Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)  (Read 114162 times)

duane

  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 319
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #40 on: September 20, 2014, 03:11:17 PM »
"Dr Vaz reports Healthcare Reform a Flop"

Demands more body parts be left out for him in King's Row.

Tubbius

  • Fun Title
  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 603
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #41 on: September 22, 2014, 02:13:54 AM »
"Ncsoft has finally announced that they will be reviving a beloved franchise they "Should not have closed, for it's potential was great, and we were operating with the wrong mindset."

Yes, Ncsoft has confirmed they will be returning the 'ever memorable' Auto Assault before Christmas this year.

When asked regarding the possible return of the more-popular "City Of Heroes" , The only comment given was "We have exhausted all options."

. . . .

Don't even joke.  :(

Eoraptor

  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 614
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #42 on: September 22, 2014, 02:46:06 AM »
October has been declared "City of Heroes Awareness Month," remember your red and blue ribbon with white star pin.
"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story, while others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe!"
-Lex Luthor

Tubbius

  • Fun Title
  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 603
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #43 on: September 22, 2014, 02:49:57 AM »
Would a CoH t-shirt count if I had one?

Cailyn Alaynn

  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 604
  • Never give in.
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #44 on: September 22, 2014, 03:16:20 AM »
Revival announces bringing in designers and modelers from Blizzard's World of Warcraft team, as well licensing Zynga to handle the Free to Play design.
"Let's get dangerous..."
Lead Developer and Master of Mischief - Revival Project.
Revival website: APR.Pc-Logix.com

Remaugen

  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 457
  • Android Clan of One
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #45 on: September 23, 2014, 05:25:18 AM »
*Snort!*
We're almost there!  ;D

The RNG hates me.

Paragon Avenger

  • Circles and Triangles
  • Elite Boss
  • *
  • Posts: 6,236
  • You're not seeing double, I'm not wearing pants.
    • City of Warcraft or whatever it was called
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #46 on: September 23, 2014, 06:46:14 AM »
Today, THeM announced that City of Heroes will relaunch before Christmas this year.  There will be one minor change.  Every nine and a halfmminutes there will be a thirty second commercial advertisement.  Any attempt to avoid these ads will be met with more ads more frequently as the MARTY system will be used to ensure that every player sees every ads at least once an hour.  This is being done to recoup the reported $76.3 million dollars needed to acquire and relaunch the game.

In related news Tampex has announced a new ad champagne aimed at online gamers.

In other news Henry Winkler has agreed to make a series of infomercials dealing with reverse mortgages for the online gaming media.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Eoraptor

  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 614
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #47 on: September 24, 2014, 01:23:23 AM »
In relaunch news, King Games has announced a partnership with City of Heroes NA... enhancements and inspirations will now make telltale noises when slotted in or combined, and users will be able to buy special inspirations such as chocolate sprinkle and jolly rancher for a nominal microtransaction fromt he cash shop
"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story, while others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe!"
-Lex Luthor

Medispider Reznov

  • Minion
  • **
  • Posts: 35
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #48 on: September 24, 2014, 11:26:50 AM »
In Light of the current Political unrest in NA, every time you resurrect at a Hospital you will receive debuffs that last 24 hours - depending on how good your insurance is, the penalties will be lighter and last shorter.

This way we can appeas the Teabaggers

mrultimate

  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 276
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #49 on: September 24, 2014, 01:59:51 PM »
TMZ confirms that Statesman faked his death and has retired in Boca Raton. It is reported that he was simply tired of dealing with Lord Recluse after all these many years.

BadWolf

  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 263
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #50 on: September 24, 2014, 08:22:34 PM »
Latest news indicates that the APR team is working on a new feature to capitalize on the popularity of mobile game Candy Crush Saga. In the new City of Heroes, players will have an enlarged inspiration grid; however, they will only be able to use inspirations in batches of three, which must be horizontally or vertically adjacent. In addition, players will only be able to rearrange their inspirations a certain number of times before they are "locked out", which can be reversed by waiting an hour or by paying real money into the in-game system.

Claims that flying will be replaced by a "flap" button could not be verified at this time.

Ryo Kinsaru

  • Lieutenant
  • ***
  • Posts: 76
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #51 on: September 25, 2014, 01:29:53 AM »
Finally, the wait is over. After much anticipation, a coalition of gaming communities has finalized plans to launch World of GuildQuest based on the ever-popular and sorely missed City of Heroes/City of Villains franchise. The terms of the purchase of all CoH/CoV-related items have not been disclosed but an inside source close to the negotiations (on condition of anonymity) was quoted as saying, "That's a shitload of Fruit Roll-ups.".
I can't think of anything clever to place here as I am currently over-caffeinated on very little sleep. All the cool people have a signature, so I will drop random text here trying to fit in.

Paragon Avenger

  • Circles and Triangles
  • Elite Boss
  • *
  • Posts: 6,236
  • You're not seeing double, I'm not wearing pants.
    • City of Warcraft or whatever it was called
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #52 on: September 25, 2014, 09:23:21 PM »
This just in, to shorten development time for the relaunch, all weapons and attack powers will fire bullets.  Yes, swords, martial arts, war mace, boxing, everything will be ranged and do lethal damage.  This includes water blast, dark blast, ice and fire powers.  The animation will remain the same, but the sounds will be gunfire.
And the costume designer won't have pants available.
Somehow the pants piggs files got corrupted.
And all trains will take you to AP or IP, their working on that one.
And all DO's will be only for levels ending in 5 + /- 3 as always.
Inexplicable Steel Canyon can't be reached except through the midnighters' club.

And Ms. Liberty now greets players with, "Noob!"

