Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)  (Read 217968 times)

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #600 on: February 12, 2017, 08:14:39 AM »
It is time oncve again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Anyway, this just in, City of Heroes has been sold to an unnamed third party who came out of nowhere to purchase the MMO from out from under the THeM's very noses.  Nate and that other guy are very angry at the coup and were quoted as saying, "Nut-Bunnies!"  We here at the Pantless Report appologize for that foul language.  Anyway, the mysterious third party could not be reached for comment, but it is believed that they purchased the game to kill it.  Let's all hope that the third party comes to its senses and re-launches the game for everyone's enjoyment.  Unitl next time, down with pants!

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #601 on: February 16, 2017, 06:30:05 AM »
It is time oncve again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Anyway, NCSoft reportedly, has taken the City of Heroes game engine and tweaked it into a smart-phone app for monitoring blood-pressure.  When your blood-pressure is within a prescribed range, you hear Ms. Liberty's soothing voice telling you that you are doing well.  When your blood-pressure gets too high, you hear Lord Recluse's jarring voice delivering that speech his gives over the TV's in the old Stateman's Task Force.  According to medical personnel, positive and negative feedback can actually help to change human behavior.  Another interesting feature of the app is FrostFire appearring at regular intervals informing you that he used to be just like you.  A company spokes-person exclaimed, "Sales are expected to be through the roof!"

Apparently, there's an app for that.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #602 on: February 19, 2017, 10:24:22 AM »
It is time oncve again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
The THeM reported today that they are so close to finalizing the deal it hurts.
A spokesperson for NCSoft said that they have never even heard of the THeM.
So it is either in the bag or we should abandon all hope.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #603 on: February 20, 2017, 10:55:00 PM »
News Flash,

It has been reported that Codewalker or somebody else found a copy of the source code for City of Heroes Issue 24.  To avoid copyright problems, that team has been pouring over the source making small changes here and there so to claim it as an original work.  For example, Atlas Park is now called Atlas Park West.  Talos Island has been renamed Talos Isle.  Lord Recluse is now Captain Recluse.  It's a Nemisis Plot has been changed to It's a 5th Column Plot.  The Hellions are now the HellTigers.  The Outcasts are the Shoutcasts.  The Red River is now The Red Brooke.  Galaxy City is now Galaxy Park.  The Clockwork now have ice powers.  Skyway City is now Bridge City.  Steel Canyon is now Steel Canyon Place.  The Rikti are now the Sith.  Perez Park is now Perez Park West.  Indepence Port is now Co-depence Port.  Ms. Liberty, for example, is now Ms. Livery.  Positron is Negatron.  Manitcore is MontyShore.  Back-Alley Brawler is Side-Street Brawler.  Emperor Cole is now Nat King Cole, is that right?  And Statesman is Steaksman.  And there are lots more to prove to it is original IP and not a rip-off of anybody else's IP.

(What do you mean I did this story already?  No, this time it is completely different.)

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #604 on: March 03, 2017, 01:30:21 AM »
This just in,

Some nut on the Titan Forum has been posting fake news about the team trying to purchase the game IP City of Heroes from NCSoft.  These fake reports acquse NCSoft of being pig-headed and difficult to deal with.  At other times, these fake reports make the purchasing team sound like a bunch of nitwits.  Apparently, there is no way to stop this freak from posting whatever garbage escapes his twisted mind.  If you come across any of these fake reports, please by all means read and enjoy them and encourage others to do so to.  Until next time, this is the Pantless Avenger saying, "Until next time".

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #605 on: March 04, 2017, 05:32:58 AM »
This just in,

The Pantless Reports code system has been broken.  People are figuring out exactly what the THeM are up to.  If certain parties hear about this, the Pantless Reports might have to go underground.  Stay tuned to your receiver for further instructions.  This could tear our world apart.  Arcana might be right about something, who knows!

