Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)  (Read 217961 times)

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #640 on: February 06, 2018, 05:06:57 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
I was told by a secret source that one of the THeM was seen buying sushi.
Now I don't know about you, but when I hear that someone is buying sushi, I can think of only one thing.  City of Heroes is coming back.  That's right!  City of Heroes is alive and well and coming to an internet near you.  So just keep trying www.CityofHeroes.com and poof!
That's right, poof.
Remeber, you heard it here first, poof.
So until next time ... poof.


This has been the Pantsless Avenger saying ....
POOF!

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #641 on: March 03, 2018, 08:27:20 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
I was having lunch with, you-know-who, the other day.  Well, he let slip that they needed erasers.  now to the normal mind, this harmless comment might seem harmless.  To my highly atuned, trained, antalytical mind this could mean only one thing.  Yes, it must mean ... poof.

Remeber, you heard it here first, poof.
So until next time ... poof.

This has been the Pantsless Avenger saying ....
POOF!
 

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #642 on: March 22, 2018, 05:42:16 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
The CIA, FBI, IRS, ICE and the Post Office don't want me to share this with you.  They want to keep it a secret, but I think that it is your right to know.  City of Heroes will come back in the Fall of 2019.  Do not let anybody outside our little group know that I told, or it will be poof for me!

So until next time ... poof.

This has been the Pantsless Avenger saying ....
POOF!
 
 

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #643 on: April 04, 2018, 01:20:34 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
I just found out some shocking news.  You are not going to freaking believe this.  The real reason City of Heroes was shut down.  We all just assumed that there was some sort of underhanded dealings at NCSoft that caused the closure of our beloved game.  The real reason is that they have an automatic server sweep six months.  That server sweep wipes the server clean and re-builds everything on it.  Due to an embarrishing blunder on the part of NCSoft maintenance personnel, the game imagine of City of Heroes was lost.  After a few weeks of trying everything they could think of to restore the backups, NCSoft decided to make the now imfamous announcement.  Yes, without a game server imagine and the impending server maintenance, NCSoft choose to save face by just announcing that the game would be shuttered.  Instead of telling the truth that they lost the game imagine and don't know how to stop a server sweep.

This has been the Pantsless Avenger saying ....
Never automate server maintenance!
 
 
 

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #644 on: April 05, 2018, 09:15:04 PM »
->POOF<-

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #645 on: May 17, 2018, 01:41:56 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
I just found out some shocking news.  City of Heroes has been purchased by an unnamed third party for $50 million.  This third party is rumored to be planning to make the game available only to those people who can play at least a half-way deceit tanker, blaster, defender or controller.  How many times have players endangered their teams by not playing correctly?  This unnamed third party is determined to put a stop to timid tanks, foolish blasters, inattentive defenders and uncooperative controllers.

I say that it is my right as an American to play the MMO anyway I choose, even to the point of causing team-wipes.  Who wants to join me?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #646 on: May 25, 2018, 05:55:50 PM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
I just found out some shocking news.  Every odd-numbered third Tuesday of the month, NCSoft brings up City of Heroes to make sure it still works and to bolster their copyright claim on the IP.
All we got to do is login during that testing period and force the game to stay open.  As long as there are enough players in zone, they can't close that shard.  We missed it this month, but June 19th looks real good.

This has been the pantsless Report with the Pantsless Avenger saying ....  "POOF!"

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #647 on: June 01, 2018, 05:10:07 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.

Ok, first things first, you did not hear it here.  That is, what I am about to reveal to you, you must promise that if anybody asks you where you heard such non-sense that you will say something like, "I don't know, some guy, I guess".  Ok, today I was talking to you-know-who and he said that we will be surprised very soon.  Now, I must remind you not to tell anybody that I told you this.  I could get into serious trouble here.  Since I like you, and trust you, and we played COH together a few times, and you helped me ding 50 more than once, I will continue.  So I ask you-know-who about this thing the THeM is working on.  He got very upset.  He said that we can't get around the laws like that.  There are rules.  I told him that it would be private, but he nearly put pants on me.

To recap, don't tell anybody that I leaked this information.

Until next time, This is the Pantless Avenger saying ...

- POOF -

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #648 on: June 08, 2018, 01:27:54 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.

"Hey, as far as I know the negotiations are still going on because, well, NDA. I'm not privy to the negotiations because I'm not a part of the THeM. So, yeah."

Until next time, This is the Pantless Avenger saying ...