This is just a sample of the bug fixes remaining to be fixed.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Joshex

  • [citation needed]
  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,026
    • my talk page
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #53 on: September 28, 2014, 11:02:47 AM »
Today a memo was released from an NCSoft board meeting stating the real reasons CoH was originally sunset;  "we flubbered when we killed statesman and couldn't find a continuum loop out of it that everyone could agree on." with a second sub-note "damn scrum process and user stories"
There is always another way. But it might not work exactly like you may desire.

A wise old rabbit once told me "Never give-up!, Trust your instincts!" granted the advice at the time led me on a tripped-out voyage out of an asteroid belt, but hey it was more impressive than a bunch of rocks and space monkies.

Eoraptor

  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 614
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #54 on: October 01, 2014, 10:54:28 PM »
In yet another in a long line of questionable decisions DC Comics has made this past year regarding female characters, they have chosen to eliminate all their female presences in DC Universe Online, telling female fans of the game and male fans who crossplay that "If you want women, go somewhere else, we only write content for scared old white guys."

fans of City of Heroes, Avatar Legend of Korra, Mass Effect, Wonder Woman, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and pretty much anyone who is not a scared white male sounded off that all those disenfranchised are more than welcome to come play in the CoX pool even if we no longer have water bending blaster power
"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story, while others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe!"
-Lex Luthor

Power Gamer

  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 3,865
  • Reaching troubled youth...one Hellion at a time!
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #55 on: October 01, 2014, 11:48:09 PM »
Just in, City of Heroes will be relaunched and rebranded as City of DERP!

When asked why the change in name, NCSoft replied that an update in image was needed to reflect its corporate culture and goals.

The NCSoft representative then tripped over the Wildstar and Blade & Soul marketing plan, impaled himself on his portfolio. His last words were "oh no, my stock options..."

No further clarification was given.
It takes a village to raise a child. And it takes a villain to explain the value of lunch money.

-Random CoHer: "Why does the sky turn green during Rikti invasions?"
-Me:"Rikti Monkey farts"
-Random CoHer: "I'm going to you for all my questions from now on!"

Joshex

  • [citation needed]
  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,026
    • my talk page
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #56 on: October 02, 2014, 12:05:02 AM »
In yet another in a long line of questionable decisions DC Comics has made this past year regarding female characters, they have chosen to eliminate all their female presences in DC Universe Online, telling female fans of the game and male fans who crossplay that "If you want women, go somewhere else, we only write content for scared old white guys."

fans of City of Heroes, Avatar Legend of Korra, Mass Effect, Wonder Woman, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and pretty much anyone who is not a scared white male sounded off that all those disenfranchised are more than welcome to come play in the CoX pool even if we no longer have water bending blaster power

only male characters and batman and superman now have rainbow colored costumes and the rainbow lantern corps have replaced all the various lanterns, robin no longer marries starfire but instead cyborg, raven gender bends and every shape shift of beast boy gets a big floppy w13^3r.

the flash is no longer a sexist jerk either, instead he drops pennies so he can pinch guy's bottoms when they bend over to pick them up.

all this was done to conform to American ideological media demand to support our theological minorities, anyone against it is a sexist biggot.
There is always another way. But it might not work exactly like you may desire.

A wise old rabbit once told me "Never give-up!, Trust your instincts!" granted the advice at the time led me on a tripped-out voyage out of an asteroid belt, but hey it was more impressive than a bunch of rocks and space monkies.

Paragon Avenger

  • Circles and Triangles
  • Elite Boss
  • *
  • Posts: 6,236
  • You're not seeing double, I'm not wearing pants.
    • City of Warcraft or whatever it was called
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #57 on: October 02, 2014, 02:28:18 AM »
In other news, City of Titans will start each player character at level 50, the highest in the game.  This is being done to finally, once and for all put an end to power-leveling.
When asked how this might affect gameplay.
A Missing Worlds spokes-being said that leveling up was never all that fun.  That the best part of the game is team banter and lockboxes.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Angel Phoenix77

  • Elite Boss
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,115
  • I am Phoenix !!
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #58 on: October 02, 2014, 05:20:07 PM »
Hot off the intrawebs, cox will return but Ncsoft requires every one to be zombies and there will only be one at available this is for balance purpose. More to come soon.....
One day the Phoenix will rise again.

Paragon Avenger

  • Circles and Triangles
  • Elite Boss
  • *
  • Posts: 6,236
  • You're not seeing double, I'm not wearing pants.
    • City of Warcraft or whatever it was called
Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #59 on: October 04, 2014, 03:12:52 AM »
Here's the new pricing scheme for City of Heroes II.
VIP w/12 month advance purchase, $10 a month.
VIP monthly rate, $12 a month
Limited, which doesn't include incarnate or epic or signature content, $5 a month
Free to play includes Defender AT and Corruptor AT only. All other ATs will need to be unlocked via randomly dropped lockboxes.  Incarnates and epics won't be available.  If teamed, signature content can be played, but only as the team leader's mission.  Same thing for limited.  Also F2P won't be allowed in the Midnighters Club or ski chalet.
Also F2P will have a 25% reduction in all defenses and damage resistance in player vs player zones including the arena.

All epic ATs will unlock at level 50, but will start the game at level 20.
Incarnate system will be reworked to allow leveling to 64 as well as incarnate abilities.
Level 70 SO's and IO's will be introduced. (64 + 3) = 67 and can access level 70 enhancements.
F2P players will have a server set aside for them.

And a new feature, toons will have to use the restroom every so often.  A bar will fill and once it gets plast a certain point, the toon will lose effectiveness.

A new realism feature, tall toons will need to duck into doorways.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?