Titan Network
Community => Forum Games => Topic started by: Golden Ace on December 08, 2012, 09:43:19 PM
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Welcome to the Corner Store we've recently moved to a new location, it appears it appears my fire sale got out of hand and we had to look for a new building. We still have all your favorite sections and merchandise, and the same prices you have grown to know and love.
We have a malt shop right inside the door (to the left), a hardware section that has everything, a post office, and of course a staff of loyal employees who would never think of short changing you (I train them to do it without thinking).
Right out front we have a couple of benches to sit and gossip on along with a couple of wooden rocking chairs (right next to the Wooden Indian trying to sell cigars, and a wooden Scotsman begging drinks). To the right we have an old fashion Barbershop, run by an old gentleman with the affectionate nickname of "Chainsaw", right next to Chainsaw’s old fashion barbershop is Sugar and Spice's Everything Nice Beauty Salon and Spa (Hair Nails, and Accessories). What the hell is an Accessory?
Behind the counter we have a shelf filled with extremely precarious odds and ends, a few items from unrealized world conquest plans etc... Most notable are Kato's Driving Hat and Mask, a The Scarf of a Time Lord, (No he can’t have it back), the infamous Shatner wig (it also has a tendency to escape and attach itself to people’s heads and search for green women so we’ve nailed it to the shelf), what appears to be a simple snow globe, a Portable Hole and a Pink Tutu once worn by a Ninja, don't worry everything is under lock and key. I spared no expense getting an old used bicycle lock to lock them up because if they got into the wrong hands anything could happen. C’mon by! The first Ice Creams on me.
*Places sign up on wall above cash register*
Golden_Ace - n - patron saint of capitalism and spendthrifts, is the physical manifestation of one of the four guiding spirits of the Forum Games section, that of Greed. Rumored to be "the reason Communism was invented" due to price gouging so extreme, the proletariat was forced to unite to buy food.
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*pushing her sunglasses up, KK enters the store and turns left approaching the Malt Shop*
"May I please have a large Malted? It is over 82 F where I just came from and I am parched!"
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(https://i.imgur.com/FIHQsl.gif)
The store is back!!! The store is back! This is where I bought my first paint-by-number color tv set, and matching straight jakets for Aunt Zula and Uncle Wilmer!
(https://i.imgur.com/pi1gd.jpg)
*looks around*
*fills shopping cart*
(https://i.imgur.com/CZHOQl.png)
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*Takes offered Tip and Charges everything to Healix's credit card including Kat's malt, building maintenance fees, rent, gas, electricity, moving fee and service charge*
As the first customers in our new location I've instituted new better than before prices just for you!
*Grabs Toupee and nails it back down again*
Welcome!
edit: it appears your credit card has been over drawn. I'm going to need another one, or five...
We have a non-return policy, and seeings as you can't pay, I'm afraid you are going to have to work off the remainder.
*gives official corner store uniform*
*Adds additional charge to employee tab*
Get to work!
That lady over there wants a Malted!
and since I'm not the one making it for her make sure you charge her for it!
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I really wouldn't trust you with a card of any form, especially after that last time at band camp when you did that thing you did, and yeah. I can't talk about the rest of it because it... well yah. And I still don't trust those M&M's you sent me, how long ago now?
Good to see you over here sir. :)
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*eyes the Malted set in front of her by Healix* "Should I've checked the prices before I ordered?
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I really wouldn't trust you with a card of any form, especially after that last time at band camp when you did that thing you did, and yeah. I can't talk about the rest of it because it... well yah. And I still don't trust those M&M's you sent me, how long ago now?
Good to see you over here sir. :)
*sigh*
Nobody ate the M&M's :(
I know, because had you we wouldn't be having this conversation. *nod nod*
What was that? 4 or 5 years ago?
have all the cards done but 3. all addressed and stamped just have to drop them off tomorrow.
More people this year, and postage is more expensive. so no candy. :(
did you see my Jibjab video?
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*eyes the Malted set in front of her by Healix* "Should I've checked the prices before I ordered?
No returns.
Drink your malted and get to work.
*gives official corner store uniform*
*Adds uniform charge to employee tab*
*Marks down unauthorized break for employee, adds penalty to employee tab*
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Excuse me, goos shopkeeper, but do you have any ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus cards? I'm looking for some with baby fur seals on the front.
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Would you like the regular or the deluxe set which includes Santa wearing a red and green yarmulke while eating corn on the cob?
*adjusts uniform*
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always charge them for the deluxe set. >:(
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Would you like the regular or the deluxe set which includes Santa wearing a red and green yarmulke while eating corn on the cob?
*adjusts uniform*
No thank you. I need the more traditional ones with baby fur seals playing polo....
Oohh, Twinkies!
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*sneaks into the back room...cuts more yellow spongecake into Twinkie shapes...fills with whipped cream....lables them as 'Twinkies'...goes back out front*
*hands Ad_Astra the cards* Here you go...they are playing water polo.
(https://i.imgur.com/aCoqP.jpg)
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*sneaks quick peek at employee tab- blanches then realizes NO WAY Possible to pay it off, shrugs*
"Hey Boss I am just going to hang the decorations. Yes I will "clean" them before I hang them"
*Heads to back room and gets ladder and box of Halloween decorations, a little work and they become the ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus decorations*
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How clever - your ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus decorations look like sparkly little spider webs - do you have any of them for sale?
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Why yes of course we we have some for sale. Mind you each and every piece you see is a priceless hand crafted piece of art with great sentimental value.
I can sell you the ones we have on display, or I can have one of our certified in-store artists produce you your own unique hand crafted ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus piece. Of course since you are so keenly interested in them, and I can tell you will treat the pieces well, I'm going to offer you special corner store pricing if you order before the ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus candle lighting and ritual mummification ceremony.
I can tell you right now you will be very pleased with your one of a kind hand crafted ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus pieces. Can I put you down for several dozen?
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Just remember the fruit cakes don't NEED mummification, and they do make wonderful doorstops and hockey pucks!
(https://i.imgur.com/3vVan.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/fIyQs.jpg)
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And the round ones make even better hockey pucks plus you can use them in cannons!
*whistles "Yo, Ho Ho" as she starts to make Ad_Astra's order*
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*peers over Kat's shoulder at her crafted ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus decorations*
OOOOOO,,,sparkly!
(https://i.imgur.com/fx6vl.gif)
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Really, really sparkly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6QtigLJD_4
I almost forgot the turkey gravy and cranberry sauce.
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*penguins waddle in to check out the store*
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Welcome to the corner store!
*Hides book titled "To Serve Penguins"*
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The penguins need to repair their house *sells them a few blocks of ice and some Purina Herring-Flavored Penguin Chow*
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;D *penguins pay in USD and snack on the food after paying*
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(https://i.imgur.com/vKFQN.gif)
*watches them dance, just like in the movie...applauds*
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Oh, do you also rent out DVDs? I'm looking for a "feel-good, heartwarming" holiday movie starring Rhea Perlman and Ann-Margret....
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Oh, do you also rent out DVDs? I'm looking for a "feel-good, heartwarming" holiday movie starring Rhea Perlman and Ann-Margret....
Ann Margret and Rhea Perlman?...
you do of course realize there will be extra charges involved for such a rare feel-good, heartwarming movie.
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*nods* and well worth it...after you watch it you'll want to hug yourself.
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*Sigh*
I guess there is no putting this off.
*Puts on radiation suit, and then puts on special powered armor*
*puts on special over-sized oven-mitts and carefully picks up snow globe from off the shelf*
*takes snow globe into the lead-lined safe room*
If I'm not back in 24 hours you will come in after me. *glare*
*pauses*
*goes to office and grabs everyone's paychecks and heads back into the vault*
If I'm not back in 24 hours you will come in after me or you will not get paid. *glare*
*grumbles something about Ann Margret and Rhea Perlman*
*closes door*
*after a few minutes bright multicolored lights can be seen coming from under the door and screams can be heard from the safe room*
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Uhhh........................we need three more of those.....ok, boss? Boss?