- POOF -

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #649 on: June 12, 2018, 09:50:03 PM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
This just in, as part of the negotiations that president Trump and Chairman Kim had, the following must happen soonTM:

  • North Korean must dismantle its missle program
  • North Korean must end its nuclear weapons program
  • The U.S. must use all of its influence on Moon Jae-in, the South Korean President, to force NCSoft to reinstate City of Heroes.
Chairman Kim, as it turns out, was a huge CoV fan.  He loved playing Ninja Masterminds.

This has been The Pantless Avenger saying, "Until next time...POOF!".

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #650 on: June 20, 2018, 01:46:11 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
Anybody seen my pants?  I'm starting to feel a chill in the air.
Ok, whatever, invite me to your funeral.


This is has a grumpy Pantless Avenger Report.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #651 on: June 22, 2018, 02:00:50 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
This has been The Pantless Report.

Until next time, poof!

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #652 on: June 28, 2018, 11:45:30 PM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
I was playing speed chess with this guy who said that he over heard a friend of his say that the friend's brother actually saw the THeM shaking hands with NCSoft executives as if the deal was a done deal.  Now don't get too excited, he was talking with his mouth full of pretzel, so he might have been talking about his cat.  Anyway, I'm going to go out to www.cityofheroes.com and try to login.

Until next time, This is the Pantless Avenger saying --- POOF ---

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #653 on: July 05, 2018, 10:36:05 PM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am not wearing pants.
A lot has happened since the last report I filed here.  The trouble is that none of it pertains to City of Heroes or the purchase there of.  One thing I can tell you for sure, the THeM is everywhere.  The THeM are trying to "marginilize" anyone who, in THeM's oppinion, is purposefully violating the terms in the NDA afreement.  For this reason, I have reason to believe that I may be a prime target.  If you don't hear from me, you can assume that I went ---POOF---!

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #654 on: July 17, 2018, 12:57:30 AM »
The THeM Report:

Certain people have been spreading certain rumors about certain games.  We are here to warn you to pay no attention to those rumors---so called.  If certain persons start telling you stories about ties, socks or sushi just walk away.  You have been warned.

Oh, and if some guy comes up to you not wearing pants, have him report back to the institution.

Just has been the THeM report, remember we are working night and day to get "City of Warcraft or whatever it was called" back for you.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #655 on: July 30, 2018, 05:07:14 AM »
The THeM Report:

We cannot tell you that we are under an non-disclosure agreement or not.  We can not tell you if talks continue or not.  We can not tell you that we are making progress or not.  We can not tell you that the only sticking point is the name of the re-released game or not.  We can not even tell you if we are wearing underwear or not.  We are wearing pants, well some of us are, well come to think of it, we really can't tell you that either.
So until next time, we can't time you a thing.

This has been the THeM report, remember we are working night and day to get
"City of Warcraft or whatever it was called" back for you.
 

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #656 on: July 31, 2018, 02:35:49 AM »
The NCSoft Report

On this board and other foolish western boards, they excuse NC Soft of closing down City of Hero for no good reason.  We are here to tell you we have most excellent reason.  Because
we pwnd ur arses!

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #657 on: August 25, 2018, 03:37:47 AM »
I was gonna buy City of Heroes, until I got high.
I was gonna make a deal, until I got high.
Now City of Heroes is still shut down,
and I know why.
I got high,
I got high,
I got high.
I was gonna make a successor, until I got high.
I was gonna launch C-O-H-2, until I got high.
Now there ain't no follow-on game,
and I know why.
I got high,
I got high,
I got high.


Is there any better reason to stay off drugs?
« Last Edit: August 26, 2018, 06:23:58 AM by Paragon Avenger »

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #658 on: September 01, 2018, 04:29:28 AM »
A bunch of weird looking people came here wanting to buy Linage II or was it Blade II.
Anyway, we told them no flat out and that they mustn't mention it to anyone.

Well, the next thing we know, some freak who wasn't wearing pants, shows up demanding inside scoops.  We asked, scoops of what.  He said nevermind.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #659 on: September 06, 2018, 03:56:33 AM »
You're going to laugh.
It turns out that City of Heroes wasn't shut down.
That's right, all this time we thought, "Drat!  The game is shut down", and it wasn't.
It turns out that the URL was changed.
instead of WWW.CityOfHeroes.com, it is WWW.CityOfHeroes.com/&Vilians/index.aspx

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