Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)  (Read 117485 times)

Shifter

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A slightly older version of the game was to be included in the deal. Footage can be found here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3kW2Le9TJk
« Last Edit: August 20, 2014, 05:18:48 PM by Shifter »
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Ankhammon

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2014, 01:40:54 AM »
Due to NC "accidentally" loosing the current source code, an older version of the game had to be included in the deal. Footage can be found here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3kW2Le9TJk

Oh good. I always hated how they had sliders and costumes and power sets and stuff. :)
Cogito, Ergo... eh?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2014, 05:13:28 AM »
Today, members of the negotiating team said, "I'm not wearing pants."
This confused the NC Soft team and everybody started dancing.
More details as they become available.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Shifter

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2014, 01:29:53 PM »
Today, members of the negotiating team said, "I'm not wearing pants."
This confused the NC Soft team and everybody started dancing.
More details as they become available.

Additional information has become available. It appears as if someone's ring tone was set to "Harlem shake", and this was a contributing factor.
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Ryo Kinsaru

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2014, 07:02:06 AM »
Update 8/18/2014 1:49 a.m.: NCSoft staff responsible for the negotiations have included an addendum to their documentation that is more akin to a musician's contract rider than actual terms of any business dealings. Not all details have been released but according to our source inside their offices, all CoX fans associated with the Titan Network and Project Hail Mary should exhaust every resource obtaining an albino goat, a slab of granite (less than 20 lbs. for shipping purposes) resembling Abraham Lincoln, and the front left quarter panel from a 1954 Studebaker Champion.

On an unrelated note, the VP of NCSoft marketing has asked that we keep an eye out for a Pomeranian named Mister Fluffles. She is brown and white with one ear longer than the other, and while she responds well to sardines she is deathly afraid of people with large noses.

Further updates will be posted as the situation develops.
I can't think of anything clever to place here as I am currently over-caffeinated on very little sleep. All the cool people have a signature, so I will drop random text here trying to fit in.

Blondeshell

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2014, 09:53:40 PM »
... all CoX fans associated with the Titan Network and Project Hail Mary should exhaust every resource obtaining an albino goat, a slab of granite (less than 20 lbs. for shipping purposes) resembling Abraham Lincoln, and the front left quarter panel from a 1954 Studebaker Champion.

Sounds like someone listens to Car Talk.  ;)

Eoraptor

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2014, 08:25:18 PM »
Leaked today on Wikileaks; the NSA not only failed to ever infiltrate City of Heroes servers, but, on accessing customer level equipment, were somehow confused and repelled by someone refusing to answer to the name Nemesis. This can neither be confirmed nor denied, and may or may not be a misdirect.

Details as the story develops.
"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story, while others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe!"
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Angel Phoenix77

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2014, 09:25:42 PM »
It was found out earlier that Statesman is real after a unidentified person captured a 30 sec video from their cell phone, more news of this as is comes in.
One day the Phoenix will rise again.

Ryo Kinsaru

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2014, 01:16:38 AM »
Update 8/19/2014 8:11 p.m.: The Abe Lincoln slab of granite has been acquired. The left front quarter panel for the 1954 Studebaker Champion has been located and, according to Timmy Johnson who mows their lawn, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson will be vacationing in Santa Monica this weekend and the quarter panel will be readily available. The albino goat remains elusive.

No updates on Mr. Fluffles at this time.
I can't think of anything clever to place here as I am currently over-caffeinated on very little sleep. All the cool people have a signature, so I will drop random text here trying to fit in.

Shifter

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #9 on: August 20, 2014, 02:21:13 PM »
Rovio, the maker of Angry Birds, has been announced as the mystery buyer. "We have some exciting new changes that we feel people will really like." The initial reboot will include a major game update, Issue 24: Golden Egg.

Issue 24: Golden Egg release notes:

The following new power sets will be added:

Mastermind:
Pig Summoning

Blaster/Corrupter/Defender:
Slingshots

Tank/Brute/Scrapper/Stalker:
Egg armor

Controller/Dominator:
Bird control

New hero TF:
"Save the eggs"

New Villian SF:
"Steal the eggs"

Zone changes:
FBZ jump points have been replaced with slingshots.