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:Walks into the store dressed in black pants, black shirt, brown belt and straps on both pants and shirt. Top it off with a black tench coat. Of coarse he's a bit on the undead side of things.: "Excuse me where are the Zombie Care Products."
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*points to the death row....*
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Well this all seems very familiar....
Heya gang!
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*Walks out of safe room and places globe back on the shelf*
remind me next time to bring ear plugs. that darn globe starts screaming once it see's the electrodes and acid spray.
in any case we have a heartwarming feel-good holiday movie starring Rhea Perlman and Ann-Margret. I got extra copies just in case.
*looks up and see's Thor*
Hey Thor!
Merry Christmas!
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Thank you, thank you, thank you! Now I can spend ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus Eve watching DVDs and eating pickled herring.
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*thinks it is animal cruelty for Ad to get his fish drunk*
(https://i.imgur.com/ZKkgzl.jpg)
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drunken fish taste better, and they are funny to watch. *nod nod*
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Last year despite my best efforts ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus for us here at the Corner Store™ did not go as envisioned in a few areas. So this year I’m going to bring the ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus back into ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus. By eliminating everything that went wrong last year. Most notably I will be eliminating the Worry about ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus Bonuses and The ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus Day Nativity Scene.
The Worry about ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus Bonuses
To begin with as you know ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus is a time of giving. Last year, despite numerous hints, I never received ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus bonuses from you people. This year I have taken the worry out of it by eliminating the whole expectation thing on ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus Bonuses. My bonuses have been deducted from your pay checks. Thank you. It was most kind of you all, and much appreciated by me. I’m sure you all feel better for your act of giving and kindness. You are all most welcome.
The ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus Day Nativity Scene and the non-alcoholic Eggnog.
Last year I put much time and effort into locating 3 wise men and a virgin to beckon last minute ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus day shoppers and entice them to buy the Corner Store™ brand of non-alcoholic Eggnog. It did not go well. Instead of beckoning them in and enticing them with Eggnog, they physically blocked the entrance to the store and drunkenly accosted all perspective shoppers. Furthermore the virgin had triplets a few months ago and currently has 3 restraining orders against the wise men. So even if I wanted to I couldn't use them again.
The Non-alcoholic Eggnog
It appears the Corner Store™ brand of non-alcoholic Eggnog ferments several months after it expires and becomes alcoholic, and more valuable. This year the Corner Store will be not be selling non-Alcoholic Eggnog. We now sell the Corner Store™ brand Alcoholic Eggnog. Corner store Employees will not consume the Corner Store™ brand of alcoholic Eggnog while on duty…
Thank you all for your patience and have a Happy ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus everyone.
GA
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*pulls the Bacon ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus Day Nativity out of the oven and sets it up put front*
(https://i.imgur.com/bqSLA.jpg)
*fixes a light that went out on the tree that Golden Ace decorated*
(https://i.imgur.com/kPPvy.jpg)
*Samples the latest batch of eggnog*
(https://i.imgur.com/z0Jl3.gif) yep...it's fine
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May I have some eggnog wthout egg?
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here you go, Ad
(https://i.imgur.com/Rugte.jpg)
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*penguins keep wandering around the store, then find some power armor and waddle up to the counter to pay for it*
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*swipes the penguins' Ameripolar Express Card...bags the armor....includes a 15%-off coupon for next visit*
Thank you, and come again!
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15% OFF??!!!
Your Killing me! *places hand over cash register*
she didn't mean it my precious
*glare*
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Come on, boss...people spend MORE when they get a coupon like this. Besides, they are only for the grand reopening, *pouts*
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*more penguins waddle in, this time on the ceiling, looking for lead weights to hold them down while they fix gravity*
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*puts Gravity Emulator on 'to do' list along side of Air Conditioner. Breaks 'Emergency Weighted Belts' glass and hands out to floating penguins. Resumes inventory*
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*puts up the new sign Golden Ace ordered*
(https://i.imgur.com/decFg.jpg)
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no no no.
I said 1 for the price of 3. >:(
god it's going to be bread and water for dinner again. :-[
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*reorders new sign*
(https://i.imgur.com/bdF1t.jpg)
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Now That will bring them in! ;D
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*looks at Golden Ace's other signs*
(https://i.imgur.com/iOkpQ.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/aw58Q.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/6lo5t.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/xRHFll.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/NCEHCl.gif)
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Remind me to stock up on more invisibility cloaks.
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Do the invisibility cloaks come in purple? Or do you just stock red and green?
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Do the invisibility cloaks come in purple? Or do you just stock red and green?
They come in any color you can imagine. or course any color other than the standard has an extra surcharge.
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(https://i.imgur.com/cyo3W.jpg)
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*puts out patriotic glasses display with sale sign*
(https://i.imgur.com/SCA2mS6.jpg)
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-crash lands at the front door with a loud THUD-
Bloody Retsu crash...
-Gets up, dusting herself off and peeks in the front door-
'Er..Excuse me, is this the Corner Store? I saw this ad in the paper...'
(https://images.weserv.nl/?url=frugalfinders.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2011%2F04%2FAmerican-Apparel-100-Off-Sale.png)
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Let me know if I can help you, and be sure to sign up for our special sales notifications. Be sure and check out our clearance items and our snack area! Good meals and good deals...
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-crash lands at the front door with a loud THUD-
Bloody Retsu crash...
-Gets up, dusting herself off and peeks in the front door-
'Er..Excuse me, is this the Corner Store? I saw this ad in the paper...'
(https://images.weserv.nl/?url=frugalfinders.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2011%2F04%2FAmerican-Apparel-100-Off-Sale.png)
all that stuff is in the bins out back.
there is a small cart off fee.
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*fills the bins with Chia Heads and Shake Weights*
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"Healix." He said as he walked into the store.
"Who are you?" Healix asked.
"I bought the place, lock, stock, barrel, and you." He replied.
"You're the new boss?" Healix asked.
"Just call me, Super Fire Dragon. Now, go stock the cheese alise." Super Fire Dragon said.
"We don't have a cheese alise." Healix exclaimed.
"We do now, alise 3, 4 and 6." SFD replied.
"What about alise 5?" Healix asked.
"That will be for Super Fire Dragon Crunch breakfast cereal. Part of this delicous breakfast." SFD said.
"Don't mind if I do." Healix said taking the breakfast from SFD.
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Healex, get in here! We got a new shipment of Stateman Bobble Heads, I need to sale then quick. There's a rumor that they explode, but that's just a silly rumor. Now, go stock the shelves, I'll be several miles away at the country club, if you need me.
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*dons a store apron and marks the bobble-heads on sale for $3.99 each, or 3 for $.50.*
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Hears a distant explosion.
Orders another Brandy
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"Hey that crazy corner store just blew-up." Someone said walking into the country club.
"Any survivors?" SFD asked.
"Unknown." was the reply.
"I own a corner store, I sure hope it wasn't mine. *wink* *wink* I was here all day. *wink* *wink*" SFD said.
"Is there something the matter with your eye?" Someone asked.
They all laughed.
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Healix crawled from underneath one of the bobblehead bins.
"Man, I gotta stop eating Tostada Bell for lunch." Healix said to no-one.
Through the smoke and disorder Healix found the door and made a phone call.
"Super Fire Dragon here, who's there?" Super fire Dragon answered the phone.
after a short pause.
"I see, well put everything on sale, 9% off." SFD continued.