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #606 on: March 09, 2017, 04:28:05 AM »
This just in,

Plans to buy the MMORPG City of Heroes proved to difficult for the THeM.  So they decided to purchase the Brooklyn bridge instead.  It seems that unlike NCSoft, there are plenty of person willing to sell.

Oh yeah, we're in good hands.  Be afraid, be very afraid.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #607 on: March 24, 2017, 03:30:38 AM »
This reporter has learned ...

The game known as City of Heroes has been purchased by the THeM.  Because of the NDA, (National Dairy Association), they have been unable to tell anyone about this good news.  They have told no one, not even the people who were going to setup the servers and the web-site.  They didn't even tell the bank that was going to loan the capital, (money), for the transaction.  They didn't even tell the payment procssing center that was going to collect subscription fees from the players.  They told me because I am the Pantless Avenger!  Well, ok, I was wearing pants at the time.  Ok, technically I haven't avenged anything or anyone.  Yes, "told" is not exactly what they did.  I walked up to one of the THeM and using a secret code language, managed to decypher the details.  What did I say?
Me: "How's the eggs this morning?"
THeM: "I'm having a bagel."
Me: "So the cat is on the roof?"
TheM: "No, cream cheese."
Me: "And the water is boiling, right?"
THeN: "I don't mean to be rude, but please leave me alone; I'm trying to eat here.  And put on some pants for Pete's sake."
Me: "Can I quote you on that?"
THeM: "Manager!  This guy's bothering me."

At that point, secret agents working for NCSoft, no doubt, escorted in out of the building.


Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #608 on: April 06, 2017, 12:52:57 AM »
News Flash,

The Pantless Report starring The Pantless Avenger ...

Greetings olive-racing fans, we managed to secure part of the transcipt of the negoiations between the THeM and NCSoft.  We join the two groups in progress several weeks ago, let's listen in ...

NCSoft: No.
THeM: Please.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Pretty please.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Please with sugar on top.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Pretty please with sugar on top.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Very please.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: I'll be your friend.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Ah, com'on.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: You know you want to.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Do it for me.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Do it for the fans.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Do it for Statesman.
NCSoft: No.
THeM: Why not?
NCSoft: Because.
THeM: Please.
NCSoft: No.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #609 on: April 07, 2017, 03:43:40 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
We were told by IronWolf and others that if and when we would be notified either way.  I am here to convey my deepest sympathies as to the talks are no longer being conducted.  That's right, the talks have ended.  The game City of Heroes has been purchased for a whoping $5.3 million.  The THeM has done it!  There will be one minor change to the beloved game when it goes live later this year, no more free-to-play, and the subscription rate will be $1000 a month.  Apparently the THeM wants a very short ROI.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2017, 06:28:38 PM by Paragon Avenger »

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #610 on: April 19, 2017, 04:45:15 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
We were told by IronWolf and others that if and when we would be notified either way.  I am here to say that IronWolf dropped the ball!  The THeM has been successful in purchasing the beloved MMO known to many as City of Heroes.  The re-launch date has been set and all is ready.  This is going to be awesome!!  They have a rock concert lined-up and a parade in nearly every major US and British city, if there isn't one where you live, your city isn't major now is it.  Anyway, they plan on a live broadcast on all the networks in the US and probably one or more BBC channels, if they have time, to show the actual switch being thrown, button being pushed, link being clicked, icon being tapped, lever being pulled or knob being turned that will cause the new City of Heroes web-site to become available to the general public at large.  I, of course, have been playing COH for weeks now.  There is only one slight drawback, you cannot wear pants while playing.  They have ways to tell, believe me.
 
