Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)  (Read 218000 times)

Tubbius

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #520 on: May 06, 2016, 05:05:18 AM »
Update!

   The MMORPG known as City of Heroes was activated on a server under the control of NC Soft.  The THeM was told about the new URL and that the new server would be running the i24 game client.  During their jpyfull celebrations, NC Soft announced that the new game would be shut down, again, in minutes.  NC Soft responded to inquiries as to why the second shut-downby saying, 'Same as the first time, no reason <evil laugh />."

"Why'd you do it?  Why'd you shoot Cyrus?"

"No reason!  I just like doin' things like that!"

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Tahquitz

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #521 on: May 06, 2016, 05:30:30 AM »
New Travel Power in Paragon Market: Uber Rider (costs Inf to use).
"Work is love made visible." -- Khalil Gibran

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #522 on: May 07, 2016, 05:03:01 AM »
This just in,

Tony V moved all of City Of Heroes servers to new servers with SSL and IPv6.  He had to completely reconfigure everything for the new technology, so all of your characters were deleted.  But not to worry, NC Soft pulled the plug on all the servers shortly there after.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #523 on: May 16, 2016, 04:34:56 AM »


Yeah, we're working night and day to get City of Warcraft or whatever it was called back.

crashpositron

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VR Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #524 on: May 25, 2016, 05:25:01 PM »
PRAETORIAN NEWS NETWORK: May 25th, 2016.
Today, in MMO news, it was finally revealed that the reason City of Heroes / Villains / Rogues was taken off the market was to implement the newest Virtual Reality technologies. NCSuxt today released 'City of Heroes 3: Next Generation' using the Oculus Rift VR Headset (https://www.oculus.com/en-us/) and the Virtuix Omni ( (http://www.cnet.com/products/virtuix-omni ).  With the new setup, subscribers will get exercise along with their gaming experience as they run through the City in real time. (Travel powers are in the to-do list.)  Beta testers report losing an average of 10 pounds from Level 1 through 20, more if they do the Vahzilok Task Force.
New subscribers get the 'New Toon in Atlas Experience' as they slog through 'Death from Below' (now with OdorAdder!) Experienced City of Heroes players will be auto-leveled to Level 10 and dropped in the center of The Hollows, right near the Magma beings. 
The new developers, VR-OMGBBQ, have allowed former COH players to Beta Test almost all of the new equipment and experience. A beta tester was quoted, 'Great googly moogly, those Nemesis blunderbusses REALLY HURT!  RUN!!' . But currently, because of snipers, Founders Falls is off-line while the developers hone the RealDeathSense that long-time players expect. Dark Astoria is also currently unavailable.
COH3:NG will be available on Steam in the fourth quarter of 2016. Stay tuned for more news.

Floride

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PRAETORIAN NEWS NETWORK: May 25th, 2016.
Today, in MMO news, it was finally revealed that the reason City of Heroes / Villains / Rogues was taken off the market was to implement the newest Virtual Reality technologies. NCSuxt today released 'City of Heroes 3: Next Generation' using the Oculus Rift VR Headset (https://www.oculus.com/en-us/) and the Virtuix Omni ( (http://www.cnet.com/products/virtuix-omni ).  With the new setup, subscribers will get exercise along with their gaming experience as they run through the City in real time. (Travel powers are in the to-do list.)  Beta testers report losing an average of 10 pounds from Level 1 through 20, more if they do the Vahzilok Task Force.
New subscribers get the 'New Toon in Atlas Experience' as they slog through 'Death from Below' (now with OdorAdder!) Experienced City of Heroes players will be auto-leveled to Level 10 and dropped in the center of The Hollows, right near the Magma beings. 
The new developers, VR-OMGBBQ, have allowed former COH players to Beta Test almost all of the new equipment and experience. A beta tester was quoted, 'Great googly moogly, those Nemesis blunderbusses REALLY HURT!  RUN!!' . But currently, because of snipers, Founders Falls is off-line while the developers hone the RealDeathSense that long-time players expect. Dark Astoria is also currently unavailable.
COH3:NG will be available on Steam in the fourth quarter of 2016. Stay tuned for more news.
Beta testing has revealed that players on Malta missions containing sappers should take necessary precautions and strap pillows to their heads.
History shows again and again
How nature points out the folly of men

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #526 on: May 27, 2016, 04:11:14 AM »

There's been a break-through in Virtual Reality.  We recommend you "play" the "game" sober.
And don't forget to sign the releases.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #527 on: June 03, 2016, 03:39:32 AM »

Yeah, we got the IP license and the game engine.  Now, if we can only remember how to configure a web server farm.