"No. No, no, no, no! You get no time off!" SFD said and hung up the phone.
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"Hey Dragon." The Voice said.
"Who said that, and what do you want." Super Fire Dragon replied.
"I heard you got a store. Well I gots some merchandise I need sold." The Voice continued.
"Ok, send your jobber, stictly on consignment." SFD stated.
"No, you don't understands, you buy for me then you gots to sell them on." The Voice threatened.
"Look, pally, That ain't the waze I does dings. You sale on consignment and your jobber sets up the space. I charge 30%." SFD countered.
"Thirty percent! That's highway robbery!" The Voice responded.
"Take it or leave it." SFD shot back.
"Hows about 10%, you pay shipping, and you set it up with your stock help?" The Voice offered.
"No way, Manuel!" SFD replied not terrible familar with American slang.
"Ok, ok, 15%, FOB to your store, but you stock the shelves." The Voice said ignoring the dragon's mistake.
"Look, if I got to stock the shelves, I want 35%." SFD countered.
"The only way for us to pay 35% would be for you to pay shipping." The Voice argued.
"Ok, ok, I'll stock the shelves, but I want free shipping and 25% with a gurantee that spoiled mercandise will be hauled away in a timely manner." SFD bargined.
"Oh, this merchandise don't spoil." the Voice replied.
"Breakage?" SFD asked.
"Not a problem." The Voice reassured.
"Well, in that case, FOB, my jobber, and 17%." SFD offered.
"Let's be gentlemen about it, see. Free shipping, you stock your own shelves, and 15% commission. But you gots to promise to put my product in a prime location for sales. We will be checking up on you." The Voice demanded.
"Ok, 15% - Done! Free Shipping - Done! My stockers - Done! But, I say where the stuff goes." SFD shot back.
"Look, we just want to make sure people can see it and buy it without being distracted by better cheaper product." The Voice explained.
"Oh, don't worry about that, my place ain't got no better merchandise." SFD reassured.
"Well, in that case, you decide where it goes, but with our input." The Voice responded.
"Deal." SFD said.
"Deal." The Voice replied.
"Oh, by the way, what is this merchandise?" SFD asked.
"Teddy Bears." The Voice said pulling a very cute Teddy bear from his pocket.
"What have I gotten myself into?" SFD asked hisself out loud.
They all laughed.
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"Hello? Hello, Healix are you there?" Super Fire Dragon asked into his phone.
"Yeah, boss." Healix answered in repliy.
"How's things." SFD asked.
"Well, one of the Statesman bobbleheads exploded." Healix surmised.
"Oh, they aren't supposed to do that." SFD said.
"Anyway, I got the mess cleaned up." Healix said proudly.
"Great, just great." SFD stated.
"Thanks, boss." Healix retorted.
"By the way, expect a shipment of Teddy Bears soon." SFD continued.
"Ok, will do." Healix stated satisfied that he could handle just about anything.
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Healix heard the thunderous sound of big-rig trucks approaching.
"What the?" Healix said to hisself out loud as he made his way to the front of the store and peered out the window.
There were a dozen semi trucks coming towards the tiny corner store.
Healix watched as the trucks parked and the drivers hoped out and started unloading their cargo.
But when they started coming into the store with hand-carts stacked with boxes, he got panicked.
"Where do you want them?" Asked one of the delivery men.
"How many boxes do you have?" Healix asked.
"Each truck is full of boxes for this place, now sign here." The delivery man demanded.
"Super Fire Dragon!" Healix exclaimed.
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"Healix! Calm down. Tell me again what the problem is." Super Fire Dragon asked over the phone.
SFD was thinking that buying this corner store might not be the easy tax write-off that he was lead to believe.
"Teddy Bears!" Healix shouted.
"So put them some place for quick sell, they are on consignment." SFD said pleased with hisself.
"THERE is no PLACE to PUT THEM, you stupid DRAGON!" Healix shouted into the phone forgetting that he was talking to his employer.
"I can tell that you're upset about something." SFD said.
"There are teddy bears everywhere, what should I do?" Healix asked.
"How many teddy bears are we talking about, twenty-fish, Eighty-Sleeve, eleventy-twelve?" SFD asked hoping to buy time.
"Let's see, 1-2-3-4, GOBS!" Healix reaffirmed.
"What do these teddy bears look like?" SFD asked for no reason.
"Well, they are a bit...creepy looking." Healix confessed.
"I've got it. Teddy Bear Halloween Sale!" SFD said putting words together almost randomly.
"Brillant, I get right on it, boss." Healix replied.
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Are you tired of the same old same old that everybody else hangs for Halloween?
Skeletons, done that.
Ghosts, been there.
Spiders, as if.
Witches, boring.
Be the first on your block to have ... Teddy Bears.
Teddy Bears? You might ask.
Yes, creepy Teddy Bears with ill-matching eyes and lopsided mouths.
Cute and cuddlily these ain't.
Teddy Bears that will scare the stuffing out of anyone; under the right light and sound effects.
(the right light and sound effects sold separately)
So hurray into the Corner Store, tell them Healix sent you and get a special discount.
(special discount is for future purchases made at a later date, subject to management approval)
That's Teddy Bears, Creepy Teddy Bears for Halloween!
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Forget creepy clowns.
Creepy Teddy Bears will scare the stuffing out of you!
"Mommy, my teddy bear made me have a bad dream." Little kid said.
Who wouldn't want to hear those words?
get yours today!
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Did you ever see the movie "Ted"?
Well, imagine that, but much worst!
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"Yo, Healix, my man, what it is, dog?" Super Fire Dragon said trying to sound street.
"Who is this?" Healix replied over the telephone.
"It is I, Defender of Justice, Protector of Truth, Hero of the City, Your Boss, and all-around great dragon, Super Fire Dragon!" SFD said turning on the echo reverb when he said his name.
"Oh great, just the guy I wanted to talk to." Healix countered.
"Really What ... " SFD said with the echo reverb still turned on.
"Dragon?" Healix asked.
"Really what did you want to talk to me about?" SFD said after turning off the echo reverb.
"Teddy bears! I'm up to my armpits in defective looking teddy bear rejects." Healix informed.
"Ok, you have my permission to get rid of them anyway you can. Do not burn down the store." SFD cautioned.
"Ahhh, man." Healix blurted out.
"And remember that they are on cosignment, so if we don't make money, we might lose more than our money." SFD warned.
"Understood" Healix replied and hung-up.
He is finally free to put his plans into place.
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Healix was supposed to come up with a brillant plan to dispose of the teddy bears and still make money.
Good help is so hard to find these days.
They all want benefits. Benefits! I'll show them benefits, right in the keister, if I had my way.
And Health Insurance, they say that the gov'ment promised them health care.
Well, go work for the gov'ment then!
It's so hard to find good help these days.
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One morning at the corner store...
"Healix, get in here!" Super Fire Dragon yelled from his manager's office in the back of the store.
"Thank you come again." Healix said to the customer as he headed for the office.
"You wanted to see me, boss?" Healix inquired.
"What did you do with all those Teddy Bears?" SFD asked puzzled.
"Well, you gave me a free hand to dispose of them as I saw fit." Healix began.
"yeah-yeah-yeah." SFD countered with interest.
"So I sold them all to the store at a reduced mark-down." Healix beamed.
"Brillant! But where are they?" SFD snorted.
"Well, we needed heating fuel." Healix said coyiy.
Super Fire Dragon put his face in his palms.
"Well, we did make a profit on the deal." Healix explained handing the dragon an invoice.
"Wow, do you know what this means?" SFD asked.
"I get a generous Christmas bonus?" Healix hoped.
"That's why I keep you around, for the sheer comic value." SFD laughed.
"I was afraid of that." Healix said.
