Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)  (Read 112498 times)

mrultimate

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #20 on: August 27, 2014, 05:04:43 PM »
*Update* City of Heroes has been sold to Michael Bay Inc. Mr. Bay has said he was looking for another beloved franchise to bring back and $*** on. Part of the deal with Ncsoft includes a 10 year tie in to any future Bay movies, and updating the game’s ratings from rated T to Hell Yeah!
While he can’t say what other plans for the game awaits, he did give us a little tease for the fans.
Graphics
All explosions will be in Ultra HD, and all female NPCs will have leg cams when introduced.
Lore
Rikti will be replace by mechanical robots who can change shape.
Story Improvements
Back Alley Brawler will get updated dialogue to include “Yo” and “U know what I’m saying.”

Good stuff!

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #21 on: August 28, 2014, 01:45:57 AM »
Update:
Unidentified members of the NC Soft team offered to sell the IP, servers, and user accounts as long as they could have the character name in the game as 'Mr. Happy-pants" and all the other players would have to do the /e praise emote.
The Titan team flat-out refused.  It seems that unnamed members of the Titan team, not Iron Wolf, wanted the name, 'Mr. Happy-pants' for himself.
Neogatiations broke down after that.
Enjoy WoW everybody.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

BadWolf

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #22 on: August 28, 2014, 10:53:15 PM »
Some slight delays have occurred to the deal as NCSoft wishes it to be made clear whether the Inf they are receiving as payment is Influence, Infamy or Information. The buyers have stressed that unlike the previous "Merit" offer on the table, all currencies are equally convertible and can be used to purchase goods and services at any of the markets; however, NCSoft is insistent. More on this as it develops.

TinFoil

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #23 on: August 31, 2014, 06:05:00 PM »
This just in... The IP and coding for City of Heroes has been purchased by Facebook for 2.05 million dollars. Facebook says they will be taking the game in two different directions. On one hand, they will be providing a 'free-to-play' model of the game that has characters matching different enhancement symbols as a way to earn power-ups to add to their own personal Paragon City. Players will be allowed ten moves a day and then must rely on asking others for assistance in what Facebook is calling their 'Sidekick' mechanic. When asked for comment about the upcoming title, a developer for the Facebook app said the following:

"We know the fans of the City of Heroes MMO will really take to our community based puzzle solving adventure. You'll be able to follow the adventures of the Statsman [sic] and all his hero pals. And if you want a more solo gameplay experience, you'll be able to purchase different power sets for $7.99 each. We really think it's a win-win for everyone".

The second direction proposed by Facebook was an Oculus Rift version of the game where players could take in all the action from the perspective of their favorite heroes. This seemingly more favorable playstyle was introduced after the wave of uprising violence and mass suicide from the previous announcement.

Shifter

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #24 on: August 31, 2014, 07:36:22 PM »
*winces in pain at the Facebook takeover post*
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downix

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #25 on: August 31, 2014, 08:17:07 PM »
NCSoft admits that it had indeed replaced City of Heroes with delicious Folgers Crystals. Let's see if anyone can tell the difference.

Eoraptor

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #26 on: August 31, 2014, 10:42:24 PM »
Mark Zuckerburg was found floating facedown in a pool yesterday morning. that pool, of unusual salinity, was later determined to have been filled by his household staff by the tears of City of Heroes fans shed at the announcement of the impending acquisition. Cause of death has yet to be determined, but is suspected to have come from the Scrapper power pools, most likely from the Technology Origin.

More news on this event as it becomes available.
"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story, while others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe!"
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #27 on: September 01, 2014, 01:57:54 AM »
OK, now don't tell no one, but this guy I know overheard a conversation between a couple of guys close to friends of the girlfriend of the Hail Mary team, (them).
So I was told that one of the members of them was wearing his lucky red tie.  This couldonly mean three tthings.  1. The contract is all but signed.  2. As one of the agents for the neogatiating team he stands to personally profit by buying stock in an unnamed company that will acquire the CoX franchise.  Or.  3. His blue tie has mustard stains.

So don't get too excited just yet.  And don't tell nobody.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #28 on: September 11, 2014, 02:18:48 AM »
OK, Tony or that other guy had the contract papers all printed out and collated when Iron Wolf ate his homework.  Bad doggie.
NC Soft didn't believe that the dog ate the homework.  They have reassigned the homework plus Tony must write 500 times "I must've lie."
Morel of the story, don't print anything on yummy rice paper.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Eoraptor

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #29 on: September 11, 2014, 03:16:33 PM »
Because the new apple maxipad now comes in true HD, City of Heroes Classic will be recoded tooperate on tiny iwatch screens, because marketing indicates fans want to try to #killskulls on their wrists while walking into oncoming traffic. The Ghost of Steve Jobs was contacted for comment, but refused, citing legal conflicts.
"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story, while others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe!"
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Arcana

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #30 on: September 11, 2014, 07:08:22 PM »
Today NCSoft confirms the version of the servers they possess upon examination are somewhat older than Issue 23.

