Author Topic: Underachieving metaphors  (Read 12423 times)

chuckv3

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Underachieving metaphors
« on: December 16, 2015, 05:36:04 PM »
This is more of a comedic device than anything... but think of examples that sound like they are trying to be metaphors but end up being too literal. Example:

Without my vast wardrobe I just feel naked.

Pengy

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2015, 04:10:31 PM »
Your face says no, but your heart says babump babump babump.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2015, 02:20:36 AM »
Without the GPS on my smart phone, I'd be lost.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #3 on: December 20, 2015, 07:57:20 AM »
If it weren't for all my aliments, I'd be healthy as an ox.
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chuckv3

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2015, 02:32:59 PM »
Whatever disagreements I might have had with the conehead, I could always see his point.

chuckv3

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2015, 02:36:13 PM »
The first time I set eyes on her, I could tell she disliked having dead body parts placed on her.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2015, 03:16:59 AM »
If I had a million dollars, I wouldn't feel so broke all the time.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

chuckv3

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2015, 08:40:41 PM »
If I had a million dollars, I wouldn't feel so broke all the time.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that I'd be 5 cents richer.

healix

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #8 on: December 25, 2015, 02:20:47 AM »
I was so depressed I slapped a statue's butt....I knew I'd hit rock bottom.
Listen to the 'mustn'ts'. Listen to the 'don'ts'. Listen to the 'shouldn'ts', the 'impossibles', the 'won'ts'. Listen to the 'you'll never haves', then listen close to me... Anything can happen . Anything can be.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #9 on: December 28, 2015, 02:16:57 AM »
Another day, another dollar in debt.

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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #10 on: January 03, 2016, 11:33:26 PM »
"When we were down to nothing, nothing looked good on you."
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #11 on: January 04, 2016, 03:53:18 AM »
It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness.  Well duh!
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #12 on: January 07, 2016, 03:02:25 AM »
"If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all."
« Last Edit: January 08, 2016, 02:16:11 AM by Paragon Avenger »
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Floride

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2016, 01:43:22 AM »
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and you can give one back to him and sell the rest.
History shows again and again
How nature points out the folly of men

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #14 on: January 08, 2016, 02:17:46 AM »
You may think it's butter, but it's not.  It's trans fatty PHVO's.
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Floride

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #15 on: January 15, 2016, 03:38:10 AM »
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again. Jerk.
History shows again and again
How nature points out the folly of men

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #16 on: January 15, 2016, 05:04:34 AM »
Five will get you ten that I'm not a betting man.
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healix

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #17 on: January 18, 2016, 02:54:12 AM »
All my life I've worked my fingers to the bone, and all I have to show for it is bony fingers.
Listen to the 'mustn'ts'. Listen to the 'don'ts'. Listen to the 'shouldn'ts', the 'impossibles', the 'won'ts'. Listen to the 'you'll never haves', then listen close to me... Anything can happen . Anything can be.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #18 on: January 20, 2016, 03:08:49 AM »
Some mornings, it doesn't pay to get out of bed.
(I didn't know that it ever did.)
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #19 on: February 12, 2016, 05:25:53 AM »
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.  Eeewww, could you imagine two birds in your bush?
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #20 on: February 18, 2016, 02:46:26 AM »
I, for one, blah-blah-blah.  How could the first person subjective singular pronoun refer to any more than one?
« Last Edit: September 15, 2017, 02:08:28 AM by Paragon Avenger »
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Floride

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #21 on: February 18, 2016, 11:04:08 AM »
It is better to die on your feet than to live a lifetime on your knees. That is, unless you choose live a lifetime on your feet.
History shows again and again
How nature points out the folly of men

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #22 on: February 19, 2016, 03:16:45 AM »
It is better to die on your feet than to live a lifetime on your knees. That is, unless you choose live a lifetime on your feet.

It would suck to die on your knees.
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Teikiatsu

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #23 on: February 19, 2016, 05:03:59 AM »
Once all this mess dies down to a dull roar...
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Fireheart

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #24 on: February 19, 2016, 07:17:15 PM »
Metaphorically speaking, I don't get it.

Be Well!
Fireheart

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #25 on: February 22, 2016, 04:53:03 AM »
If it isn't one thing, it's something else.
(well, duh.)
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healix

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #26 on: March 02, 2016, 12:24:26 AM »
Things are more like they are today then they've ever been before....
Listen to the 'mustn'ts'. Listen to the 'don'ts'. Listen to the 'shouldn'ts', the 'impossibles', the 'won'ts'. Listen to the 'you'll never haves', then listen close to me... Anything can happen . Anything can be.

Floride

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #27 on: March 02, 2016, 06:21:38 AM »
There's 2 types of people in the world... those who say "there are 2 types of people in the world" and those who actually say something profound.
History shows again and again
How nature points out the folly of men

chuckv3

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #28 on: March 02, 2016, 03:52:00 PM »
It would suck to die on your knees.

This answer only seems like it sucks. It's really just fallacious.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #29 on: March 10, 2016, 04:09:16 AM »
This new sieve invention of yours looks promising, but will it hold water?
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huang3721

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #30 on: March 14, 2016, 01:51:01 PM »
There is a proverb in my country:

Quote
Playing with water, soaked. Playing with fire, burnt.