"Christmas bonus, ha, that's rich. No, it means I can get cool new jet boots." SFD laughed.
"But, you have wings, you can fly. Why do you need jet boots?" Healix asked.
"All the cool superhero-store-owners are wearing them these days." SFD informed.
"Great, just great." Healix said.
They both laughed.
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"So Healix, did you enjoy your Christmas holiday?" Super Fire Dragon asked as he walked into the store.
"Yes, boss, very much so." Healix replied.
"You didn't mind keeping the store open all Christmas eve and Christmas day?" SFD asked.
"Nope, me and my family had Christmas here." Healix explained.
"Well, according to the books, being the only place open Christmas day really helped sales." SFD noted.
"Now boss, can we talk about holiday pay?" Healix inquired.
"Well about that, funny story, see, you had your family down here and that meant that you volunteered." SFD stated.
"No I didn't!" Healix raised his voice.
"Ok, ok, you will get triple-time for the holiday." SFD said.
"Oh, thank you, sir." Healix replied.
"Of course, working Christmas made you 'special help' which I can pay at a much reduced rate, say 1/3 your regular wage." SFD calculated.
"Hey, I thought that you didn't understand human numbers." Healix exclaimed.
"That's right, human numbers confuse me, but this is money." SFD fired back.
They all laughed.
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"Helix, do you have any promotion ideas for Valetine's?" Super Fire Dragon asked walking into the store where Helix was working.
Helix the enterprizing, although somewhat dim store keeper rubbed his chin in thought.
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"Healix!" Super Fire Dragon called as he walked into the corner store.
"Over here, boss." Healix called after him.
"Healix, I have a mother of an idea for Mothers' Day." The little dragon stated.
"I'm all ears." Healix replied.
"No you're not. You have arms and legs and hands and feet and ..." SFD started ranttling off body parts.
"I mean that I'm listening." Healix interrupted knowing that the dragon wouldn't have stopped before he had named every body part. Healix had made the mistake of using that expression before.
"Oh! Good, I knew that. Anyway, what if we give away a baby with every $100 purchase?" SFD said pleased with his business sense.
"What?" Healix said in disbeleaf.
"Babe-bees. What don't you understand?" SFD repeated. He couldn't believe that Healix didn't understand such a simple and brilliant promotion.
"You can't give away babies!" Healix shouted.
"Of course not, they have to purchase at least $100 worth of stuff." SFD explained.
"Dragon, you can't give away babies no matter how much people spend." Healix countered.
"Oh yeah, who says?"
"Every decent law abiding citizen everywhere." Healix shot back.
"Oh, it must be one of those silly human rules you people have." SFD said annoyed.
"I'll come up with a killer promotion for Mothers' Day." Healix suggested.
"So we won't be giving away babies?" SFD asked.
"Afraid not." Healix replied.
"I have to make a phone call." SFD stated.
They both laughed.
-
"Healix!" Super Fire Dragon shouted angrily.
"Yes, boss." Healix answered afraid of what might be next.
"What was your Mothers' Day promotion?" Super Fire Dragon asked knowingly.
"To hjgaahfgkf afgfkgfkdjsafak afkjfhwefbck" Healix mummbled.
"Speak up!" SFD demanded.
"To have a car wash with pregant women in bikinis." Healix said shamefully.
"And how much money did we bring in?"
"We had $500 in sales and car washes." Healix answered proudly.
"And how much did we pay the expectant mothers?"
"Only $500 each."
"Healix, why don't I just fire you right now?"
"Because I'm cute?" Healix asked.
"Really? Could have fooled me." SFD replied.
They all laughed.
-
"Healix!" Super Fire Dragon shouted as he entered the corner store.
"Yeah-boss" Healix replied walking from the back room.
"I've got a killer idea for Memorial Day!" SFD said excited.
"Ok, what is it?" Healix asked.
"You are going to love this." SFD said with glee.
"Yes, what is it?" Healix said becoming interested.
"This idea, it is sheer genius!" SFD bubbled.
"Tell me, tell me." Healix responded with equal excitment.
"Are you sitting down, maybe you should stand up." SFD said.
"I'm standing right here." Healix said.
"Right, we are going to decorate the store for Memorial Day." SFD explained.
"Ok, I'll order flags and red-white-and-blue banners." Healix countered grabbing the pencil behind his ear and pulling out his note pad from his apron's pocket.
"No, no, silly. Not the Fourth of July." SFD scolded.
"What do you have in mind, boss." Healix asked puzzled.
"Ghosts, skeletons, gravestones, you know, Memorial Day." SFD gushed.
"Oh brother." Healix sighed.
-
Okay, that's it. I'm charging you rent.
or hiring you. in any case it's a national holiday, double the price of everything then mark it 10% off Special Memorial Day Super Sale!
-
-
"Look, Golden Ace, I bought this place as a tax-shelter." Super Fire Dragon explained pulling Gloden Ace to one side.
"I never sold you this place." Golden Ace steamed.
"That's why it's a tax shelter." SFD replied with a wink.
"Look, Dragon, you seem nice enough, but this is my store." Golden Ace insisted.
"That's just a technicality." SFD scoffed.
"Dragon, I like you. I'll tell you what. You can continue to run the place on one condition." Golden Ace offered.
"Yeah-yeah-yeah."
"Any promotional idea you have needs my aproval, understand?" Golden Ace explained.
"Yeah, yeah."
"Also, you can not burn the place down, blow the place up or destroy the store in any way."
"Yeah."
"And take out at least one of those chees aisles."
"You drive a hard bargain." SFD said.
They both laughed.
-
Hey boss....I just got rid of all lighters and matches in the store. I heard someone wanted to burn it down, but we can't have that happen. Where would people buy their Depends, RedBulls and adult toys???
*gives herself a pat on the back for a job well done*
I am a clever gal....
(https://i.imgur.com/irIQbnO.gif)
-
"Good thinking, Healix." Super Fire Dragon replied.
"So what did Golden Ace tell you?" Healix asked.
"I think he said to .. add at least one more cheese ailse." SFD purposefully misquoted.
"Another cheese ailse, fine I'll get right on it."
"Excellant, now all my plans are falling in place." SFD mused.
They both laughed.
-
"I had a great idea for a Labor Day sale." Super Fire Dragon said walking into the store.
"Oh, hi boss. What's your great idea this time?" Healix asked fearing the worst.
"Let's get those pregenat women back, and they can give birth right here." SFD said with a smile.
"Gross, sick."
"We could have betting pools, length, weight, sex that sort of thing." SFD continued.
"Fine, if Golden Ace says that's it's ok." Healix demanded.
"yeah, I was kind of thinking that you could ask."
"Look Dragon, I don't care if you are my boss ..." Healix steamed.
"Ok, ok, we'll sale bedding or towels like everybody else."
"much better." Healix smiled.
-
"Healix, I just noticed something." Super Fire Dragon declared.
"What's that, boss?"
"You're a girl."
"I'm a woman." Healix said proudly.
"Ok, I always get those confused. Are the girls the ones with blonde hair?" SFD asked.
"Never mind, Dragon."
"Anyway, I was thinking, what if we had more stuff for the working mother?"
"Great idea, boss."
"Yes, and let's get rid of all this junk for the broken mothers." SFD demanded.
"I walked right into that one." Healix sighed.
They all laughed.
-
After returning from the hospital (from walking in to the boss's sharp wit), I noticed that SFD had made some new additions to the store....I was stunned at what I saw
(https://i.imgur.com/ISJBsPa.gif)
"Um........boss?"
-
"Healix, you look worried." Super Fire Dragon commented as Healix walked into the corner store.
"Yes, boss. What did you do to the store?" Healix asked unbelieving.
"Well, I got to thinking." SFD began.