Does anybody know how to punch-down a patch-panel?
« Last Edit: June 03, 2016, 04:26:47 AM by Paragon Avenger »

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #528 on: June 05, 2016, 12:04:46 AM »
Codewalker and others have successfully ported City of Heroes to the Raspberry PI hobby computer thing.  This allows you to control your game play from any device on the internet.  The biggest advantage is that you can control your thermostat while on a CoH task force.  Be careful if your toon has thermal powers like Ice Armor or Fire Blast, they may throw off the temperature sensors.  However, this is seen as one small step in game-play, one giant leap in home automation.


Tubbius

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #529 on: June 09, 2016, 05:22:00 AM »
Codewalker and others have successfully ported City of Heroes to the Raspberry PI hobby computer thing.  This allows you to control your game play from any device on the internet.  The biggest advantage is that you can control your thermostat while on a CoH task force.  Be careful if your toon has thermal powers like Ice Armor or Fire Blast, they may throw off the temperature sensors.  However, this is seen as one small step in game-play, one giant leap in home automation.

Be very careful regarding your personal gardening if you have a Plant Control character.

Tahquitz

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #530 on: June 09, 2016, 07:11:29 AM »
"Work is love made visible." -- Khalil Gibran

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #531 on: June 14, 2016, 02:39:43 AM »

Hey, that should be, "Super Fire Dragon's Fun House of Chat."  (it's a working title)

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #532 on: June 16, 2016, 06:57:47 AM »
Today, NCSoft announced the relaunch of City of Warcraft or whatever the hell it was called.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #533 on: June 17, 2016, 12:43:37 AM »
Major Development!

The THeM has signed-off on a whole stack of paperwork that transfers ownership of City of Heroes and allows the successor projects to use CoH lore in their games and other projects.
Now if we can get NCSoft to also sign, we might just have something.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #534 on: June 20, 2016, 08:21:47 AM »
This just in,

NCSoft has sold the beloved MMO City of Heroes to Oracle.  Larry Elision, CEO of Oracle, was reported as saying, "The synergy of this MMO with Oracle hardware and running on the Java engine will create business aligned tools for the retail market."  Nobody knows what this means for our gameplay as of this writing.  One insider commented that the CoX game engine might be replaced with a command-line entery system using SQL.  "Select $target from mob where hit_points < 1000", might be required to play the game.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #535 on: June 23, 2016, 03:09:43 AM »
This is incredible,

Agents of Nemisis have gained access to a pirated copy of City of Heroes, issue 21.  They have posted it on-line and apparently, anyone can play.  Our staff has spent a number of hours play-testing the old issue, and have found only one glaring bug.  Every single Nemisis mission is unwinnable.  There is always a high level Fake Nemisis at the end.  We think that it might be a Fifth Column Plot.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #536 on: June 28, 2016, 04:06:19 AM »
This just in,
ParagonSoft has agreed to sale the MMO known as City of Heroes to the THeM.  ParagonSoft has only one demand, that they have absolute authority to kill the game at anytime for any reason.  The THeM tentively agreed to these terms until it was learned that ParagonSoft doesn't actually own the MMO known as City of Heroes.  In a joint statement released months ago, both parties agreed to keep the lines of communication open and that a future deal in not completely out of the question.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #537 on: June 30, 2016, 02:49:03 AM »
This Just In,

The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st.  It will be a mosified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.

More Later.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #538 on: July 01, 2016, 03:50:26 AM »
This Just In,
The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st.  It will be a modified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.
More Later.

They will add two more travel powers, spiderman like web slinging and the other travel power is ... taxi cab.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #539 on: July 05, 2016, 05:37:18 AM »
This Just In,

The new re-launched City of Heroes is slated to open to the public August 1st.  It will be a mosified version of i24, (issue 24).  The biggest improvement, Spider Mastermind.

More Later.

After you reach level 50, you can start at any level with the same AT.