New space station zone:
An "Angry Birds Space" zone will be added.

Event changes:
Angry bird and pig costumes have been added to the Halloween event.

In addition to the new power sets above, all buildings in the game will be partially or fully breakable via a new vet reward power. Angry Birds will also now be playable in game while waiting in LFG queue.
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Atmosphere2025

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2014, 07:04:37 PM »
I am looking forward to the City of Heroes: Angry Birds Edition!

mrultimate

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #11 on: August 21, 2014, 03:16:38 PM »
The New Devs are going to develop COH for Intellivision.

Minotaur

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #12 on: August 21, 2014, 04:56:48 PM »
After somebody (Chriffer ?) posted a youtube of CoH being played on a dancepad, the new devs are preparing to release versions for the guitar and drum controllers from popular music games plus the steering wheel controller from various driving games.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #13 on: August 22, 2014, 01:41:21 AM »
Update, what time is it:
Great news!
All CoH2 players will have vehicle travel powers.
They will be awarded by level:
Level 1: pogo stick
Level 2: roller skates
Level 5: tricycle with playing card in the rear spokes
Level 10: bicycle, no not a good one
Level 15: motor scooter
Level 20: a motorcycle, no not a cool one.
Level 30: a Honda Civic, a 1997 Honda Civic
Level 40: a Lincoln MKX, at least 5 years old
Level 50: A brand new Rolls Royce, you pay shipping
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Shifter

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #14 on: August 26, 2014, 12:28:10 AM »
The US Federal Government has announced that they are the mystery buyer. Due to the new Healthcare legislation that allows penalization for weight and smoking, only non-smoking supermodels will be allowed to play moving forward.
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #15 on: August 26, 2014, 02:23:17 AM »
The US Federal Government has announced that they are the mystery buyer. Due to the new Healthcare legislation that allows penalization for weight and smoking, only non-smoking supermodels will be allowed to play moving forward.

Shifter, speaking for at myself, we all hate you.
Or we hate the healthcare legislation.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Shifter

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #16 on: August 26, 2014, 02:50:14 AM »
Shifter, speaking for at myself, we all hate you.
Or we hate the healthcare legislation.

Ouch, I'll hope for the later.
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rojahdom

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #17 on: August 26, 2014, 03:52:14 AM »
*Update* City of Heroes has been sold to Michael Bay Inc. Mr. Bay has said he was looking for another beloved franchise to bring back and $*** on. Part of the deal with Ncsoft includes a 10 year tie in to any future Bay movies, and updating the game’s ratings from rated T to Hell Yeah!
While he can’t say what other plans for the game awaits, he did give us a little tease for the fans.
Graphics
All explosions will be in Ultra HD, and all female NPCs will have leg cams when introduced.
Lore
Rikti will be replace by mechanical robots who can change shape.
Story Improvements
Back Alley Brawler will get updated dialogue to include “Yo” and “U know what I’m saying.”

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #18 on: August 26, 2014, 04:39:26 AM »
Ouch, I'll hope for the later.

Yeah, I ain't giving up being unhealthy just to sit around playing a computer game.
Now, if you throw in some cheese, then we got something.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Taceus Jiwede

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #19 on: August 26, 2014, 01:47:35 PM »
*Update* City of Heroes has been sold to Michael Bay Inc. Mr. Bay has said he was looking for another beloved franchise to bring back and $*** on. Part of the deal with Ncsoft includes a 10 year tie in to any future Bay movies, and updating the game’s ratings from rated T to Hell Yeah!
While he can’t say what other plans for the game awaits, he did give us a little tease for the fans.
Graphics
All explosions will be in Ultra HD, and all female NPCs will have leg cams when introduced.
Lore
Rikti will be replace by mechanical robots who can change shape.
Story Improvements
Back Alley Brawler will get updated dialogue to include “Yo” and “U know what I’m saying.”

lol.  Just awesome