"Yes."
"Everybody loves puppies."
"Right."
"Well, puppies don't grow on trees, they don't, do they?" SFD asked.
"No, they don't."
"That's what I thought."
"Ok, but that doesn't explain all this." Healix commented.
"Well, what do puppies like?" SFD asked knowingly.
"I don't know, puppy chow."
"Exactly. So we know sale Chinesee Food. To attract puppies." SFD stated proudly.
"Come again?" Healix asked.
"Puppy Chow, Chow Mein, What's the difference." SFD bubbled.
"Dragon, maybe you should take your medication."
They all laughed.
-
"Healix! What did you do with all the Chow Mein?" Super Fire Dragon demanded as he strolled into the corner store.
"Now, don't get angry." Healix said a little afraid of this fire breathing dragon boss.
"Depends, adult toys, Red Bull. This stuff is junk." SFD asserted.
"Dragon, you know there are laws about selling food." Healix said.
"The Health Department, again?" SFD asked.
"Yes, the Health Department came in here and demanded that we close or get rid of the hot food sales."
"So we closed."
"No, boss, we got rid of the hot food sales."
"Excellant decision. Give yourself a 100i bonus." SFD said.
"Thank you, so much."
"You didn't let me finish."
"Ot-Oh. What is it?" Healix asked regretting whatever was about to come next.
"Give yourself a 100i bonus, out of your own money."
Healix slapped her hand to her forehead.
-
"Healix!" Super Fire Dragon shouted.
"Yes, boss." Healix replied meekly coming from the back room to the front of the store where the dragon was standing. Super Fire Dragon was standing there tapping his foot with his arms folded in front of his chest. He did not look pleased.
"Why on earth did you put Depends on sale 45% off?" SFD questioned.
"No, you don't understand." Healix started.
"Am I running a store or a charity?" SFD interrupted.
"A store, but" healix tried to answer.
"And what is the purpose of a store?" SFD snapped back.
"To make"
"To make money!" SFD yelled.
"Yes, boss" Healix said trying to claim the angry lizard.
"How are we going to make money with you willey-nilley discounting stuff?"
"You see"
"I want you to give me one good reason why you marked down this high volumne product." SFD said sternly.
"Boss, I didn't mark down the price. These are factory seconds, 45% of the garment is missing."
"Oh, well, that's different. Carry on." SFD said embarrished.
As SFD left the store, Healix had a good laugh.
-
"Yes, I want to buy a puppy and some Chow Mein." Super Fire Dragon said as he walked into the corner store wearing a fake mustache and speaking with a deep voice.
"I'm very sorry, sir. We do not sale puppies or Chow Mein." Healix said too busy to recognize SFD.
"Why this is an outrage! You sale Red Bull and Adult Toys, where are the puppies to go along with them?"
All that yelling and fraying his arms about caused the fake mustache to fall off. Healix paid a little more attention to this crazy customer and realized that it was Super Fire Dragon.
"Boss, what are you doing?" Healix asked.
"You ever see that show, 'The Boss Under The Covers'?" SFD asked.
"I think you mean, 'Undercover Boss', yes I've seen it."
"Where I'm undercover."
"No you're not." Healix exclaimed.
"Well, even Jimmy Hoffa had to start somewhere."
"Yes, but we can't sale food without a license from the city. And saling puppies requires even more paperwork. I don't think we are even zoned for live animal sales." Healix explained.
"You're a real buzz-kill, you know that, a real buzz-kill."
Super Fire Dragon stormed off.
"I do not get paid enough to work here." Healix commented to nobody.
-
"Healix! Where are you?" Super Fire Dragon shouted as he walked into the Corner Store.
"I went to the back for just a second."
"Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge." SFD replied.
"What are you talking about?"
"How should I know; that's your job." SFD demanded pointing a paw at Healix.
"Ok, Dragon, what's going on this week?" Healix asked.
"Healix, my friend, be prepared to be amazed." SFD said with gleam in his eye.
"Boy, you really can turn on a dime."
"Why I never betrayed any of my money."
"Nevermind."
"Anyway, I have a real turkey of an idea for Thanksgiving." SFD stated pleased with himself.
"Ok, let's hear it."
"We get Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Rajesh Koothrappali and Lawrence Kutner to give away Thanksgiving feasts."
"Why?"
"Well, according to legend, didn't the Indians feed the pilgrims the first Thanksgiving day feast?"
"Yes, but."
"I believe it was during half-time of the Rose Bowl." SFD pondered.
"Dragon."
"What? Great idea?"
"American Indians, not fictional East Indians."
"Buzz-kill."
They both laughed.
-
"Healix!" Super Fire Dragon shouted.
"Coming, boss."
"Get ready to decorate for Halloween."
"Right, witches, spiders, ghosts, black cats, pumpkins ..."
"What are you talking about?" SFD asked.
"Ok, dragon, what did you have in mind?" Healix asked regreting the question.
"Well, Hallow's Eve of course. Get statues of all the saints."
"That's not what halloween is about."
"Is too."
"No it isn't, ask that Golden Ace guy."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"You know when I told you to add another cheese aisle?"
"Yes, did it already."
"Fine job too."
"Thanks! What does that have to do with it?"
"Golden Ace kind of sort of told me to taeksjd wisjenrd sjkjhf."
"What did Golden Ace order you to do?"
"Ok, Golden Ace wanted me to remove not add a cheese ailse." SFD admitted.
"Really? Golden Ace is going to be so mad at you."
"Why, you were the one who added the cheese ailse, you said so yourself."
"But, I ..."
"Golden Ace is mad at you, Golden Ace is mad at you."
"Oh Brother." Healix exclaimed.
They all laughed, except Golden Ace.
-
*puts on work apron...grabs the sledgehammer*
(https://i.imgur.com/vB0sYmO.jpg?1)
-
"Healix!" Super Fire Dragon yelled as he walked into the Corner Store.
"Right here, boss." Healix replied scorrying from the back room.
"How come every time I come in here, you're in the back room. What are you doing back there?"
"That's where the chair is." Healix reminded SFD.
"Right, ok, imagine this, we give away something very useful for Thanksgiving."
"Did you say, 'Give Away', boss." Healix wondered out loud.
"Well, with qualifying purchase, we'll make it up in mark-up."
"Ok, ok, what's your big idea."
"We give away, Syrup of Ipecac." SFD said proudly.
"Why, dragon."
"Imagine the sales slogon: 'Dine like the Romans!'" SFD beamed.
They all laughed
-
"Healix, why are there dozens of cases of Syrup of Ipecac in the back room?" Golden Ace asked a bit worried about Healix.
"The new owner will be giving away free bottles of that stuff during the Thanksgiving holiday shopping season." Healix replied.
"There are at least three things wrong with what you just said."
"Oh." Healix questioned.
"First, and MOST important. We do not give anything away, ever." Golden Ace instructed.
"Well, you see..." Healix started.
"Second, there isn't a new onwer. I own this place!" Golden Ace thundered.
"But the dragon..."
"Third, there is no Thanksgiving Holiday Shopping Season around here." Golden Ace interrupted.
"I understand, but you have to talk to the dragon about this." Healix said.
"Hey, Golden Ace, what's going on?" Super Fire Dragon asked as he walked into the corner store.
"I'm not happy, not happy at all."
"That cheese alise was Healix's idea." SFD countered.
"What? No, this Thanksgiving Holiday Shopping Season promotion." Golden Ace regained control over the conversation.
"Just doing my job, no need to thank me." SFD replied.
"I wasn't going to thank you." Golden Ace said.
"Oh, you're very welcome." SFD gushed.
"No, no, you don't understand, we don't give away anything, ever." Golden Ace said re-directing the conversation.