Quoting Paragon Avenger:
Quote
Well, duh!
Has it been three years already? Oh wait.. four, no no, five?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #31 on: March 15, 2016, 03:23:20 AM »
According to your country, doctors from my country suffer from not being doctors from your country.
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #32 on: April 06, 2016, 04:46:26 AM »
Underachieving metaphors and other mangled sayings are like half of one, six dozen of the other.
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #33 on: April 20, 2016, 04:31:30 AM »
It is what it is.
(what else could it be?)
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Mister Hassenpheffer

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #34 on: May 13, 2016, 10:15:32 PM »
One of these days... death is gonna kill me.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #35 on: May 13, 2016, 10:33:57 PM »
Well there's an hour I never get back.
(How would they get that hour back by doing something else?)
{besides time travel}
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #36 on: May 23, 2016, 03:06:19 AM »
"That's funny as hell"
(Yeah fire, brimstone and demon torment are hilarious,  :roll: .)
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #37 on: May 23, 2016, 03:06:55 AM »
That's so unfunny, it's laughable.
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #38 on: May 26, 2016, 04:28:34 AM »
If you think that I'm going to post here, you got another thing coming.

(That's totally wrong.  It should be, "If you believe that I would post something here then perhaps you should reconsider.")
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #39 on: May 29, 2016, 09:43:27 PM »
Killed by Death
Killed by Death
Killed by Death

(Sorry Lemmy, it should be 'Killed to death', and it still doesn't say anything.)
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #40 on: June 17, 2016, 12:50:54 AM »
He literly had a cow.
(ummm, no he didn't.)
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #41 on: June 19, 2016, 07:33:07 PM »
If you think twice, you'll be the smartest one in your family.
(Ok, first, you could have 2 stupid thoughts.  Second, maybe the rest of your family gets it the first time.)
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Super Firebug

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #42 on: June 30, 2016, 07:19:02 PM »
"That's so hilarious, it's not even funny."
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Super Firebug

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #43 on: June 30, 2016, 07:22:32 PM »
"After all the bragging I did about my tightrope-walking skills, I'd sure better get this demonstration right. If I fall off, I'll just die!"
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huang3721

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #44 on: July 03, 2016, 02:11:50 AM »
He is not the sharpest tool in the shed, otherwise he would use himself to cut things.
Has it been three years already? Oh wait.. four, no no, five?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #45 on: July 03, 2016, 02:32:22 PM »
Super Firebug is so funny, it's laughable.
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #46 on: July 06, 2016, 01:46:40 AM »
If you don't know what's wrong, I'm not going to tell you.
(So, I will never find out.)
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #47 on: December 02, 2016, 02:54:54 AM »
Because I'm the Mommy.
(Wow, so the only foundation for your authority is that you had sex.)
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #48 on: December 30, 2016, 09:04:42 AM »
Don't take any wooden nickles

Ok, who is handing out wooden nickles?
Shouldn't counterfeiters be arrested?
Why would anybody use wood to fake a nickle? 
I'd use metal slugs they pop out of metal boxes to make holes for wires.
And you had better not be taking other people's nickles in the first place.

So to recap, don't steal and don't counterfeit, well duh.
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #49 on: January 03, 2017, 06:58:01 AM »
No man is an island.

Well of course not.  Even when one is swimming and surrounded on all sides by water, one doesn't qualify as a land mass.

A man is not even an archipelago.  That would just be silly.  If a man can't be one island, how could he be a chain of them.

A man can't be a peninsula either.  Of course the male has a peninsula shaped orgin, but that has nothing to do with anything that I'm rammbling about.

Sometimes I feel like I am an isthmus, but definately NOT a island.
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huang3721

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #50 on: January 06, 2017, 12:30:16 PM »
What goes around comes around, unless acted upon by an external force.
Has it been three years already? Oh wait.. four, no no, five?

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #51 on: January 08, 2017, 07:44:19 AM »
It doesn't roll uphill.
What if you get a powerful leaf-blower?  Huh?  Huh?
« Last Edit: January 12, 2017, 05:37:43 AM by Paragon Avenger »
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #52 on: January 12, 2017, 05:38:31 AM »
I had to shoe-horn my feet into these new shoes.
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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #53 on: January 24, 2017, 04:42:10 AM »
He threw up his hands in disgust.
(Well, maybe he shouldn't have eaten them in the first place.)
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huang3721

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #54 on: July 18, 2017, 11:08:19 PM »
Time is an irreversible arrow. Any attempt to stop or deflect it has  failed miserably. Just ask King Ahab.
« Last Edit: July 19, 2017, 12:51:33 PM by huang3721 »
Has it been three years already? Oh wait.. four, no no, five?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #55 on: July 30, 2017, 03:04:23 AM »
If that weren't so amusing, one might laugh.
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healix

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #56 on: August 11, 2017, 12:48:12 AM »
I came, I saw, I yawned.
Listen to the 'mustn'ts'. Listen to the 'don'ts'. Listen to the 'shouldn'ts', the 'impossibles', the 'won'ts'. Listen to the 'you'll never haves', then listen close to me... Anything can happen . Anything can be.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #57 on: September 09, 2017, 06:08:45 PM »
Cheap at half the price.
Your kind is a dime a dozen.
If I had a nickle for everytime I heard that one.

