 2019, 04:50:06 AM
I heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from another that the game is back.
I don't think it's true, babe.  But even if it is babe, keep this in mind.
We'll have to start over, we'll take it on the run.

(I think I already did something like this before, oh well, what are they going to do, ban me from the game?)
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 23, 2019, 07:58:44 AM
Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

The THeM is back at trying to purchase the IP of City of Heroes.
This week, THeM made Oriental food and served it to the NCSoft executives.
With the food, THeM served fortune cookies.
The fortune cookies had messages like, "Good day to sell City of Heroes", and "You will profit from City of Heroes sale, today", even, "Sale us the friggin' game already, clods".
The NCSoft executives ate the meal and thanked the THeM politely.
After the executives left, THeM noticed that the fortune cookies were untouched.
THeM asked one of the executives about that.
NCSoft executive said that fortune cookies are silly American custom.

 "Sale us the friggin' game already, clods".
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 22, 2019, 01:58:18 AM
Wow!  A lot has happened since the last ... Pantsless Report!

I AM the Pantsless Avenger, and I am not wearing pants.
Thanks to that Barry guy, or was it Tim, no, Destroyer Destoryer or whatever, the secret server existence is now known.  Everybody will want to play, even that one guy, who kept doing that thing I hate.  You know what I mean.  It was so annoying.  I asked him to stop.  Nothing.  I told him to stop.  Nothing.  I asked the team leader  to kick him, and remove him from the team.  Nothing.  I asked for the star.  Nothing.  And he still kept right on doing that thing.  It's enough to make you want to take off your pants and throw them down.
Ugh!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 24, 2019, 02:06:02 AM
Yes boys and girls, children of all ages, it is time for ... (trunpet fanfare) ... The Pantsless Report!

That's right, I am not wearing pants.
I have heard a lot of talk about some talks that people are talking about.
I for 42.7 say, "Let the talks begin!".
Who are we to stand in the way of true talk progress.  Most people I know have been talking for years.  The trick is getting them to shut up.  So if people are talking, where's the harm?  Let them talk.  In the meantime, stand up another server farm running City of Heroes.
Thank you.

Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: battlebooze on April 24, 2019, 08:38:52 PM
With the news that a COH server was still running in secret, new is that a new patch will be released Friday nerfing Regeneration. 

 :o
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 26, 2019, 02:38:36 AM
With the news that a COH server was still running in secret, new is that a new patch will be released Friday nerfing Regeneration. 

 :o

Actually that is not true.

They are going to nerf ALL powers to make the game more fun.
When I played Sunday night, I got to level 7 before I had to call the sandman.
The plan is that if you don't die at least three times per level, "Marty" will engage and your xp and drops will plummit.
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 27, 2019, 03:18:22 PM
It is time once agin for ... (trumpet fanfare) ... The Pantsless Report with your host, not mine, The Pantsless Avenger!


Greetings Regen fans.
Yes, I am not wearing any pants.
This just in, the SCORE server on discord is a complete distraction from the actual server at https://www.coh.com/ ran by NCSoft.
In order to reach this server, all you need is a valid credit card, for registering, and a web browser, and a PC or Laptop computer running Windows(c) XP or later or Mac OS 10 or later, of course a web connection, and one last thing, a time-machine capable of travelling back in time about 6 to 8 years.

This has been The Pantsless Report with The Pantsless Avenger saying until next time, remember, POOF!
Title: Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 10, 2019, 04:36:00 AM
Yes, it is time once again for that hero of heroes, that newscaster of newscasters, that pantsless baffoon of pants baffoons, The Pantsless Avenger!!!

Thanks for that heart-felt introdcution.  You can look for something extra in your pay envelope this week.  A pink slip.

Anyway, greetings and howdy's to all you peeps out there.
And yes, I am not wearing pants.
The THeM hasn't been doing much lately.  It seems that they are playing City of Heroes thanks to discord.  What is surprising is that the NCSoft negoiating team hasn't been doing much either.  They have been seen playing City of Heroes as well, also even, too.

So there you have it ... POOF!!