"Of course not." SFD snapped.
"Healix said that we would give away Syrup of Ipecac, is that right?" Golden Ace asked.
"No, not at all. First, the customer must buy a qualifying purchase, and then pay a sur-charge."
"Oh, that's more like it."
"And the mark-up on the qualifying purchase has been bumped up a notch." SFD explained.
"Oh, now that sounds more like it." Golden Ace smiled.
"I tried explaining it to Healix, but sometimes I wonder about him." SFD admitted.
"You know that Healix is a woman?" Golden Ace added.
"Oh right, that explains a lot." SFD commented.
"Hey, dragon, what are you talking about?" Healix interrupted.
"Well, for a guy, you are kind of weird, but for a woman, it all fits." SFD explained.
"Like what?" Healix asked.
"Well, like those bumps under your shirt. I thought that you were deformed or something."
"Dragon!" Healix said rolling her eyes.
They all laughed.
-
"Tell me more about this Christmas promotion of yours." Golden Ace asked in the vain hope of actually getting a straight answer from the dragon.
"Ace, my friend, don't worry. It's all going to be fine." Super Fire Dragon said.
"When you say that, knotts form in my stomache." Golden Ace replied.
"Look, I've got Healix in a cute Elf costume."
"I hate this costume." Healix interrupted.
"I have Holiday music piped-in through a nearly untraceable splice from the neighbors cable."
"Interesting." Golden Ace said rubbing his chin.
"I have gift guides, featuring our products, available for purchase."
"Now you're talking my language." Golden Ace responded.
"And candy canes for the kids, the kind that make kids thristy." SFD finished his Holiday Promotion explaination.
"I can't believe that you captured the Holiday AND corner store spirit. Well done." Golden Ace congratulated the dragon.
"I ain't wearing this costume, huh-uh." Healix said passing by carrying boxes.
"This is going to be the best Christmas ever!" SFD exclaimed.
They all laughed.
-
"Is that you, boss?" Healix asked, hearing someone coming into the store.
"Yes, It is I." Super Fire Dragon replied.
"Great, I have this great idea for a great new year promotion." Healix beamed.
"I'm glad you decided to wear the elf custome." SFD said.
"Yes, I want to keep this lousy job."
"What did you say?"
"I said that I love this wonderful job, boss." Healix lied.
"Good. Now what was this great idea of yours."
"For new years day, we give every customer that comes in wearing a diaper, a calendar with valuable coupons inside. Each month would have different coupons."
"Healix! You said that naughty 4-letter word that Golden Ace warned you about." SFD replied.
"Whadd I say, whadd I say?
"You said 'give' as in 'give away for free at no cost'; we don't do 'give' here." SFD demanded.
"I meant sell, yes, sell them a calendar." Healix stated.
"Hey, that gives me an idea. We sell calendars to customers who come into the store wearing only a diaper and no pants. These calendars will have valueless coupons that expire each month." SFD stated.
"That's my idea." Healix demanded.
"Look, either it's my great idea, or you're unemployed."
"That's a great idea there, boss."
They all laughed.
-
"And that is when the police were called?" Golden Ace asked demanding the truth.
"Well not exactly." Healix said sheepishly.
"What Healix means is that everything was going great until..." Super Fire Dragon started.
"There's over 100,000i worth of damage to the store and most of the inventory is ruined. I wouldn't call that 'going great'!" Golden Ace stormed.
"It wasn't my fault, I put a sign up discouraging that sort of thing." Healix said defensively.
"And besides, New Years' only comes around once a year." SFD helped.
"Somebody better start explaining something." Golden Ace boiled.
"Ok, ok, let me explain. Our New Years' promotion was to have those customers dressed in diapers receive the opportunity to purchase calendars with monthly coupons." SFD began.
"So far so good."
"Well not everybody coming into the store wearing diapers bought their diapers from a quality and reputable supplier." SFD continued.
"Yeah, some of them bought their diapers here." Healix giggled.
"Anyway, some of the diapers had cheap tape, and so they fell off the wearer." SFD shrugged
"Oh my!" Golden Ace exclaimed.
"Well, yes, there were those in the store who took offense to the unwanted display." SFD stated.
"And that is when the fighting started?" Golden Ace asked.
"Well skipping over a few details, pretty much yes." Healix added.
"Healix saved the day by quickly calling 1-1-9"
"I got excited"
"I programmed the speed-dial to call 9-1-1 if anybody dialed 1-1-9"
"I thought that you didn't know human numbers?" Golden Ace asked.
"Counting numbers, but these are phone numbers, completely different." SFD explained.
"Whatever" Golden Ace ahrugged.
They all laughed.
-
Just got back from China... Helix, Paragon Avenger you wouldn't know anything about that would you? I come in, sat down at my desk and wake up on a slow boat to china with a huge headache and a knot on my head.
me and some guy named Jeff Bezos were the only passengers. the knot on his head looked like it came from a Maple C243 large Louisville Slugger whereas the knot on my head seemed to come from one of those pine bats we make in the back and stamp with that "Genuine Louisville Slugger Maple Bat" Stamp. And yes the stamp is genuine, we don't cheat anyone here at the Corner Store.
We had a lot of time and told and I told him my idea for a cashierless store that was inspired by my own cashiers. *Glare*
after a few minutes later he yells he has a signal and he starts typing on this little device he has on him. Within an a few hours a helicopter pulls him off the boat. he say's thanks for the idea and says sorry not enough room and cuts the rope I was dangling from... luckily the boat broke my fall otherwise I might have gotten wet...
two things, He said the device was his phone although he got his pronouns messed up.
Helix I want you to take the pay phone off the wall and convert it to a hand held version we'll call it My Phone.
second we will convert the store to a cashierless store. everyone entering is charged a fee for entering automatically withdrawn from their bank based on their future earning potential.
-
"Oh, Golden Ace. I see that you are back." Super Fire Dragon said surprized.
"Hi old boss." Healix responded.
"Look, I don't even own a helicopter, so don't look at me that way." SFD said defensively.
They all laughed.
-
"Healix, where the frack are you?" SFD called out as he walked into the corner store.
"Back here, boss." The cheerful Healix replied.
"Well, what the frack are you doing?" SFD asked pointedly.
"I'm just taking inventory, straightening up the stock room, doing light mopping, re-stocking the restrooms, taking the trash out ..."
"Just as I suspected, you've been fracking off." SFD interrupted.
"Dragon, did we learn a new word?"
"What the frack do you mean?" SFD shot back.
"Never mind." Healix resigned.
"Anyway, I got this fracking great idea for Saint Pat's Day."
"Ok, let's hear it."
"Oh no, I remember what happen the last time I told you one of my ideas, you fracker."
"Dragon, that's starting to get anonnying." Healix informed.
"Yeah, yeah, tell it to the fracking judge."
"So what's your idea?"
"You promise you won't fracking steal it." SFD demanded.
"Yes." Healix responded impatiently.
"Ok, we sell green milk shakes and call them, are you fracking ready?" Super Fire Dragon said with so much excitment he almost burst into flames.
"Green milk shakes?"
"Yes, and we call them 'Shamrock Shakes', isn't that fracking brillant?" SFD asked full of energy.
"Dragon, have you ever heard of a small hamburger joint, just up the street, that does that same thing every year?"
"NO, I don't think so. Are you fracking with me?"
"Dragon, McDonald's has been selling 'Shamrock Shakes' for a hun'red years or so." Healix informed.
"You did it again, you fracking did it again, you fracker."
"What did I do?" Healix asked.
"You took a perfectly fracked-up idea of mine and smashed it."
"I guess I am a fracker." Healix replied.
They both fracking laughed.
-
"Easter" Super Fire Dragon said.
"Eggs" Healix replied thinking that they were doing word association.