Sample interface.

Excidia

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #31 on: September 11, 2014, 09:22:53 PM »
"Devs announce that once the game returns it will no longer show the hated Penelope Yin opening screen.  The new opening screen will be pictures of Positron cosplaying as Koname Madoka.  In related news, the Paragon Store will sell the option to change the opening screen for a mere 20,000 points, as well as selling eye-bleach."



Sorry.  Just teasing, no offense intended to Posi.  I'm also a larger gentleman and I'm sure he'd look just as spectacular as I would in the costume (in other words, "Kill it with fire!")

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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #32 on: September 12, 2014, 03:08:08 AM »
NC Soft announced today that City of Heroes will be relaunched on all North American servers.  The free to play option will no longer be available.  Subscriptions start at a mere $100,000.00 a month for the limited edition.  The VIP edition subscription price hasn't been released yet, but sources close to the company mentioned something about limbs.  This reporter was told, "An arm and a leg.". Further news as we decide to tell you.
Hey, what do you want for nothing?
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

epawtows

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #33 on: September 12, 2014, 07:04:57 AM »
After much consultation, MWM has decided that CoT will have Voice Overs.  Every character will speak Minion.

Bannana!

Initial attempts at mission logs can be found here:

http://despicableme.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:Beckoliver.marron/OFFICIAL:_English_to_Minion_Language_Dictionary

Eoraptor

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #34 on: September 12, 2014, 02:29:49 PM »
(I thought they had settled on simmish... huh)

THeM has announced, in conjunction with NCSoft, that the upcoming City of Heroes revival will include a reduced color pallet of chartreuse, magenta, cyan, and pantone 197g. All 57 other colors can be unlocked in the cash store for the low low price of $25.95 US each, or by running in game missions earning a minimum of 300,000 influence per color.
"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story, while others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe!"
-Lex Luthor

Angel Phoenix77

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #35 on: September 13, 2014, 05:46:51 AM »
This is just in, Ms. Liberty the trainer for many new heroes is being release from the physiological ward in Atlas, she was sent there when she was caling everyone noobs on top of her training location however, due to some undue stress heroes Mantacore and Penelope Yin worried about her psyche had Ms. Liberty committed.  More news to follow
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MM3squints

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #36 on: September 13, 2014, 05:58:33 AM »
Breaking News: Nc Soft just sold City of Heroes to an unknown entity and a unknown price. Nc Soft report by saying no comments on the sale and stated it is in the interest of Nc Soft to stay silent. Enthusiastic players coming back to the game report on out of 4 players will start asking strange questions like, "if this was real life how would you handle this" or "would a bomb be better placed here instead of there." Even more strange, the people who are asking these question are from a Supergroup known as "New Super Alliance"

Reference
http://www.forbes.com/sites/insertcoin/2013/12/09/new-snowden-leak-reveals-the-nsa-planted-agents-inside-world-of-warcraft/

Sin Stalker

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #37 on: September 13, 2014, 07:06:30 AM »
A slightly older version of the game was to be included in the deal. Footage can be found here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3kW2Le9TJk

That video of CoH in alpha or beta is pretty cool. Is there a wiki or some place you could link to learn more information about it?
I would love to see what the 40 zones/ 36 square miles were and what the 7 origin types were. :)

Nyx Nought Nothing

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #38 on: September 14, 2014, 05:26:10 AM »
After much consultation, MWM has decided that CoT will have Voice Overs.  Every character will speak Minion.

Bannana!

Initial attempts at mission logs can be found here:

http://despicableme.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:Beckoliver.marron/OFFICIAL:_English_to_Minion_Language_Dictionary
As part of the NCsoft mandated "City of Heroes: NuGeneration" rebranding for the relaunch all combat sound effects will have dubstep "wub" effects added. Animations will be tweaked to match the new sounds.
One of things i miss most is my whimsically named PB, general incompetence. With his battlecry of "I know what I'm doing!" he only achieved 30 levels of making villains look bad before the shutdown.
NPC: "I heard the Council museum heist was foiled by general incompetence!"

Waffles

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #39 on: September 19, 2014, 08:42:33 PM »
"Ncsoft has finally announced that they will be reviving a beloved franchise they "Should not have closed, for it's potential was great, and we were operating with the wrong mindset."

Yes, Ncsoft has confirmed they will be returning the 'ever memorable' Auto Assault before Christmas this year.

When asked regarding the possible return of the more-popular "City Of Heroes" , The only comment given was "We have exhausted all options."