(I think somebody needs a lesson in economics.)
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healix

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #58 on: October 27, 2017, 07:17:09 PM »
A new day had dawned! *heads back to bed*
Listen to the 'mustn'ts'. Listen to the 'don'ts'. Listen to the 'shouldn'ts', the 'impossibles', the 'won'ts'. Listen to the 'you'll never haves', then listen close to me... Anything can happen . Anything can be.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #59 on: November 17, 2017, 06:48:43 AM »
There are two secrets to success:
First, never, ever, ever tell everything you know.
« Last Edit: December 07, 2017, 04:45:12 AM by Paragon Avenger »
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #60 on: December 15, 2017, 05:20:33 AM »
"No matter where you go; there you are."
(Yeah, next time you have a thought, let it die of loneliness.)
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #61 on: January 14, 2018, 06:59:12 AM »
"What comes around, goes around."
(Thank you so much for that tautology.  If you ever have anything to say, even sophistry, let me know.)
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

huang3721

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #62 on: January 14, 2018, 07:49:08 AM »
...until acting upon it is an external force.

Hi, Avenger! Long time no see.
Has it been three years already? Oh wait.. four, no no, five?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #63 on: January 14, 2018, 05:22:34 PM »
"What goes around comes around"  unless acted upon by an external force.
(Thank you so much for that tautology.  If you ever have anything to say, even sophistry, let me know.)


giving proper credit, but mine has big words.
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #64 on: January 14, 2018, 05:26:32 PM »
"To err is human; to forgive, divine."
(So, no matter what I do to you; you MUST forgive me!  I like being human.)
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #65 on: February 05, 2018, 06:00:38 AM »
"No rough-housing in the house!"
(But where else can we rough-house?  It's in the frigging name.)
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #66 on: February 06, 2018, 04:56:58 AM »
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
(Yeah, Murphy, what would stop it.)
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #67 on: February 23, 2018, 05:42:42 AM »
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
(Great, either I have bags of freedom or none at all.)
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #68 on: March 26, 2018, 04:43:52 AM »
"You can be anything you want to be."
(what a crock, if you work hard, put in the hours, train real hard, get lucky a few times than maybe just maybe you'll be in debt up to your eyes---if you're lucky.)
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #69 on: April 04, 2018, 12:53:49 AM »
"No, don't try; do it."
(Yes, I'm going to try and do it, geez!)
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #70 on: May 17, 2018, 01:34:48 AM »
You have to have a runny nose to catch a cold.
Noses run in my family.
Nosey Rosey.
You can pick your friends.  You can pick your nose, but don't pick your friend's nose.
The Shadow Nose
The eyes noses have it.
People with tans brown nose.  That is way they put zinc-oxide on their noses.
♫ Come on feel the nose ♫ Girls rock your boys ♫

And always remember that to midgets, elevators smell like butts.
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #71 on: May 24, 2018, 05:21:17 PM »
If you can't beat them, join them.
(coward)
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #72 on: June 20, 2018, 01:18:49 AM »
Together, we can do anything!
(except go our seperate ways.)
« Last Edit: June 22, 2018, 02:10:13 AM by Paragon Avenger »
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healix

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #73 on: June 25, 2018, 09:44:51 PM »
Practice makes perfect
(practice makes progress, there is no perfection in this world)
Listen to the 'mustn'ts'. Listen to the 'don'ts'. Listen to the 'shouldn'ts', the 'impossibles', the 'won'ts'. Listen to the 'you'll never haves', then listen close to me... Anything can happen . Anything can be.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #74 on: June 28, 2018, 11:49:20 PM »
Hell have no fury like a woman scorned.
(I resent that sexist remark.  Men have fury too.  And some women know how to forgive.)
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #75 on: August 25, 2018, 03:32:42 AM »
"If you think it's butter..."
[if you think that is butter, boy have you got a surprise waiting for you]
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #76 on: September 01, 2018, 05:01:34 AM »
"A stich in time, saves nine."
[ok, first, you can't stich time.  second, saves nine what?  Water-buffalos?]
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healix

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #77 on: September 08, 2018, 12:25:54 AM »
My mind is a steel trap.
[too bad it's been left to rust shut]
Listen to the 'mustn'ts'. Listen to the 'don'ts'. Listen to the 'shouldn'ts', the 'impossibles', the 'won'ts'. Listen to the 'you'll never haves', then listen close to me... Anything can happen . Anything can be.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #78 on: September 12, 2018, 03:13:13 AM »
"Ours is not to wonder why.  Ours is to jump and die."
(ok, you first.)
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Paragon Avenger

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Re: Underachieving metaphors
« Reply #79 on: October 07, 2018, 07:30:44 AM »
"There is no absolute truth; everything is relative."
(Excuse me mister phil os sopher, but isn't that an absolute statement?)
I don't know when City of Heroes will return, or do I?