"No, Easter is coming. We need a promotion."
"Well, we could sell chocolate Easter Eggs."
"I got it!"
"Chocolate Easter Eggs?"
"No! Think, what do people eat on Easter?" SFD asked.
"Chocolate Easter Eggs."
"Wrong, Thanksgiving is Turkey, Christmas is Fruitcake, and Easter is Rabbit!"
"Here we go again."
"We'll have a outdoor roaster setup and cook rabbit for Easter." SFD said proud of his idea.
"So are you saying that we won't have chocolate Easter Eggs?"
They all laughed.
-
"What the <pancake> happened here!" Golden Ace asked loudly and forcibly.
"It was our Easter promotion." Healix offered cheerfully.
"Healix!"
"Ok, ok, it might have been my fault I guess." Super Fire Dragon admitted.
"Dragon, start splainin'" Gloden Ace charged.
"Well, for Easter, Healix decided to roast rabbit ..."
"Who decided what?" Healix interrupted.
"We both decided ..."
"Huh-uh, try again Mr. Wings." Healix demanded.
"Fine, I decided that people eat Roast Rabbit on Easter." SFD began.
"Usually not normal people, but continue."
"Well, you're going to laugh when you hear this." SFD laughed.
"I'm not laughing." Golden Ace said sternly.
"See, I told you so, Dragon." Healix taunted.
"Hey, who's telling this story, me or you?" SFD snapped.
"Somebody had better start telling some story soon!" Golden Ace threatened.
"We put the rabbits in the roaster, and turned it on high."
"I tried to warn him, Ace, honest." Healix pleaded.
"Anyway, everything was going according to plan when the rabbits started hopping out of the roaster."
"You put live rabbits in a roaster?" Golden Ace was outraged.
"Well, that's the way my dear old mum used to cook them." SFD said.
"Dragon, cooking animals alive is inhuman." Healix stated.
"Right, tell that to frogs, lobster and clams."
"Hold it, let's get back to MY store." Golden Ace directed.
"Alright, so the rabbits started hopping everywhere. Well one of them must have been on-fire."
"You have got to be kidding." Golden Ace said in disbelief.
"Actually, I think the Dragon used Breath of Firer to ..." Healix aqcused.
"That's a lie!" SFD shot back.
"Why don't you prove it."
"You would like that, wouldn't you?"
"So hopping, flaming bunnies burned down my store?" Golden Ace repeated in shock.
"Well, look on the bright side." Healix suggested.
"What would that be?" Golden Ace asked.
"You have grounds to fire the Dragon." Healix said with a smirk.
"Great, just great!" SFD replied.
They all laughed.
-
(https://i.imgur.com/Xl2eIPX.gif)
*continues cleaning up rabbit pellets from the floor*
-
"We will not cave. We will not give-up. We will not surrender. We will not turn and walk away." Golden Ace declared.
"What will we do?" Healix asked.
"We will rebuild. We will restock. We will come back. We will re-open!" Golden Ace promised.
"Oooo, just a suggestion, put up a sign saying, 'No Flaming Bunnies Allowed'." Super Fire Dragon suggested.
"How about a sign saying, 'No Stupid Dragons Allowed'?" Golden Ace retorted.
"No, that doesn't sing." SFD replied.
"Get him out of here!" Golden Ace demanded.
"Right away, sir." Healix obeyed using the broom to push SFD out the door.
"Great, just great." SFD remarked and flew away.
"I'm glad he's gone." Healix stated.
"Healix, I'm putting you in-charge until I return." Golden Ace said.
"It's mine, all mine."
"Remember, I'm the boss." Golden Ace reminded Healix.
"Oh, did I say that out loud?"
They all laughed.
-
After weeks of hard work, the corner store has re-opened, in its new location.
Healix was over-heard saying, "I like this new store."
They all laughed.
-
(https://i.imgur.com/tvg3Upu.jpg?1)
(https://i.imgur.com/7nIdXTy.gif)
-
A slendar 8 foot tall Archnos Widow walked into the store.
"Howdy, what can I do you for?" Healix inquired.
"I never like that backward saying." The widow said, and shot Healix with a poisoned dart from her wrist gun. Healix fell to the floor.
They all laughed.
-
Healix came-to and pulled the dart out of her chest.
"That was not nice." Healix said pointing to a sign on the wall.
The sign read: "Do NOT shoot the store clerk or sales staff."
"Oh, sorry, I didn't see that sign. I'm looking for diamonds." The tall Arachnos Widow said.
"Diamonds alise 6 just past Frozen Foods, if you hit the cheese alise, you've gone too far." Healix said rercovering from the effects of the poisoned dart.
"Thank you." The Arachnos Widow said as she walked away swinging her hips in an almost mesmerizing rhythm.
They all stared.
-
"You, deary, what's your name?" The Arachnos Widow asked.
"Healix."
"Charming."
"Thank you." Healix said proudly.
"Now deary, this store is set-up all wrong."
"Golden Ace, the owner, set it up this way, and I like it too."
"Of course you do, deary, but we are going to transform this place into an oasis of style and sophistication."
"I don't think we're zoned for that." Healix replied.
They all laughed.
-
"You, deary, come here."
"My name is Healix."
"Sure it is."
"What's your name?"
"Call me, Ma'am, Yes Ma,am."
"Ma'am, yes ma'am, what is your name, ma'am, thank you ma'am."
"Oh, my name. I am Kolissa."
"Ok, Kolissa, want do you need?"
"I need you to call me boss, deary."
"This is going to be a long summer."
They all laughed.
-
"Kolissa!" Healix called-out. To no response.
"Kolissa!" She tried again, walking around the corner of the aisle.
"Kolissa, why won't you ask me." Healix said staring out the tall Arachnos Widow.
"Fine, boss ma'am, your humble servant is calling you." Healix said rolling her eyes.
"Yes, deary?" Kolissa answered.
"I finished re-arranging the store the way you wanted it." Healix said.
"The way who wanted it?"
"The way my queen wanted it, oh Kolissa supreme." Healix managed to say with a straight face.
"Most excellent, let's inspect it."
The two women walked up and down each aisle of the store looking at the shelves.
"No, no, this is all wrong. Put it back the way it was before." Kolissa demanded.
Healix made a hand gesture pretending to wring the Arachnos Widows neck.
Kolissa turned to look at her.
"Oh, yes my most wise queen." Healix said quickly putting her hands behind her back.
"I'll be in the executive suite if anything should come up." Kolissa said headed towards the Ladies Room.
They all laughed, except poor ole Healix.
-
"Kolissa, my perfect queen, where are you?" Healix called-out.
"Yes, deary?" Kolissa answered.
"I finished re-arranging the store the way you wanted it." Healix said.
"The way it was before?" Kolissa asked.
"Yes, oh most beautiful vision."
"Good, now take a letter. Dear Golden Ace, This is to inform you that your corner store, so-called, is now the sole property of Kolissa & Co., Inc. L.L.C. Any attempt to challenge this claim will be met with exterme force. Signed, A Friend."
"You have got to be kidding." Healix said stunned.
"Deary, it's a new day."
They all laughed, except Golden Ace, and Super Fire Dragon.
-
"Yeah, I want a bottle of Gin, and some edible panties, oh and a can of Jolt." He said.
"Should I gift wrap it?" Healix asked.
"Hold it, hold it!" Kolissa demanded.
"Why, what's the problem?"
"You must show I.D. for the Jolt."
They all laughed.
-
"Excuse me, but do you work here?"
(Healix looks at her General Store uniform and 5-inch name badge)
"No, I don't."
They all laughed. Except the boss. And the customer.
-
"You wanted to see me, boss?" Healx asked meekly.