« Last Edit: May 21, 2017, 06:28:11 PM by Paragon Avenger »

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #611 on: May 01, 2017, 03:23:37 PM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Wow, a lot has happened since my last post.  A lot!  First, the THeM has released their first album, expected to go platimum very soonTM.  Also, Lord Recluse has announced that he and Ms. Liberty will be married this June.  Ms. Liberty was unavailable for comment, on account that she is in three places at once.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2017, 06:27:30 PM by Paragon Avenger »

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #612 on: May 08, 2017, 05:13:59 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Ok, nobody is more broken up about this than I.
I just can't believe it.
After all these many months of waiting, working, worrying, and now this happens.
It feels like I have a flat tire on my car parked in a tow-away zone and I just stepped in a puddle and dropped the car keys drop a storm drain.
Let me tell you, this isn't exactly happy news.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2017, 06:27:02 PM by Paragon Avenger »

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #613 on: May 18, 2017, 02:54:51 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Ok, first things first, but not neccessarily in that order.  City of Heroes has been purchased by the THeM.  That's right, you heard it here again.  The re-launch date has been set for the Thursday after monkeys fly.  My advice is carry a sturdy umbrella.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2017, 06:22:14 PM by Paragon Avenger »

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #614 on: May 21, 2017, 05:20:35 PM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
The MMORPG City of Heroes was hacked late last night.  Apparently the game is a victim of ransomware malware.  The game is locked-up.  All attempts to log-on fail.  Any active players at the time of the attack reported loss of mapserver and eventually being forcibly removed from the server.  A spokesperson for NCSoft said, "Leave me alone, and put on some pants you freak."  Obviously too pre-occupied with getting the game back online to answer a bunch of fool questions.  As far as anybody knows, all user account data for payment and characters is either fully intact or totally destoryed.  Lord Recluse and Arachnos has denied any involvement in this most hedious crime.

More later as this story unfolds.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2017, 06:21:42 PM by Paragon Avenger »

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #615 on: May 31, 2017, 07:19:53 PM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
The MMORPG City of Heroes was hacked.  Apparently the game is a victim of ransomware malware.  The game is locked-up.  All attempts to log-on fail.
So what has happened since last we were told of these hanious crime, you might ask.
Go ahead, ask.  No, you won't hurt my feelings.
I'm glad you asked.
The best minds in crime fighting history, and their bodies as well, have been called in on this case.
Inspector Clouseau will be heading up the investigation; he will be aided by:
Maxwell Smart, agent 86 of C.O.N.T.R.O.L.
And by Hong Kong Phooney.
The case should be handlily wrapped up in no time flat, by serendipitous dumb luck no doubt.

More later as this story unfolds.
 

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #616 on: June 02, 2017, 06:38:21 PM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
The MMORPG City of Heroes was hacked.  Apparently the game is a victim of ransomware malware.  The game is locked-up.  All attempts to log-on fail.
So what has happened since last we were told of these hanious crime, you might ask.
Go ahead, ask.  No, you won't hurt my feelings.
I'm glad you asked.
The best minds in crime fighting history, and their bodies as well, have been called in on this case.
Inspector Clouseau will be heading up the investigation; he will be aided by:
Maxwell Smart, agent 86 of C.O.N.T.R.O.L.
And by Hong Kong Phooney.
The case should be handlily wrapped up in no time flat, by serendipitous dumb luck no doubt.

More later as this story unfolds.

With the assistance of Deputy Dog, it has been learned that the hacker or hackers used a computer of some kind in their attack.  Deputy Dog said, "All we gotz ta do is roundup everybody with a compu-tater."

More later.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #617 on: June 27, 2017, 02:44:25 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
Today, somebody stole the IP known as City of Heroes.
Clues point to a group of investors who thought that it was an IPO and jumped on the chance to get in on it.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #618 on: June 29, 2017, 01:24:09 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
City of Heroes has been re-launched in the Asian market as:
City of Kick-fu.
It is rumored that MA is the only power set available.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #619 on: July 07, 2017, 01:26:28 AM »
It is time once again for ...
The Pantless Report.

Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am not wearing pants.
As it turns out, City of Heroes has been here all along.  It is now about Star Trek.
The name has been tweaked a little.
It is now Star Trek Online.
Just don't ask to see Ms. Liberty.