"Yes, deary, come in, sit down, do you want a beverage?" Kolissa cooed.
"Thanks, yes, a mocha capacino double skinny with low cal whipped topping would be lovely."
"So here is your new name badge." Kolissa said ignoring the drink order.
"That thing is huge, plus it says, 'I'm happy to help you', that really isn't me, you know?"
"I don't care, wear it, be friendly to the PAYING customers, and pick me up a latte` while you're getting your drink, on your break."
"Yes, boss."
Nobody laughed, it really is a new day at the corner store.
-
"I need size 2XL adult diapers, and 3 cans of Monster." A customer stated.
"Ok." Healix said reaching for the items.
"Up-sell, deary, remember, up-sell" Kolissa reminded.
"Oh, right, boss." Healix said to Kolissa.
"Do you want fries with that?" Healix asked the customer.
They all laughed.
-
"Service with a smile. Be friendly, helpful and cheerful or so help me, I'll break every bone in your body, deary." Kolissa instructed.
"Yes, boss" Healix grovelled. Healix feared her new boss. She believed her capable of inflecting great harm upon her person for the slightest imperfection.
Just then a customer wandered in off the street.
"Hello, anybody here? I want to buy 3 double A batteries, and a feather duster."
"Yes, I am here to please you. What do you want?" Healix offered.
"Yes, 2 pints of green paint, 3 boxes of deck screws, a parrot, 3 double A batteries, a feather duster and this month's issue of Pants-less Supers."
"Remember, be friendly." Kolissa's words echoed in Healix's head.
"You might need some beef jerky with that?" Healix asked.
"Right, I almost forgot."
They all laughed.
-
"Hello, hello, who's in charge here?" A voice shouted.
"Yes, deary, I'm in-charge here." Kolissa cooed.
"So you're the boss?"
"Yes"
"Have you ever heard of the Store Clerk's union?"
"Nope." Kolissa replied.
"Well the working conditions here are apalling, a palling."
"Thank you for noticing."
"If things don't improve, we will call a strike."
"Yes, and I get to hire all new employees and pay them less because they are less exprienced."
"Nevermind."
"And they won't be able to afford union dues." Kolissa added.
"You don't have to rub it in."
They all laughed.
-
"Excuse me,are these adult diapers for for men or women?"
"Whichever." Kolissa replied not really wanting to interact with customers, but she agreed to watch the store while Healix used the litterbox.
"Well you know, some adult diapers for women don't work so well for us guys."
"Why is that?" Kolissa asked barely interested.
"Well, when I get excited and have to make yellow water, I'm pointed up."
"Ok, too much information."
"I need to know if these have padding in the right areas."
"Ok here's the deal, buy the stupid box or taste the power of Arachnos." Kolissa demanded.
"Alright, but if these leak, let it be on your head."
Kolissa fired her wrist dart-gun, and the man fell to the floor. Losing control of his bodily functions, he made a puddle on the floor.
"Oh, I guess those aren't for men afterall." Kolissa commented.
They all laughed.
-
"Healix!"
"On my way, my queen." Healix replied.
"Ok, here's the deal."
"I'm listening."
"You deal with the customers, I sit in the back and count my money."
"Deal."
They all laughed.
-
"My queen, I really hate to disturb your afternoon nap, but there's a guy out front who wants to see the manager. I tried putting on a disguise and changing my voice, but this guy's sharp." Healix explained.
Kolissa arose from her beauty sleep. She remove the blindfold she wears to block out light while snoozing. After a short cat like stretch she spoke.
"Ok, I'll take care of him." And as she strated towards the door leading to the sales area of the store, she gave a quick turn and shot Healix with her wrist mounted dartgun.
"Thank you." Healix groaned as she fell to the floor.
"Now what seems to be the trouble, dsary?" Kolissa cooed at the distraught customer.
"I want to return these sex toys, they don't work."
"Let me see them. Oh the model SUX-9000 penial enlarger. That's our best seller."
"Well it's a piece of junk if you ask me."
"What's wrong with it?" Kolissa asked.
"This!" The man said as he stepped back from the counter.
"Oh my, what do you have in your pocket?"
"That's not my pocket, that's me!"
"Yikes, how did you fit through the door?" Kolissa asked.
"I backed in."
"Ok, we'll refund your 19.95i minus a 5% re-stocking fee and minus a returns surcharge."
"Good, so how much am I getting back?"
"Let's see carry the 2, where's Super Fire Dragon when you need math done? It looks like 10i." Kolissa answered.
"Well, I guess I'll take it."
"No you don't understand?"
"What's to understand, now give me my 10i."
"No, you have to pay 10i to return that item." Kolissa said with a smile.
They all laughed.
-
"Healix! You worthless waste of skin!" Kolissa shouted.
"Yes my queen." Healix said hoping to not get shot by another dart from her wrist dartgun. Those things sting.
"Look at this mess!"
"What?"
"I want the merchandise arranged in packaging color order." Kolissa demanded.
"But won't that make it more difficult for customers to find what they are looking for?"
"Exactly."
"But why?"
"If they can't find what they are looking for, they will ask you, simpleton!" Kolissa replied.
"Yeah, I still don't understand."
"When they ask for something, you can steer them towards the high-end goods." Kolissa explained.
"But I will spend all day helping customers find things. Wouldn't that cause long lines at the check-out?"
"Of course, making it look like we are busier than we actually are. Thus driving up sales. It's brillant."
"I don't know about this, to be honest."
"And the shelves will look so much more colorful. It's win-win-win-lose for the cheap customers."
They all laughed.
-
"I worship the ground you walk on, but this seems like too much." Healix said pleading.
"Non-sense, customers love furry animals." Kolissa replied.
"But why must I wear the ferret costum?" Healix asked.
"You don't expect me to wear that stupid thing do you?"
"Why, No..."
"I wouldn'tbe caught dead in that hedious thing."
"Of course, but..."
"Somebody has to be the Ferret."
"Well yes, but..."
"Congrats, you've been elected."
"Gee, thanks." Healix responded.
They all laughed, except Healix.
-
"Boss, I will be a little late for work today. I am at the hospital getting treatment for the EXTREME HEAT RASH ON MY BUTT from that stoopid ferret costume."
*picks fake fur out of belly button*
(https://i.imgur.com/apZNgMZ.jpg)
-
"Maybe I should have paid the extra dollar and a half for the ferret costume made with better materials?" Kolissa pondered out loud.
"Nah, this store can't afford such extravagances." Kolissa answered herself.
-
"Healix, get in here, now!" Kolissa shouted angiily.
"Great what did I do now?" Healix thought as she scurried to the boss's office.
"We are going to go all out for Memorial Day." Kolissa beamed as Healix entere.
"Yes, boss." Healix said feeling the joy.
"Flags, banners, streamers, ballons, the whole shabang."
"Great, when do we start?"
"As soon as you take off that riducolous ferret costum."
"But you said ..." Healix suddently remembered that she was aruging to keep wearing a costum she hated.
"And bring me some coffee, Grantville has the best."
They all laughed.
-
"I go to Granville for a decent cup of coffee, and this happens." Healix said as she entered the corner store.
Everywhere she looked, red and black Arachnos flags, banners, streamers. The whole shabang.
"I started decorating without you. It looks homey don't you think?" Kolissa smiled.
Healix nearly blurted out something that would have gotten her fired, or worse.
"I don't know what to say." Healix replied in shock.
"I can't decide where to put the statue of Lord Recluse." Kolissa puzzled.
"Lord Recluse?" Healix asked sheepishly.
"You might be right, Lord Recluse is too much for this neighborhood."
"Yeah, I'm sure you right, boss." Healix said feeling a sigh of relief.
"But next year, look out!"
They all laughed, except the Lord Recluse statue.